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Some people think that children should begin their education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that children should begin their education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In this day and age, where education is the core of every matter, one school of thought holds that it should be applied for every child as soon as possible, while others are of the opinion that it is better for them to go to schools at least 7 years old. This essay will analyze both stances, before concluding that I agree with the latter.

Supporters may opine that preschool and early childhood education settings can stimulate a child’s cognitive development. As a matter of fact, school curriculum is specialized in many aspects of life; for instance, mathematics, linguistics and literature. Therefore, it provides minors opportunities to obtain the concept of academic study at a very first step, which helps children to discover and exploit their potential in different facets. However, it should be acknowledged that early-academic journeys might drive young children to suffer from extreme-mental breakdown. To specify, academic subjects contain various knowledge, which require a fully-developed mindset to absorb. As a result, this is likely to leave on immature brains several undesirable impacts rendering children overwhelmed from a very early age.

Given the aforementioned arguments, I totally side with those who believe that schooling programmes should be abandoned until around age 7. By delaying formal education, it allows children to have a more extended childhood. This can provide leads to the fact that extra time would be spent on both mental and physical development and gaining their soft skills before beginning an academic life. For instance, many of the European governments, for instance, encourage parents to let their offspring enjoy living at their age and stay disconnected from schools until they are completely-prepared for the academic duration.

In conclusion, while it is justifiable that early-studying would appear as a merit for infants, I gravitate towards the notion that waiting until around the age of 7 should also be taken into consideration due to several mental issues caused by probable stresses from premature education.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently" or "Presently"
    Explanation: "In this day and age" is an informal phrase. Substituting it with "Currently" or "Presently" maintains a formal tone without using overly colloquial language.

  2. "one school of thought" -> "one perspective" or "one viewpoint"
    Explanation: "School of thought" is more informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "perspective" or "viewpoint" aligns better with formal language.

  3. "holds that it should be applied for every child" -> "argues for its application in every child’s life"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. "Argues for its application in every child’s life" is more articulate and academically suitable.

  4. "while others are of the opinion that" -> "while others contend that" or "while others argue that"
    Explanation: Using "are of the opinion" is less formal. "Contend that" or "argue that" adds a more academic tone to the sentence.

  5. "analyze" -> "examine" or "evaluate"
    Explanation: "Analyze" is suitable but replacing it with "examine" or "evaluate" elevates the academic tone slightly.

  6. "Supporters may opine" -> "Advocates may argue" or "Supporters may contend"
    Explanation: "Opine" is less formal. "Advocates may argue" or "Supporters may contend" offers a more academic alternative.

  7. "school curriculum is specialized in many aspects of life" -> "school curriculum encompasses various disciplines"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat vague. "Encompasses various disciplines" provides a clearer and more sophisticated expression.

  8. "it should be acknowledged that" -> "it is important to note that" or "it is essential to recognize that"
    Explanation: "It should be acknowledged that" is less formal. Alternatives like "it is important to note that" or "it is essential to recognize that" fit the academic style better.

  9. "drive young children to suffer from extreme-mental breakdown" -> "cause significant mental distress in young children" or "lead to severe mental strain in young children"
    Explanation: "Extreme-mental breakdown" is an informal and imprecise term. Replacing it with "cause significant mental distress in young children" or "lead to severe mental strain in young children" offers a more formal and precise description.

  10. "this is likely to leave on immature brains several undesirable impacts" -> "this is likely to have several adverse effects on immature brains"
    Explanation: "Leave on immature brains several undesirable impacts" is awkward and lacks precision. "Have several adverse effects on immature brains" is more formal and clearer.

  11. "Given the aforementioned arguments" -> "Considering the arguments mentioned above" or "In light of the aforementioned arguments"
    Explanation: "Given the aforementioned arguments" is overly wordy. Alternatives like "Considering the arguments mentioned above" or "In light of the aforementioned arguments" are more concise and formal.

  12. "totally side with" -> "strongly support" or "firmly endorse"
    Explanation: "Totally side with" is too informal. "Strongly support" or "firmly endorse" maintain a more academic tone.

  13. "schooling programmes" -> "educational programs" or "academic programs"
    Explanation: "Schooling programmes" can be replaced with "educational programs" or "academic programs" for a more formal tone.

  14. "completely-prepared" -> "adequately prepared" or "fully prepared"
    Explanation: "Completely-prepared" can be replaced with "adequately prepared" or "fully prepared" without altering the meaning while sounding more formal.

  15. "infants" -> "young children" or "children"
    Explanation: "Infants" specifically refers to very young babies. "Young children" or simply "children" is more appropriate in this context.

  16. "gravitate towards the notion" -> "lean towards the idea" or "tend to favor the idea"
    Explanation: "Gravitate towards the notion" is slightly informal. "Lean towards the idea" or "tend to favor the idea" maintains formality.

  17. "several mental issues" -> "various mental challenges" or "multiple mental concerns"
    Explanation: "Several mental issues" is a bit broad. "Various mental challenges" or "multiple mental concerns" provides a more specific and formal description.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay will analyze both stances, before concluding that I agree with the latter."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your introduction successfully outlines your intention to discuss both perspectives before presenting your own opinion, it lacks a brief preview of the main points you will cover in the body paragraphs. Consider providing a roadmap for the reader, summarizing the key arguments you will explore in support of the early education and the delayed education viewpoints.
    • Improved example: "This essay will analyze both stances, examining the benefits of early education and the advantages of delaying formal education until around the age of 7. Subsequently, I will present arguments supporting the latter view, advocating for a more extended childhood."
  2. Quoted text: "As a matter of fact, school curriculum is specialized in many aspects of life; for instance, mathematics, linguistics, and literature. Therefore, it provides minors opportunities to obtain the concept of academic study at a very first step, which helps children to discover and exploit their potential in different facets."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the specialized school curriculum is well-made, but it lacks specific examples or scenarios. To strengthen your argument, provide concrete instances or anecdotes illustrating how early exposure to subjects like mathematics or literature can indeed help children discover their potential. This will add depth and persuasiveness to your reasoning.
    • Improved example: "For instance, an early introduction to mathematics allows children to grasp fundamental concepts, fostering problem-solving skills from an early age. Similarly, exposure to literature can ignite a passion for reading, enhancing language skills and expanding their creative abilities."
  3. Quoted text: "By delaying formal education, it allows children to have a more extended childhood. This can provide leads to the fact that extra time would be spent on both mental and physical development and gaining their soft skills before beginning an academic life."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument about the benefits of an extended childhood is valid, but it lacks specificity. Elaborate on what aspects of mental and physical development or soft skills children can develop during this extended period. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "By delaying formal education until around the age of 7, children can enjoy an extended period for mental and physical development. For instance, they can engage in activities that promote critical thinking, creativity, and interpersonal skills, laying a robust foundation for their academic journey."

Overall, your essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas. However, enhancing the depth of your examples and providing more specific details will contribute to a more robust and convincing argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a reasonable extent. It generally organizes information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices effectively, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The essay uses paragraphing, but not always logically, as some paragraphs could be more distinct in addressing specific points.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesion Improvement: The essay can enhance its use of cohesive devices by ensuring a smoother flow between sentences. Connectives like transitional phrases or pronouns can be employed more consistently to establish logical relationships between ideas.

  2. Paragraphing Logic: The essay’s overall paragraphing structure could be improved for better coherence. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect or point, contributing to the logical progression of the argument. This will make it easier for the reader to follow the essay’s flow.

  3. Sentence Structure Variety: Introduce more variety in sentence structures to avoid a mechanical feel. Varying sentence lengths and structures can contribute to a more engaging and cohesive narrative.

  4. Clarity in Referencing: Ensure that referencing and substitution within the essay are clear and accurate. This can contribute to better cohesion and prevent potential confusion.

By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially moving towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "soft skills" and "formal education," showing awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys ideas and maintains coherence through the use of transitional phrases.

The writer employs varied vocabulary to discuss the two viewpoints on early education, using phrases like "school of thought," "preschool and early childhood education settings," and "formal education." Additionally, there is evidence of attempting to convey precise meanings through the use of terms like "stimulate a child’s cognitive development" and "fully-developed mindset."

However, there are instances of minor errors, such as "it should be applied for every child" where "it should be applied to every child" would be more accurate. Also, the phrase "which helps children to discover and exploit their potential" could be refined for better precision. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only occasional errors, such as "leads" instead of "let," and "completely-prepared" could be hyphenated as "completely prepared."

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer could strive for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Additionally, careful proofreading is recommended to eliminate minor errors and enhance overall precision. Exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for common phrases may further elevate the lexical richness of the essay. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary while minimizing errors would contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is a variety of sentence lengths and structures, showcasing an effort to create complexity in some instances. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay that impact the overall fluency and accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures with greater accuracy. Review and revise the usage of vocabulary to ensure precision and clarity. Additionally, thorough proofreading for grammatical errors and sentence construction will help elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, where education holds utmost importance, there is a divergence of opinions regarding the appropriate age for commencing a child’s education. Some advocate for an early start, while others suggest beginning at the age of 7. This essay will examine both perspectives before articulating my preference for the latter.

Proponents of early education argue that preschool and early childhood settings can enhance a child’s cognitive development. The curriculum, encompassing subjects like mathematics, linguistics, and literature, exposes minors to academic concepts at an early stage, fostering the exploration of their potential. However, it is essential to acknowledge that premature exposure to academic subjects may strain young minds, potentially leading to mental stress. Academic content, being diverse and demanding, necessitates a fully-developed mindset for effective absorption. Consequently, subjecting immature brains to this early academic pressure may have undesirable consequences, leaving children overwhelmed.

Considering the aforementioned arguments, I align myself with those advocating for the commencement of formal education around the age of 7. Delaying formal education allows for a more prolonged childhood, facilitating both mental and physical development and the acquisition of soft skills before embarking on an academic journey. For instance, several European governments endorse the idea of children enjoying their early years without academic pressures until they are adequately prepared.

In conclusion, while early education may offer merits for young children, I am inclined towards the perspective that delaying formal education until around the age of 7 should be considered due to potential mental issues arising from the stresses of premature academic exposure.

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