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Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by some that students would benefit more when they attend single-sex schools. In my opinion, however, it would be better for them to enter mixed-gender education.
On the one hand, the primary reason why some people support single-gender education would be students’ better academic results. When boys and girls are taught separately, there is little chance for early relationships. This is considered as one of the most distracting problems for teenage and adolescent students. Without worrying about these distractions, students might be able to concentrate more on their study, and therefore, might get higher grades than those at co-ed schools. Despite this being true to some extent, having no interaction with the opposite sex will cause these students a lot of troubles later in life, especially in their careers.
On the other hand, I would argue that mixed-sex education is a better option because students are better prepared for their future jobs. Nowadays, it is almost impossible to find a company where there is only male or female staff. Therefore, those who graduate from single- sex schools, despite their higher academic results, might find it hard to work collaboratively with their colleagues of the opposite sex. By contrast, people from mixed schools might easily cooperate with their opposite-gender partners since they have learned how to communicate and interact effectively with opposite-sex classmates during their time at school.
In conclusion, although some people think that it is more beneficial to send students to single- sex schools, I personally believe that mixed-gender education brings more benefits for students.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued by some" -> "Some argue"
    Explanation: The phrase "It is argued by some" can be simplified to "Some argue," making the statement more direct and concise, aligning with academic writing principles.

  2. "benefit more when they attend" -> "benefit more from attending"
    Explanation: Changing "benefit more when they attend" to "benefit more from attending" improves the phrasing and aligns with a more formal and precise expression.

  3. "enter mixed-gender education" -> "attend coeducational institutions"
    Explanation: Replacing "enter mixed-gender education" with "attend coeducational institutions" enhances formality and clarity, using a more specific term for mixed-gender education.

  4. "the primary reason why some people support" -> "a primary rationale for those supporting"
    Explanation: Substituting "the primary reason why some people support" with "a primary rationale for those supporting" elevates the language and introduces a more formal expression.

  5. "boys and girls are taught separately" -> "students are segregated by gender"
    Explanation: Changing "boys and girls are taught separately" to "students are segregated by gender" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term for the separation.

  6. "little chance for early relationships" -> "limited opportunity for interpersonal relationships"
    Explanation: Replacing "little chance for early relationships" with "limited opportunity for interpersonal relationships" adds sophistication and clarity to the statement.

  7. "considered as one of the most distracting problems" -> "viewed as a significant distraction"
    Explanation: Substituting "considered as one of the most distracting problems" with "viewed as a significant distraction" enhances the language by using a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "Without worrying about these distractions" -> "Without being preoccupied by these distractions"
    Explanation: Changing "Without worrying about these distractions" to "Without being preoccupied by these distractions" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal and nuanced expression.

  9. "students might be able to concentrate more on their study" -> "students can focus more on their studies"
    Explanation: Simplifying "students might be able to concentrate more on their study" to "students can focus more on their studies" improves clarity and formality.

  10. "and therefore, might get higher grades than those at co-ed schools" -> "and, consequently, achieve higher grades than their counterparts in coeducational institutions"
    Explanation: Enhancing "and therefore, might get higher grades than those at co-ed schools" to "and, consequently, achieve higher grades than their counterparts in coeducational institutions" improves precision and formality.

  11. "having no interaction with the opposite sex" -> "lacking interaction with individuals of the opposite sex"
    Explanation: Changing "having no interaction with the opposite sex" to "lacking interaction with individuals of the opposite sex" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "will cause these students a lot of troubles later in life" -> "may pose challenges for these students in their future endeavors"
    Explanation: Substituting "will cause these students a lot of troubles later in life" with "may pose challenges for these students in their future endeavors" enhances formality and introduces a more nuanced expression.

  13. "mixed-sex education" -> "coeducational setting"
    Explanation: Replacing "mixed-sex education" with "coeducational setting" offers a more formal and specific term for mixed-gender education.

  14. "it is almost impossible to find a company" -> "finding a company where"
    Explanation: Simplifying "it is almost impossible to find a company" to "finding a company where" maintains clarity and formality.

  15. "those who graduate from single- sex schools" -> "graduates of single-sex schools"
    Explanation: Changing "those who graduate from single- sex schools" to "graduates of single-sex schools" simplifies the expression while maintaining formality.

  16. "might find it hard to work collaboratively" -> "may encounter challenges in collaborating"
    Explanation: Substituting "might find it hard to work collaboratively" with "may encounter challenges in collaborating" introduces a more precise and formal expression.

  17. "people from mixed schools" -> "individuals from coeducational institutions"
    Explanation: Replacing "people from mixed schools" with "individuals from coeducational institutions" offers a more specific and formal term.

  18. "might easily cooperate with their opposite-gender partners" -> "can effectively collaborate with counterparts of the opposite gender"
    Explanation: Enhancing "might easily cooperate with their opposite-gender partners" to "can effectively collaborate with counterparts of the opposite gender" improves precision and formality.

  19. "during their time at school" -> "throughout their academic years"
    Explanation: Changing "during their time at school" to "throughout their academic years" introduces a more formal and encompassing expression.

  20. "although some people think that" -> "while some argue that"
    Explanation: Substituting "although some people think that" with "while some argue that" maintains formality and introduces a more academic tone to the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. The writer discusses the benefits of single-sex schools, such as improved academic focus, and counters it with the drawbacks, particularly in terms of future career interactions. The writer also provides a personal opinion in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could delve deeper into the benefits and drawbacks of each system. Additionally, providing more concrete examples or real-world scenarios could strengthen the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a consistent stance throughout the essay, advocating for mixed-gender education. This position is clear from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the writer could consider explicitly stating their position in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the contrasting views on single-sex and mixed-gender education. The ideas are adequately developed, with examples and reasoning provided for both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies to support each viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring a balanced presentation of arguments would further enrich the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the pros and cons of single-sex and mixed-gender education. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing the distractions of early relationships in single-sex schools.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme. In this case, the distractions mentioned could be more explicitly linked to the academic performance aspect.

In summary, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, presents a clear position, develops ideas with examples, and stays mostly on topic. To improve, the writer can deepen the analysis, explicitly state their position, provide more concrete examples, and ensure all details are directly relevant to the main theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. It starts with a clear introduction that outlines both perspectives. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, with the first presenting arguments for single-sex education and the second for mixed-sex education. The conclusion effectively summarizes the author’s opinion. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs, as some connections could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the drawbacks of single-sex education to the advantages of mixed-sex education could be more seamlessly handled for a more fluid narrative.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning or end of paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, ensure that the connections between ideas are explicitly stated to create a more seamless transition between different sections.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, providing a clear structure. However, the length of paragraphs varies, with the second paragraph being notably longer. While longer paragraphs can be acceptable, it’s essential to maintain consistency for a more balanced presentation.
    • How to improve: Ensure that paragraphs are of consistent length to maintain a visually appealing and well-balanced structure. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each addressing a single point, to enhance readability and comprehension.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. Greater variety in transitions and linking words would contribute to a more sophisticated and engaging writing style.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a wider array of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," consider incorporating alternatives like "Firstly," "Moreover," or "Conversely." This variation will not only enhance cohesion but also add stylistic richness to the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. Some diverse terms are used, but there is room for improvement in introducing more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "little chance," "considered as," and "a lot of troubles" could be refined to enhance the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enrich your vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms and exploring diverse sentence structures. For example, instead of "little chance," you might use "minimal opportunity," and instead of "a lot of troubles," you could employ "significant challenges."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of vocabulary, but there are instances where words could be more precisely chosen. For instance, the term "considered as" could be replaced with "regarded as," and "a better option" might be refined to "a superior alternative."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific meanings of words and strive for precision in your language. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms that convey your intended meaning more precisely. In the mentioned instances, replacing "considered as" with "regarded as" and refining "a better option" to "a superior alternative" would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor issues such as "co-ed" (hyphenation) and "opposite-gender" (consider using "opposite sex" for conciseness). However, there are no major spelling errors affecting comprehension.
    • How to improve: Continue practicing accurate spelling, paying attention to hyphenation rules and choosing concise expressions. Additionally, proofread your work to catch any potential spelling errors before submission.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary with some room for enhancement. To achieve a higher band score, focus on incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and refining word choices for precision. Additionally, maintain vigilance in spelling accuracy to further elevate the overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It employs both simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall readability. There are instances of compound sentences (e.g., "On the one hand…"; "On the other hand…"), and complex sentences (e.g., "This is considered as one of the most distracting problems…"). However, the essay could benefit from a greater diversity of sentence structures to enhance engagement and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To elevate sentence variety, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses, varied sentence lengths, and rhetorical devices. This will add nuance and depth to your arguments. For example, instead of relying solely on straightforward cause-and-effect structures, experiment with using conditional sentences or inversion for emphasis.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement and article usage could be improved. For instance, in the sentence "Without worrying about these distractions, students might be able to concentrate more on their study," it would be more accurate to say "on their studies." Additionally, in the sentence "By contrast, people from mixed schools might easily cooperate," adding the definite article before "mixed schools" would enhance accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and plurals. Proofread your work carefully to catch any instances of singular/plural mismatches and ensure articles are appropriately used. Reviewing grammar rules related to these specific areas will aid in refining accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively communicates its ideas and maintains a solid grammatical foundation, enhancing sentence variety and fine-tuning specific grammatical aspects will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that students would benefit more from attending single-sex schools. However, in my opinion, it would be better for them to enter mixed-gender education.

On one hand, the primary rationale for those supporting single-gender education is the expectation of improved academic results. When boys and girls are taught separately, there is limited opportunity for interpersonal relationships. This is viewed as a significant distraction for teenage and adolescent students. Without being preoccupied by these distractions, students can focus more on their studies and, consequently, achieve higher grades than their counterparts in coeducational institutions. However, lacking interaction with individuals of the opposite sex may pose challenges for these students in their future endeavors, especially in their careers.

On the other hand, I would argue that mixed-sex education is a better option because it prepares students for their future jobs. Nowadays, it is almost impossible to find a company where graduates of single-sex schools may encounter challenges in collaborating with individuals from coeducational institutions. Those who graduate from single-sex schools, despite their higher academic results, may find it hard to work collaboratively with counterparts of the opposite gender. In contrast, people from mixed schools can effectively collaborate with their opposite-gender counterparts, having learned how to communicate and interact throughout their academic years.

In conclusion, while some argue that it is more beneficial to send students to single-sex schools, I personally believe that mixed-gender education brings more benefits for students.

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