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Some people think that children should start school very early. Some people think they should start at least when they are 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that children should start school very early. Some people think they should start at least when they are 7 years old.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

At which time of their life should children get to school remains a widely controversial debate. While some people assert that children had better go to school only after 7 years nurtured at home, I gravitate toward the belief that they should rather start their school time as early as possible.

On the one hand, there are several justifications from those supposing 7 as the minimum age required for children to start school. One of which, most importantly, is that children smaller than this age are too fragile physically and mentally. It is undeniable that small children have a weak body with thin skin or not-fully-developed organs. Their immune systems are easily prone to infectious diseases that they likely catch when they interact with others. Therefore, proponents of this view believe children should stay at home to stay safe and nurtured in an appropriate health care that ensures they get the right, timely treatments in case of life-threatening illnesses, which school can hardly guarantee. Additionally, children in the early age have not mentally developed enough, meaning they lack cognitive, social, or emotional abilities to handle daily situations themselves. Because of this, they need parental education and guidance for years to make sure that they are ready to interact with other strangers and solve emerging difficulties. Indeed, school nowadays is a complicated environment full of bully or negative friends who might adversely influence the children’s characteristics, thereby potentially leading them to wrong paths as they get older. Due to those concerns, some people believe only when they are 7 years old should children start school.

On the other hand, I agree with the opinion that it is more beneficial for children to begin learning at school at an early age. By this, children can be brought up naturally and more effectively. This is because when they spend their time at school from a young age, they can learn through the sounds, images, and conversation around them, which are more diverse and complex compared to those at home. This means children can absorb more information that can foster their intelligence and perception of the world more easily, faster, and more comprehensively. Furthermore, they can embrace a wide range of new experiences when communicating and get on with their classmates or teachers, providing opportunities for them to learn to handle difficult situations from an early age. This allows them to understand how life works, realizing that everything is not as easy as it is at home, thereby becoming more mature and wise. In other words, school situations such as bad friends or unfairness are just challenges for them to overcome, which teaches them valuable life lessons that family might not delineate.

In conclusion, while I understand and sympathize irrefutable worries from those arguing that children should rather begin their journey at school when they get to 7, I am with the notion that children had better start school at an earlier age.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "At which time of their life should children get to school remains a widely controversial debate." -> "The timing of when children should start school remains a widely controversial debate."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and less clear. The suggested improvement provides a smoother and more direct expression of the debated topic.

  2. "While some people assert that children had better go to school only after 7 years nurtured at home…" -> "While some argue that children should attend school only after spending the first seven years nurtured at home…"
    Explanation: The use of "assert" is somewhat informal, and the phrase "had better go to school" is colloquial. The suggested alternative uses a more formal tone and clarifies the idea more precisely.

  3. "I gravitate toward the belief that they should rather start their school time as early as possible." -> "I am inclined to believe that they should commence their education as early as possible."
    Explanation: "Gravitate toward" is informal, and "start their school time" is less precise. The suggested alternative uses more formal language while maintaining clarity.

  4. "One of which, most importantly, is that children smaller than this age are too fragile physically and mentally." -> "One of the primary reasons is that children below this age are physically and mentally fragile."
    Explanation: The phrase "most importantly" is redundant and informal. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "It is undeniable that small children have a weak body with thin skin or not-fully-developed organs." -> "It is indisputable that young children have vulnerable bodies, thin skin, and organs that are not fully developed."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses informal expressions. The suggested alternative enhances clarity and employs more formal language.

  6. "Their immune systems are easily prone to infectious diseases that they likely catch when they interact with others." -> "Their immune systems are susceptible to infectious diseases, which they may contract through interactions with others."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward, and the use of "likely catch" is informal. The suggested alternative improves the structure and maintains formality.

  7. "Therefore, proponents of this view believe children should stay at home to stay safe and nurtured in an appropriate health care that ensures they get the right, timely treatments in case of life-threatening illnesses, which school can hardly guarantee." -> "Therefore, proponents of this view advocate for children to stay at home for safety and nurturing, receiving appropriate healthcare that ensures timely treatment in case of life-threatening illnesses—an assurance that schools may not provide."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative restructures the sentence for better flow and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "Because of this, they need parental education and guidance for years to make sure that they are ready to interact with other strangers and solve emerging difficulties." -> "As a result, they require years of parental education and guidance to ensure they are prepared to interact with strangers and handle emerging challenges."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward, and the phrase "make sure that" is informal. The suggested alternative improves the flow and uses more precise language.

  9. "Indeed, school nowadays is a complicated environment full of bully or negative friends who might adversely influence the children’s characteristics, thereby potentially leading them to wrong paths as they get older." -> "Indeed, contemporary schools constitute complex environments, replete with bullying and negative peer influences that could adversely shape children’s characteristics, potentially steering them toward detrimental paths as they mature."
    Explanation: The original sentence is informal, and the phrase "full of bully or negative friends" is imprecise. The suggested alternative enhances formality and precision.

  10. "By this, children can be brought up naturally and more effectively." -> "Through this, children can be nurtured more naturally and effectively."
    Explanation: The original phrase "brought up" is informal. The suggested alternative uses a more formal expression while maintaining the intended meaning.

  11. "This means children can absorb more information that can foster their intelligence and perception of the world more easily, faster, and more comprehensively." -> "This implies that children can assimilate information more easily, rapidly, and comprehensively, fostering their intelligence and perception of the world."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative improves precision and formality, avoiding redundant terms like "more easily, faster, and more comprehensively."

  12. "Furthermore, they can embrace a wide range of new experiences when communicating and get on with their classmates or teachers, providing opportunities for them to learn to handle difficult situations from an early age." -> "Furthermore, they can engage in a broad spectrum of new experiences through communication, building relationships with classmates and teachers, which provides opportunities to learn how to handle challenging situations from an early age."
    Explanation: The original sentence is less formal, and the phrase "get on with" is informal. The suggested alternative maintains formality and improves clarity.

  13. "In other words, school situations such as bad friends or unfairness are just challenges for them to overcome, which teaches them valuable life lessons that family might not delineate." -> "In other words, challenges in school, such as negative peer influences or unfairness, provide opportunities for them to overcome obstacles, imparting valuable life lessons that may not be explicitly taught within the family."
    Explanation: The original sentence is informal, and the phrase "bad friends" is imprecise. The suggested alternative enhances formality and precision while maintaining clarity.

  14. "while I understand and sympathize irrefutable worries from those arguing that children should rather begin their journey at school when they get to 7, I am with the notion that children had better start school at an earlier age." -> "While I acknowledge and empathize with the valid concerns of those arguing that children should commence their formal education at the age of 7, I align with the notion that it is more beneficial for children to start school at an earlier age."
    Explanation: The original sentence is informal, and the phrase "had better start" is colloquial. The suggested alternative uses more formal language and improves precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the perspective of those who believe children should start school at the age of 7 and presenting the author’s opinion in favor of early school enrollment. The content is comprehensive and considers the nuances of each viewpoint.
    • How to improve: While the essay adequately covers both views, it could enhance its depth by providing more specific examples or contrasting scenarios to strengthen the arguments.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay by expressing a preference for early school enrollment. This stance is evident in the thesis statement and consistently reinforced in the subsequent paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly restate the author’s standpoint in the concluding paragraph, summarizing the key reasons supporting the chosen perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. The arguments are well-developed, providing detailed explanations and examples for both viewpoints. The use of examples, such as the impact of school environments on children’s development, adds depth to the discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s persuasiveness, consider incorporating more specific and varied examples to illustrate the points made, making the content more compelling and convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the appropriate age for children to start school as per the given prompt. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing challenges in school environments, which, while relevant, could be tied back more explicitly to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made is directly connected to the main argument. In the sections discussing challenges at school, explicitly link these challenges to the benefits of early school enrollment to maintain a seamless flow of ideas.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task requirements, effectively addressing the prompt and providing well-supported arguments. To further improve, the essay can benefit from deeper exploration, more specific examples, and ensuring all points directly contribute to the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the debate, and each paragraph contributes cohesively to the argument. The writer maintains a clear and logical progression from discussing reasons for a later school start to advocating for an earlier start.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider reinforcing the connections between paragraphs by using transition phrases. This could further strengthen the coherence and make the progression even more seamless.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is effectively structured into distinct paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. There is a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph follows a logical order, aiding the reader in navigating the essay’s content.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a singular focus on a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance clarity and coherence, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s train of thought.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence and guide the reader through the different stages of the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more sophisticated connectors or transitional expressions. This could elevate the essay’s coherence by adding nuance to the relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of cohesive devices throughout the essay to maintain a consistent flow.

Overall, the essay effectively achieves a Band Score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion. The suggestions provided aim to refine the already strong organizational structure, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices to elevate the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is a variety of words used, some repetition of terms such as "start school" and "children" could be diversified for a more nuanced expression. The vocabulary is generally appropriate but lacks sophistication and could benefit from more diverse and advanced lexical choices.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, aim to incorporate a broader spectrum of vocabulary. Instead of frequently repeating phrases like "start school," consider synonyms or alternative expressions to convey the same meaning. Utilize more sophisticated terms where appropriate, enhancing the overall richness of your vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally precise vocabulary, with terms like "fragile," "immune systems," and "cognitive abilities" used accurately. However, there are instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For instance, using "life-threatening illnesses" could be more specific, and "negative friends" might benefit from a more nuanced description.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of general terms, delve into specifics. For example, specify the types of illnesses or provide detailed descriptions of the negative influence of friends. This will add depth to your arguments and showcase a more exact use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as "had better go" (might be improved as "had better attend") and "negative friends" (might be better as "detrimental friends"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but attention to detail can enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While your spelling is generally accurate, proofread your work more thoroughly to catch minor errors. Additionally, pay attention to phrase constructions to ensure they are idiomatic and align with standard usage. This habit will contribute to a polished and error-free final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It utilizes complex sentences, compound sentences, and a mix of simple sentences. However, there is a tendency to use some repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the explanation of viewpoints. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is repeated, and the sentence structures in the second paragraph are somewhat predictable.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as varying the placement of dependent and independent clauses. Additionally, explore the use of rhetorical devices or transitions to provide a smoother flow and engage the reader.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors observed. There are instances where articles are omitted or incorrectly used, like "I am with the notion." Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings, such as "children had better go to school only after 7 years nurtured at home," where the structure could be refined for clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the use of articles (a, an, the) and ensure their correct usage. In sentences like "children had better go to school," consider rephrasing for clarity, perhaps as "it is better for children to start school." Additionally, proofread the essay for awkward phrasings to ensure a smoother and more refined expression of ideas.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with room for refinement in sentence structure variety and minor improvements in grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The timing of when children should start school remains a widely controversial debate. While some argue that children should attend school only after spending the first seven years nurtured at home, I am inclined to believe that they should commence their education as early as possible.

One of the primary reasons is that children below this age are physically and mentally fragile. It is indisputable that young children have vulnerable bodies, thin skin, and organs that are not fully developed. Their immune systems are susceptible to infectious diseases, which they may contract through interactions with others. Therefore, proponents of this view advocate for children to stay at home for safety and nurturing, receiving appropriate healthcare that ensures timely treatment in case of life-threatening illnesses—an assurance that schools may not provide. As a result, they require years of parental education and guidance to ensure they are prepared to interact with strangers and handle emerging challenges.

Indeed, contemporary schools constitute complex environments, replete with bullying and negative peer influences that could adversely shape children’s characteristics, potentially steering them toward detrimental paths as they mature. Through this, children can be nurtured more naturally and effectively. This implies that children can assimilate information more easily, rapidly, and comprehensively, fostering their intelligence and perception of the world. Furthermore, they can engage in a broad spectrum of new experiences through communication, building relationships with classmates and teachers, which provides opportunities to learn how to handle challenging situations from an early age.

In other words, challenges in school, such as negative peer influences or unfairness, provide opportunities for them to overcome obstacles, imparting valuable life lessons that may not be explicitly taught within the family. While I acknowledge and empathize with the valid concerns of those arguing that children should commence their formal education at the age of 7, I align with the notion that it is more beneficial for children to start school at an earlier age.

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