Some people think parents should allow children to spend money as they want. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some people think parents should allow children to spend money as they want.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some believe that children should be allowed by given their permission to spend money as they want, desire by their parents. Some goes against their statement.

First and foremost, some might agree with the given statement as they probably think their children would develop full awareness about the value of money or not it is necessary for them to get used to how monetary system works. In this case the audience might be teenagers or youngers with their being mentioned; it is really necessary of a nominal fee for the children to purchase any items their they want which might be the best way option to teach the children how the monetary system works.

On the other hand, some supports their letting their children to use as much money as they want is actually a false way to reach the children’s awareness about the monetary value of money, impression with money and how the monetary works.

Nonetheless, letting your children use as much money as they want might create a thinking that money is a limitless source so they can use it without any hesitation, without being said the value of money would not be recognized to by the children as they don’t know how hard is it to make money because they only want to spend it, not to make it. Moreover if the know the monetary system works not as they are in the age they might struggle when they are grown ups, though they forced to often and get work to make a living, for instance a child can ask whatever he wants from his parents without any awareness about how valuable his mom is, gradually he will have a natural thought to rely on his parents and view in his parents as a limitless source of money which is extremely harmful for them.

To sum up, teaching the children the value of money from the a young age is extremely essentials for the children to form a right thought or awareness of them about money and might have a significant impact in their later life years later.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some believe that children should be allowed by given their permission to spend money as they want, desire by their parents." -> "Some argue that children should be permitted to spend money as they choose, under parental guidance."
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, enhancing readability and formality.

2. "Some goes against their statement." -> "Others disagree with this view."
   Explanation: "Some goes against their statement" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Others disagree with this view" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

3. "they probably think their children would develop full awareness about the value of money or not it is necessary for them to get used to how monetary system works." -> "they may believe that their children will develop a full understanding of the value of money or that it is essential for them to become familiar with the monetary system."
   Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and contains a non-standard use of "or not." The revised version clarifies the meaning and uses more precise vocabulary.

4. "it is really necessary of a nominal fee for the children to purchase any items their they want" -> "it is essential for children to pay a nominal fee for any items they wish to purchase."
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

5. "the best way option" -> "the best option"
   Explanation: "the best way option" is redundant. "The best option" is the correct and concise form.

6. "some supports their letting their children to use as much money as they want" -> "some support their children’s unrestricted use of money"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

7. "is actually a false way to reach the children’s awareness about the monetary value of money, impression with money and how the monetary works." -> "is actually an ineffective method for teaching children about the monetary value of money, their perception of money, and how the monetary system functions."
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects these issues and uses more precise language.

8. "without being said the value of money would not be recognized to by the children" -> "without being said, the children would not recognize the value of money"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning.

9. "how hard is it to make money" -> "how difficult it is to earn money"
   Explanation: "How hard is it to make money" is informal and slightly incorrect. "How difficult it is to earn money" is more formal and precise.

10. "though they forced to often and get work to make a living" -> "although they are forced to work frequently to earn a living"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

11. "a child can ask whatever he wants from his parents" -> "a child can request anything from their parents"
    Explanation: "Ask whatever he wants" is informal and slightly vague. "Request anything" is more formal and precise.

12. "view in his parents as a limitless source of money" -> "view their parents as a limitless source of money"
    Explanation: The original phrase incorrectly uses "his" instead of "their." The correction ensures grammatical accuracy.

13. "extremely essentials for the children" -> "extremely essential for children"
    Explanation: "Essentials" is a plural noun and should not be used with "extremely." "Essential" is the correct form.

14. "form a right thought or awareness of them about money" -> "develop a correct understanding of money"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding whether parents should allow children to spend money as they wish. However, it lacks a clear and direct response to the question of "to what extent" the writer agrees or disagrees with the opinion. The essay presents arguments for both sides but does not clearly articulate a personal stance, which is essential for a higher band score. For example, the phrases "some believe" and "some goes against their statement" indicate a lack of a definitive position.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement that outlines the extent of agreement or disagreement would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments presented.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with maintaining a clear position. While it discusses the potential benefits of allowing children to spend money and the risks associated with it, the lack of a definitive viewpoint creates confusion. The phrases used, such as "some might agree" and "some supports," dilute the writer’s personal stance and make it difficult for the reader to understand the author’s perspective.
  • How to improve: The writer should adopt a clear position early in the essay and consistently refer back to it in each paragraph. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion reinforces the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the implications of allowing children to spend money, such as developing an understanding of the monetary system and the potential for developing a sense of entitlement. However, the ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, the mention of children not understanding the value of money lacks concrete examples or scenarios that illustrate this point effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their points. Each argument should be elaborated upon with clear reasoning and relevant examples that support the claims made. This could include hypothetical situations or real-life examples that demonstrate the consequences of allowing children unrestricted access to money.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly when discussing the implications of money management without clearly linking back to the prompt. For example, the discussion about children relying on their parents for money could be more directly tied to the question of whether they should be allowed to spend money freely.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt. This can be achieved by frequently referring back to the question and ensuring that all points made are relevant to the central argument. A clear outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and maintaining topic relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an attempt to engage with the prompt but requires significant improvement in clarity, coherence, and depth of argumentation to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments both for and against allowing children to spend money freely. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear. For example, the first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly state the writer’s position. The second paragraph begins with "On the other hand," but it lacks a clear transition from the previous point, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not effectively tie them back to the initial question posed in the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should clearly outline their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs can also help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. The first paragraph is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be separated into distinct paragraphs. The second paragraph also lacks a clear focus and could benefit from being split into two separate thoughts. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim for a clear structure where each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument. Starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence can help establish the main point. The writer should also ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay, reinforcing the overall message.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the other hand," and "to sum up." However, the use of these devices is limited and at times awkward, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, phrases like "some goes against their statement" are grammatically incorrect and create confusion. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "monetary system" and "value of money" without variation can make the writing feel repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," and "for example." Varying vocabulary and sentence structures will also help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall flow of the essay. The writer should also ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct to enhance clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "monetary system," "value of money," and "awareness" show an understanding of relevant concepts. However, phrases such as "given their permission" and "false way to reach the children’s awareness" are awkwardly constructed and do not effectively convey the intended meaning. The use of "youngers" is also incorrect and detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For example, instead of "awareness about the value of money," one could say "understanding of financial literacy." Additionally, avoiding redundancy, such as using "monetary" and "money" in close proximity, can help improve lexical variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "letting their children to use as much money as they want" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The expression "impression with money" is also vague and does not accurately convey the intended message. Furthermore, "youngers" is not a standard term in English, which affects clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their ideas. For instance, instead of saying "letting their children to use as much money as they want," a clearer phrase would be "allowing their children unrestricted access to funds." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading diverse texts can also help in selecting more precise terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "youngers," "essentials," and "impression with money." These mistakes can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, phrases like "their they want" and "the a young age" indicate a lack of attention to detail, which can be perceived as carelessness.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and improve overall language proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, it suffers from issues related to precision, range, and spelling. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences such as "Some goes against their statement" and "Some believe that children should be allowed by given their permission to spend money as they want" indicates a lack of complexity. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "letting your children use as much money as they want might create a thinking that money is a limitless source," but these are often awkwardly phrased and lack clarity. The overall sentence variety is insufficient to convey nuanced arguments effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses (e.g., "While some believe that children should have the freedom to spend money, others argue that this could lead to a misunderstanding of its value"). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and incorporating different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, conditionals) can add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "allowed by given their permission" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "allowed to spend money with their parents’ permission." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "Some goes against their statement," where "goes" should be "go." Punctuation is inconsistent, particularly with comma usage, which affects the flow of ideas (e.g., "without being said the value of money would not be recognized to by the children" lacks necessary commas for clarity).
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice restructuring sentences for clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and improve overall coherence.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Engaging in targeted practice and seeking feedback on drafts can facilitate these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some believe that children should be allowed, with their parents’ permission, to spend money as they want. Others disagree with this view.

First and foremost, some might agree with the statement as they probably think their children would develop a full awareness of the value of money and that it is necessary for them to get used to how the monetary system works. In this case, the audience might be teenagers or younger children; it is really essential for them to pay a nominal fee for any items they want, which might be the best option to teach children how the monetary system functions.

On the other hand, some support their children’s unrestricted use of money, believing it is actually an ineffective method for teaching children about the monetary value of money, their perception of money, and how the monetary system works.

Nonetheless, letting children use as much money as they want might create the impression that money is a limitless source, so they can use it without any hesitation. Without being said, children would not recognize the value of money, as they don’t understand how difficult it is to earn money. Moreover, if they do not learn how the monetary system works at a young age, they might struggle when they are grown-ups. For instance, a child can request anything from their parents without any awareness of how valuable money is. Gradually, they will develop a natural tendency to rely on their parents and view them as a limitless source of money, which is extremely harmful for them.

To sum up, teaching children the value of money from a young age is extremely essential for them to develop a correct understanding of money, which might have a significant impact on their lives later on.