Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write an essay about 250 words.

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Write an essay about 250 words.

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems but others think that there are more important issues for us to improve and in my opinion, people should care for our world health first before think of other issues.
The first thing is our health is the most important that we can’t live without them. If we have a virus like Co-vid 19 from the 2022 to 2023, we will easily die but the scientists have make a medicine that cure the virus and we can live peacefully now. For example, if the Co-vid 19 now still go on and unstoppable, no one can live happy with the virus around and easily make us die.
The second thing is the more carefully we care for the world health, the more peaceful the life will become. Scientists had made out many medicines and vaccines to cure the health issues of people and if they don’t do that, we may have dead or not existed now. The viruses are everywhere and we can’t make them endangered but can cure them with our experiences.
In conclusion, we see that people should care and focus on solving world health problems and study about them more and more to cure the health problems like cancer to save more people from danger.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
   Explanation: Replacing "think" with "believe" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic language.

2. "solve world health problems" -> "address global health issues"
   Explanation: "Address global health issues" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the proactive nature of the action and the scope of the problems being tackled.

3. "there are more important issues for us to improve" -> "there are more pressing issues to address"
   Explanation: "Pressing issues to address" is more formal and specific, suggesting urgency and importance, which is more suitable for an academic context.

4. "people should care for our world health first" -> "it is essential to prioritize global health"
   Explanation: "It is essential to prioritize global health" is more formal and assertive, avoiding the informal "people should care for our world health," which is vague and conversational.

5. "before think of other issues" -> "before considering other issues"
   Explanation: "Before considering other issues" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone, whereas "think of" is too informal and imprecise for academic writing.

6. "we can’t live without them" -> "they are indispensable"
   Explanation: "They are indispensable" is a more formal and precise way to express the necessity of health, avoiding the colloquial "can’t live without them."

7. "If we have a virus like Co-vid 19 from the 2022 to 2023" -> "If we were to contract COVID-19 between 2022 and 2023"
   Explanation: "If we were to contract COVID-19 between 2022 and 2023" is more precise and formal, avoiding the casual tone of "have a virus like Co-vid 19 from the 2022 to 2023."

8. "we will easily die" -> "we would likely succumb to the virus"
   Explanation: "We would likely succumb to the virus" is more formal and avoids the simplistic and emotive "easily die," which is not suitable for academic writing.

9. "the scientists have make a medicine" -> "scientists have developed a medicine"
   Explanation: "Developed" is the correct verb form for describing the creation of a medicine, and it is more formal than "make," which is too informal for academic writing.

10. "if the Co-vid 19 now still go on and unstoppable" -> "if COVID-19 continues to spread uncontrollably"
    Explanation: "If COVID-19 continues to spread uncontrollably" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "if the Co-vid 19 now still go on and unstoppable."

11. "no one can live happy with the virus around and easily make us die" -> "no one can live comfortably with the virus present, and it could lead to our demise"
    Explanation: "It could lead to our demise" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential consequences of the virus, avoiding the informal "easily make us die."

12. "The more carefully we care for the world health" -> "The more diligently we address global health"
    Explanation: "The more diligently we address global health" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal "care for the world health."

13. "we may have dead or not existed now" -> "we may have perished or ceased to exist"
    Explanation: "Perished or ceased to exist" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the potential consequences of not addressing health issues, replacing the informal and grammatically incorrect "have dead or not existed now."

14. "we can’t make them endangered" -> "we cannot render them extinct"
    Explanation: "Cannot render them extinct" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea that viruses cannot be eradicated, avoiding the incorrect "make them endangered," which is not the correct term in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both views regarding scientific research’s focus. However, it primarily leans towards the opinion that world health should be prioritized. The discussion of the opposing view is minimal and lacks depth, which weakens the overall response. For instance, while the essay mentions that there are "more important issues," it does not specify what these issues are or why they might be considered more critical than health problems.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline the opposing viewpoint, providing specific examples of other important issues (e.g., climate change, poverty, education). This would create a more balanced discussion and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring the prioritization of world health. However, the position is somewhat muddled by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which detracts from the clarity. For example, phrases like "before think of other issues" could be more clearly articulated as "before considering other issues."
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should focus on using straightforward language and ensuring that each sentence logically supports the main argument. Additionally, reiterating the main opinion in the conclusion can reinforce clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the importance of health, such as the impact of COVID-19 and the role of scientists in developing cures. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the mention of COVID-19 lacks a detailed explanation of its implications on society or a discussion of how scientific research specifically contributed to addressing the crisis.
  • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating statistics or citing specific scientific advancements could strengthen the argument and provide a more compelling case.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on world health issues. However, the lack of exploration of the opposing viewpoint leads to a somewhat one-dimensional argument. Additionally, some sentences contain vague language that could confuse the reader, such as "the more carefully we care for the world health."
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the main argument. Avoiding vague language and instead using precise terms will help clarify the message. Furthermore, addressing the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more balanced and well-supported discussion of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the importance of focusing on world health issues. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. The introduction states the opinion but lacks a clear outline of the arguments that will follow. The body paragraphs present ideas, but the transitions between them are not smooth, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of thought. For example, the transition from discussing COVID-19 to general health issues is abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a more structured approach. Start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea, and ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one with appropriate linking phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," etc.).

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it hard to identify distinct points. The second paragraph also lacks a clear focus, as it mixes general statements about health with specific examples without a coherent structure.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure each paragraph has a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the paragraph’s focus, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the importance of addressing world health issues, while the second could discuss the consequences of neglecting these issues, supported by specific examples.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "but" and "for example," but their usage is limited and at times repetitive. The lack of variety in cohesive devices can make the writing feel monotonous and can hinder the reader’s understanding of how ideas connect. For instance, the phrase "the more carefully we care for the world health" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence with a different device to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Use contrastive devices (e.g., "On the other hand," "However") to present opposing views, and additive devices (e.g., "Moreover," "Additionally") to build on arguments. This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall performance in the IELTS Task 2 writing assessment.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to health and scientific research, such as "virus," "medicine," "vaccines," and "health issues." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "world health problems" is used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "world health problems," you could use phrases like "global health challenges," "health crises," or "medical issues." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to scientific research, such as "epidemiology," "therapeutics," or "preventative measures," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the more carefully we care for the world health" is awkward and unclear. The use of "make a medicine that cure the virus" contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity, as "make" should be "made" and "cure" should be "cures."
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Instead of "make a medicine," you could say "develop a treatment." Additionally, ensure that verbs agree with their subjects and that tense is consistent. For example, "the scientists have made a medicine that cures the virus" would be more precise and grammatically correct.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words like "Co-vid" should be spelled as "COVID," and "think of other issues" should be "think about other issues." Additionally, "dead" should be "dead" in the context of "we may have dead or not existed now," which is not only a spelling issue but also a grammatical one.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Utilize spell-check tools and read your essay aloud to catch errors. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial. Furthermore, consider writing drafts and allowing time between writing and editing to approach your work with fresh eyes.

By addressing these areas, you can enhance the quality of your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "If we have a virus like Co-vid 19 from the 2022 to 2023, we will easily die" is a straightforward conditional structure but lacks complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the first thing is" and "the second thing is" indicates a repetitive structure that does not vary throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the more carefully we care for the world health, the more peaceful the life will become," the writer could say, "By prioritizing world health, we can create a more peaceful life for everyone." Practicing the use of relative clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence openings can also contribute to a richer grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the scientists have make a medicine that cure the virus" should be "the scientists have made a medicine that cures the virus." The phrase "but others think that there are more important issues for us to improve" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "but" in the first sentence, which affects the flow of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming or using grammar-checking tools can assist in identifying and correcting mistakes. It would also be beneficial to study common grammatical structures and their correct forms to build a stronger foundation in English grammar.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that scientific research should focus on solving world health problems, while others argue that there are more pressing issues to address. In my opinion, it is essential to prioritize global health before considering other concerns.

Firstly, our health is paramount; we cannot live without it. If we were to contract COVID-19 between 2022 and 2023, we would likely succumb to the virus. Fortunately, scientists have developed a medicine that can cure the virus, allowing us to live more peacefully now. For example, if COVID-19 continues to spread uncontrollably, no one can truly enjoy life with the constant threat of illness.

Secondly, the more diligently we address global health, the more peaceful our lives will become. Scientists have created numerous medicines and vaccines to combat health issues, and without their efforts, we might not even exist today. Viruses are pervasive, and while we cannot eliminate them entirely, we can manage and cure them through our knowledge and experience.

In conclusion, it is clear that we should focus on solving world health problems and invest more research into them to tackle serious issues like cancer. By prioritizing global health, we can save countless lives and create a safer world for everyone.