Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

There are many opinions showing that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing, while some contrasting points of views suggest that people should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. In both views, they have some advantages and disadvantages, so I will explain, give some instances and give my opinions.

On one’s hand, competing to each other at workplace or school engages co-workers and students to push themselves to the limits. Because of this competitions, they will manage to perfect their skills in order to get better than their competitors and gain some benefits for both sides; themselves, their companies or schools. For instance, sale department in a firm always has KPI for each month, and employees like salesmen have to acquire that KPI numbers so as to keep their places in the firm and get bonus presents from upper-managers. With this reason, it motivates employees to improve their negotiating skills and be able to get more deals or more customers. In contrast, employees being overwhelmed with improvements and sales can lead them to depressions and other mental breakdown. One specific example is Japanese salarymen. Especially Japanese men have to work over 16 hours per a day, which results in many men choose to suicide or suddenly pass away because of being exhausted from work.

On the other hand, teamwork can be a better choice for people. Humans are sociable species, which means we need to communicate and work together to achieve our goals, in this way we can save a lot of energies and time. In a coffee shop, there are always many different types of positions such as barista, waiter, janitor … Each position takes a specific responsibility for a certain job. All of these positions and jobs combine and help the coffee shop be operated smoothly. However, cooperating can be significantly difficult to maintain if every member in the team doesn’t aim the same goal. In real life like monthly meeting between many departments of a company, conflicts is inevitable. Marketing team wants to boost the sales through advertising and social media influencers, sales team requires higher payment or bonus allowances to cover their efforts, while financial team suggests cutting down some wasteful espenses and ineffective campaigns so as to decrease debts and increase the company’s benefits.

In conclusion, both views contain many advantages and disadvantages. I supposed we should properly meet the same goal and work as team, because no one can reach their goals when they work alone. Instead of competing each other at work or school, cooperating is a more suitable option for people to acquire same goals and a win-win to everyone in the team.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are many opinions showing" -> "There are numerous opinions suggesting"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "many," and "suggesting" is a more academically appropriate verb than "showing" in this context, as it implies a more deliberate and thoughtful expression of opinion.
"contrasting points of views" -> "contrasting viewpoints"
Explanation: "Viewpoints" is a more formal and concise term than "points of views," which is grammatically incorrect and less commonly used in formal writing.
"they have some advantages and disadvantages" -> "they present both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Present" is more formal and precise than "have," which is vague and less suitable for academic writing.
"competing to each other" -> "competing against each other"
Explanation: "Against" is the correct preposition to use in this context, as it indicates direct competition.
"Because of this competitions" -> "Due to these competitions"
Explanation: "Due to these" is grammatically correct and more formal than "Because of this," which is less precise and informal.
"get better than their competitors" -> "outperform their competitors"
Explanation: "Outperform" is a more precise and formal term than "get better than," which is colloquial and vague.
"gain some benefits for both sides" -> "derive benefits for both parties"
Explanation: "Derive" is more formal and precise than "gain," and "parties" is more appropriate than "sides" in this context.
"sale department" -> "sales department"
Explanation: "Sales" is the correct noun form, not "sale."
"KPI numbers" -> "key performance indicators"
Explanation: "Key performance indicators" is the correct term for measurable targets, whereas "KPI numbers" is informal and imprecise.
"bonus presents" -> "bonuses"
Explanation: "Bonuses" is the correct noun form, not "bonus presents," which is grammatically incorrect.
"upper-managers" -> "senior managers"
Explanation: "Senior managers" is a more formal and precise term than "upper-managers," which is informal and unclear.
"Japanese salarymen" -> "Japanese salarymen"
Explanation: This term is correct and commonly used to refer to Japanese working professionals.
"choose to suicide" -> "choose to commit suicide"
Explanation: "Commit suicide" is the correct phrase, as "choose to suicide" is grammatically incorrect and insensitive.
"suddenly pass away" -> "suddenly die"
Explanation: "Die" is a more direct and formal term than "pass away," which can be seen as overly euphemistic in academic writing.
"Humans are sociable species" -> "Humans are a social species"
Explanation: "A social species" is grammatically correct and more formal than "sociable species," which is less commonly used and less precise.
"save a lot of energies" -> "conserve considerable energy"
Explanation: "Conserve considerable energy" is more precise and formal than "save a lot of energies," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"cooperating can be significantly difficult" -> "cooperation can be significantly challenging"
Explanation: "Cooperation" is the correct noun form, and "challenging" is more formal than "difficult."
"conflicts is inevitable" -> "conflict is inevitable"
Explanation: "Conflict" is the singular form, as it refers to a general state, not multiple conflicts.
"cutting down some wasteful espenses" -> "reducing unnecessary expenses"
Explanation: "Reducing unnecessary expenses" is grammatically correct and more formal than "cutting down some wasteful espenses," which contains a typographical error and is informal.
"I supposed" -> "I suppose"
Explanation: "Suppose" is the correct verb form for expressing a tentative opinion, and "I supposed" is grammatically incorrect.
"competing each other" -> "competing against each other"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "against" is the correct preposition for direct competition.
"cooperating is a more suitable option" -> "cooperation is a more suitable option"
Explanation: "Cooperation" is the correct noun form, not "cooperating," which is a gerund and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding competition and cooperation, outlining the advantages and disadvantages of each. The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussion, and the body paragraphs provide examples for both perspectives. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing the key points made in the essay. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of both competition and cooperation, it does not clearly articulate the nuances of these views in relation to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in depth, with clear examples and counterarguments. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main points discussed and clearly indicate the writer’s stance on the issue, reinforcing the discussion rather than merely summarizing it.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors cooperation over competition, but this stance could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. While the writer does express a preference for teamwork in the conclusion, the body paragraphs sometimes present competition in a more favorable light without adequately balancing it with the drawbacks. For example, the discussion on competition highlights its motivational aspects but does not sufficiently weigh these against the mental health issues mentioned later.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently link back to their opinion in each paragraph. This can be achieved by explicitly stating how each point relates to their overall argument for cooperation, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s perspective throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding competition and cooperation, supported by examples. However, some ideas lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the example of Japanese salarymen is compelling but could be expanded to discuss the broader implications of such competition on workplace culture. Similarly, the teamwork example in the coffee shop is relevant but could be enhanced by discussing how effective teamwork can lead to better outcomes compared to competition.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and analyses of the examples given. This could involve discussing the implications of the examples or providing additional statistics or studies to support claims. Moreover, using transitional phrases can help in connecting ideas more smoothly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing competition and cooperation in various contexts. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of conflicts in teamwork could be more directly tied back to the benefits of cooperation. The mention of conflicts, while relevant, might distract from the main argument if not clearly linked to the advantages of teamwork.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made in the essay directly relates back to the prompt. When discussing potential drawbacks of cooperation, it would be beneficial to immediately follow up with how these can be mitigated or how the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, thereby reinforcing the main argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, coherence, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both perspectives. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of competition to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers. The body paragraphs are generally well-organized, but the argumentation could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the essay prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly reflect the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, use transitional phrases (e.g., "On the contrary," "Furthermore," "In addition") to guide the reader through the argumentation more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with separate sections for each viewpoint. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. For example, the first body paragraph combines both the advantages and disadvantages of competition without a clear separation, which may dilute the strength of the arguments presented. The second body paragraph also mixes the benefits of teamwork with potential challenges, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Consider separating the advantages and disadvantages of competition into two distinct paragraphs. Similarly, the discussion of teamwork could be split into one paragraph for its benefits and another for its challenges. This will help clarify the arguments and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one’s hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "with this reason" and "especially Japanese men." Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Additionally," "Conversely," "In contrast," and "Moreover" to connect ideas more effectively. Also, ensure that phrases are used correctly; for instance, "For this reason" would be more appropriate than "with this reason." Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also help improve their application in writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall clarity and effectiveness in communicating ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "competition," "cooperate," "advantages," and "disadvantages." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the phrase "competing to each other" could be expressed more dynamically as "engaging in competition" or "competing against one another." Additionally, phrases like "specific responsibility for a certain job" could be improved by using synonyms or more varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "competition," alternatives like "rivalry," "contest," or "struggle" could be utilized. Reading widely and noting varied vocabulary in context can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can obscure meaning. For example, the phrase "this competitions" should be "this competition" to match the singular form. Additionally, "upper-managers" is not a standard term; "upper management" or "senior managers" would be more appropriate. The phrase "employees being overwhelmed with improvements and sales" could be clearer if rephrased to "employees feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to improve sales."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that nouns and verbs agree in number and that idiomatic expressions are used correctly. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help clarify meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "sale department" (should be "sales department"), "depressions" (should be "depression"), and "espenses" (should be "expenses"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or writing software. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms. Regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident, such as "In both views, they have some advantages and disadvantages, so I will explain, give some instances and give my opinions." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of coordinating conjunctions like "and" and "but." The essay also contains several simple sentences that could be combined for more variety, such as "Humans are sociable species, which means we need to communicate and work together to achieve our goals." While the essay does attempt to use different structures, the overall effect is somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of saying "In contrast, employees being overwhelmed with improvements and sales can lead them to depressions and other mental breakdown," the writer could say, "While competition can drive employees to excel, it can also lead to overwhelming stress and mental health issues." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and clauses can help create more dynamic sentence openings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "some contrasting points of views" should be "some contrasting points of view," as "view" is uncountable in this context. Furthermore, the sentence "Because of this competitions, they will manage to perfect their skills" incorrectly uses "competitions" instead of "competition." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion for the reader. For instance, "In real life like monthly meeting between many departments of a company, conflicts is inevitable" should be revised to "In real life, such as during monthly meetings between various departments of a company, conflicts are inevitable."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of singular and plural forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help identify common errors. Additionally, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing the issues identified in the checklist will significantly improve the grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are many opinions suggesting that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing, while some contrasting viewpoints suggest that people should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. In both views, there are advantages and disadvantages, so I will explain, give some instances, and share my opinions.

On one hand, competing with each other at the workplace or school engages co-workers and students to push themselves to their limits. Due to these competitions, they manage to perfect their skills in order to outperform their competitors and derive benefits for both parties: themselves and their companies or schools. For instance, the sales department in a firm always has key performance indicators (KPIs) for each month, and employees like salesmen have to achieve those KPI numbers to keep their positions in the firm and receive bonuses from senior managers. For this reason, it motivates employees to improve their negotiating skills and secure more deals or customers. In contrast, employees being overwhelmed with improvements and sales can lead them to depression and other mental breakdowns. One specific example is Japanese salarymen. Many Japanese men have to work over 16 hours a day, which results in many choosing to commit suicide or suddenly dying due to exhaustion from work.

On the other hand, teamwork can be a better choice for people. Humans are a social species, which means we need to communicate and work together to achieve our goals; in this way, we can conserve considerable energy and time. In a coffee shop, there are always many different types of positions such as barista, waiter, and janitor. Each position takes specific responsibility for a certain job. All of these positions and jobs combine to help the coffee shop operate smoothly. However, cooperation can be significantly challenging to maintain if every member of the team doesn’t aim for the same goal. In real life, during monthly meetings between many departments of a company, conflict is inevitable. The marketing team wants to boost sales through advertising and social media influencers, the sales team requires higher payment or bonus allowances to cover their efforts, while the financial team suggests reducing unnecessary expenses and ineffective campaigns to decrease debts and increase the company’s benefits.

In conclusion, both views contain many advantages and disadvantages. I suppose we should properly meet the same goal and work as a team because no one can reach their goals when they work alone. Instead of competing against each other at work or school, cooperation is a more suitable option for people to achieve the same goals and create a win-win situation for everyone in the team.