Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s society, competition among people at work, at college, or in basic life is essential. Whereas, other people think that we should cooperate more between people and people instead of competing against each other.

On the one hand, a healthy way of competition improves the work of speed. It happens everywhere such as in the working environment, sports…especially in the learning environment, they always compete with their peers in the study and it is also determined to have a good grade. Moreover, competition helps them to finish their work on time, it also helps people to persist in the face of challenges. Additionally, people can achieve their goals when they decide to compete with each other. In other words, when the competition” set on”, most people will increase their energy to succeed in an important event or the contention was held in the school. In short, people need competition in their life, unless have competition, they won’t improve their quality of life and achieve their plants or goals.

On the other hand, Cooperation is a great way to express emotions and connect with others peacefully, when people try to cooperate more, it leads to building good relationships with around people. Choosing to cooperate among people, this way helps people refresh their minds and reduces stress. Besides that, it also creates a sense of joy and community.

In conclusion, while people agree that cooperation leads to building a good relationship and a good lifestyle, the benefits of competition in another environment are significant. However, I’m more inclined to both cooperation and competition, they are essential factors in building a quality of life and good friendship relationships.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"competition among people at work, at college, or in basic life" -> "competition in various aspects of life, including workplaces, educational institutions, and everyday life"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the contexts of competition, using more formal and specific terms.
"cooperate more between people and people" -> "foster greater cooperation among individuals"
Explanation: "Foster greater cooperation among individuals" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward and redundant "between people and people."
"a healthy way of competition" -> "healthy competition"
Explanation: "Healthy competition" is a more commonly accepted and formal phrase in academic discourse.
"improves the work of speed" -> "enhances productivity"
Explanation: "Enhances productivity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of competition on efficiency.
"It happens everywhere such as in the working environment, sports…especially in the learning environment" -> "This phenomenon is evident in various settings, including workplaces, sports, and educational institutions"
Explanation: The revision clarifies and formalizes the examples, avoiding the informal and incomplete list.
"they always compete with their peers in the study and it is also determined to have a good grade" -> "they consistently compete with their peers to achieve academic excellence"
Explanation: The revision clarifies the purpose of competition and uses more formal language.
"competition helps them to finish their work on time" -> "competition enables them to meet deadlines"
Explanation: "Enables them to meet deadlines" is more precise and formal than "helps them to finish their work on time."
"it also helps people to persist in the face of challenges" -> "it also encourages persistence in the face of challenges"
Explanation: "Encourages persistence" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect of competition on resilience.
"people can achieve their goals" -> "individuals can attain their objectives"
Explanation: "Individuals can attain their objectives" uses more formal vocabulary suitable for academic writing.
"the competition” set on” -> "the competition begins"
Explanation: "The competition begins" is a clearer and more formal expression than the awkward and informal "the competition” set on”."
"unless have competition" -> "unless there is competition"
Explanation: "Unless there is competition" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"they won’t improve their quality of life and achieve their plants or goals" -> "they will not enhance their quality of life and achieve their goals"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "plants" to "goals" and uses "will not enhance" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"Cooperation is a great way to express emotions and connect with others peacefully" -> "Cooperation fosters emotional expression and peaceful connections among individuals"
Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the benefits of cooperation.
"Choosing to cooperate among people" -> "Choosing to cooperate with others"
Explanation: "With others" is more precise and formal than "among people."
"this way helps people refresh their minds" -> "this approach helps individuals refresh their minds"
Explanation: "This approach" is more formal than "this way," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing.
"reduces stress" -> "mitigates stress"
Explanation: "Mitigates" is a more formal and precise term than "reduces" in this context.
"However, I’m more inclined to both cooperation and competition" -> "However, I am more inclined towards both cooperation and competition"
Explanation: Corrects the contraction "I’m" to "I am" for formality and adds "towards" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding competition and cooperation, which is a strength. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of competition, while the second focuses on the advantages of cooperation. However, the essay does not fully explore the nuances of each viewpoint, particularly in terms of how they can coexist or complement each other. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of both competition and cooperation, it could provide more specific examples or evidence to illustrate these points.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to delve deeper into each perspective. This could involve providing specific examples from real-life situations or studies that illustrate the positive and negative aspects of both competition and cooperation. Additionally, explicitly addressing how these two concepts can be balanced or integrated would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, stating that both competition and cooperation are essential for a quality life. However, this position is not consistently articulated throughout the essay. The conclusion attempts to summarize the views but does not clearly state the writer’s opinion on which is more beneficial or how they might work together. This lack of clarity can confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. For example, they could indicate whether they believe one approach is more beneficial than the other or suggest that a balance between the two is necessary. Consistently referring back to this position throughout the essay will help maintain a clear narrative.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to competition and cooperation, but they are not always well-developed or supported. For instance, the benefits of competition are mentioned, but the explanations are somewhat vague and lack depth. The phrase "when the competition ‘set on’" is unclear and could be better articulated. Similarly, while the advantages of cooperation are noted, they could be expanded with examples or further explanation of how these benefits manifest in real-life scenarios.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could discuss specific instances where competition has led to innovation or improvement in a workplace or educational setting. Similarly, they could elaborate on how cooperation fosters teamwork and community spirit by providing concrete examples from various contexts.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing competition and cooperation as requested by the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus is slightly lost, particularly in the phrasing and structure of sentences. For example, the phrase "when people try to cooperate more, it leads to building good relationships with around people" is awkwardly constructed and could detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and coherence, the writer should ensure that each sentence clearly relates to the main argument. This can be achieved by revising awkward phrases for clarity and ensuring that each point made directly supports the overall thesis. Additionally, organizing the essay into clear sections with topic sentences can help reinforce the main ideas and keep the writing on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with distinct sections for both views on competition and cooperation. The introduction effectively outlines the topic, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing each perspective. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the discussion of competition and cooperation could be smoother. The phrase "On the one hand" is used correctly, but the subsequent transition to "On the other hand" lacks a clear connection to the previous paragraph, making the shift feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the benefits of competition, you might add a sentence that acknowledges the limitations of competition before introducing cooperation. This would create a more cohesive flow between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into the arguments for competition and cooperation, respectively. However, the paragraph discussing competition is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being broken down into smaller sections to enhance readability and clarity.
- How to improve: Consider dividing the competition paragraph into two: one focusing on the benefits of competition in the workplace and education, and another discussing its impact on personal development and motivation. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve overall clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the transition between opposing views. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "when the competition ‘set on’" is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity in its connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify and strengthen the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and in context to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "competition," "cooperate," "environment," and "relationships." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the word "competition" is used excessively without synonyms or related terms to enhance the text. Phrases like "healthy way of competition" and "good relationships" are somewhat generic and could be expressed with more sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "competition," they could use terms like "rivalry," "contest," or "competitive spirit." Additionally, using phrases like "collaborative efforts" instead of "cooperate more" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the work of speed" is unclear and does not accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, the expression "unless have competition" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The phrase "the contention was held in the school" is also vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. They could rephrase "the work of speed" to "the efficiency of work" and correct "unless have competition" to "unless there is competition." Ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct will also enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "plants" instead of "plans," and "basic life" which might be intended to mean "daily life." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing commonly misspelled words can help. Reading more extensively can also expose the writer to correct spelling in context, reinforcing proper usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents both views, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly improve the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Competition among people at work is essential.") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, a healthy way of competition improves the work of speed."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which affects the overall sophistication of the writing. For instance, the phrase "when the competition ‘set on’, most people will increase their energy to succeed" could be restructured for clarity and complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "unless have competition" is grammatically incorrect and detracts from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "it also helps people to persist in the face of challenges," the writer could say "by fostering resilience, competition helps people to persist in the face of challenges." Engaging with more advanced grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, will also improve the range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "Whereas, other people think that we should cooperate more between people and people" incorrectly uses "whereas" and has awkward phrasing. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas in "In short, people need competition in their life, unless have competition," which should be rephrased for grammatical correctness. The phrase "unless have competition" is also incorrect; it should be "unless they have competition."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, will be beneficial. Additionally, the writer should proofread their work for punctuation errors and consider using tools like grammar checkers to identify mistakes. Reading more academic texts can also help in understanding proper sentence structure and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, competition among people at work, at college, or in daily life is essential. However, other people think that we should cooperate more with each other instead of competing against one another.

On the one hand, a healthy form of competition improves the speed of work. It occurs everywhere, such as in the working environment and sports, but especially in the learning environment, where students consistently compete with their peers to achieve academic excellence. Moreover, competition helps them to finish their work on time and encourages persistence in the face of challenges. Additionally, individuals can attain their objectives when they decide to compete with each other. In other words, when competition is “set on,” most people will increase their energy to succeed in important events or contests held in school. In short, people need competition in their lives; unless there is competition, they won’t enhance their quality of life and achieve their goals.

On the other hand, cooperation is a great way to express emotions and connect with others peacefully. When people try to cooperate more, it leads to building good relationships with those around them. Choosing to cooperate with others helps individuals refresh their minds and mitigates stress. Besides that, it also creates a sense of joy and community.

In conclusion, while people agree that cooperation leads to building good relationships and a better lifestyle, the benefits of competition in various environments are significant. However, I am more inclined towards both cooperation and competition, as they are essential factors in building a quality of life and strong friendships.