fbpx

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals argue that it is employees’ working performance that should be considered by employers rather than their attire, due to its direct impact on business success. While I acknowledge that, there are several contexts where how employees dress should not be overlooked, which I will elucidate in this essay.
This argument seems relevant to various positions that rarely necessitate face-to-face interaction with clients, where appearance is negligible to the overall business growth. In such environments, employee outputs are commonly assessed based on their productivity and creativity. Permitting workers to freely choose their attire could ensure comfort, further, to a certain extent, enhancing their productivity and emancipating their creative brains. For instance, several staff who work at technology corporations or creative agencies, where they rarely deal with customers or stakeholders, might present a good performance, leading to successful results when not constrained by a formal dress code. Thus, enforcing a shared dress code should not be much emphasized in such circumstances to remove unnecessary obstacles towards better business development.
Conversely, having a well-groomed and professional appearance could ensure a solid success in numerous client-facing positions. For example, sales representatives are required to capture customers’ attention with a hope for further lucrative deals. A growing body of research has proved that appearance plays a pivotal part in making a good impression on the counterparts. Therefore, a well-dressed salesperson is more likely to foster trust with their clients, directly impacting business revenue. Bankers are no exception, due to the requirement of building high credibility to attract investment from customers and stakeholders. These collective situations support the notion that dress code should not be ignored owing to its determining impacts on business success.
In conclusion, even though the freedom to dress as employees wish could provide favorable conditions for boosting productivity and creativity, the success of many jobs could be hindered. I contend that companies should consider this approach based on the nature of the jobs rather than adhering a universal policy.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some individuals argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic discourse.

  2. "employees’ working performance" -> "employees’ work performance"
    Explanation: "Work performance" is a more commonly used and precise term in academic and professional contexts than "working performance."

  3. "its direct impact on business success" -> "its direct impact on business outcomes"
    Explanation: "Outcomes" is a more formal and encompassing term than "success," which can be vague and subjective.

  4. "how employees dress" -> "employee attire"
    Explanation: "Employee attire" is a more formal and concise way to refer to the clothing worn by employees.

  5. "This argument seems relevant" -> "This perspective appears pertinent"
    Explanation: "Perspective" is a more academic term than "argument," and "pertinent" is more formal than "relevant."

  6. "necessitate face-to-face interaction" -> "require direct interaction"
    Explanation: "Require" is more formal and precise than "necessitate," and "direct interaction" is a clearer term than "face-to-face interaction."

  7. "Permitting workers to freely choose their attire" -> "Allowing employees to select their attire freely"
    Explanation: "Allowing" is more formal than "permitting," and "select" is more precise than "choose."

  8. "further, to a certain extent, enhancing their productivity and emancipating their creative brains" -> "further enhancing their productivity and fostering their creative potential"
    Explanation: "Fostering" is more academically appropriate than "emancipating," which can be seen as overly dramatic and informal. "Creative potential" is a more formal expression than "creative brains."

  9. "enforcing a shared dress code" -> "implementing a standardized dress code"
    Explanation: "Implementing" is more formal and precise than "enforcing," and "standardized" is more specific than "shared."

  10. "should not be much emphasized" -> "should not be overly emphasized"
    Explanation: "Overly emphasized" is a more precise and formal way to convey the idea of excessive emphasis.

  11. "remove unnecessary obstacles towards better business development" -> "eliminate unnecessary barriers to improved business development"
    Explanation: "Eliminate" is more formal than "remove," and "barriers" is a more precise term than "obstacles" in this context.

  12. "having a well-groomed and professional appearance" -> "presenting a well-groomed and professional appearance"
    Explanation: "Presenting" is more formal and appropriate for describing the act of displaying oneself in a professional manner.

  13. "a growing body of research has proved" -> "a growing body of research has demonstrated"
    Explanation: "Demonstrated" is a more academically precise term than "proved," which can imply a conclusion that may not be universally accepted.

  14. "a well-dressed salesperson is more likely to foster trust" -> "a well-dressed salesperson is more likely to establish trust"
    Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal and precise term than "foster" in this context, suggesting a more direct and intentional building of trust.

  15. "owing to its determining impacts" -> "due to its significant impacts"
    Explanation: "Due to" is more formal and commonly used in academic writing than "owing to," and "significant" is a more precise adjective than "determining."

  16. "adhering a universal policy" -> "adhering to a universal policy"
    Explanation: "To" is the correct preposition to use before "a universal policy" in this context, correcting the grammatical error.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether employers should care about employees’ dress. The introduction clearly outlines the writer’s position, acknowledging the importance of work performance while also recognizing contexts where dress matters. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support both viewpoints, such as the tech industry where dress is less significant and client-facing roles where appearance is crucial. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the conclusion, clarifying whether they agree or disagree with the idea that employers should not care about dress. Additionally, ensuring that each part of the question is directly addressed in the introduction and conclusion would strengthen the overall response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, acknowledging the importance of both work performance and appropriate dress in different contexts. However, the phrasing in the conclusion, "I contend that companies should consider this approach based on the nature of the jobs rather than adhering a universal policy," could be interpreted as ambiguous. It suggests a balanced view but lacks a definitive stance on the main question.
    • How to improve: The writer should strive for more decisive language in the conclusion. Instead of suggesting that companies "should consider" varying approaches, they could state a clear preference for either prioritizing dress or performance, thereby reinforcing their position throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, using relevant examples from different industries to illustrate points. The discussion about tech companies and creative agencies effectively supports the argument for relaxed dress codes, while the mention of sales representatives and bankers highlights the importance of appearance in client-facing roles. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer could include more specific examples or data, such as statistics on productivity in relaxed dress environments or studies on consumer behavior related to appearance. This would provide a more robust foundation for the arguments presented.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of dress codes in relation to work performance. The writer successfully navigates the discussion without deviating into unrelated areas. However, there are moments where the connection between dress and productivity could be made clearer, particularly in the first body paragraph.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central argument of the essay. Adding transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas to the main topic would help reinforce relevance and coherence throughout the essay. For example, reiterating how comfort in dress directly correlates to productivity could strengthen the argument in the first body paragraph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs are organized around two main arguments: one supporting the idea that dress codes can be relaxed in certain environments, and the other emphasizing the importance of appearance in client-facing roles. The use of examples, such as technology corporations and sales representatives, helps to illustrate the points made. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs to signal shifts in argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help to clarify the relationship between contrasting ideas. Additionally, summarizing the main point of each paragraph at the end could reinforce the logical progression of the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a coherent overall structure. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of relaxed dress codes, while the second addresses the necessity of professional appearance in certain roles. However, the conclusion could be more robust in summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This not only reinforces the essay’s main points but also provides a clear closure to the discussion. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea being discussed.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "conversely," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively clarify relationships between points and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used, as some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for instance," you could use alternatives like "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "in addition," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but refining the transitions between ideas, strengthening the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices will further enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "emancipating," "pivotal," and "lucrative" effectively used to convey nuanced meanings. The writer employs synonyms and varied expressions, which enrich the text and prevent repetition. For instance, phrases like "employee outputs" and "business growth" show an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated, particularly in discussing the implications of dress codes.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more advanced synonyms or idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of repeating "business success," alternatives like "organizational achievement" or "commercial viability" could be used. Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the arguments presented.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "emancipating their creative brains" is somewhat awkward and could be interpreted in various ways. The term "emancipating" typically refers to liberation from restrictions, which may not be the most suitable choice in this context. Instead, a term like "stimulating" or "nurturing" might convey the intended meaning more clearly.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the connotations of the words they choose. A careful selection of vocabulary that aligns more closely with the intended message will enhance clarity. Additionally, using context-specific vocabulary related to the fields discussed (such as "creative freedom" instead of "emancipating") can help convey ideas more effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "performance," "appearance," and "credibility" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing. This attention to detail reflects well on the writer’s command of the language.
    • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors that might be overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can further bolster spelling skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While I acknowledge that, there are several contexts where how employees dress should not be overlooked, which I will elucidate in this essay" effectively introduce nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases, as seen in "if employees wish could provide favorable conditions," showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate grammatical forms to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "could" in several sentences leads to a slight monotony in expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and vary the use of modal verbs. For example, instead of repeatedly using "could," alternatives like "might" or "may" could be employed to introduce different shades of meaning. Additionally, integrating more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add dynamism to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "to a certain extent, enhancing their productivity and emancipating their creative brains" could be misinterpreted due to the lack of a conjunction or clearer punctuation, which may confuse the reader regarding the relationship between the clauses. Furthermore, the phrase "adhering a universal policy" should be corrected to "adhering to a universal policy" to ensure grammatical correctness.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on careful proofreading to catch minor errors and ensure that all phrases are correctly structured. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and conjunctions, will help clarify complex ideas. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies that could disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance their writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that it is employees’ work performance that should be prioritized by employers rather than their attire, due to its direct impact on business outcomes. While I acknowledge this viewpoint, there are several contexts where employee attire should not be overlooked, which I will elucidate in this essay.

This argument appears pertinent to various positions that rarely necessitate face-to-face interaction with clients, where appearance is negligible to overall business growth. In such environments, employee outputs are commonly assessed based on their productivity and creativity. Allowing employees to select their attire freely could ensure comfort, further enhancing their productivity and fostering their creative potential. For instance, several staff members who work at technology corporations or creative agencies, where they rarely deal with customers or stakeholders, might demonstrate strong performance, leading to successful results when not constrained by a formal dress code. Thus, implementing a standardized dress code should not be overly emphasized in such circumstances to eliminate unnecessary barriers to improved business development.

Conversely, presenting a well-groomed and professional appearance can ensure solid success in numerous client-facing positions. For example, sales representatives are required to capture customers’ attention with the hope of securing further lucrative deals. A growing body of research has demonstrated that appearance plays a pivotal role in making a good impression on counterparts. Therefore, a well-dressed salesperson is more likely to establish trust with their clients, which directly impacts business revenue. Bankers are no exception, as they need to build high credibility to attract investment from customers and stakeholders. These collective situations support the notion that employee attire should not be ignored due to its significant impacts on business success.

In conclusion, even though the freedom to dress as employees wish could provide favorable conditions for boosting productivity and creativity, the success of many jobs could be hindered without appropriate attire. I contend that companies should consider this approach based on the nature of the jobs rather than adhering to a universal policy.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này