Some people think that it is better for workers to remain one job throughout their lives. Others, however, believe that employees will have better job satisfaction if they change job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that having a stable job is better for employees, while others believe that workers should switch jobs regularly. While both viewpoints are valid, I lean towards the former.

On the one hand, the option to find a new career is appealing for several reasons. Firstly, changing jobs can provide employees with more career opportunities and new challenges. This is because moving to different positions and companies can help workers gain various skills that can make them more adaptable and versatile. This can be valuable in industries that are constantly evolving. Secondly, switching job regularly can prevent people from boredom. This can be explained by the fact that when employees seek a new job, they can have a new starts, new goals and renewed sense of purpose compared to staying in the same career. Additionally, employees who switch jobs may obtain more salaries and career advancement, as they can negotiate with their new employers. For example, my friend has already made a job transformation from project manager in Vietcombank to TP Bank, and he has gotten higher salaries thanks to negotiating with new company.

On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why I believe that it is better for workers to change jobs. The first reason is that remaining job offer employees a stability. This is due to that workers who stay with the same employer can achieve a better job security, steady income and long-term benefits such as pensions and health insurance. Another reason is that staying one job allows workers enhance their skills, and become a specialist in their field. This can result in promotions and higher salaries, as well as strong professional reputations. Furthermore, thanks to staying one job, long-term employees can build a strong relationship with their colleagues and managers. This may create a supportive work environment and foster sense of loyalty. For example, my father has a close friend whom he work with in Hoa Phat company within 10 years.

In conclusion, although both viewpoints are valid to some extent, I still opine that it is more beneficial for workers to stay in the same occupation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise way to express that someone has an opinion, aligning better with academic style.
"having a stable job" -> "maintaining a stable employment"
Explanation: "Maintaining a stable employment" is more formal and specific, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the job stability.
"workers should switch jobs regularly" -> "employees should transition to new roles frequently"
Explanation: "Transition to new roles frequently" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "switch jobs."
"the option to find a new career" -> "the opportunity to pursue a new career"
Explanation: "The opportunity to pursue a new career" is more formal and emphasizes the active choice involved in career advancement.
"changing jobs can provide employees with more career opportunities" -> "job changes can offer employees enhanced career prospects"
Explanation: "Enhanced career prospects" is a more formal and precise term than "more career opportunities."
"moving to different positions and companies" -> "transitioning to various positions within different organizations"
Explanation: "Transitioning to various positions within different organizations" is more formal and specific, emphasizing the scope of career advancement.
"prevent people from boredom" -> "avoid employee boredom"
Explanation: "Avoid employee boredom" is more direct and formal, focusing on the workplace context.
"a new starts" -> "a fresh start"
Explanation: "A fresh start" is the correct phrase, enhancing the formal tone and clarity.
"employees who switch jobs may obtain more salaries and career advancement" -> "employees who switch jobs may receive higher salaries and career advancements"
Explanation: "Receive higher salaries and career advancements" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"made a job transformation" -> "undergone a career transition"
Explanation: "Undergone a career transition" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"he has gotten higher salaries" -> "he has secured higher salaries"
Explanation: "Secured higher salaries" is more formal and appropriate for describing employment outcomes.
"The first reason is that remaining job offer employees a stability" -> "The first reason is that remaining in the same job offers employees stability"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, aligning with formal academic style.
"due to that" -> "because"
Explanation: "Because" is the correct conjunction for introducing a reason, replacing the informal "due to that."
"workers enhance their skills" -> "workers can enhance their skills"
Explanation: Adding "can" clarifies the possibility of skill enhancement, aligning with the conditional nature of the statement.
"become a specialist in their field" -> "specialize in their field"
Explanation: "Specialize in their field" is a more concise and formal expression.
"thanks to staying one job" -> "owing to remaining in the same job"
Explanation: "Owing to remaining in the same job" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"my father has a close friend whom he work with" -> "my father has a close friend with whom he works"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses the correct preposition "with whom" for formal writing.
"within 10 years" -> "over a period of 10 years"
Explanation: "Over a period of 10 years" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding job stability versus job change. The first half discusses the benefits of changing jobs, such as gaining diverse skills and avoiding boredom. The second half presents arguments for job stability, including job security and the opportunity to specialize. However, the essay could improve by providing a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as the second view is less developed than the first.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to equalize the discussion of both viewpoints. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the benefits of job stability, ensuring that each side is given equal weight in terms of argumentation and evidence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of job stability in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the phrase "I lean towards the former" could be misleading since "the former" refers to job stability, which is not clearly stated in the introduction. The position is somewhat muddled by the initial phrasing.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction, using clear language such as "I believe that workers should prioritize job stability." This would help reinforce their position throughout the essay and avoid any potential confusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting both job change and job stability. The points made about job change include gaining new skills and avoiding boredom, while job stability is supported by arguments about job security and relationship building. However, some ideas lack depth; for example, the mention of negotiating salaries could be expanded with more detail or additional examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. For instance, elaborating on how job stability can lead to promotions or providing statistics about job satisfaction could enhance the argument’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both job stability and job change. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the examples provided. For instance, the example about the friend’s job change could be more relevant if it included specific details about how the new job improved job satisfaction or career prospects.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples directly relate to the points being made. They could also consider integrating more relevant examples that illustrate the broader implications of each viewpoint, ensuring that every example reinforces the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion, clarify the position, and deepen the support for ideas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two viewpoints before delving into each perspective in separate paragraphs. The arguments are logically sequenced, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific viewpoint. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of changing jobs, while the second focuses on the advantages of job stability. This logical organization aids in the reader’s understanding of the contrasting views.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Proponents of changing jobs argue that it offers numerous advantages," which would set the stage for the arguments that follow. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully developed before transitioning to the next, which could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of each argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer transitions between points, as the flow from one idea to the next feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each new point within a paragraph. For example, phrases like "Moreover," or "In addition," can help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains a balance of topic sentences, supporting details, and examples to maintain clarity and engagement throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrase "new job" appears multiple times without variation, which could detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "new job," consider terms like "different position" or "alternative employment." Additionally, vary the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This could include using phrases like "In contrast," "Conversely," or "As a result," which can enhance the fluidity of the essay and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "stable job," "career opportunities," "adaptable," and "specialist." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the phrase "new starts" could be replaced with "new beginnings" or "fresh starts" for greater impact. Additionally, the repetition of "job" and "employees" could be reduced by using synonyms like "positions," "workers," or "staff."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus can help identify alternatives that fit the context better. Practicing writing with a focus on using varied vocabulary will also aid in this improvement.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "remaining job offer employees a stability" should be corrected to "remaining in a job offers employees stability." The phrase "new starts, new goals and renewed sense of purpose" lacks parallel structure and clarity. Additionally, "job transformation" is a less common phrase and could be more clearly expressed as "career change."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clearly convey the intended meaning. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward or unclear phrases. Furthermore, practicing writing with a focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy will enhance precision in vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "job transformation" (should be "career change" for clarity), "salaries" (correctly spelled but contextually misused as "higher salaries" could be more effectively stated as "increased salary"), and "whom he work" (should be "whom he worked"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally after a short break to gain a fresh perspective. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay backwards (from the end to the beginning) can help catch spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both viewpoints effectively, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the arguments. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way reasons are introduced (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "Another reason"). This limits the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the ways arguments are introduced. Instead of consistently using "Firstly" or "Secondly," try integrating different transition phrases or clauses. For instance, you could use phrases like "One significant advantage is…" or "In contrast, another perspective suggests…" This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a broader range of grammatical structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, in the phrase "this is due to that workers who stay with the same employer can achieve a better job security," the phrase "this is due to that" is awkward and incorrect. Additionally, there are instances of missing articles, such as "remaining job offer employees a stability," which should be "remaining in one job offers employees stability." Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken up for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Reviewing the rules for countable and uncountable nouns can help clarify when to use "a" or "an." Additionally, practice writing shorter, clearer sentences to improve readability. For example, instead of "This can be explained by the fact that when employees seek a new job, they can have a new starts, new goals and renewed sense of purpose compared to staying in the same career," consider breaking it into two sentences: "This can be explained by the fact that seeking a new job allows employees to set new goals. It also provides them with a renewed sense of purpose, unlike remaining in the same career."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, the option to find a new career is appealing for several reasons. Firstly, changing jobs can provide employees with more career opportunities and new challenges. This is because moving to different positions and companies can help workers gain various skills that can make them more adaptable and versatile. This can be valuable in industries that are constantly evolving. Secondly, switching jobs regularly can prevent people from becoming bored. This can be explained by the fact that when employees seek a new job, they can have a fresh start, new goals, and a renewed sense of purpose compared to staying in the same career. Additionally, employees who switch jobs may obtain higher salaries and career advancement, as they can negotiate with their new employers. For example, my friend has already undergone a career transition from project manager at Vietcombank to TP Bank, and he has secured higher salaries thanks to negotiating with the new company.

On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why I believe that it is better for workers to remain in one job. The first reason is that remaining in the same job offers employees stability. This is because workers who stay with the same employer can achieve better job security, steady income, and long-term benefits such as pensions and health insurance. Another reason is that staying in one job allows workers to enhance their skills and become specialists in their field. This can result in promotions and higher salaries, as well as strong professional reputations. Furthermore, thanks to staying in one job, long-term employees can build strong relationships with their colleagues and managers. This may create a supportive work environment and foster a sense of loyalty. For example, my father has a close friend with whom he has worked at Hoa Phat Company for over a period of 10 years.

In conclusion, although both viewpoints are valid to some extent, I still opine that it is more beneficial for workers to stay in the same occupation.