Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes.

Discuss both views and give your opinion

The process of learning requires helping children to understand what is right and wrong in early childhood. Some people say that punishing children is mandatory in order to lead them learning this difference. This essay will explain why I partially agree with the necessity of punishing youngsters and will, further, give examples of punishment that should be allowed regarding teaching good manners.
To begin with, children can be strongly affected by their treatment during the childhood. Traumas and fears can lead young people to develop depression and problems regarding their self-esteem. Therefore, the process of learning, most of the times, should rely on orientation, conversations and guidance, instead of prioritizing punishment. Nevertheless, there are some youngsters that seems to be more close minded them their peers, and, in those cases, some kids of punishments should apply. To illustrate that situation, a child who is constantly bullying his/her colleagues and does not change their behaviour with adults conversations should be punished at some level.
Moreover, although, in some situations, punishment would be recomended, not all kinds of punishments seems to be plausible in the teaching children process. For instance, punishments that might harm youngsters physically or mentally should definitely be avoided to protect their integrity as human beings. Thus, parents and teachers should choose to punish children denying them to use or do something that might be pleasent for them or even restricting its usage. For instance, when my niece, who is eight, do not behave herself accordingly to her mother principles, my sister restrict the usage of the internet. It is an efficient manner to make my niece understand that some behaviour was wrong without damaging her mental well being.
To conclude, I partially agree with the necessity of punishing people. Punishment should be applyed only in specific situations and never would physically or mentally harm a child. Moreover, parents and teachers should prefer punishing youngsters and children using restricting actions instead of other vias.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "helping children to understand what is right and wrong" -> "assisting children in understanding what is right and wrong"
   Explanation: The phrase "assisting children in understanding" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "punishing children is mandatory" -> "punishment is essential"
   Explanation: The term "punishment is essential" is more concise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "mandatory" which can imply a sense of obligation rather than necessity.

3. "lead them learning this difference" -> "help them learn this distinction"
   Explanation: "Help them learn this distinction" is grammatically correct and uses more precise vocabulary, improving the formality and clarity of the sentence.

4. "youngsters and will, further, give examples" -> "youngsters and will also provide examples"
   Explanation: "Will also provide" is more formal and flows better in academic writing than "will, further, give," which is awkwardly phrased.

5. "most of the times" -> "most of the time"
   Explanation: "Most of the time" is grammatically correct and more commonly used in formal writing than "most of the times," which is incorrect.

6. "seems to be more close minded them their peers" -> "appears to be more close-minded than their peers"
   Explanation: "Appears to be more close-minded than their peers" corrects the grammatical error and uses "close-minded" as an adjective, which is the correct form.

7. "kids of punishments" -> "types of punishments"
   Explanation: "Types of punishments" is the correct term, replacing the informal and incorrect "kids of punishments."

8. "punishments that might harm youngsters physically or mentally" -> "punishments that could potentially harm youngsters physically or mentally"
   Explanation: "Could potentially harm" is more precise and formal than "might harm," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

9. "punishing children denying them to use or do something" -> "punishing children by denying them the use of or engaging in something"
   Explanation: "By denying them the use of or engaging in something" clarifies the meaning and is more formal, avoiding the awkward construction of the original phrase.

10. "pleasent for them" -> "pleasing for them"
    Explanation: "Pleasing" is the correct adjective form, replacing the incorrect "pleasent."

11. "do not behave herself" -> "does not behave herself"
    Explanation: "Does not" is the correct form of the verb "to do" in the third person singular, correcting the grammatical error.

12. "restrict the usage of the internet" -> "restrict her internet usage"
    Explanation: "Restrict her internet usage" is a more direct and formal way of expressing the restriction, improving clarity and formality.

13. "punishing youngsters and children using restricting actions" -> "punishing youngsters and children through restrictive measures"
    Explanation: "Through restrictive measures" is a more formal and precise way of describing the actions taken, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

14. "other vias" -> "other methods"
    Explanation: "Other methods" is the correct term, replacing the vague and incorrect "other vias," which is not a standard term in this context.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt adequately. The task asks for a discussion of two views regarding the role of taxes in society and the responsibilities of individuals beyond taxation. Instead, the essay focuses on the topic of child punishment, which is entirely unrelated to the prompt. There is no mention of taxes or societal responsibilities, which indicates a significant misunderstanding of the task requirements.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should carefully read and analyze the prompt to ensure they understand what is being asked. They should outline their essay to include both views on the topic of taxes and their own opinion, ensuring that each part of the question is addressed clearly.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position on the necessity of punishment in child-rearing, but this is not relevant to the prompt. The position is somewhat clear in the context of the essay’s topic, but since the topic is incorrect, the clarity of the position is moot. The essay does not maintain a consistent stance on the actual question posed.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion on the issue of taxes and societal responsibilities in the introduction and reiterate this position throughout the essay. They should also ensure that their arguments consistently support this viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay about child punishment are somewhat developed, with examples provided. However, since these ideas do not relate to the prompt, they do not fulfill the requirement to present, extend, and support relevant ideas related to taxes and societal responsibilities. The examples given are not applicable to the discussion needed in the essay.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on presenting ideas that directly relate to the prompt. They should provide clear arguments for both views on taxes and include relevant examples or evidence to support their opinions. Each idea should be clearly linked back to the main topic of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay significantly deviates from the topic. Instead of discussing taxes and societal responsibilities, it discusses child punishment, which is completely off-topic. This lack of focus is a major reason for the low score.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that their essay directly addresses the prompt. They can do this by outlining their main points before writing and checking that each paragraph relates back to the question. It may also help to highlight keywords in the prompt to keep the focus clear throughout the writing process.

In summary, the essay does not meet the requirements of the Task Response criteria due to a fundamental misunderstanding of the prompt. To improve, the writer should focus on the correct topic, present a clear and consistent position, support their ideas with relevant examples, and maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the writer’s position, and each paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses the negative impacts of punishment, while the second explores acceptable forms of punishment. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the negative effects of punishment to the need for some forms of punishment feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts of punishment, a phrase like "However, it is important to recognize that…" could help bridge the gap to the discussion of acceptable punishments. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea can further improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to readability. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, such as the effects of punishment and the types of punishment that are acceptable. However, the second body paragraph could be more clearly divided into two distinct points: the general principle of avoiding harmful punishments and the specific example of internet restriction. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences elaborate on that idea. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing a new concept or example. For instance, separating the discussion of harmful punishments from the example of internet restriction could provide clearer focus and enhance overall coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Moreover," and "To conclude," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "in those cases" and "for instance" are useful, but more varied devices could enhance the text’s fluidity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore" to add information, "Conversely" to present an opposing view, or "Consequently" to show cause and effect can enrich the text. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "mandatory," "traumas," "self-esteem," and "guidance" used appropriately. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication, which affects the overall impression. For instance, phrases like "some kids of punishments" and "behaviour was wrong" indicate a lack of more nuanced vocabulary choices.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate more varied and advanced vocabulary. Instead of "some kids of punishments," alternatives like "certain types of punishments" or "specific forms of discipline" could be used. Additionally, using synonyms for common words (e.g., "wrong" could be replaced with "inappropriate" or "unacceptable") would elevate the language level.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that hinder clarity. For example, "seems to be more close minded them their peers" contains a grammatical error ("them" should be "than") and the phrase "some kids of punishments" is vague. The phrase "punishing children is mandatory" could also be misinterpreted without further context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness. Ensuring grammatical accuracy is crucial; for example, revising "seems to be more close minded them their peers" to "seems to be more close-minded than their peers" would enhance precision. Additionally, using more specific terms to describe types of punishment (e.g., "non-violent disciplinary measures") would clarify the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "applyed" should be "applied," "recomended" should be "recommended," and "pleasent" should be "pleasant." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in improving spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring grammatical and contextual accuracy, and enhancing spelling through careful proofreading, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, it uses simple sentences effectively, such as "This essay will explain why I partially agree with the necessity of punishing youngsters." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "should" and "should be," which limits the variety. The sentence "To illustrate that situation, a child who is constantly bullying his/her colleagues and does not change their behaviour with adults conversations should be punished at some level" is an example of a complex structure, but it could be further enhanced with more varied conjunctions and clauses.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "should," try using modal verbs like "might" or "could" to express possibility or suggestion. Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases (e.g., "In cases where…," "When considering…") can help create a more dynamic flow in writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "some youngsters that seems to be more close minded them their peers" contains subject-verb agreement errors ("seems" should be "seem") and a misuse of "them" instead of "than." Additionally, phrases like "should apply" and "should be avoided to protect their integrity" are awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly expressed. Punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary comma in "Moreover, although, in some situations," disrupt the flow of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and correct word choices. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify these errors. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will improve overall clarity. For instance, instead of "Moreover, although, in some situations, punishment would be recomended," it should read, "Moreover, although punishment may be recommended in some situations." This not only corrects the punctuation but also improves the overall readability of the sentence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The process of learning requires assisting children in understanding what is right and wrong in early childhood. Some people argue that punishment is essential in order to help them learn this distinction. This essay will explain why I partially agree with the necessity of punishing youngsters and will further provide examples of types of punishments that should be allowed in teaching good manners.

To begin with, children can be strongly affected by their treatment during childhood. Traumas and fears can lead young people to develop depression and issues regarding their self-esteem. Therefore, the process of learning, most of the time, should rely on orientation, conversations, and guidance, instead of prioritizing punishment. Nevertheless, there are some youngsters who appear to be more close-minded than their peers, and in those cases, certain types of punishments should apply. To illustrate this situation, a child who is constantly bullying his or her classmates and does not change their behavior despite adult conversations should be punished to some extent.

Moreover, although in some situations punishment would be recommended, not all kinds of punishments seem plausible in the process of teaching children. For instance, punishments that might harm youngsters physically or mentally should definitely be avoided to protect their integrity as human beings. Thus, parents and teachers should consider punishing children by denying them the use of or engaging in something that is pleasing for them, or even restricting its usage. For example, when my niece, who is eight, does not behave according to her mother’s principles, my sister restricts her access to the internet. This is an efficient way to help my niece understand that certain behaviors are wrong without damaging her mental well-being.

To conclude, I partially agree with the necessity of punishing children. Punishment should be applied only in specific situations and should never physically or mentally harm a child. Moreover, parents and teachers should prefer punishing youngsters using restricting actions instead of other methods.