Some people think that it is worth researching different minerals in space. Others, however, disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.it is worth researching different minerals in space

As we accelerate into an era shaped by the expansive realm of automatic machinery which consume a sheer volume of energy , the ideal of space research for mineral has sparked a debate. When some lament that such ventures are not economical, others, including me, believe that it is justifiable to fund projects aimed at exploring space materials.
Advocates for doing away with space research often point to the substantial resources required for space exploration. These funds, they say, should be better spent on addressing some problematic issues, such as poverty, limited access to healthcare and education, to name but a few. To be more specific, according to public Nasa's handouts, the cost for each kilogram of object to be rocketed to space is 100,000 dollars, whilst this sheer volume of budget can provide a hundred of children in Africa with access to 12-year studying. Distractors also highlight the technological and logistical hurdles of mining spaces.The harsh conditions of space, coupled with the limitations of technology, making the extraction and transporting of minerals from celestial body highly complex and uncertain.
Nevertheless, I side with those who argue the inundation of benefits from space. With minerals breakthrough, discovering and utilizing unique ores could revolutionize our energy consuming ways, fully deleting the strain on inadequate resource on the earth. For instance, minerals like rare elements, which is indispensible for manufactoring high technique engines, are finite on the earth but may be abundant in space. Accessing these resources could lead to technological revolution and economical growth. Moreover, advancements in space exploration can push the boundaries of our science technologies, leading to gifted solutions that can be applicated enourmously.
In a nutshell, despite the extra costs and the challenges that new exploiting effort appearing, the long-term benefits justify the investment. By exploring and utilizing the vast resources available on space, we can secure the fundamental minerals for our further generations and drive technological progress.

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"accelerate into an era shaped by the expansive realm of automatic machinery which consume a sheer volume of energy" -> "enter an era characterized by the widespread use of automated machinery that consumes a substantial amount of energy"
Explanation: The phrase "accelerate into an era shaped by" is somewhat awkward and informal. "Enter an era characterized by" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "expansive realm" is vague; "widespread use" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. "Sheer volume" is replaced with "substantial amount" for a more formal tone.
"the ideal of space research for mineral" -> "the pursuit of space research for minerals"
Explanation: "The ideal of space research for mineral" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The pursuit of space research for minerals" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"some lament that such ventures are not economical" -> "some argue that such ventures are not economically viable"
Explanation: "Lament" is an emotional term that is too informal for academic writing. "Argue" is more neutral and appropriate. "Economical" is replaced with "economically viable" to provide a more precise and formal expression.
"public Nasa’s handouts" -> "NASA’s publicly available data"
Explanation: "Public Nasa’s handouts" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "NASA’s publicly available data" corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the statement.
"a hundred of children in Africa with access to 12-year studying" -> "a hundred children in Africa with access to 12 years of education"
Explanation: "12-year studying" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "12 years of education" is grammatically correct and more precise, fitting the formal academic style better.
"minerals breakthrough" -> "mineral breakthroughs"
Explanation: "Minerals breakthrough" is grammatically incorrect. "Mineral breakthroughs" corrects the plural form to match the context, which refers to multiple discoveries.
"fully deleting the strain on inadequate resource on the earth" -> "completely alleviating the strain on Earth’s limited resources"
Explanation: "Fully deleting the strain on inadequate resource on the earth" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Completely alleviating the strain on Earth’s limited resources" is grammatically correct and uses more precise language suitable for academic writing.
"are finite on the earth but may be abundant in space" -> "are finite on Earth but may be abundant in space"
Explanation: "On the earth" is redundant with "on Earth." Removing "the" corrects this redundancy, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.
"Accessing these resources could lead to technological revolution and economical growth" -> "Accessing these resources could lead to technological revolutions and economic growth"
Explanation: "Technological revolution" should be pluralized to "technological revolutions" to match the plural context of multiple advancements. "Economical" should be "economic" for correct usage.
"enourmously" -> "enormously"
Explanation: "Enourmously" is a typographical error. "Enormously" is the correct spelling, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"new exploiting effort appearing" -> "new exploitation efforts emerging"
Explanation: "New exploiting effort appearing" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "New exploitation efforts emerging" corrects the grammar and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"the long-term benefits justify the investment" -> "the long-term benefits justify the investment in space exploration"
Explanation: Adding "in space exploration" clarifies the context and specifies what the investment is in, enhancing the precision and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the research of minerals in space. The first part discusses the opposing view, highlighting concerns about the economic implications and the opportunity costs associated with space exploration. The second part presents the author’s opinion in favor of space research, emphasizing potential benefits such as technological advancements and resource availability. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while the opposing view is well-articulated, the supporting arguments for space research could be expanded further to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both perspectives are given equal weight. This could involve providing more detailed examples or statistics to support the benefits of space research, as well as addressing counterarguments more thoroughly.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position in favor of space research, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, there are moments within the body of the essay where the clarity of this position could be improved. For instance, phrases like "including me" in the introduction could be more formally stated to maintain a consistent academic tone. Additionally, the transition between discussing opposing views and the author’s opinion could be smoother to reinforce the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should use more formal language and ensure that transitions between ideas are seamless. Phrases that indicate personal opinion should be replaced with more objective language, and the author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of space research, such as technological advancements and resource availability. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "unique ores" and "rare elements" could be elaborated upon with specific examples or potential applications. Additionally, the argument regarding the economic implications of space research could benefit from more detailed evidence or case studies.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples, data, or case studies. This would not only strengthen the arguments but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding space mineral research. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the phrase "the strain on inadequate resource on the earth" could be more directly tied to the benefits of space research rather than being a vague reference to resource issues.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of whether space mineral research is worthwhile. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the prompt and ensuring that all examples and arguments clearly support the thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in balancing perspectives, developing ideas more fully, and maintaining a consistent academic tone.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the debate on space research for minerals. Each body paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the arguments against space research, while the second body paragraph presents the benefits of such research. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be more explicit, such as the transition from discussing the costs of space exploration to the potential benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph contains a distinct argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the discussion. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the first body paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which may disrupt the overall balance of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for more uniformity in paragraph length and depth. Ensure that each viewpoint is explored with similar detail. This could involve expanding on the second body paragraph by providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of space mineral research.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "in a nutshell." These devices help connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, the phrase "to be more specific" is used, but similar phrases could enhance clarity and cohesion throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used. Incorporate a mix of conjunctions, adverbs, and referencing words (e.g., "this," "these," "such") to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "despite this," to add sophistication to the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "automatic machinery," "substantial resources," and "technological revolution." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the ideal of space research for mineral" could be more precisely articulated as "the potential of space research for mineral extraction," which would enhance clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "space" and "minerals," the writer could use "celestial bodies," "extraterrestrial resources," or "geological materials." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand the lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "indispensable" and "logistical hurdles." However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "the inundation of benefits from space," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "fully deleting the strain on inadequate resource on the earth" is also vague and could be misinterpreted. The term "gifted solutions" is another example where the intended meaning is not clear, as "gifted" typically refers to a person’s abilities rather than solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For instance, replacing "inundation of benefits" with "abundance of benefits" would be clearer. Additionally, revising "fully deleting the strain" to "alleviating the strain" would convey the intended meaning more effectively. Regular practice in writing and receiving feedback can help refine vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "manufactoring" (should be "manufacturing"), "applicated" (should be "applied"), and "enourmously" (should be "enormously"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their lexical resource in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, complex sentences such as "As we accelerate into an era shaped by the expansive realm of automatic machinery which consume a sheer volume of energy, the ideal of space research for mineral has sparked a debate" showcase an attempt at variety. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of simple and compound sentences. For instance, "Advocates for doing away with space research often point to the substantial resources required for space exploration" and "Distractors also highlight the technological and logistical hurdles of mining spaces" follow a similar pattern. This limits the overall complexity and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, conditional phrases, and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with a subject, the writer could begin with adverbial phrases or clauses that provide context, such as "Despite the high costs associated with space exploration, many believe the potential benefits outweigh the drawbacks." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "which consume a sheer volume of energy" should be "which consumes a sheer volume of energy" to agree with the singular subject "machinery." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing space after commas and before conjunctions, as seen in "spaces.The harsh conditions" which should be "spaces. The harsh conditions." Furthermore, the phrase "the inundation of benefits from space" is awkward and could be clearer, as "inundation" typically refers to an overwhelming amount, which may not accurately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that all sentences are complete and correctly punctuated. Regular proofreading can help catch these errors. Additionally, utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide insights into common mistakes. Practicing writing sentences with varying structures and reviewing the rules of punctuation will also enhance overall grammatical proficiency. For example, breaking down complex sentences into simpler components can help clarify meaning and improve accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in attempting to use a range of structures and ideas, there are notable weaknesses in grammatical accuracy and the variety of sentence forms. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

As we accelerate into an era shaped by the expansive realm of automated machinery that consumes a substantial amount of energy, the ideal of space research for minerals has sparked a debate. While some lament that such ventures are not economically viable, others, including me, believe that it is justifiable to fund projects aimed at exploring space materials.

Advocates for doing away with space research often point to the substantial resources required for space exploration. These funds, they say, should be better spent on addressing some problematic issues, such as poverty, limited access to healthcare, and education, to name but a few. To be more specific, according to NASA’s publicly available data, the cost for each kilogram of object to be rocketed into space is 100,000 dollars, while this sheer volume of budget can provide a hundred children in Africa with access to 12 years of education. Detractors also highlight the technological and logistical hurdles of mining in space. The harsh conditions of space, coupled with the limitations of technology, make the extraction and transportation of minerals from celestial bodies highly complex and uncertain.

Nevertheless, I side with those who argue for the inundation of benefits from space exploration. With mineral breakthroughs, discovering and utilizing unique ores could revolutionize our energy-consuming ways, completely alleviating the strain on Earth’s limited resources. For instance, minerals like rare elements, which are indispensable for manufacturing high-tech engines, are finite on Earth but may be abundant in space. Accessing these resources could lead to technological revolutions and economic growth. Moreover, advancements in space exploration can push the boundaries of our scientific technologies, leading to gifted solutions that can be applied enormously.

In a nutshell, despite the extra costs and the challenges that new exploitation efforts may pose, the long-term benefits justify the investment. By exploring and utilizing the vast resources available in space, we can secure the fundamental minerals for our future generations and drive technological progress.