Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Some governments promote businesses to move from cities to the countryside to deal with transport and accommodation issues. I believe that the merits of this method are surpassed by its drawbacks.
Undoubtedly, moving companies and factories to rural regions can ease infrastructural pressure on urban areas such as housing and transportation facilities due to migrating workers along. Besides, city dwellers can have better quality of life such as improved air quality, lesser traffic jams, and so on. Moreover, rural areas can also gain a lot of benefits when businesses are moved to their places, encouraging the whole local economy to develop. Tobe more specific, local people can easily make a living when they work in factories, fulfilling their material life. Local markets are also more modern and vibrant.
However, transferring companies out of cities brings back numerous disadvantages, outweighing its advantages, for the government, the businesses, and rural areas. Firstly, the government should extract their funds to build modern facilities, roads, electricity plans, for instance, to attract companies and create good conditions for them to develop. This plan takes a lot of time and money, especially that such money should be allocated on more meaningful activities such as building schools. Secondly, companies also have to waste a lot of time and money to train rural workers operating advanced machines, but not when they are in cities. Moreover, factories have to pay more for transportation services to ship their products to their familiar customers due to their changing location. Last but not least, the local quality of life is also dramatically reversed when companies move to their places. Immediately visible impacts can be seen are air pollution, and water pollution since waste water and toxic fumes are released directly into the environment without any treatment.
In conclusion, moving companies from cities to rural areas to deal with transport and accommodation problems is not a good method as its drawbacks far outweigh its merits.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"promote businesses" -> "encourage businesses"
Explanation: "Promote" can imply advertising or advocating, whereas "encourage" aligns better with the context of creating incentives or fostering a conducive environment for businesses to relocate.
"the merits of this method are surpassed by its drawbacks" -> "the drawbacks outweigh the merits of this method"
Explanation: The phrase "surpassed by its drawbacks" may convey a less precise meaning. "Outweigh" provides a clearer comparison between the benefits and disadvantages.
"infrastructural pressure" -> "pressure on infrastructure"
Explanation: Simplifying "infrastructural pressure" to "pressure on infrastructure" maintains clarity without the unnecessary complexity.
"city dwellers can have better quality of life such as improved air quality" -> "city dwellers can enjoy an improved quality of life, including better air quality"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and specifying the improvement in the quality of life by mentioning "better air quality."
"lesser traffic jams" -> "reduced traffic congestion"
Explanation: Using "reduced traffic congestion" is more formal and specific than "lesser traffic jams."
"Moreover, rural areas can also gain a lot of benefits when businesses are moved to their places" -> "Additionally, rural areas can derive numerous benefits from the relocation of businesses."
Explanation: "Gain a lot of benefits" can be refined to "derive numerous benefits," and restructuring the sentence for better flow and formality.
"Tobe more specific" -> "To be more specific"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in the phrase "Tobe more specific" to maintain proper grammar.
"local people can easily make a living when they work in factories, fulfilling their material life" -> "local residents can secure livelihoods by working in factories, fulfilling their material needs"
Explanation: Enhancing clarity and formality by using "local residents" and specifying "securing livelihoods" and "material needs."
"local markets are also more modern and vibrant" -> "local markets become more modern and vibrant"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and maintaining tense consistency.
"transferring companies out of cities brings back numerous disadvantages" -> "relocating companies from cities results in numerous disadvantages"
Explanation: Using "relocating companies" is more precise and formal, and "brings back" can be replaced with "results in" for clarity.
"the government should extract their funds" -> "the government should allocate funds"
Explanation: Replacing "extract" with "allocate" provides a clearer and more appropriate term in the context of distributing funds.
"electricity plans" -> "electricity infrastructure"
Explanation: Using "electricity infrastructure" is more encompassing and suitable than "electricity plans."
"but not when they are in cities" -> "unlike in cities"
Explanation: "But not when they are in cities" can be replaced with "unlike in cities" for a smoother transition and clearer contrast.
"have to waste a lot of time and money" -> "have to invest significant time and money"
Explanation: Replacing "waste" with "invest" portrays a more neutral tone and emphasizes the effort put into training rural workers.
"Last but not least" -> "Finally"
Explanation: "Finally" is a more conventional transition to conclude points and is less colloquial than "Last but not least."
"Immediately visible impacts can be seen are air pollution" -> "Immediately visible impacts include air pollution"
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure by specifying the impacts and improving readability.
"dramatically reversed" -> "dramatically affected"
Explanation: Using "dramatically affected" provides a more precise description of the change in the local quality of life.
"moving companies from cities to rural areas to deal with transport and accommodation problems" -> "relocating companies from urban to rural areas to address transportation and housing issues"
Explanation: Offering a clearer and more precise description while maintaining formality and clarity in the context of transportation and housing concerns.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "I believe that the merits of this method are surpassed by its drawbacks."
- Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction presents a clear position regarding the advantages and disadvantages of moving companies to rural areas. However, it lacks a concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Adding a preview of the forthcoming arguments would enhance the clarity and structure of your essay, allowing the reader to anticipate the main arguments to follow.
- Improved example: "While I acknowledge the potential benefits of relocating businesses to rural regions, I firmly contend that the drawbacks associated with this approach outweigh its advantages. This essay will delve into the various merits and demerits, including impacts on infrastructure, economic development, and environmental concerns."
Quoted text: "However, transferring companies out of cities brings back numerous disadvantages, outweighing its advantages, for the government, the businesses, and rural areas."
- Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your essay presents a broad overview of the drawbacks but lacks specific elaboration and development. It would be beneficial to provide more detailed examples or explanations for each disadvantage mentioned. For instance, expand upon the financial burden on governments and companies, delve into the challenges faced by rural areas, and illustrate the adverse effects on the economy.
- Improved example: "Nonetheless, the relocation of businesses from urban centers to rural areas imposes several significant drawbacks. Governments face substantial financial commitments to develop infrastructure in these regions, diverting funds from crucial sectors like education and healthcare. Moreover, companies encounter challenges in training rural workers and face increased transportation costs, impacting their overall operational expenses. Additionally, the detrimental effects on the local environment, such as heightened pollution levels, adversely affect the well-being of rural communities."
Overall, the essay addresses the task by presenting a position on the topic and discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, to achieve a higher score, it would benefit from more thorough development of ideas and examples to support the drawbacks outlined in the response. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding of the negative implications of relocating companies to rural areas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion but exhibits some weaknesses that prevent it from achieving a higher band score. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is used, but it is not always logically organized, especially in the third paragraph, where ideas could be better structured.
How to improve:
- Cohesion: Ensure that cohesive devices are used more naturally, avoiding any mechanical or forced transitions. This can be achieved through a more nuanced choice of linking words and phrases.
- Paragraphing: Focus on organizing ideas within paragraphs more logically. Each paragraph should present a clear central topic, and the flow between paragraphs should be smoother. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs for improved readability.
- Clarity of Referencing: Pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid any confusion. Make sure pronouns and cohesive devices clearly indicate the relationships between ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in coherence and cohesion, refining these aspects will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s ideas, and there is a reasonable variety of vocabulary throughout. However, some inaccuracies and less common lexical choices affect the overall fluency and precision of expression.
How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining word choices and collocations. Careful proofreading can help eliminate occasional errors and improve the overall accuracy of the essay. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary, particularly in expressing nuanced ideas, can elevate the lexical quality of the writing. Ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately and seamlessly to convey precise meanings.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good range of structures with a mix of simple and complex sentences. There’s an attempt to use complex structures and varied sentence forms, showcasing a fair level of grammatical control. The essay exhibits occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, which, while noticeable, do not significantly hinder understanding. The writer shows a commendable attempt at maintaining control over sentence structure and accuracy.
The essay effectively presents arguments on both sides, using diverse sentence structures and vocabulary. However, minor grammatical errors and slight inaccuracies are present, though they don’t disrupt overall comprehension. The essay’s structure and coherence are sound, enhancing its readability.
How to Improve:
To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining grammatical accuracy further. While the essay displays a good variety of sentence structures, dedicating more attention to eliminating minor errors and refining complex sentence construction could enhance the overall quality. Review and revise for precision in sentence structure and grammatical correctness to elevate the essay’s effectiveness. Additionally, pay closer attention to punctuation, particularly regarding proper comma usage and sentence structure for improved clarity and coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some governments advocate for businesses to relocate from urban centers to rural areas in an effort to address transportation and housing challenges. I believe that while there are some advantages to this approach, its drawbacks are more significant.
Certainly, the shift of companies and factories to countryside regions can alleviate pressure on urban infrastructure, including housing and transportation, caused by the influx of migrating workers. Additionally, residents of cities can enjoy an enhanced quality of life, with benefits such as improved air quality and reduced traffic congestion. Furthermore, rural areas stand to gain economically, fostering local development and providing residents with employment opportunities in factories, thereby improving their material well-being and contributing to the modernization of local markets.
However, the disadvantages of relocating businesses from cities to rural areas outweigh the advantages for the government, businesses, and rural communities. Primarily, governments need to allocate funds to develop modern facilities, roads, and electricity infrastructure to attract companies, diverting resources from other essential projects like building schools. Moreover, companies face significant costs and time investments in training rural workers to operate advanced machinery, which is less of a concern in urban settings. Additionally, the shift requires increased transportation expenses for factories to deliver products to their established customer base, impacting their overall operational costs. Finally, the local quality of life suffers, evident in increased air and water pollution as waste products are released into the environment without proper treatment.
In conclusion, the strategy of moving companies from cities to rural areas to address transportation and accommodation issues is not an ideal solution, as the drawbacks far surpass the benefits.