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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

In this modern society, all people need to educate their self to earn money. Some people believe that university students need to study anything they want while other think they should only be permitted to learn subjects that are going to be helpful in their future. In my opinion, it is important to discuss both your own knowledge.

Supporter of the freedom to choose subjects that university education is an opportunity for students to explore their passions and individual abilities. Each person has unique interests and strengths and everyone is not suited for science or technology. For example, students who study art or languages may not become engineers or scientists, but this can make significant contributions to society through their artistic work and roles in media and education. Studying subjects they also helps them develop creativity and problem-solving skills making them impact individuals in society.

On the other hand, advocates for limiting subjects believe that today’s society needs more practical professions. These fields not only make it easier for students to find employment after graduation but also drive economic development. In the era of industry 4.0, careers like engineering, programming etc are increasingly in demand. There are encouraging students to study these subjects could help meet the needs of the labor market.

In conclusion, students should have the freedom to choose their subjects but should also be aware of core subjects demand a program that combines labor market with elective would allow them to pursue their passions while also building practical skills. This approach would prepare them to face career challenges and contribute to society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "all people need to educate their self to earn money" -> "all individuals need to educate themselves to earn a living"
    Explanation: "Educate their self" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Educate themselves" is the correct form, and "earn a living" is a more formal and precise term than "earn money."

  2. "university students need to study anything they want" -> "university students should be allowed to pursue any field of study"
    Explanation: The original phrase is too casual and vague. The suggested revision clarifies that students should have the freedom to choose their fields of study, which is more precise and formal.

  3. "other think" -> "others think"
    Explanation: "Other think" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "others think," which is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.

  4. "it is important to discuss both your own knowledge" -> "it is essential to consider both personal knowledge and academic perspectives"
    Explanation: "Discuss both your own knowledge" is vague and informal. The revised phrase clarifies that both personal and academic perspectives should be considered, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.

  5. "Supporter of the freedom to choose subjects" -> "Advocates of the freedom to choose subjects"
    Explanation: "Supporter" is not the correct term in this context. "Advocates" is the appropriate term to refer to individuals who support a particular viewpoint or policy.

  6. "university education is an opportunity for students to explore their passions and individual abilities" -> "university education presents an opportunity for students to explore their passions and individual abilities"
    Explanation: Adding "presents" before "an opportunity" enhances the formal tone and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "everyone is not suited for science or technology" -> "not everyone is suited for science or technology"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.

  8. "Studying subjects they also helps them develop" -> "studying subjects also helps them develop"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the placement of "also" for grammatical accuracy.

  9. "making them impact individuals in society" -> "enabling them to impact society"
    Explanation: "Making them impact individuals in society" is awkward and unclear. "Enabling them to impact society" is more direct and formally appropriate.

  10. "advocates for limiting subjects" -> "advocates for restricting subjects"
    Explanation: "Limiting subjects" is less precise and formal than "restricting subjects," which better conveys the intended meaning of controlling or curtailing the range of subjects.

  11. "drive economic development" -> "foster economic development"
    Explanation: "Drive" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Foster" is a more precise and academically suitable term for promoting economic growth.

  12. "There are encouraging students to study these subjects" -> "encouraging students to study these subjects"
    Explanation: "There are" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Removing it simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure.

  13. "a program that combines labor market with elective" -> "a program that combines core subjects with electives"
    Explanation: "Labor market" is not the correct term in this context. "Core subjects" is the appropriate term to describe the essential subjects required in a curriculum, and "electives" refers to optional courses.

  14. "allow them to pursue their passions while also building practical skills" -> "enable them to pursue their passions while also developing practical skills"
    Explanation: "Allow them to" is somewhat informal and less direct. "Enable them to" is more formal and precise, and "developing" is preferred over "building" for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether university students should be allowed to study what they like or be restricted to subjects that are deemed useful for the future. The introduction outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments for each side. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the second viewpoint is less developed and lacks depth compared to the first.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored equally. This can be achieved by providing more detailed examples and arguments for the viewpoint that advocates for limiting subject choices. Additionally, a clearer synthesis of the two perspectives in the conclusion would strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion, indicating that students should have the freedom to choose their subjects. However, the position is somewhat diluted by the way the arguments are presented, particularly in the body paragraphs where the discussion of both sides may lead to ambiguity regarding the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This can be done by consistently linking back to their opinion when discussing each side and clearly stating how each argument relates to their overall stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of creativity and the demand for practical skills in the labor market. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of creativity and problem-solving skills lacks specific examples or elaboration on how these skills benefit society.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more concrete examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the contributions of students in arts or languages, specific instances of successful individuals or societal impacts could be included. This would provide a more robust support for the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains on topic, discussing the freedom of choice in university subjects versus the need for practical skills. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the argument for practical subjects could be more tightly aligned with the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question posed in the prompt. Using clear topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph can help keep the discussion relevant and on track. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, improvements in balance, clarity, development, and focus could elevate the score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument for both sides of the debate regarding university students’ freedom to choose their subjects. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, although it could be more concise. The body paragraphs are organized around two main viewpoints: the freedom to choose subjects and the necessity of practical subjects. However, the transition between these two perspectives could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of studying arts to the need for practical professions lacks a clear linking statement.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of studying arts, a sentence like "Conversely, there are compelling arguments for focusing on practical subjects" would help guide the reader more clearly into the next point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph discusses the freedom to choose subjects but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. The second body paragraph introduces the opposing view but could benefit from a clearer transition from the previous paragraph.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with, "One of the main arguments for allowing students to choose their subjects is the importance of personal passion and creativity." This would provide a clearer focus for the paragraph and improve overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "For example," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "these fields not only make it easier for students to find employment" could be better connected to the previous sentence with a more explicit transition.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "students," you could use "they" or "these individuals" to create smoother transitions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Terms like "explore," "passions," "individual abilities," and "economic development" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition and lack of sophistication in word choice, such as "study anything they want" and "helpful in their future," which could be expressed more eloquently.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of "study anything they want," phrases like "pursue their academic interests" could be used. Additionally, integrating more academic vocabulary related to education and career development would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "educate their self" should be "educate themselves," and "advocates for limiting subjects" could be more clearly stated as "advocates of a restricted curriculum." The phrase "making them impact individuals in society" is awkward and unclear.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed clearly will enhance the overall quality. For example, rephrasing "making them impact individuals in society" to "enabling them to positively impact society" would clarify the intent.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "self" instead of "themselves," "other" instead of "others," and "etc" which should be expanded to "etcetera" or replaced with "and so on." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Some people believe that university students need to study anything they want") and compound sentences ("On the other hand, advocates for limiting subjects believe that today’s society needs more practical professions"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either too simple or improperly constructed. For instance, the phrase "this can make significant contributions to society" lacks clarity regarding the subject, which could confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "students should have the freedom to choose their subjects," you could say, "While students should have the freedom to choose their subjects, they must also consider the practical implications of their choices." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "other think they should only be permitted" should be "others think they should only be permitted." Additionally, the phrase "studying subjects they also helps them develop creativity" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "studying subjects also helps them develop creativity." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, further detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in compound sentences, can significantly enhance clarity. For instance, before "but should also be aware of core subjects," a comma should be placed after "subjects" to separate the clauses properly.

By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this modern society, all individuals need to educate themselves to earn a living. Some people believe that university students should be allowed to study whatever they like, while others think they should only be permitted to learn subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. In my opinion, it is essential to consider both personal knowledge and academic perspectives.

Advocates of the freedom to choose subjects argue that university education presents an opportunity for students to explore their passions and individual abilities. Each person has unique interests and strengths, and not everyone is suited for science or technology. For example, students who study art or languages may not become engineers or scientists, but they can make significant contributions to society through their artistic work and roles in media and education. Studying these subjects also helps them develop creativity and problem-solving skills, enabling them to impact society.

On the other hand, advocates for restricting subjects believe that today’s society needs more practical professions. These fields not only make it easier for students to find employment after graduation but also foster economic development. In the era of Industry 4.0, careers like engineering and programming are increasingly in demand. Encouraging students to study these subjects could help meet the needs of the labor market.

In conclusion, students should have the freedom to choose their subjects but should also be aware of the demand for core subjects. A program that combines core subjects with electives would enable them to pursue their passions while also developing practical skills. This approach would prepare them to face career challenges and contribute to society.

Bài viết liên quan

These days,students attend private “cram schools” for extra coaching to make them study better,so that a lot of parents believe they should just let their child go to “cram school” to learn better.But other people believe that students can learn by their own way so they can also do well in the test.

These days,students attend private “cram schools” for extra coaching to make them study better,so that a lot of parents believe they should just let their…

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