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Some people think that change brings more opportunities than problems. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that change brings more opportunities than problems. To what extent do you agree?

In this day and age, issues related to change have sparked considerable discussion. While many opinions suggest that it has a detrimental impact on life, I believe that its benefits outweigh the problems it may cause.

Many people find that learning something new and adjusting to improvements can be a source of worry. They are concerned about having to start from scratch and are apprehensive about experiencing a sense of regression if they struggle to embrace innovations. Therefore, they tend to resist modification and remain in their comfort zones, continuing as they always have. Moreover, the shift is always associated with high costs. One example of an expensive invention investment is SpaceX's project to develop advanced rocket technology and spacecraft. The costs, including research, infrastructure, and testing, run into billions of dollars, with each Falcon Heavy launch costing millions. Although it is potentially lucrative, the efficiency of this research remains unproven. Thus, in a world where hunger still persists, the question of whether such inventions and changes are truly necessary and worth the investment remains ever-present.

Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that transformation is necessary and has a beneficial impact on human lives. Without evolution, it is uncertain whether our lives could grow and develop as they do today. Altercation often drives innovation, leading to new products, services, and technologies that advance quality of life and address evolving needs. It enables to enhancement of efficiency and productivity in work, mitigating waste and optimizing performance. Furthermore, in an era defined by technological advancements with revolutions happening consistently, adjustment is preparation for the future. Many people believe that new technology and inventions are squandered and superfluous, but they may become necessary in the future to adapt to the changing world. Anything can happen, and individuals should strive to improve themselves to avoid being left behind.

Overall, altercation is always indispensable in life, regardless of the problems it may cause. Everyone needs to be prepared and willing to evolve, contributing to making the world a better place


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In this day and age" -> "In contemporary society"
    Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "In contemporary society" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  2. "issues related to change" -> "issues of change"
    Explanation: "Issues related to change" is redundant. "Issues of change" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

  3. "many opinions suggest" -> "many argue"
    Explanation: "Many opinions suggest" is vague and informal. "Many argue" is more direct and appropriate for academic discourse.

  4. "its benefits outweigh the problems it may cause" -> "its benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks"
    Explanation: "problems it may cause" is vague and informal. "Potential drawbacks" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  5. "Many people find that learning something new" -> "Many individuals perceive learning new concepts"
    Explanation: "Many people find that learning something new" is informal and vague. "Many individuals perceive learning new concepts" is more precise and formal.

  6. "adjusting to improvements" -> "adapting to advancements"
    Explanation: "adjusting to improvements" is less specific and slightly informal. "Adapting to advancements" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better.

  7. "start from scratch" -> "begin anew"
    Explanation: "Start from scratch" is an idiom. "Begin anew" is a more formal alternative suitable for academic writing.

  8. "a sense of regression" -> "a perceived regression"
    Explanation: "a sense of regression" is less formal and slightly vague. "a perceived regression" clarifies the subjective nature of the experience, aligning with academic style.

  9. "resist modification" -> "resist change"
    Explanation: "modification" is less common in this context. "Change" is the more typical and universally understood term in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.

  10. "remain in their comfort zones" -> "persist in their comfort zones"
    Explanation: "remain" is less formal and slightly vague. "persist" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic tone better.

  11. "the shift is always associated with high costs" -> "the shift is often associated with significant costs"
    Explanation: "always" is absolute and less precise. "often" is more accurate and less absolute, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  12. "inventions and changes" -> "innovations and transformations"
    Explanation: "inventions and changes" is vague and informal. "innovations and transformations" are more specific and formal terms, enhancing the academic quality of the text.

  13. "uncertain whether our lives could grow and develop" -> "uncertain whether our lives could evolve and progress"
    Explanation: "grow and develop" is somewhat informal and vague. "evolve and progress" are more precise and formal terms, suitable for academic writing.

  14. "Altercation often drives innovation" -> "Alteration often drives innovation"
    Explanation: "Altercation" is a typographical error. "Alteration" is the correct term, necessary for maintaining the integrity and clarity of the text.

  15. "It enables to enhancement of efficiency" -> "It enables the enhancement of efficiency"
    Explanation: "It enables to enhancement" is grammatically incorrect. "It enables the enhancement" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

  16. "Anything can happen" -> "anything can occur"
    Explanation: "Anything can happen" is informal and slightly colloquial. "Anything can occur" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  17. "squandered and superfluous" -> "wasted and unnecessary"
    Explanation: "squandered and superfluous" are less common and slightly informal. "wasted and unnecessary" are more commonly used and understood in formal academic contexts.

  18. "making the world a better place" -> "enhancing the world"
    Explanation: "making the world a better place" is a bit informal and vague. "enhancing the world" is more concise and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the opportunities and problems associated with change. The introduction clearly states the author’s belief that benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The first body paragraph presents concerns about change, such as the fear of regression and high costs, exemplified by the SpaceX project. The second body paragraph counters these concerns by highlighting the necessity and benefits of transformation, including innovation and improved quality of life. However, while the essay does touch on both sides, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the author agrees with the statement.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement in the introduction and conclusion, clarifying whether they fully agree, partially agree, or have a nuanced view. Additionally, providing more examples of opportunities created by change would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of change outweigh its problems. This is evident in the consistent use of phrases like "I believe" and "it cannot be denied." However, the transition between discussing the problems and the benefits could be smoother to reinforce the author’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the importance of change, but it could more explicitly summarize the reasons supporting the author’s position.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should ensure that each paragraph transitions logically to the next, perhaps by summarizing the previous point before introducing the next. A more definitive conclusion that revisits the main arguments supporting the position would also help reinforce the clarity of the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the problems and benefits of change. The discussion of the costs associated with innovation is a strong point, as it provides a concrete example. However, the support for the benefits of change could be more developed. While the author mentions innovation and efficiency, these points are not fully elaborated with specific examples or evidence.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should provide additional examples of how change has led to significant opportunities in various sectors (e.g., healthcare, communication, or environmental sustainability). Including statistics or real-world examples would also strengthen the argument and provide a more compelling case.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of change. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of SpaceX, while relevant to the discussion of costs, could be seen as slightly tangential if not clearly tied back to the overall argument about the benefits of change.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument regarding the balance of opportunities and problems. It may be helpful to briefly explain how each example relates back to the central thesis, ensuring that the essay remains tightly aligned with the prompt throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the clarity of the position, expanding on supporting ideas, and ensuring tight relevance to the topic, the author can further enhance the effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the benefits of change over its problems, which is a strong point. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow the thesis. The first paragraph discusses the concerns associated with change, while the second paragraph highlights the advantages. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the drawbacks to the benefits feels abrupt, which may confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two ideas. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence like "Despite these concerns, it is important to recognize the significant advantages that change can bring" would create a more cohesive transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the conclusion feels somewhat rushed and lacks a summary of the main points discussed. This can leave readers without a clear understanding of the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay. A brief recap of the benefits and drawbacks discussed would reinforce the argument and provide closure. For example, you might say, "In conclusion, while change presents challenges such as financial costs and personal discomfort, its potential to drive innovation and improve quality of life is undeniable."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "nonetheless," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the shift is always associated with high costs" could be better linked to the subsequent example about SpaceX.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" can help to contrast different viewpoints more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each example is clearly tied to the point being made, perhaps by using phrases like "For instance" or "This is evident in the case of…"

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental," "apprehensive," "innovation," and "altercation" effectively used to convey complex ideas. However, the use of "altercation" is inappropriate in this context, as it typically refers to a dispute or argument rather than change. This misapplication detracts from the overall lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should focus on using synonyms and related terms more accurately. For instance, replacing "altercation" with "transformation" or "change" would maintain the intended meaning while demonstrating a broader vocabulary. Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the essay’s language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the shift is always associated with high costs" could be more specific. The term "shift" is vague and could benefit from clarification regarding what type of shift is being discussed. Furthermore, the phrase "the efficiency of this research remains unproven" could be more precise by specifying the research’s context or objectives.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify vague terms and ensure that each word accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the shift," specifying "technological shift" would provide clarity. Additionally, using context-specific vocabulary can enhance the precision of arguments presented in the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "innovation," "necessary," and "investment" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps, can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement. By focusing on the precise use of vocabulary, correcting misapplications, and enhancing the range of terms used, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While many opinions suggest that it has a detrimental impact on life, I believe that its benefits outweigh the problems it may cause." This showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs different sentence types, including conditional structures ("if they struggle to embrace innovations") and participial phrases ("adjusting to improvements"), which contribute to the overall fluency. However, there is a tendency to rely on certain structures, such as starting several sentences with "Many people" or "Moreover," which can create a repetitive rhythm.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "Many people," try using phrases like "A significant number of individuals" or "A common perspective among the populace." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enrich the essay’s complexity. Practicing the use of inversion or beginning sentences with adverbial clauses could also diversify the structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the shift is always associated with high costs" could be more effectively expressed as "shifts are often associated with high costs," which would improve clarity. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. The use of "altercation" is incorrect in the context, as it typically refers to a dispute or argument, rather than change; the correct term would be "alteration" or "transformation."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of terms. Focusing on punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Additionally, expanding vocabulary to ensure the correct use of terms will prevent miscommunication. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct applications can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score further. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, issues related to change have sparked considerable discussion. While many opinions suggest that it has a detrimental impact on life, I believe that its benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks it may cause.

Many individuals perceive learning something new and adapting to advancements as a source of worry. They are concerned about having to begin anew and are apprehensive about experiencing a perceived regression if they struggle to embrace innovations. Therefore, they tend to resist change and persist in their comfort zones, continuing as they always have. Moreover, the shift is often associated with significant costs. One example of an expensive investment in innovation is SpaceX’s project to develop advanced rocket technology and spacecraft. The costs, including research, infrastructure, and testing, run into billions of dollars, with each Falcon Heavy launch costing millions. Although it is potentially lucrative, the efficiency of this research remains unproven. Thus, in a world where hunger still persists, the question of whether such inventions and changes are truly necessary and worth the investment remains ever-present.

Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that transformation is necessary and has a beneficial impact on human lives. Without evolution, it is uncertain whether our lives could evolve and progress as they do today. Alteration often drives innovation, leading to new products, services, and technologies that enhance quality of life and address evolving needs. It enables the enhancement of efficiency and productivity in work, mitigating waste and optimizing performance. Furthermore, in an era defined by technological advancements with revolutions happening consistently, adapting is preparation for the future. Many people believe that new technology and inventions are wasted and unnecessary, but they may become essential in the future to adapt to the changing world. Anything can occur, and individuals should strive to improve themselves to avoid being left behind.

Overall, alteration is always indispensable in life, regardless of the problems it may cause. Everyone needs to be prepared and willing to evolve, contributing to enhancing the world.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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