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Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that people should come up with solutions to adapt to the transformation of climate while others are of the opinion that searching for measures to live with such an issue is enough.Personally, both approaches are necessary to address the issue of climate change and this essay will explain why.

It is undoubtedly that adapting to climate change is essential because it is already happening and will continue to do so. It is not only the governments who are responsible for taking actions to deal with the problem but also individuals. In other words, adaptive measures such as developing drought-resistant crops, building sea walls, and improving our infrastructure to withstand extreme weather events should be taken as soon as possible to lessen serious damage to the environment. However, this line of reasoning is not sound since these are stop-gap measures which are contemporarily effective and cost an enormous amount of money and efforts to keep the earth’s health condition stable.

On the other hand, it is necessary for people to take steps to prevent dire consequences of global warming to both human beings and the environment. All we need are solutions which are permanently feasible to tackle the root causes of the problem. To be effective in the long term, these solutions should be superior, sustainable and environmentally friendly, namely reducing greenhouse gas emissions, transitioning to renewable energy sources, and promoting sustainable practices. By doing so, we can mitigate the severity of climate change and reduce the need for adaptation measures.

In conclusion, while adapting to climate change is necessary, it is not sufficient. We must also take steps to prevent it from getting worse and ensure a sustainable future for generations to come.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is an opinion that" -> "There is a belief that"
    Explanation: Replacing "There is an opinion that" with "There is a belief that" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic style.

  2. "while others are of the opinion that" -> "while others contend that"
    Explanation: Substituting "while others are of the opinion that" with "while others contend that" elevates the formality of the expression, offering a more nuanced way to introduce opposing viewpoints.

  3. "both approaches are necessary" -> "both approaches are imperative"
    Explanation: Changing "both approaches are necessary" to "both approaches are imperative" adds a stronger and more formal emphasis, enhancing the impact of the statement.

  4. "It is undoubtedly that" -> "Undoubtedly,"
    Explanation: Removing "It is" and starting with "Undoubtedly," makes the sentence more concise and academically assertive.

  5. "but also individuals" -> "but also individual citizens"
    Explanation: Expanding "but also individuals" to "but also individual citizens" provides a more precise and formal reference to people, reinforcing the responsibility of citizens.

  6. "adaptive measures such as" -> "adaptive strategies, including"
    Explanation: Substituting "adaptive measures such as" with "adaptive strategies, including" introduces a broader term and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  7. "stop-gap measures which are contemporarily effective" -> "temporary measures that are currently effective"
    Explanation: Changing "stop-gap measures which are contemporarily effective" to "temporary measures that are currently effective" maintains clarity while using more formal and precise language.

  8. "enormous amount of money and efforts" -> "significant financial and labor resources"
    Explanation: Replacing "enormous amount of money and efforts" with "significant financial and labor resources" offers a more formal and specific description, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  9. "dire consequences of global warming" -> "serious repercussions of global warming"
    Explanation: Substituting "dire consequences of global warming" with "serious repercussions of global warming" maintains the severity of the expression while using a more formal term.

  10. "All we need are solutions" -> "What is required are solutions"
    Explanation: Changing "All we need are solutions" to "What is required are solutions" provides a more formal and structured beginning to the sentence.

  11. "permanently feasible" -> "sustainable in the long term"
    Explanation: Replacing "permanently feasible" with "sustainable in the long term" maintains the meaning while using a more academically accepted phrase.

  12. "namely reducing greenhouse gas emissions" -> "specifically, the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions"
    Explanation: Substituting "namely reducing greenhouse gas emissions" with "specifically, the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  13. "we can mitigate the severity" -> "we can alleviate the intensity"
    Explanation: Changing "we can mitigate the severity" to "we can alleviate the intensity" introduces a more formal term without compromising clarity.

  14. "ensure a sustainable future" -> "ensure a sustainable future trajectory"
    Explanation: Expanding "ensure a sustainable future" to "ensure a sustainable future trajectory" adds a more formal and specific term, enhancing the academic tone.

Note: Some changes involve rewriting entire sentences to ensure a smoother and more academically appropriate flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt by acknowledging the importance of adapting to climate change and emphasizing the need for preventive measures. It analyzes the necessity of both approaches, providing a balanced perspective.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more specific examples of adaptive measures and preventive solutions. This would offer a more comprehensive analysis and further demonstrate your understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting the necessity of both adaptation and prevention. The position is evident in the introduction, developed in the body paragraphs, and reiterated in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: Continue to strengthen clarity by explicitly stating your position in the introduction. While it is implicit, making it explicit would leave no room for interpretation.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented logically, with examples such as drought-resistant crops and sustainable practices supporting the argument. However, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on how these solutions specifically address climate change.
    • How to improve: Expand on each idea by providing more details and examples. This will not only enhance the depth of your argument but also make your essay more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the issue of climate change and the need for both adaptation and prevention. However, there is a brief deviation when mentioning the responsibility of individuals and governments. While related, it slightly shifts the focus.
    • How to improve: Be cautious of tangential points. If discussing responsibility, ensure a clear connection to the main topic. This will maintain the coherence and relevance of your essay.

In summary, this essay is well-structured and effectively addresses the prompt, providing a balanced view on the need for both adapting to and preventing climate change. To enhance your score, consider incorporating more specific examples, explicitly stating your position in the introduction, providing further elaboration on ideas, and avoiding minor deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a concise conclusion. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two perspectives, and each body paragraph addresses one viewpoint. The logical progression of ideas enhances the coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider explicitly outlining the structure in the introduction. For instance, mention that the essay will first explore the importance of adaptation and then delve into preventative measures. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be refined to create smoother connections between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are instances where paragraph transitions could be more explicit, facilitating a smoother flow between ideas.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and consider using topic sentences to explicitly state the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression, enhancing the overall cohesion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices, including linking words and phrases (e.g., "however," "on the other hand"). These devices contribute to the coherence by signaling shifts between ideas and perspectives.
    • How to improve: While the essay does use cohesive devices, increasing the variety of linking words and phrases can further improve coherence. Introduce more synonyms and transitional expressions to diversify the language, making the essay more engaging and cohesive.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. By explicitly outlining the essay’s structure, refining paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the overall logical flow and coherence of the essay. These improvements will contribute to a more polished and effective response to the given essay prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, covering essential concepts related to climate change, adaptation, and prevention. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, there is repetition in the use of phrases like "climate change," and some terms could be replaced with more precise alternatives to enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "climate change," explore alternatives such as "environmental transformation" or "global warming." Additionally, introduce specialized terms related to the topic, like "mitigation strategies" or "environmental sustainability," where contextually appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where more precise terminology could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "contemporarily effective" may be replaced with "temporarily effective" for clearer communication. Precise language is crucial for conveying ideas accurately, and minor adjustments can refine the precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to specific terms and phrases, ensuring they precisely convey intended meanings. In the case of "contemporarily effective," opt for more straightforward alternatives like "temporarily effective" to avoid any ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy with minimal errors. However, there are a few instances where the incorrect use of a word, such as "It is undoubtedly that," can be considered a spelling error in the context of grammar and vocabulary use.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, review sentence structures and ensure that the chosen words are grammatically correct. In the mentioned instance, replacing "It is undoubtedly that" with "Undoubtedly" or "It is undeniable that" would eliminate the error and improve the overall accuracy of expression.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in lexical resource, refining vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the overall quality of expression and contribute to a more sophisticated response.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length, but some improvement can be made in introducing more sophisticated structures, such as complex-compound sentences or rhetorical devices. For example, the essay could benefit from incorporating conditional sentences or parallel structures to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms, such as conditional sentences or parallel structures. For instance, instead of relying heavily on simple sentences, experiment with combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions or employing parallelism for emphasis. This will not only enhance the essay’s sophistication but also contribute to better overall coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and word choice can be refined for greater precision. For example, in the first paragraph, the phrase "It is undoubtedly that adapting to climate change is essential" could be improved by replacing "undoubtedly that" with "undeniably that" or a similar expression for more grammatical accuracy. Punctuation is generally accurate, though a more judicious use of commas to improve sentence flow and clarity is recommended.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice. Replace vague expressions with more precise language to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, refine your use of punctuation, particularly commas, to improve the overall flow and clarity of your sentences. Consider utilizing advanced punctuation marks like semicolons or dashes to add variety and sophistication to your writing. Proofreading carefully for these specific issues will contribute to a more polished and refined essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a belief that people should devise solutions to adapt to climate change, while others contend that finding measures to coexist with this issue is adequate. Personally, I believe that both approaches are imperative in addressing the challenge of climate change, and this essay will elucidate why.

Undoubtedly, adapting to climate change is essential because it is already occurring and will persist. It is not only the responsibility of governments to take actions but also individual citizens. Adaptive strategies, including the development of drought-resistant crops, construction of sea walls, and improvement of infrastructure to withstand extreme weather events, are imperative to lessen serious damage to the environment. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that these are temporary measures currently effective, and they demand significant financial and labor resources to maintain the Earth’s health condition stable.

On the other hand, preventing the dire repercussions of global warming is equally necessary for both human beings and the environment. What is required are solutions that are sustainable in the long term, specifically the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions, transitioning to renewable energy sources, and promoting sustainable practices. By focusing on these measures, we can alleviate the intensity of climate change and ensure a sustainable future trajectory.

In conclusion, while adapting to climate change is vital, it is not sufficient. We must also take steps to prevent it from worsening and ensure a sustainable future for generations to come.

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