Some people think that it is too late to rescue animal species that became extinct. Other believes that human activities may also help to maintain biodiversity and protect wildlife

Some people think that it is too late to rescue animal species that became extinct. Other believes that human activities may also help to maintain biodiversity and protect wildlife

Wildlife is and will always be of paramount importantce in people's lives and our well-being. Nonetheless, some people hold the view that it is impossible to do anything in an attempt to protect animals that became extinct while others are of the opinion that rational actions of humans have effective at promoting ecosytem and securing animals habitat. This essay will examine these ideas in depth.

To begin with, the first idea is totally justified on the following grounds. In the end, the fact remains that some species of animals died out completely and such species can not be found in a part of world. Hence, it makes no sense to make effort in order to bring them back in our life no matter how hard people have tried or no matter what cutting-edge technology scientist have applied. On that basis of technological innovations, scientist have gone so far in many fields, but their attempt to rescue animals of the past remains an impossible mission. For instance, modern genetic engineering used to be our best hope for bringing some kinds of elephant and dinousaur. However, untill recently, this mission still left behind many challenges for scientists to answer. Nonetheless, there is a sense among activities and evironmentalists that we had better action to protect animals on the verge of extinction as this effort bring a lot of practical outcomes.

With regard to the second idea, It is my firm belief that this view is rather convinced. There is no doubt that many human activities are still a profound impact on protecting wildlife. It seems that many contries are more and more concerned about biodiversity and ecosystem, which leads to various natural resources in the world. In many recent surveys in African countries, the wildlife are protected very well and Australia is recognized as the most ecosytem diversity compared to other nations. From another perspective, the govenments should take some legal actions to protect endangered animals such as imposing stricter punishment on hunters whose have negative act on environment. On that basis, the increasing of animal is not out of control. In Vietnam, many legislation are enforced by the government in order to guarantee that there are no any cases such as illegal hunting or shooting with animals, living natural life.

In conclusion, Although it seems a late in animals preservation onwards, my contention is that last but not least, people should to increase their awareness abour the importance of wildlife as well as making relentless effort to preserve their habitats

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Wildlife is and will always be of paramount importantce" -> "Wildlife is and will always be of paramount importance"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "importantce" to "importance" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the formal tone of the essay.

2. "some people hold the view that it is impossible to do anything in an attempt to protect animals that became extinct" -> "some individuals believe it is impossible to undertake measures to protect species that have become extinct"
   Explanation: Replacing "people hold the view" with "individuals believe" and "do anything in an attempt to protect animals that became extinct" with "undertake measures to protect species that have become extinct" refines the language to be more precise and formal.

3. "rational actions of humans have effective at promoting ecosytem and securing animals habitat" -> "rational actions by humans have been effective in promoting ecosystems and securing animal habitats"
   Explanation: Correcting "have effective" to "have been effective" fixes the verb tense, and replacing "ecosytem" with "ecosystems" and "animals habitat" with "animal habitats" corrects the plural forms and uses the correct noun forms.

4. "the first idea is totally justified on the following grounds" -> "this perspective is entirely justified on the following grounds"
   Explanation: Replacing "the first idea" with "this perspective" and "totally justified" with "entirely justified" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.

5. "some species of animals died out completely and such species can not be found in a part of world" -> "some species of animals have become extinct and such species are no longer found in certain parts of the world"
   Explanation: Changing "died out completely" to "have become extinct" and "can not" to "are no longer" corrects the verb tense and form, and replacing "a part of world" with "certain parts of the world" corrects the prepositional phrase for grammatical accuracy.

6. "no matter how hard people have tried or no matter what cutting-edge technology scientist have applied" -> "regardless of how hard efforts have been made or what cutting-edge technologies have been applied"
   Explanation: Replacing "people have tried" with "efforts have been made" and "scientist have applied" with "technologies have been applied" corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses more precise language.

7. "scientist have gone so far in many fields" -> "scientists have made significant advancements in many fields"
   Explanation: Replacing "scientist have gone so far" with "scientists have made significant advancements" corrects the verb form and uses more precise language.

8. "It seems that many contries are more and more concerned about biodiversity and ecosystem" -> "It appears that many countries are increasingly concerned about biodiversity and ecosystems"
   Explanation: Correcting "contries" to "countries" and "ecosystem" to "ecosystems" fixes spelling errors and pluralizes the noun for accuracy.

9. "the govenments should take some legal actions" -> "governments should take legal measures"
   Explanation: Replacing "the govenments" with "governments" corrects the spelling, and "some legal actions" with "legal measures" uses more formal and precise terminology.

10. "the increasing of animal is not out of control" -> "the increase in animal populations is not out of control"
    Explanation: Changing "the increasing of animal" to "the increase in animal populations" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.

11. "my contention is that last but not least, people should to increase their awareness abour the importance of wildlife" -> "my contention is that, ultimately, individuals should increase their awareness about the importance of wildlife"
    Explanation: Replacing "last but not least" with "ultimately" and "people should to increase" with "individuals should increase" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the extinction of animal species and the potential for human intervention to maintain biodiversity. The first paragraph presents the viewpoint that it is too late to rescue extinct species, while the second paragraph argues that human actions can positively impact wildlife conservation. However, the discussion on the first viewpoint lacks depth, particularly in exploring why some believe it is futile to attempt to revive extinct species. The second viewpoint is more developed but could benefit from additional examples and elaboration on the effectiveness of human interventions.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both viewpoints are explored equally and in more detail. This could involve providing more specific examples of successful conservation efforts or discussing the implications of extinction in greater depth. Additionally, addressing counterarguments for both sides could strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the debate but ultimately leans towards the belief that human actions can help protect wildlife. However, the transition between the two viewpoints is somewhat abrupt, and the conclusion does not strongly reinforce the writer’s stance. The phrase "my contention is that last but not least" is vague and does not clearly articulate the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout, the writer should use more definitive language to express their viewpoint. Clear transitions between paragraphs and a more assertive conclusion that reiterates the main argument would help solidify the stance. Phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is essential to recognize" can provide clarity and conviction.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, but the support for these ideas is inconsistent. For example, the discussion on the limitations of technology in reviving extinct species is somewhat vague and lacks specific examples. Conversely, the section on human efforts to protect wildlife includes some relevant points but could be expanded with more concrete examples and data to substantiate the claims.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points being made. For instance, citing particular conservation programs or successful reintroduction of species could enhance the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of these actions would provide a more comprehensive understanding.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on extinction and human intervention. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as the mention of "the increasing of animal is not out of control," which is unclear and does not directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, some sentences contain grammatical errors that can distract from the main points.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the argument being made. Avoiding vague or unclear statements will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint regarding the extinction of animal species and the role of human activities in biodiversity conservation. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the impossibility of reviving extinct species to the importance of protecting endangered species feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat connected, but the connections could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," could be employed to better connect contrasting ideas. This would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is significantly longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument’s presentation.
  • How to improve: Aim for more uniform paragraph lengths by expanding on the second idea with additional examples or details. For instance, elaborating on specific actions taken by governments or organizations to protect endangered species could strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point before transitioning to the next idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Nonetheless," "In conclusion," and "For instance." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "On that basis" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt shifts between ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," and "As a result." This will help to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the range of cohesive devices would enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "paramount importance," "cutting-edge technology," and "genetic engineering." However, the use of vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "animals that became extinct" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions. Additionally, phrases like "the first idea is totally justified" and "this view is rather convinced" lack sophistication and could benefit from more varied expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced phrases. For example, instead of repeating "extinct," they could use "vanished," "eradicated," or "lost to history." Exploring thesauruses or vocabulary lists related to biodiversity and conservation could help diversify language use.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the increasing of animal is not out of control" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "the population of endangered species is being effectively managed." Additionally, "activities and environmentalists" should be "activists and environmentalists" to convey the intended meaning accurately.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context of their statements and choose words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. Reviewing definitions and usage examples of key terms can help ensure that vocabulary is used correctly. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also aid in developing a more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "importantce" (importance), "ecosystem" (spelled as "ecosytem"), "untill" (until), "dinousaur" (dinosaur), "govenments" (governments), and "abour" (about). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy after completing their essay. This could include reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, or writing down commonly misspelled words for practice. Engaging in regular spelling exercises and quizzes can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "this essay will examine these ideas in depth" and "there is no doubt that many human activities are still a profound impact on protecting wildlife" show an attempt at complexity, but the overall structure remains quite basic. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the increasing of animal is not out of control," which detracts from clarity and effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the fact remains that some species of animals died out completely," the writer could say, "Although some species of animals have died out completely, efforts to protect those that remain are still vital." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "importantce" should be "importance," and "scientist have gone so far" should be "scientists have gone so far." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "Nonetheless, some people hold the view that it is impossible to do anything in an attempt to protect animals that became extinct while others are of the opinion that rational actions of humans have effective at promoting ecosytem and securing animals habitat" is overly long and lacks necessary punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling mistakes and subject-verb agreement errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, can help. For instance, using commas to separate clauses can enhance readability. The writer could also benefit from reviewing common grammatical structures and ensuring that they are applied correctly throughout the essay. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also facilitate improvement in this area.

Bài sửa mẫu

Wildlife is and will always be of paramount importance in people’s lives and our well-being. Nonetheless, some individuals hold the view that it is impossible to undertake measures to protect animal species that have become extinct, while others believe that rational actions by humans have been effective in promoting ecosystems and securing animal habitats. This essay will examine these ideas in depth.

To begin with, the first perspective is entirely justified on the following grounds. Ultimately, the fact remains that some species of animals have become extinct, and such species can no longer be found in certain parts of the world. Hence, it makes little sense to make efforts to bring them back into our lives, regardless of how hard people have tried or what cutting-edge technologies scientists have applied. Despite significant advancements in many fields, the attempts to rescue animals of the past remain an impossible mission. For instance, modern genetic engineering was once considered our best hope for bringing back certain types of elephants and even dinosaurs. However, until recently, this mission has still left many challenges for scientists to address. Nonetheless, there is a sense among activists and environmentalists that we should take action to protect animals on the verge of extinction, as these efforts can yield substantial practical outcomes.

With regard to the second perspective, it is my firm belief that this view is rather convincing. There is no doubt that many human activities have a profound impact on protecting wildlife. It appears that many countries are increasingly concerned about biodiversity and ecosystems, which leads to the sustainable management of natural resources around the world. Recent surveys in African countries indicate that wildlife is being effectively protected, and Australia is recognized for its remarkable ecosystem diversity compared to other nations. From another perspective, governments should take legal measures to protect endangered animals, such as imposing stricter penalties on hunters whose actions negatively affect the environment. On that basis, the increase in animal populations is not out of control. In Vietnam, various legislations are enforced by the government to ensure that there are no cases of illegal hunting or poaching of wildlife.

In conclusion, although it may seem late in the efforts for animal preservation, my contention is that, last but not least, individuals should increase their awareness about the importance of wildlife and make relentless efforts to preserve their habitats.