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Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views about what should be central to scientific studies. While I accept that global healthcare might be necessary, I would argue they should also pay attention to other crucial areas.
There are three main reasons more research addressing the health of human beings should be conducted. Firstly, one of the main goals of any country is to ensure that their residents have good living conditions, particularly their well-being. Secondly, an alarming number of sick people and casualties are reported every year, and this requires us to take immediate actions to save as many people as we can. Therefore, it is necessary for governments and concerned groups to invest in this field. Finally, advancements in technology, along with higher-skilled medical staff, have made outstanding contributions to the effectiveness of various medicines and treatments. Multiple life-threatening diseases in the old days, such as measles, can be prevented after the introduction of its vaccines.
While I accept that investigating into human health is vitally important, I feel that other areas also require assistance from scientists. One main obligation might be environmental protection. The problems like deforestation, soil erosion, or contamination are also jeopardizing humanity and need further investigations carried out by biologists and environmentalists. Furthermore, many human beings are living below the poverty line, which should receive significant attention. The most common reason for their situation may come from ineffective agricultural approaches, and they are urgently needing proper instructions from experts in the field on how to increase agricultural yield. Similarly, economists and their work are essential for the enhancement in living standards of even those who are more affluent. These priorities vary depending on the context and challenges that specific regions are dealing with.
In conclusion, human well-being deserves a great deal of attention from academic studies, because it is a fundamental human right and has benefited from various scientific findings. However, they had better not focus on this domain only and neglect other priorities, namely the environment and economy


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "People have different views about what should be central to scientific studies." -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions regarding the core focus of scientific research."
    Explanation: The phrase "Individuals hold diverse opinions" is more formal and precise than "People have different views," which is somewhat informal and vague. "Regarding the core focus of scientific research" is more specific and academically appropriate than "what should be central to scientific studies."

  2. "I would argue they should also pay attention to other crucial areas." -> "I contend that they should also prioritize other critical areas."
    Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal expression than "I would argue," and "prioritize" is more specific than "pay attention to," which is somewhat vague. "Critical" is also more precise than "crucial" in this context.

  3. "more research addressing the health of human beings" -> "further research on human health"
    Explanation: "Further research on human health" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the redundancy of "addressing the health of."

  4. "an alarming number of sick people and casualties" -> "a significant number of patients and casualties"
    Explanation: "Patients" is a more precise term than "sick people," which is informal and vague. "Significant" is also more formal than "alarming," which can imply emotional connotation.

  5. "take immediate actions" -> "take immediate action"
    Explanation: "Action" should be singular when referring to a general course of action, making the phrase more grammatically correct and formal.

  6. "outstanding contributions to the effectiveness of various medicines and treatments" -> "significant contributions to the efficacy of various medicines and treatments"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more appropriate than "outstanding" in this context, as it implies a notable but not necessarily exceptional contribution. "Efficacy" is also more precise than "effectiveness" in the context of medicine.

  7. "investigating into human health" -> "investigating human health"
    Explanation: "Investigating into" is redundant; "investigating" alone is sufficient and more direct.

  8. "The problems like deforestation, soil erosion, or contamination" -> "issues such as deforestation, soil erosion, and contamination"
    Explanation: "Issues" is a more formal term than "problems," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in this context. Also, "and" is used instead of "or" to correctly list multiple items.

  9. "they are urgently needing proper instructions" -> "they urgently require proper guidance"
    Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "need," and "guidance" is a more precise term than "instructions" in this context.

  10. "even those who are more affluent" -> "those who are more affluent"
    Explanation: Removing "even" avoids redundancy and maintains the formal tone.

  11. "had better not focus on this domain only and neglect other priorities" -> "should not focus exclusively on this domain and neglect other priorities"
    Explanation: "Should not" is more formal than "had better," and "exclusively" is more precise than "only," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the focus of scientific research. The first paragraph discusses the importance of global healthcare, citing reasons such as the need for good living conditions and the urgency of addressing health crises. The second paragraph shifts to the opposing view, emphasizing the significance of environmental protection and economic issues. However, while both sides are presented, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each perspective, as the argument for healthcare is more developed than the counterarguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more equal treatment of both views. This could involve providing more specific examples or data to support the arguments for environmental and economic research, thereby ensuring that each side is given equal weight in the discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position in favor of focusing on both healthcare and other issues. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. The phrase "While I accept that investigating into human health is vitally important" indicates a recognition of the opposing view, but the subsequent argument could be clearer in articulating how these views can coexist rather than suggesting a hierarchy of importance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could explicitly state how both areas of research can be prioritized simultaneously. Using transitional phrases that reinforce the coexistence of these priorities would strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the healthcare section, such as the importance of good living conditions and advancements in medicine. However, the support for the counterarguments regarding environmental and economic issues is less robust. The mention of deforestation and poverty is relevant, but the ideas could be extended further with examples or statistics that illustrate the urgency of these issues.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of environmental degradation or economic challenges. This could involve citing specific instances where scientific research has successfully addressed these issues, thereby adding depth to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the prompt’s focus on scientific research priorities. However, there are moments where the discussion could stray slightly, particularly when discussing the roles of economists and agricultural experts. While relevant, these points could be more tightly connected to the overarching theme of scientific research.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the role of scientific research in addressing these issues. Clarifying how economists and agricultural experts contribute to scientific research rather than treating them as separate entities would help keep the essay aligned with the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, clearer transitions, extended support for ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on scientific research. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss the importance of health research first, followed by other critical areas like environmental protection and economic issues. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing health to environmental issues feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus. For example, after discussing health issues, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "While health is undeniably important, it is equally crucial to address other pressing challenges such as environmental degradation." This would help guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first body paragraph addresses the importance of health research, while the second discusses other areas needing attention. However, the conclusion could be more clearly delineated as a separate paragraph, as it currently blends into the final body paragraph, which may confuse readers about where the main arguments end and the conclusion begins.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and possibly using a phrase like, "In conclusion," to signal the end of the discussion and the beginning of the summary of your arguments. This will help reinforce the structure of your essay and make it easier for readers to follow.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," to list points in the first body paragraph. Additionally, phrases like "While I accept that" and "Furthermore" are used to connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," you could use alternatives like "To begin with," "In addition," or "Moreover." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," can help clarify the relationship between differing viewpoints. This will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay and make it more dynamic.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "global healthcare," "well-being," "alarming number," and "environmental protection." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "human beings" and "scientific studies." While the vocabulary used is appropriate, it lacks the variety that could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "human beings," alternatives like "individuals," "people," or "society" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "epidemiology" or "sustainability," could further enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "investigating into human health" is awkward; "investigating human health" would be more precise. Similarly, "urgent needing proper instructions" is grammatically incorrect and could be expressed more clearly as "urgently need proper guidance."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Reviewing phrases for grammatical correctness and ensuring that the vocabulary chosen conveys the intended meaning accurately will strengthen the essay. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise terms that fit the context better.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "they had better not focus on this domain only," which could be clearer with a more standard phrasing. The phrase "had better" can be seen as informal and may not fit the academic tone expected in IELTS essays.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall presentation, the writer should proofread the essay for any typographical errors and ensure that the language used aligns with academic standards. Practicing spelling through writing exercises and using tools like spell checkers can also help improve accuracy.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and adherence to academic language conventions. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases ("While I accept that…") and transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Finally") effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "The problems like deforestation, soil erosion, or contamination are also jeopardizing humanity…" could be restructured to enhance complexity, perhaps by using a relative clause or a participial phrase.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of stating "The most common reason for their situation may come from ineffective agricultural approaches," you could say, "Ineffective agricultural approaches, which often stem from a lack of resources and knowledge, may be the most common reason for their situation." This not only adds complexity but also provides additional context.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "they should also pay attention to other crucial areas" could be misinterpreted due to the pronoun "they," which lacks a clear antecedent. Additionally, the sentence "These priorities vary depending on the context and challenges that specific regions are dealing with" could be more concise. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which should receive significant attention" to separate it from the preceding clause.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that pronouns have clear antecedents to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, review sentences for conciseness and clarity, and consider using punctuation to break up longer sentences or to clarify meaning. For example, the sentence "However, they had better not focus on this domain only and neglect other priorities, namely the environment and economy" could be revised for clarity: "However, it is crucial that they do not focus solely on this domain, neglecting other priorities such as the environment and economy."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold diverse opinions regarding what should be central to scientific research. While I acknowledge that global healthcare is indeed crucial, I contend that researchers should also prioritize other critical areas.

There are three main reasons why further research on human health should be conducted. Firstly, one of the primary goals of any country is to ensure that their residents enjoy good living conditions, particularly in terms of their well-being. Secondly, a significant number of patients and casualties are reported every year, which necessitates immediate action to save as many lives as possible. Therefore, it is essential for governments and concerned organizations to invest in this field. Finally, advancements in technology, along with highly skilled medical staff, have made significant contributions to the efficacy of various medicines and treatments. Many life-threatening diseases that were once common, such as measles, can now be prevented thanks to the introduction of vaccines.

While I recognize that investigating human health is vitally important, I believe that other areas also require assistance from scientists. One major obligation is environmental protection. Issues such as deforestation, soil erosion, and contamination are jeopardizing humanity and need further investigation by biologists and environmentalists. Furthermore, many individuals are living below the poverty line, which deserves significant attention. The most common reason for their situation may stem from ineffective agricultural practices, and they urgently require proper guidance from experts in the field on how to increase agricultural yield. Similarly, economists play a crucial role in enhancing the living standards of even those who are more affluent. These priorities vary depending on the context and challenges that specific regions face.

In conclusion, human well-being deserves considerable attention from academic studies, as it is a fundamental human right that has benefited from various scientific findings. However, researchers should not focus exclusively on this domain and neglect other priorities, namely the environment and the economy.

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