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Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era, there has been a growing concern toward old buildings, some believe that a certain number of them should be protected rather than all. Personally, I entirely agree with the statement due to advantages in education and better quality of life.
To begin with, there are various reasons related to safety and urbanization process which support the destruction of some aged facilities such as flats, departments, houses,…After a long period of time, these buildings have been seriously damaged which create frustration for residents of unexpected collapses. Adding to that, constant negative feelings when living nearby those dangerous places may result in problems in residential mental health. Furthermore, in the age of urbanization, degraded houses, flats,.. are considered to be the deterrents preventing social developments.
On the other hand, infrastructures including pagodas, temples, historical sites play crucial roles in not only education but also in local economy. Protecting them means ensuring the existence of historical, cultural and traditional values. Therefore, teaching children about those places fosters deeper insights on what their ancestors had gone through, thus arousing grateful attitudes as well as national pride and patriotism. Allocations coming from the widespread traveling services could also assist citizens there in covering their basic needs, resulting in much greater quality of life.
In conclusion, it is not unreasonable when advocating the disappearance of some unnecessary buildings which was constructed years ago since preserving valuable ones offers advantageous consequences to society comprising education and local quality of life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "old buildings" -> "historic structures"
    Explanation: Replacing "old buildings" with "historic structures" adds a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic style and avoiding a colloquial expression.

  2. "some believe that" -> "there is a viewpoint that"
    Explanation: Substituting "some believe that" with "there is a viewpoint that" enhances formality and academic tone, avoiding the use of the less formal "some believe."

  3. "Personally, I entirely agree" -> "Personally, I strongly agree"
    Explanation: Replacing "entirely" with "strongly" adds emphasis and strengthens the expression, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  4. "flats, departments, houses" -> "apartments, offices, residences"
    Explanation: Replacing "flats, departments, houses" with "apartments, offices, residences" provides more specific and formal terms, contributing to a higher level of precision and formality.

  5. "create frustration for residents of unexpected collapses" -> "pose a threat to residents due to potential collapses"
    Explanation: Changing "create frustration for residents of unexpected collapses" to "pose a threat to residents due to potential collapses" maintains formality and conveys the safety concern more precisely.

  6. "negative feelings" -> "adverse emotions"
    Explanation: Substituting "negative feelings" with "adverse emotions" introduces a more formal term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  7. "houses, flats,.." -> "residential structures, apartments, etc."
    Explanation: Replacing "houses, flats,.." with "residential structures, apartments, etc." uses more formal and specific terms, enhancing the academic tone and clarity.

  8. "degraded houses, flats,.." -> "deteriorated residential structures, apartments, etc."
    Explanation: Changing "degraded houses, flats,.." to "deteriorated residential structures, apartments, etc." employs a more formal and precise vocabulary, contributing to a higher level of sophistication.

  9. "crucial roles" -> "significant roles"
    Explanation: Replacing "crucial roles" with "significant roles" maintains the meaning while using a slightly more formal and nuanced term.

  10. "arousing grateful attitudes" -> "fostering appreciative perspectives"
    Explanation: Substituting "arousing grateful attitudes" with "fostering appreciative perspectives" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression.

  11. "traveling services" -> "tourism services"
    Explanation: Changing "traveling services" to "tourism services" uses a more precise and formal term, aligning with academic style.

  12. "disappearance of some unnecessary buildings" -> "removal of redundant structures"
    Explanation: Replacing "disappearance of some unnecessary buildings" with "removal of redundant structures" offers a more formal and specific expression, contributing to a higher level of formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to the prompt by expressing a clear opinion on the preservation of old buildings. It discusses both sides of the argument, addressing the reasons behind demolishing certain buildings and the importance of preserving others for educational and economic reasons.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could delve deeper into the opposing viewpoint, providing more nuanced insights into why some may argue against the preservation of certain old buildings. Additionally, ensuring that all aspects of the prompt are covered, such as safety concerns or potential counterarguments, would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance in favor of preserving certain old buildings. The writer effectively communicates their viewpoint from the introduction to the conclusion, offering supporting reasons and examples.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the writer could consider explicitly stating their position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the essay’s coherence and make the stance even more apparent to the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to safety, urbanization, historical and cultural values, education, and economic benefits. However, some ideas are briefly mentioned without thorough development, such as the impact of degraded houses on mental health.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should elaborate on each point more extensively. Providing specific examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios would add depth and credibility to the arguments. Additionally, a more balanced discussion of both sides would contribute to a more comprehensive development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the preservation of old buildings and the reasons behind it. However, there is a slight deviation when mentioning the deterrent effect of degraded houses on social development, which is not thoroughly explained.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should clarify the link between the deterioration of certain buildings and their impact on social development. This will ensure that all points contribute directly to the central theme of the essay.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance and discussing relevant ideas. To improve, the writer should enhance the depth of their arguments, explicitly state their position, and ensure a more focused discussion without deviations.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction establishes the writer’s stance, and each paragraph presents distinct arguments. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the demolition of buildings to the importance of preserving historical sites could be improved for better coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a clear and seamless connection between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the shift in topics. In this essay, a smoother transition from the discussion of safety concerns to the importance of preserving historical sites would strengthen coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the structure and coherence within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more developed supporting details.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop supporting points cohesively within the paragraph, providing specific examples and explanations. In the second paragraph, focus on building a stronger connection between safety concerns, mental health, and the deterrent effect on social development.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion," which contribute to overall coherence. However, there is a need for more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices, especially within paragraphs, to strengthen the internal coherence of ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices within paragraphs, such as pronouns, transitional phrases, and conjunctions. This will help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. For example, in the second paragraph, utilize words like "furthermore" and "moreover" to enhance the connectivity between safety concerns, negative feelings, and the impact on social development.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of information, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is evidence of varied word choices, some repetition is noticeable, such as the frequent use of "flats" and "houses" in the first paragraph. Additionally, more sophisticated vocabulary could be employed to enhance the overall lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To widen the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of frequently using "flats" and "houses," introduce alternatives like "residences" or "dwellings." Use a thesaurus to identify synonyms that convey similar meanings but add nuance.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "a certain number of them should be protected rather than all" could be more specific. What defines the "certain number"? Providing clarity in such expressions contributes to a more precise use of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity in expressions by specifying the criteria or conditions that determine the preservation of certain buildings. Instead of "a certain number," consider specifying the criteria based on historical or cultural significance, architectural importance, or community value. This precision adds depth to your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays an acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some minor errors, such as "departments" instead of "apartments" and the absence of an article in "residents of unexpected collapses." While these do not significantly hinder understanding, addressing them would enhance overall professionalism.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling, especially for words commonly misspelled. Utilize spell-check tools but also review your writing manually. Additionally, be vigilant about articles (a, an, the) to ensure grammatical correctness. Practicing proofreading techniques can assist in refining spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the overall quality of expression. Striving for more nuanced word choices, clarity in expression, and meticulous proofreading will contribute to a more refined and sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is a mix of simple and complex sentences, the variety is somewhat limited. For example, there is consistent use of compound sentences ("Furthermore, in the age of urbanization, degraded houses, flats,.. are considered to be the deterrents preventing social developments") and occasional complex structures ("Protecting them means ensuring the existence of historical, cultural and traditional values"). However, more intricate structures like conditional sentences or inversion could be incorporated to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To enrich sentence variety, consider integrating different structures such as conditional sentences, inverted sentences, and varied clause constructions. For instance, introducing hypothetical scenarios using conditional sentences can add complexity and nuance to your arguments.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where minor errors occur, affecting the overall precision. For example, there is a missing article in the phrase "a certain number of them should be protected rather than all," and inconsistent pluralization with "flats, departments, houses." Punctuation is generally correct, but there is a tendency to use ellipses (…) excessively.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to article usage and ensure consistency in pluralization. Instead of relying on ellipses, consider using punctuation marks like commas and semicolons to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch and correct any minor errors that may impact clarity.

In summary, while the essay effectively communicates its stance on preserving certain old buildings, there is room for improvement in enhancing the variety of sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical issues. Integrating a broader range of sentence constructions and refining grammatical accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, there is a viewpoint that certain historic structures are more worth preserving than others. Personally, I strongly agree with this perspective due to the advantages it brings in terms of education and improving the quality of life.

To begin with, safety and the urbanization process are significant considerations supporting the removal of some deteriorated residential structures, such as apartments, offices, and residences. Over time, these buildings undergo serious damage, posing a threat to residents due to potential collapses. Living in close proximity to these unsafe structures can evoke adverse emotions, leading to problems in residential mental health. Moreover, in the era of urbanization, degraded residential structures act as deterrents, hindering social developments.

On the other hand, historic structures, such as pagodas, temples, and other cultural and historical sites, play significant roles not only in education but also in the local economy. Preserving these structures ensures the continuity of historical, cultural, and traditional values. Teaching children about these places fosters appreciative perspectives, providing deeper insights into their ancestors’ experiences and cultivating grateful attitudes, national pride, and patriotism. Additionally, the tourism services generated by these sites contribute to the local economy, assisting citizens in covering their basic needs and resulting in a much greater quality of life.

In conclusion, advocating for the removal of some unnecessary buildings constructed years ago is not unreasonable. Preserving valuable historic structures offers advantageous consequences to society, including improvements in education and the overall quality of life in the local community.

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