Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think that they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The debate over whether children should start going to formal schooling at a very young age or when they reach at least 7 years old is a contentious one. In my view, although attending an education of formality at an early age holds merit, I believe that children should begin from 7 years old onwards.
On the one hand, proponents of starting compulsory education might argue that it would be conducive to children’s academic development. They often contend that those with well-rounded preparation at a young age would be able to comprehend complicated lessons as the teaching of subjects like literacy or numeracy profoundly shapes one’s foundational and fundamental skills even if they are just a very young individual. This early preparation would, as a result, act as a catalyst for their future effective learning and help them to become more successful at higher academic levels.
On the other hand, I align with those who voice the paramount importance of following conventional academic training programs for children at the age of above 7 years old since it is a better emotional and psychological formation that individuals who begin school at this age could have. Compared to those who start sooner, students without previous training in traditional academic environments would be free from hectic timetables and homework that would take up much of their treasured time to enjoy themselves or participate in playing-based activities. As a consequence, the greater emphasis is placed on such real-life experiences, the more they become good at those, such as playing sports, solving puzzles, or social communication, making them grow emotionally, critically, and intellectually, and inherently well-prepared for upcoming daily problems including academic ones.
In conclusion, although opinions vary regarding whether children should go to school before or after 7 years old, I personally side with those of second opinion. While the former might argue that children would effectively develop academically due to the early approach to numeracy and literacy, the latter might say that the freedom of children to be exposed to practical activities would result in their better emotional and psychological growth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"going to formal schooling" -> "enrolling in formal education"
Explanation: "Enrolling in formal education" is a more precise and formal term than "going to formal schooling," which sounds somewhat colloquial and vague.
"reach at least 7 years old" -> "reach the age of 7"
Explanation: "Reach the age of 7" is a more standard and formal way of expressing the age, avoiding the awkward construction "reach at least 7 years old."
"attending an education of formality" -> "pursuing formal education"
Explanation: "Pursuing formal education" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase than "attending an education of formality," which is awkward and unclear.
"well-rounded preparation" -> "comprehensive preparation"
Explanation: "Comprehensive preparation" is a more precise term that better conveys the idea of thorough and detailed preparation, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"complicated lessons" -> "complex lessons"
Explanation: "Complex" is more appropriate in an academic context to describe challenging or intricate educational content, whereas "complicated" can imply unnecessary difficulty or confusion.
"profoundly shapes" -> "significantly influences"
Explanation: "Significantly influences" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of early education on foundational skills, avoiding the somewhat dramatic tone of "profoundly shapes."
"a very young individual" -> "a young child"
Explanation: "A young child" is a more specific and formal term than "a very young individual," which is vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"act as a catalyst" -> "serve as a catalyst"
Explanation: "Serve as a catalyst" is a more formal expression than "act as a catalyst," aligning better with academic style.
"paramount importance" -> "great importance"
Explanation: While "paramount importance" is not incorrect, "great importance" is a more straightforward and less dramatic term, suitable for academic writing.
"above 7 years old" -> "older than 7 years"
Explanation: "Older than 7 years" is a clearer and more direct way to express the age range, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "above 7 years old."
"hectic timetables and homework" -> "rigorous schedules and assignments"
Explanation: "Rigorous schedules and assignments" is a more precise and formal way to describe the academic demands placed on students, replacing the less formal "hectic timetables and homework."
"treasured time" -> "valuable time"
Explanation: "Valuable time" is a more formal and precise term than "treasured time," which can sound overly sentimental and informal for academic writing.
"playing-based activities" -> "play-based activities"
Explanation: "Play-based activities" is the correct term, as "playing-based" is grammatically incorrect and less commonly used in formal writing.
"grow emotionally, critically, and intellectually" -> "develop emotionally, cognitively, and intellectually"
Explanation: "Develop" is more specific and academically appropriate than "grow," and "cognitively" is a more precise term than "critically" in this context, aligning better with formal academic language.
"upcoming daily problems including academic ones" -> "future challenges, including academic challenges"
Explanation: "Future challenges, including academic challenges" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of potential difficulties, both in and out of the academic sphere.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views on the topic of when children should begin formal education. The first viewpoint is presented with arguments supporting early education, emphasizing academic development and the benefits of early exposure to literacy and numeracy. The second viewpoint, which the author aligns with, discusses the advantages of starting education at age seven, focusing on emotional and psychological development. The essay successfully outlines both perspectives, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both views.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint. For instance, citing studies or expert opinions on the impact of early education versus later schooling could strengthen the arguments and provide a more comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors starting formal education at age seven. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph, where the author reiterates their opinion. However, the transition between discussing the two viewpoints could be smoother to reinforce the author’s position more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use more explicit language to indicate their stance when transitioning between viewpoints. Phrases like "Despite the arguments for early education, I firmly believe…" could help reinforce their position and guide the reader more effectively through the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of starting school later. The author elaborates on how this approach allows for emotional and psychological growth, providing a strong argument. However, some ideas could be further developed, particularly the potential drawbacks of early education.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the author could include more detailed examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of later schooling. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments to their position could provide a more balanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both sides of the argument without deviating from the prompt. The author effectively ties their opinion back to the main question, ensuring relevance.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question. They could also benefit from summarizing the key points more succinctly in the conclusion to reinforce the main arguments and maintain focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in examples, transitions, and counterarguments, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph effectively addresses one side of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of early education and the second paragraph advocating for starting at age seven. The progression from one idea to another is logical, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points while reiterating the writer’s opinion. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from discussing early education to the advantages of starting later feels slightly abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing early education, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could help signal the shift to the opposing view. Additionally, integrating a brief comparison of the two perspectives within the body paragraphs could strengthen the logical organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a central idea, which is well-developed with supporting details. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main argument of that paragraph.
- How to improve: Ensure that each body paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Those who advocate for starting formal education at age seven argue that this timing supports better emotional and psychological development." This would provide clarity and focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of phrases like "As a consequence" and "the more… the more…" effectively links ideas within sentences. However, there is a reliance on a few cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," consider alternatives like "Supporters of early education argue that…" and "Opponents counter that…". Additionally, using devices such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" can help to add complexity and variety to the writing, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, enhancing clarity and persuasiveness in the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contentious," "proponents," "conducive," and "paramount importance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "academic development" and "formal schooling." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "academic development," you could use "scholastic growth" or "educational advancement." Additionally, using phrases like "early childhood education" instead of "formal schooling" could diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "education of formality" is awkward and unclear. The term "individual" is used in a context where "children" would be more precise. Furthermore, "the greater emphasis is placed on such real-life experiences" could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary choice. Replace vague phrases with more specific terms. For example, instead of "education of formality," you could say "formal education." Additionally, ensure that the subject of your sentences is clear; using "children" instead of "individuals" in contexts discussing child education would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "the age of above 7 years old," which could be simplified to "above the age of 7." While this doesn’t reflect a spelling error, it indicates a lack of fluency in phrasing that could affect overall readability.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and phrasing accuracy, practice writing and proofreading essays. Utilize tools like spell checkers and grammar checkers to catch minor errors. Additionally, reading more academic texts can improve familiarity with correct phrasing and spelling in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and phrasing will contribute to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases like "although attending an education of formality at an early age holds merit" and "proponents of starting compulsory education might argue that it would be conducive to children’s academic development" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "education of formality," which could be more clearly expressed as "formal education." The essay also relies heavily on certain structures, such as "would be" and "could have," which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions, such as "whereas," "in contrast," or "furthermore." Additionally, using a mix of shorter, impactful sentences alongside longer, more complex ones can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in achieving this diversity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the teaching of subjects like literacy or numeracy profoundly shapes one’s foundational and fundamental skills even if they are just a very young individual" is convoluted and could be simplified. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "the greater emphasis is placed on such real-life experiences, the more they become good at those" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on simplifying complex sentences to enhance clarity. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and punctuation rules can help in identifying and correcting errors. Practicing writing with a focus on punctuation can also be beneficial; for instance, using online grammar check tools or peer reviews can provide feedback on areas needing improvement. Lastly, reading high-quality essays can provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to clarity and variety in sentence structure, as well as consistent punctuation, will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether children should begin their formal education at a very young age or when they reach the age of 7 is a contentious one. In my view, although enrolling in formal education at an early age has its merits, I believe that children should start pursuing formal education from 7 years old onwards.

On the one hand, proponents of starting compulsory education early might argue that it significantly influences children’s academic development. They often contend that those who receive comprehensive preparation at a young age will be better equipped to comprehend complex lessons, as subjects like literacy and numeracy profoundly shape foundational skills, even for a young child. This early preparation would, as a result, serve as a catalyst for their future effective learning and help them to achieve greater success at higher academic levels.

On the other hand, I align with those who emphasize the great importance of following conventional academic training programs for children older than 7 years. This approach allows for better emotional and psychological development. Compared to those who start sooner, students without prior exposure to rigorous schedules and assignments would be free from the hectic timetables and homework that often consume their valuable time. This freedom enables them to engage in play-based activities, which are crucial for their growth. The greater emphasis placed on real-life experiences allows them to excel in activities such as playing sports, solving puzzles, and developing social communication skills, ultimately helping them to grow emotionally, cognitively, and intellectually, and preparing them well for future challenges, including academic ones.

In conclusion, although opinions vary regarding whether children should attend school before or after the age of 7, I personally side with the latter view. While the former group might argue that early exposure to numeracy and literacy fosters academic development, the latter emphasizes that allowing children the freedom to engage in practical activities results in better emotional and psychological growth.