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Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, the revolutionary development in technologies has allowed researcher to further enhance the medical services. However, some people hold a belief that scientists should turn their focus to more urgent problems. From my perspective, both notions come with some noticeable merits, which will be discussed in the following essay.
To shed light on the benefits of concentrating on other issues across the globe, an improvement to the world ecosystem should be mentioned. For instance, as global warming is currently a devastating obstacle for the destructive effect that it caused to the surrounding environment, the faunas and floras will be ensured a better living condition if governments choose to invest in solving it. This decision will not only recover the biological circle, but also maintain the diversity of wildlife, which contains many unfolded mysteries for a potential breakthrough in future scientific researches. Thus, making the previously mentioned statement a worthwhile initiative to consider.
On the other hand, pouring time and money into resolving global health problems plays a threshold role in allowing safeness for other researches to be proceeded. To be more specific, a number of innovative experiments contain dangerous substances, which will pose a threat to scientists survivability. Additionally, society will also benefit from these developments since remedies for incurable diseases will definitely in top-priority. Take cancers as a prime example, our orbit has been suffering from this illness for centuries, making an effective antidote an ultimate outcome that the current era needs. Because of this aforementioned importance, I personally believe the merits that further analysis in health issues will eclipse that of other important troubles.
To reiterate, although both ideas provide concrete evidence about why they should have more privilege, the benefits that solving health problems will utterly outweigh its opposite opinion in terms of significancy toward the general public.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Nowadays" is more informal; "currently" is a suitable alternative in academic writing, maintaining a formal tone.

  2. "revolutionary" -> "significant" or "remarkable"
    Explanation: "Revolutionary" is a bit emphatic and informal. "Significant" or "remarkable" maintains a formal tone without losing the intended meaning.

  3. "has allowed researcher" -> "has enabled researchers"
    Explanation: "Allowed researcher" lacks clarity. "Enabled researchers" is a clearer and more precise phrase in academic writing.

  4. "some people hold a belief" -> "some contend"
    Explanation: "Hold a belief" is slightly informal. "Some contend" is a more formal way to express differing viewpoints.

  5. "come with some noticeable merits" -> "have notable merits"
    Explanation: "Come with" is informal. "Have notable merits" maintains formality and clarity.

  6. "To shed light on" -> "To highlight"
    Explanation: "To shed light on" is slightly informal. "To highlight" is a more formal phrase in academic writing.

  7. "an improvement to the world ecosystem should be mentioned" -> "an enhancement of the global ecosystem is noteworthy"
    Explanation: "Improvement" lacks specificity. "Enhancement" is more precise and formal in academic context.

  8. "devastating obstacle" -> "significant challenge"
    Explanation: "Devastating obstacle" is slightly dramatic. "Significant challenge" maintains the tone while being more neutral.

  9. "for the destructive effect that it caused to the surrounding environment" -> "due to its adverse impact on the environment"
    Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality. "Destructive effect that it caused" can be simplified to "adverse impact."

  10. "faunas and floras" -> "flora and fauna"
    Explanation: "Faunas and floras" is incorrect; "flora and fauna" is the correct plural form.

  11. "will be ensured a better living condition" -> "will ensure better living conditions"
    Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and grammatical accuracy.

  12. "This decision will not only recover the biological circle" -> "This decision will not only restore the ecological balance"
    Explanation: "Recover the biological circle" lacks clarity. "Restore the ecological balance" is more specific.

  13. "which contains many unfolded mysteries" -> "which holds numerous unexplored mysteries"
    Explanation: "Contains many unfolded mysteries" is awkward. "Holds numerous unexplored mysteries" is clearer and more formal.

  14. "a worthwhile initiative to consider" -> "a commendable initiative to consider"
    Explanation: "Worthwhile" is slightly informal. "Commendable" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.

  15. "pouring time and money" -> "investing time and resources"
    Explanation: "Pouring time and money" is a colloquial expression. "Investing time and resources" is more formal.

  16. "plays a threshold role" -> "plays a crucial role"
    Explanation: "Threshold role" is unclear. "Crucial role" expresses significance more clearly.

  17. "safeness" -> "safety"
    Explanation: "Safeness" is less formal. "Safety" is a more appropriate term in academic writing.

  18. "contain dangerous substances" -> "involve hazardous substances"
    Explanation: "Contain dangerous substances" is less precise. "Involve hazardous substances" is more specific and formal.

  19. "pose a threat to scientists survivability" -> "pose a threat to scientists’ safety"
    Explanation: Correction for possessive form and clarity.

  20. "remedies for incurable diseases will definitely in top-priority" -> "finding cures for incurable diseases remains a top priority"
    Explanation: Rearranging for better structure and formality. "Will definitely in top-priority" is informal.

  21. "our orbit has been suffering from this illness" -> "our world has been afflicted by this illness"
    Explanation: "Our orbit" is metaphorical and informal. "Our world" is a more formal expression.

  22. "ultimate outcome that the current era needs" -> "crucial necessity of our time"
    Explanation: Restructuring for better formality and precision.

  23. "utterly outweigh its opposite opinion" -> "clearly outweigh the opposing perspective"
    Explanation: "Utterly outweigh" is slightly informal. "Clearly outweigh" maintains formality and clarity.

  24. "in terms of significancy toward the general public" -> "in terms of significance for the general public"
    Explanation: Adjusting for correct phrasing and clarity. "Significancy" is less commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives, discussing the importance of focusing on global issues such as environmental problems and the significance of solving health issues. It covers the main points of each view, providing examples and reasons to support the analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a more detailed exploration of the potential drawbacks or counterarguments to each perspective. This would add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing a preference for the importance of solving health problems. The stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This reinforces the consistency of the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with relevant examples, such as global warming affecting ecosystems and the importance of solving health issues for scientific progress and societal benefit. However, some ideas could be further extended for a more thorough analysis.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the potential consequences or benefits of each perspective. For example, what specific breakthroughs might solving global environmental issues lead to? Provide more in-depth analysis to enhance the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both views and the importance of health issues. However, there are minor deviations, such as the mention of global warming without a clear link to the primary focus on health problems.
    • How to improve: Maintain a strong connection between examples and the main topic. If discussing global warming, explicitly tie it back to the impact on health issues to ensure relevance and coherence.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing both views and expressing a clear position. To improve, consider providing a more detailed exploration of counterarguments, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, extending ideas for a more thorough analysis, and maintaining a stronger connection between examples and the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both views on scientific research and providing supporting arguments for each perspective. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs develop the ideas in a coherent manner. However, there is a slight imbalance in the length of the paragraphs, with the paragraph discussing the benefits of focusing on other issues being longer and more detailed than the one focusing on global health problems.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider balancing the depth of discussion in both body paragraphs. Ensure that each argument is given sufficient attention and that the length of the paragraphs is more evenly distributed. This will contribute to a more harmonious flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize and present distinct ideas. However, as mentioned earlier, there is an imbalance in the length and depth of the paragraphs. The paragraph discussing the benefits of addressing other global issues is more extensive and detailed than the one focusing on global health problems.
    • How to improve: Maintain a more even distribution of information across paragraphs. Aim for a similar level of detail and depth in both perspectives. This will create a better sense of cohesion and balance in the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences. Transition words and phrases like "however," "for instance," and "on the other hand" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argumentative structure.
    • How to improve: Continue to use a diverse range of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent throughout the essay, maintaining a smooth and coherent flow of ideas. Consider using more advanced transitions for a nuanced and sophisticated connection between different parts of the essay.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a generally sound organizational structure and employs cohesive devices effectively, there is room for improvement in balancing paragraph length and depth. Ensuring a more even distribution of information and further diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to technology, environment, biology, and medical science. The use of phrases such as "revolutionary development," "destructive effect," "biological circle," and "unfolded mysteries" reflects a willingness to employ diverse lexical choices.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider introducing more advanced and nuanced terms. For example, instead of "revolutionary development," one could use "groundbreaking advancements" or "cutting-edge technologies." Additionally, ensure the correct usage of idiomatic expressions to add a layer of sophistication to the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where word choices could be more exact. For instance, the phrase "our orbit has been suffering from this illness" might be refined to "our society has long grappled with this ailment."
    • How to improve: Carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid vague or ambiguous expressions. In this case, specifying the suffering entity (society) and using a stronger verb (grappled) would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors such as "researcher" instead of "researchers" and "significancy" instead of "significance."
    • How to improve: Review and proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct such minor spelling errors. Consider seeking feedback from others or using spelling and grammar tools to improve accuracy. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure proper usage.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary and spelling, contributing to its overall effectiveness. To elevate the lexical resource score, focus on refining precision, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, and meticulously attending to spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable attempt at varied sentence structures. However, it could benefit from more intricate constructions and diverse sentence beginnings. There’s a predominant use of compound sentences with straightforward structures, limiting the complexity and richness of expression. A mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences would elevate the fluency and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Introduce more complex sentence structures by combining ideas using subordinate clauses or altering the sentence beginnings. Experiment with rhetorical devices like parallelism, inversion, or conditional sentences to add depth and sophistication to the writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy but occasionally encounters errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For instance, "researcher" should be plural as "researchers," and there are instances where articles are missing or incorrectly used. Some sentences could be restructured for smoother readability.
    • How to improve: Review subject-verb agreements, especially with collective nouns. Work on using articles appropriately to enhance sentence clarity. Practice restructuring sentences for improved coherence without altering the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is reasonably accurate, but there are instances of comma splices, missing commas in complex sentences, and inconsistencies in punctuation usage. Some sentences lack appropriate punctuation, affecting readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on mastering the use of commas in complex sentences, ensuring they separate independent clauses or items in a list. Pay attention to comma splices and fragmented sentences to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Practicing sentence structuring with proper punctuation can refine the overall presentation.

To further improve the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy, consider:

  1. Reading Widely: Exposure to various writing styles can introduce you to diverse sentence structures and grammatical patterns.
  2. Editing and Rewriting: Review and revise your essays, emphasizing varied structures and pinpointing grammatical errors.
  3. Grammar Exercises: Engage in exercises focusing on specific grammar aspects such as subject-verb agreements, articles, and punctuation.

Overall, enhancing sentence variety, refining grammatical accuracy, and mastering punctuation nuances will elevate the essay’s clarity, coherence, and sophistication, potentially pushing it toward a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, advancements in technology have enabled researchers to significantly enhance medical services. However, differing opinions exist regarding whether scientists should prioritize tackling urgent issues or focus on solving world health problems. From my viewpoint, both perspectives possess notable merits that deserve consideration.

To highlight the advantages of concentrating on other global issues, it’s essential to address the enhancement of the world ecosystem. For example, the current challenge of global warming has had a devastating impact on the environment. Investing in solutions for this dilemma would ensure better living conditions for flora and fauna. This decision would not only restore the ecological balance but also preserve the diverse wildlife, harboring numerous unexplored mysteries that could lead to breakthroughs in future scientific research. Therefore, considering this initiative is commendable.

Conversely, directing resources and time towards resolving global health issues plays a crucial role in ensuring safety for further research endeavors. Many innovative experiments involve hazardous substances, posing a threat to scientists’ safety. Furthermore, society stands to benefit significantly from these advancements, especially in finding cures for incurable diseases. Diseases like cancer have afflicted our world for centuries, emphasizing the urgent need for effective remedies. Thus, addressing health issues remains a top priority in our current era.

In conclusion, while both viewpoints offer valid reasons for their preference, the merits of addressing health problems appear to outweigh other important concerns, especially in terms of significance for the general public.

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