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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some governments encourage businesses to move from cities to the countryside to deal with transport and accommodation issues. I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the merits of this method.

Undoubtedly, moving companies and factories to rural regions can ease pressure on infrastructure in urban areas such as housing and transportation facilities due to migrating workers along. Besides, city dwellers can enjoy an improved quality of life, including better air quality, reduced traffic congestion, and so on. Additionally, rural areas can derive numerous benefits from the relocation of businesses., encouraging the whole local economy to develop. To be more specific, local residents can secure livelihoods by working in factories, fulfilling their material needs. local markets become more modern and vibrant.

However, relocating companies from cities results in numerous disadvantages, outweighing its advantages, for the government, businesses, and rural areas. Firstly, the government should allocate funds to build modern facilities, roads, and electricity infrastructure, for instance, to attract companies and create good conditions for them to develop. This plan takes a lot of time and money, especially since much money should be allocated to more meaningful activities such as building schools. Secondly, companies also have to invest significant time and money to train rural workers to operate advanced machines, unlike in cities. Moreover, factories have to pay more for transportation services to ship their products to their familiar customers due to their changing location. Finally, the local quality of life is also dramatically affected when companies move to their places. Immediately visible impacts include air pollution, and water pollution since waste water and toxic fumes are released directly into the environment without any treatment.

In conclusion, relocating companies from urban to rural areas to address transportation and housing issues is not a good method as its drawbacks far outweigh its merits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Undoubtedly, moving companies and factories to rural regions can ease pressure on infrastructure in urban areas such as housing and transportation facilities due to migrating workers along." -> "Undoubtedly, relocating companies and factories to rural regions can alleviate pressure on urban infrastructure, including housing and transportation facilities, resulting from the migration of workers."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement streamlines the sentence, making it more concise and academically formal. It also replaces the colloquial "ease pressure on" with "alleviate pressure on" for a more sophisticated tone.

  2. "Besides, city dwellers can enjoy an improved quality of life, including better air quality, reduced traffic congestion, and so on." -> "Moreover, residents of urban areas can experience an enhanced quality of life, marked by improved air quality, diminished traffic congestion, and other benefits."
    Explanation: The term "Besides" is replaced with "Moreover" for a more formal transition between ideas. The phrase "and so on" is replaced with "and other benefits" to specify the improvements more precisely.

  3. "Additionally, rural areas can derive numerous benefits from the relocation of businesses., encouraging the whole local economy to develop." -> "Additionally, rural areas can reap numerous benefits from the relocation of businesses, fostering the overall development of the local economy."
    Explanation: The comma after "businesses" is removed for better punctuation. The term "derive" is replaced with "reap" for a more formal and precise expression.

  4. "To be more specific, local residents can secure livelihoods by working in factories, fulfilling their material needs. local markets become more modern and vibrant." -> "To be more specific, local residents can secure their livelihoods by working in factories, meeting their material needs, and local markets become more modern and vibrant."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement corrects the structure by combining the two sentences into a more coherent and grammatically sound expression.

  5. "Firstly, the government should allocate funds to build modern facilities, roads, and electricity infrastructure, for instance, to attract companies and create good conditions for them to develop." -> "Firstly, the government should allocate funds, for instance, to build modern facilities, roads, and electricity infrastructure to attract companies and create conducive conditions for their development."
    Explanation: The improvement adjusts the sentence structure for better clarity. It also moves the introductory phrase "for instance" to a more suitable position in the sentence.

  6. "This plan takes a lot of time and money, especially since much money should be allocated to more meaningful activities such as building schools." -> "This undertaking requires a substantial amount of time and financial resources, particularly considering that significant funds should be directed toward more meaningful activities, such as building schools."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement enhances the formality of the expression by replacing colloquial terms like "takes a lot of time and money" with more precise and formal alternatives.

  7. "Secondly, companies also have to invest significant time and money to train rural workers to operate advanced machines, unlike in cities." -> "Secondly, companies must invest considerable time and financial resources to train rural workers in operating advanced machinery, a task not as prevalent in urban areas."
    Explanation: The improvement enhances precision and formality by specifying the type of machinery and emphasizing the difference between rural and urban contexts.

  8. "Moreover, factories have to pay more for transportation services to ship their products to their familiar customers due to their changing location." -> "Furthermore, factories incur higher transportation costs to deliver their products to familiar customers as a result of the change in location."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement enhances formality and clarity, providing a more concise and precise expression.

  9. "Finally, the local quality of life is also dramatically affected when companies move to their places." -> "Finally, the local quality of life is significantly impacted when companies relocate to these areas."
    Explanation: The improvement simplifies and clarifies the sentence, removing redundancy and improving overall readability.

  10. "Immediately visible impacts include air pollution, and water pollution since waste water and toxic fumes are released directly into the environment without any treatment." -> "Immediate visible impacts include air and water pollution, as wastewater and toxic fumes are released directly into the environment without proper treatment."
    Explanation: The improvement corrects the conjunction usage and streamlines the expression for better readability and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Some governments encourage businesses to move from cities to the countryside to deal with transport and accommodation issues. I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the merits of this method."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction effectively presents your opinion on the topic, which is a positive start. However, it lacks a clear roadmap of the main points you will address in the essay. Consider providing a brief preview of the reasons supporting your belief, creating a more structured introduction.
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will discuss the drawbacks of governments encouraging businesses to relocate from cities to rural areas, arguing that the challenges outweigh the benefits. The key aspects include financial implications, the need for infrastructure development, and the environmental impact of such a shift."
  2. Quoted text: "Undoubtedly, moving companies and factories to rural regions can ease pressure on infrastructure in urban areas such as housing and transportation facilities due to migrating workers along."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This statement outlines a potential advantage of relocating businesses to rural areas, providing a clear perspective. However, to strengthen your argument, consider offering specific examples or reasons supporting this claim. For instance, you could mention a case where a city faced infrastructure challenges due to a large influx of workers.
    • Improved example: "Undoubtedly, relocating companies to rural areas can alleviate pressure on urban infrastructure, as witnessed in [specific city] where a surge in migrating workers strained housing and transportation facilities."
  3. Quoted text: "Finally, the local quality of life is also dramatically affected when companies move to their places. Immediately visible impacts include air pollution, and water pollution since waste water and toxic fumes are released directly into the environment without any treatment."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your essay effectively addresses the disadvantages of relocating companies, highlighting environmental concerns. However, to enhance your response, provide more depth by elaborating on the consequences for the local community’s quality of life. Share personal anecdotes or specific examples to make your argument more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, the relocation adversely affects the local quality of life, evident in communities like [specific rural area] where residents experienced increased air and water pollution. For instance, the absence of proper waste treatment led to the direct release of toxic fumes and wastewater into the environment, impacting residents’ health and well-being."

Overall, your essay adequately addresses the task, presenting a clear position with relevant ideas. To further enhance your response, consider incorporating more specific examples and providing a concise roadmap in your introduction.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-structured, contributing to the overall coherence. The writer effectively employs cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to link ideas within and between sentences. There is a consistent focus on the central topic within each paragraph, enhancing the overall cohesion. The use of examples and specific details further supports the clarity and progression of the argument.

However, there is some room for improvement. While the essay generally uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, there are instances where a more varied choice could enhance coherence further. Additionally, there is a need for more precise referencing and substitution to avoid potential repetition in certain expressions.

How to improve:

  1. Increase the variety of cohesive devices to add nuance and sophistication to the essay.
  2. Pay close attention to referencing and substitution to eliminate any potential repetitive language.
  3. Ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistently appropriate throughout the essay.
  4. Consider refining certain sentences for clarity and conciseness.

Overall, the essay is well-organized and cohesive, demonstrating a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary. There’s an attempt to use less common lexical items with some success, showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively communicates ideas and employs a variety of terms to discuss advantages and disadvantages, impacts on urban and rural areas, and the consequences of company relocation. The vocabulary is used with a moderate level of precision and flexibility.

The writer skillfully employs phrases like "easing pressure on infrastructure," "fulfilling their material needs," "allocate funds," and "immediately visible impacts," showcasing a breadth of vocabulary. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, leading to some sentences lacking precision or fluency. For instance, phrases like "migrating workers along," "much money should be allocated," and "when companies move to their places" slightly hinder the fluency and precision of expression.

There are sporadic errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, albeit not severely affecting communication. The essay effectively conveys the writer’s position and adequately explores both sides of the argument using a variety of vocabulary.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining the use of less common lexical items with greater precision and accuracy. Proofread to rectify occasional errors in word choice, ensuring that phrases and expressions align more cohesively with the intended message. Expanding vocabulary with nuanced words and expressions while ensuring their seamless integration into the text would elevate the score. Additionally, paying closer attention to collocation and sentence structures will contribute to a more refined lexical repertoire.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures. The sentences are generally error-free, and the essay maintains coherence in presenting ideas. However, there are some minor errors that slightly affect the overall accuracy. For instance, there is a missing article in "an improved quality of life," and in the sentence, "Moreover, factories have to pay more for transportation services," the term "their places" might be more appropriately phrased as "their new locations." While these errors are not pervasive, they are noticeable.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to article usage and make sure that all sentences are phrased with precision. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to catch and correct minor errors will further elevate the overall quality of the essay. Engaging in sentence-level revision, especially in complex structures, can contribute to achieving a more polished and error-free piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Some governments advocate for businesses to relocate from cities to the countryside as a solution to transportation and accommodation challenges. In my opinion, the disadvantages of this approach surpass its benefits.

Undoubtedly, the migration of companies and factories to rural regions can alleviate pressure on urban infrastructure, particularly in housing and transportation, owing to the movement of workers. Moreover, urban residents can experience an enhanced quality of life, benefiting from improved air quality and reduced traffic congestion. Additionally, rural areas stand to gain various advantages from business relocations, fostering overall local economic development. To elaborate, local residents can secure employment in factories, meeting their material needs, and local markets can witness modernization and increased vibrancy.

Nevertheless, the relocation of companies from cities presents numerous disadvantages that outweigh the benefits for the government, businesses, and rural areas. Firstly, the government must allocate funds for constructing modern facilities, roads, and electricity infrastructure to attract companies and provide favorable conditions for their growth. This plan demands a substantial amount of time and money, especially when resources could be better allocated to more essential activities such as building schools. Secondly, companies face the challenge of investing considerable time and money in training rural workers to operate advanced machinery, a task not as demanding in urban settings. Furthermore, factories incur additional expenses for transportation services, shipping their products to familiar customers in light of their changing location. Finally, the local quality of life undergoes a significant decline when companies relocate, leading to visible impacts like air and water pollution, with untreated waste water and toxic fumes released directly into the environment.

In conclusion, the strategy of relocating companies from urban to rural areas to address transportation and housing issues is not a favorable approach, as its drawbacks far outweigh its merits.”

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