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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are some suggestions that participating in team sports can be more beneficial than individual sports. I believe that the decisions depend on the special circumstances of each one .

First of all, we come with individual sports. In these independent sports, the players can explore themself and focus on improving their skills. The participants can easily come up with tactics that are suitable for themself. There are no arguments or dissent between anyone so they are more flexible in choosing how to play and fight. Take chess as an example, it requires intense concentration and a keen eye of one player, if there is any distraction, it is easy to be defeated by the opponent. Athletes who play independent sports also learn how to take responsibility for their decisions whether that has good or bad outcomes. I think it is also considered a good benefit from participating in these disciplines as it is an extremely useful virtue in life.

As for team sports, these disciplines are considered as sports that help connect and develop important skills of athletes. As the name suggests, these sports require an extremely high level of teamwork. If any individual automatically separates themselves from the team, it causes the team to be imbalanced, leading to negative results.If you play these sports, your teamwork skill is extremely mastery and adapting to a group environment such as work or school is also easy. Being trained with a group makes you more disciplined and cooperative. Under the coach’s leadership, you can easily discover either your strengths or weaknesses thereby improving and developing yourself.

In conclusion, although there are many opinions surrounding these two types of sports, in my opinion, all sports bring benefits to athletes, choosing to play individually or a team depends on preferences and personal needs. There shouldn't be any comparisons between different types of sports.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There are some suggestions" -> "There is a contention"
    Explanation: Replacing "There are some suggestions" with "There is a contention" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "themself" -> "themselves"
    Explanation: Correcting the pronoun to "themselves" ensures grammatical accuracy. "Themself" is non-standard, and the plural form is appropriate here.

  3. "themself" -> "themselves"
    Explanation: Similar to the previous correction, changing "themself" to "themselves" maintains grammatical consistency.

  4. "suitable for themself" -> "suitable for themselves"
    Explanation: Using the correct reflexive pronoun "themselves" ensures proper grammar in the context of the sentence.

  5. "there are no arguments or dissent between anyone" -> "there is no argument or dissent among participants"
    Explanation: The suggested revision improves the sentence’s formality by using "no argument or dissent among participants" instead of the less formal "no arguments or dissent between anyone."

  6. "so they are more flexible in choosing how to play and fight" -> "thus, they have greater flexibility in determining their strategies and approaches"
    Explanation: The revised phrase enhances formality and precision, replacing "so they are more flexible in choosing how to play and fight" with "thus, they have greater flexibility in determining their strategies and approaches."

  7. "Take chess as an example" -> "Consider chess as an illustration"
    Explanation: Substituting "Take chess as an example" with "Consider chess as an illustration" introduces a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  8. "it is easy to be defeated by the opponent" -> "defeat by the opponent is likely"
    Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more nuanced and formal expression, replacing "it is easy to be defeated by the opponent" with "defeat by the opponent is likely."

  9. "participating in these disciplines as it is an extremely useful virtue in life" -> "engaging in these pursuits, as it instills a highly valuable virtue in life"
    Explanation: The suggested revision improves formality and clarity by replacing "participating in these disciplines as it is an extremely useful virtue in life" with "engaging in these pursuits, as it instills a highly valuable virtue in life."

  10. "As for team sports, these disciplines are considered as sports" -> "Regarding team sports, they are recognized as disciplines"
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances formality by replacing "As for team sports, these disciplines are considered as sports" with "Regarding team sports, they are recognized as disciplines."

  11. "If any individual automatically separates themselves from the team" -> "Should any individual autonomously distance themselves from the team"
    Explanation: The revised phrase employs more formal language, replacing "If any individual automatically separates themselves from the team" with "Should any individual autonomously distance themselves from the team."

  12. "your teamwork skill is extremely mastery" -> "your mastery of teamwork is exceptional"
    Explanation: The suggested revision improves the expression by replacing "your teamwork skill is extremely mastery" with "your mastery of teamwork is exceptional."

  13. "Being trained with a group makes you more disciplined and cooperative" -> "Receiving training within a group enhances discipline and cooperation"
    Explanation: The revised phrase introduces more formal language by replacing "Being trained with a group makes you more disciplined and cooperative" with "Receiving training within a group enhances discipline and cooperation."

  14. "either your strengths or weaknesses thereby improving and developing yourself" -> "both strengths and weaknesses, thereby fostering self-improvement and development"
    Explanation: The suggested revision enhances formality and clarity by replacing "either your strengths or weaknesses thereby improving and developing yourself" with "both strengths and weaknesses, thereby fostering self-improvement and development."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "There are some suggestions that participating in team sports can be more beneficial than individual sports. I believe that the decisions depend on the special circumstances of each one."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is somewhat unclear about the writer’s position on the topic. While you mention that there are suggestions favoring team sports, your own stance is not explicitly stated. It is crucial in the IELTS essay to present a clear position in the introduction to guide the reader. You could improve this by clearly stating your viewpoint, for example, "While some argue for the benefits of team sports, I believe that the choice depends on individual circumstances."
    • Improved example: "While some argue for the benefits of team sports, I firmly believe that the choice between team and individual sports depends on individual circumstances."
  2. Quoted text: "First of all, we come with individual sports. In these independent sports, the players can explore themself and focus on improving their skills."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph discusses individual sports well, emphasizing the independence and skill improvement aspects. However, the point about exploring oneself needs further elaboration. Provide specific examples or details illustrating how participating in individual sports allows self-exploration. For instance, you could mention how a tennis player may discover their strengths and weaknesses through solo practice sessions.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, let’s consider individual sports. In these solo pursuits, athletes have the opportunity to explore themselves and enhance their skills. For instance, a tennis player engaging in solitary practice sessions may discover specific strengths and weaknesses, contributing to a deeper understanding of their game."
  3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, although there are many opinions surrounding these two types of sports, in my opinion, all sports bring benefits to athletes, choosing to play individually or a team depends on preferences and personal needs. There shouldn’t be any comparisons between different types of sports."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion summarizes the key points but lacks a firm restatement of your opinion. Clearly restate your position on whether team sports or individual sports are more beneficial. Also, avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion; instead, rephrase your main points. For instance, "In conclusion, while both team and individual sports offer valuable benefits, I believe the choice between them ultimately depends on individual preferences and needs."
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, while both team and individual sports offer valuable benefits, I believe the choice between them ultimately depends on individual preferences and needs."

Overall, the essay is well-organized and addresses the prompt effectively. To enhance your essay, focus on explicitly stating your position in the introduction, providing specific examples for supporting points, and reinforcing your stance in the conclusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression, with distinct paragraphs addressing individual and team sports. The ideas are organized coherently, and there is a logical flow in presenting arguments. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are moments where cohesion within sentences is slightly faulty or mechanical. The essay employs referencing and substitution adequately. Paragraphing is generally logical but may benefit from a more consistent structure.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a consistent and smooth transition between sentences. Pay attention to the flow of ideas within paragraphs, avoiding any mechanical or forced connections. Consider refining paragraph structure for greater clarity and logical organization. Additionally, maintain a balance between individual and team sports discussions to avoid potential imbalances in the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to both individual and team sports. The language used is generally clear and well-controlled, with some instances of sophistication. The writer attempts to use less common lexical items, showcasing a reasonable awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "decisions depend on the special circumstances of each one," where "one" may be better replaced with "individual." Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as "themself" instead of the more standard "themselves."

The essay successfully presents arguments for both individual and team sports, and the ideas are generally well-developed. The examples provided, like chess for individual sports and the emphasis on teamwork in team sports, contribute to the clarity of the writer’s stance. However, some sentences lack precision and could benefit from more detailed explanations, such as the claim that "all sports bring benefits to athletes."

Overall, the vocabulary is diverse, but the occasional inaccuracies in word choice, collocation, and spelling prevent a higher band score.

How to improve:

  1. Review and revise for spelling errors, such as "themself" -> "themselves" and ensure consistent use of plural forms.
  2. Aim for greater precision and clarity in some statements, providing more detailed explanations to enhance the depth of the arguments.
  3. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to minimize inaccuracies and improve overall fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. The candidate attempts to use a variety of structures but occasionally makes errors that do not significantly impede communication. There is a range of vocabulary, and the essay attempts to address the topic coherently.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: The essay would benefit from closer attention to grammar and punctuation. For instance, the phrase "explore themself" should be corrected to "explore themselves." Additionally, the sentence "There are no arguments or dissent between anyone" could be improved to "There are no arguments or dissent among participants."

  2. Sentence Structure: Enhance the complexity of sentence structures further. For example, the phrase "if there is any distraction, it is easy to be defeated by the opponent" can be revised to a more sophisticated structure like "succumbing to distractions increases vulnerability to defeat by the opponent."

  3. Clarity and Cohesion: Work on improving the overall clarity and cohesion of ideas. Some sentences appear abrupt, and there is room for better transition between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing individual sports to team sports could be smoother.

Remember to proofread the essay to catch minor errors and refine the expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a debate about whether engaging in team sports, such as football, is more advantageous than participating in individual sports like tennis or swimming. I believe that the choice depends on individual circumstances.

Let’s consider individual sports first. In these solo activities, players have the opportunity to explore and enhance their skills. They can devise tactics that suit their style without the need for consensus. For instance, chess demands intense concentration from a single player, and any distraction can lead to defeat. Athletes in individual sports also develop the valuable trait of taking responsibility for their decisions, whether they lead to success or failure. This sense of responsibility is a notable benefit that can be applied to various aspects of life.

Turning to team sports, these activities are seen as fostering camaraderie and honing essential skills in athletes. True to their name, team sports demand a high level of teamwork. Any individual separating from the team can disrupt the balance, resulting in unfavorable outcomes. Engaging in such sports enhances one’s teamwork skills, making it easier to adapt to group environments in work or school. Training within a group instills discipline and cooperation. Under the guidance of a coach, individuals can identify their strengths and weaknesses, facilitating personal improvement and development.

In conclusion, while opinions vary on the merits of individual versus team sports, I believe that both offer benefits to athletes. The choice between playing individually or as part of a team hinges on personal preferences and needs. Comparisons between these two types of sports should not overshadow the positive aspects each brings to athletes.

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