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Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are contrasting arguments about whether or not several ancient buildings should be conserved by the public compared to others. From my stance of judgment, I partly agree this view for many reasons.
The first reason for my decision would be excessive historical and cultural knowledge. The key rationale is that contribute

There lie several rationales explaining my decision , yet chief among them would be out-of-date architectural designs. This is because social development more and more increases with a dramatic speed, people, especially young adults, are interesting to go to variety of modern landmarks regularly for shopping or hanging out, such as Bitexco Tower or Landmark 81 in Vietnam. Therefore, old buildings will be ignored and unnoticed much and make some bad points for beauty of another nation. They will be moved or destroyed to give way to other buildings for many benefits to tourism. Moreover, preserving certain ancient buildings rely on governmental budgets, they have been spent on numerous money for repairing expense for many years.
To summarise, I personally would fall in flavor of the notion that conserving old buildings should be in priority due to the historical and culture value, and I also would fall out favor with old-fashioned architectural styles.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "From my stance of judgment" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "From my stance of judgment" is a bit informal and could be expressed more formally as "From my perspective" to align with academic tone.

  2. "excessive historical and cultural knowledge" -> "significant historical and cultural significance"
    Explanation: "Excessive" has a negative connotation, and using "significant" conveys a more neutral and appropriate tone. Additionally, "knowledge" is replaced with "significance" for a more precise expression.

  3. "There lie several rationales" -> "Several rationales exist"
    Explanation: The phrase "There lie" is less formal; replacing it with "Several rationales exist" maintains formality and clarity.

  4. "out-of-date architectural designs" -> "outdated architectural styles"
    Explanation: "Out-of-date" can be replaced with "outdated" for conciseness and a more formal tone. Additionally, changing "designs" to "styles" is more accurate in the context of discussing buildings.

  5. "social development more and more increases" -> "social development is increasing"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "social development more and more increases" to "social development is increasing" results in a more concise and formal expression.

  6. "young adults, are interesting to go" -> "young adults are inclined to visit"
    Explanation: "Interesting to go" can be refined to "inclined to visit" for a more formal and precise choice of words.

  7. "variety of modern landmarks regularly for shopping or hanging out" -> "various contemporary landmarks regularly for leisure or shopping"
    Explanation: "Variety of modern landmarks regularly for shopping or hanging out" can be improved by using "various contemporary landmarks regularly for leisure or shopping" for a more refined and academically suitable expression.

  8. "make some bad points for beauty of another nation" -> "detract from the aesthetic appeal of a nation"
    Explanation: The phrase "make some bad points for beauty of another nation" is vague and informal. Replacing it with "detract from the aesthetic appeal of a nation" provides a clearer and more formal statement.

  9. "They will be moved or destroyed to give way to other buildings for many benefits to tourism." -> "They may be relocated or demolished to make room for new structures, providing various tourism-related benefits."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and formality, providing a more polished expression.

  10. "preserving certain ancient buildings rely on governmental budgets" -> "the preservation of certain ancient buildings depends on government budgets"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for grammatical accuracy and formality, changing "rely on" to "depends on" improves the expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the importance of preserving certain old buildings while also presenting reasons against it. However, the analysis is brief and lacks depth. The response could benefit from providing more specific examples or details to support each perspective.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider delving into more specific examples of old buildings that hold significant historical or cultural value. Additionally, elaborate on the reasons against preservation by providing concrete instances where old buildings might hinder the development or aesthetics of a place.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a balanced view but lacks consistency in maintaining a clear position. While it mentions agreeing with the idea of preserving old buildings, the latter part seems to lean towards the opposite view, expressing a disfavor for old-fashioned architectural styles.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, choose a clear and consistent stance throughout the essay. If the position is in favor of preserving old buildings, provide stronger arguments and examples to support this viewpoint. Avoid introducing conflicting statements that may confuse the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly introduces the reasons for preserving old buildings and provides examples related to cultural and historical value. However, the development is minimal, and the support lacks depth. The discussion on outdated architectural designs is mentioned but lacks specific examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: Extend each idea by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing historical and cultural value, mention specific landmarks and their significance. Similarly, when addressing outdated architectural designs, offer concrete examples and elaborate on how these designs may negatively impact a nation’s aesthetics.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay somewhat deviates from the topic, especially in the second paragraph where it discusses social development and modern landmarks. While the mention of modern landmarks is relevant, the connection to the preservation of old buildings could be clearer.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the preservation of old buildings. Provide a smoother transition between the discussion of historical and cultural value to the consideration of architectural designs, avoiding tangential points that may distract from the main theme.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt, improvements in depth of analysis, consistency in stance, development of ideas, and staying on topic will contribute to a more cohesive and comprehensive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction establishes the writer’s stance and the main reasons, and subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting points. However, there’s room for improvement in the development of ideas. For example, the second paragraph introduces the concept of outdated architectural designs but lacks thorough elaboration and coherence with the preceding paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. Develop each idea more fully, providing specific examples or details that connect back to the main argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective but uneven. The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is rather short and lacks depth in the exploration of the idea presented. Paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and content.
    • How to improve: Aim for more consistent paragraph length and depth of analysis. In the case of the second paragraph, consider expanding on the concept of outdated architectural designs, providing examples and connecting it explicitly to the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitions like "firstly," "secondly," and "moreover." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Additionally, the flow between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the second paragraph.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures. Ensure that transitions not only signal a shift in ideas but also connect concepts more seamlessly. For instance, use linking words to clarify relationships between sentences and ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a sound understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in the development of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of diverse cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and compelling response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. The author uses some diverse terms such as "out-of-date architectural designs," "chief among them," "historical and cultural knowledge," and "repairing expense." However, there is room for improvement as certain words are repeated (e.g., "old buildings") and more varied vocabulary could enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary. For instance, instead of frequently using "old buildings," you might use synonyms like "historical structures," "ancient landmarks," or "archaic edifices." This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise, but there are instances where phrasing could be more accurate. For example, in the sentence "I personally would fall in flavor of the notion," the use of "fall in flavor" is imprecise. Also, the phrase "they will be moved or destroyed to give way to other buildings for many benefits to tourism" is slightly unclear and could be refined for better precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision in your vocabulary. Instead of "fall in flavor," consider phrases like "lean towards" or "align with." Additionally, clarify the statement about buildings being moved or destroyed for the benefits of tourism to ensure a more precise meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some errors, such as "judgment" should be spelled as "judgement," and "expense" is incorrectly used in the context, as it should be "expenses." These errors, while not pervasive, can impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Focus on proofreading to catch spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar tools to assist in identifying and correcting mistakes. Reviewing your writing before submission is crucial to ensuring accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements can be made by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, refining the precision of certain expressions, and paying closer attention to spelling accuracy. These enhancements will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of sentence structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. There is a lack of complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the opening sentence uses a basic structure, and this pattern persists throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentences, varying sentence structures, and experimenting with different beginnings. For instance, instead of beginning every sentence with a subject, try using introductory phrases or dependent clauses to add variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that impact the overall clarity of the message. For example, in the first paragraph, there are issues with sentence fragments ("The key rationale is that contribute") and incorrect subject-verb agreement ("There lie several rationales explaining my decision").
    • How to improve: Review and revise sentence structures to ensure they are grammatically correct. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, eliminate sentence fragments, and use punctuation marks accurately. Additionally, proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct errors that may affect comprehension.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear stance on the preservation of old buildings, there is room for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. Diversifying sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is ongoing debate regarding the preservation of various ancient buildings, with some arguing that certain ones hold more historical and cultural significance than others. From my perspective, I partially agree with this viewpoint for several reasons.

One primary rationale supporting my stance is the outdated architectural styles of some old buildings. As social development is increasing rapidly, particularly among young adults who are inclined to visit various contemporary landmarks regularly for leisure or shopping, outdated structures may be neglected. This can detract from the aesthetic appeal of a nation, as people are drawn to modern landmarks like Bitexco Tower or Landmark 81 in Vietnam. Consequently, these older buildings may be relocated or demolished to make room for new structures, providing various tourism-related benefits. Moreover, the preservation of certain ancient buildings depends on government budgets, which have been consistently spent on repair expenses for many years.

In summary, I agree that preserving old buildings should be a priority due to their historical and cultural value, while simultaneously disagreeing with the retention of old-fashioned architectural styles. The balance between preservation and progress is crucial, ensuring that a nation’s rich heritage is conserved without hindering its evolution.

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