Some people think that living in a big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One school of thought advocates that it is harmful for people’s health to settle in a metropolis. From my perspective, I partly agree with this comment because of the following compelling reasons.

On the one hand, admittedly, there are numerous factors affecting the health of residents in large cities. Firstly, citizens ought to suffer from higher stress levels from the fast-paced lifestyle. Most people sort out a heavy workload everyday, eventually there is somebody who has to work overtime to accomplish their deadlines. In addition, responsibilities that take care of family and make them proud are also elements forcing people to work harder and face more stress. Secondly, personal experience with various kinds of pollution in big cities takes a toll on residents' health. For example, traffic jams are such a common phenomenon that most citizens encounter, especially in rush hours and they must put up with noise pollution and air pollution which cause many dangerous effects to their health.

On the other hand, living in big cities also brings a variety of health benefits for individuals. Firstly, they have better access to healthcare services. It is inevitable that there will be more reputable hospitals located in urban areas compared to rural areas, thus it can meet the treatment demands of patients at a higher level. For example, Hue Central Hospital has been recognized as an advanced medical center which has a highly qualified medical team and modern equipment treating serious diseases such as cancer. Secondly, there are more recreational facilities and opportunities for physical activity. The athletic movements in big cities is indeed developing intensely in various types of sports such as: football, basketball, … etc and this will encourage people to practice more with aim to promote healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, living in a metropolis has both pros and cons for health, nevertheless, it is more significant for people to be aware of regular practice and balance in lifestyle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought advocates that" -> "One perspective holds that"
Explanation: "One school of thought advocates that" is somewhat verbose and less direct. "One perspective holds that" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"it is harmful for people’s health to settle in a metropolis" -> "residing in a metropolis is detrimental to one’s health"
Explanation: The phrase "residing in a metropolis" is more precise and formal than "settle in a metropolis," and "is detrimental to one’s health" is a more academic way of expressing harm to health.
"admittedly" -> "it is acknowledged that"
Explanation: "Admittedly" can imply a personal admission, which is less formal in academic writing. "It is acknowledged that" is more objective and suitable for formal essays.
"citizens ought to suffer from" -> "citizens are likely to experience"
Explanation: "Ought to suffer from" is overly formal and slightly archaic. "Are likely to experience" is more contemporary and maintains a formal tone.
"Most people sort out a heavy workload everyday" -> "Many individuals manage a heavy workload daily"
Explanation: "Sort out" is an informal idiom and "everyday" should be "daily." "Manage" is a more formal verb choice, and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing.
"eventually there is somebody who has to work overtime" -> "ultimately, some individuals may need to work overtime"
Explanation: "Eventually there is somebody" is informal and vague. "Ultimately, some individuals may need to" is clearer and more formal.
"take care of family and make them proud" -> "care for their families and meet their expectations"
Explanation: "Take care of family and make them proud" is overly colloquial and vague. "Care for their families and meet their expectations" is more precise and formal.
"personal experience with various kinds of pollution" -> "personal exposure to various types of pollution"
Explanation: "Personal experience with" is less specific and slightly informal. "Personal exposure to" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"takes a toll on residents’ health" -> "affects the health of residents"
Explanation: "Takes a toll on" is an idiom that may be seen as too informal for academic writing. "Affects the health of" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"It is inevitable that there will be more reputable hospitals" -> "It is inevitable that there will be more reputable hospitals in urban areas"
Explanation: Adding "in urban areas" clarifies the context and provides specificity, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"The athletic movements in big cities is indeed developing intensely" -> "Athletic activities in large cities are indeed developing intensely"
Explanation: "The athletic movements" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Athletic activities" is grammatically correct and more specific.
"with aim to promote healthy lifestyle" -> "with the aim of promoting a healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "With aim to" is grammatically incorrect. "With the aim of" is the correct prepositional phrase for this context, and "a healthy lifestyle" is grammatically correct.
"living in a metropolis has both pros and cons for health" -> "residing in a metropolis presents both advantages and disadvantages for health"
Explanation: "Has both pros and cons" is informal and vague. "Presents both advantages and disadvantages" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the health implications of living in big cities. The writer acknowledges the negative aspects, such as stress and pollution, while also highlighting the positive aspects, such as access to healthcare and recreational facilities. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as the phrase "partly agree" is somewhat vague and does not clearly articulate the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For instance, they could clarify whether they lean more towards the negative or positive aspects of urban living. Additionally, they could provide a more balanced analysis by ensuring that both sides are discussed in equal depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position of partial agreement, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. While the introduction mentions a "partly agree" viewpoint, the conclusion states that it is "more significant for people to be aware of regular practice and balance in lifestyle," which could confuse the reader about the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "this supports my view that…" or "this highlights the importance of…" to tie their examples back to their central argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does present ideas related to both the negative and positive aspects of city living. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the mention of stress and pollution is relevant, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen these points. Similarly, the discussion of healthcare access and recreational facilities could be expanded with additional details or examples.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed evidence for their claims. This could include citing studies or statistics related to health outcomes in urban versus rural settings or providing more specific examples of recreational facilities that promote health. Additionally, elaborating on how these factors directly impact health would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the health implications of living in big cities. However, some sentences could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "athletic movements in big cities is indeed developing intensely" could be more clearly connected to how this development directly benefits health.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the health implications of living in a big city. They could use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline how the content relates to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the essay tightly focused on the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, depth of support, and explicit positioning will help elevate the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for arguments supporting both sides of the issue. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present the negative aspects of city living, followed by the positive aspects. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother; for instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by a somewhat abrupt shift to "On the other hand" without a clear linking sentence that summarizes the previous point or introduces the counterargument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that summarize the previous argument before introducing the next one. For example, after discussing the negative impacts of city living, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, there are also significant advantages to living in urban areas" could provide a clearer transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the negative health impacts, while the second highlights the benefits. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth of discussion. The first paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argumentation.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second paragraph with additional examples or elaboration on the benefits of city living. For instance, discussing specific recreational facilities or community programs that promote health could strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to structure the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion. For example, the use of "for example" is repeated, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for example," you could use "such as," "for instance," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using phrases like "in contrast," "conversely," or "similarly" can help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on smoother transitions, balanced paragraph development, and a wider range of cohesive devices will enhance the coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "metropolis," "stress levels," "pollution," and "health benefits." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the phrase "heavy workload" is somewhat common and could be replaced with more advanced synonyms such as "burdensome workload" or "intensive job demands." Additionally, phrases like "better access to healthcare services" could be enhanced to "improved accessibility to healthcare provisions."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. Reading a variety of academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can help in expanding vocabulary. Engaging with vocabulary-building exercises focused on synonyms and antonyms related to health and urban living would also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "reputable hospitals" and "advanced medical center." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "sort out a heavy workload," which could be confusing. The phrase "sort out" typically implies resolving or organizing, which may not accurately convey the intended meaning of managing or dealing with a heavy workload. Additionally, the phrase "athletic movements in big cities is indeed developing intensely" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word meanings and contexts, as well as practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary to ensure proper usage. Utilizing a thesaurus can also help in finding more precise alternatives.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "everyday" which should be "every day" in this context, as "everyday" is an adjective meaning commonplace, while "every day" refers to each day. Additionally, "with aim to promote healthy lifestyle" should include "a" before "healthy lifestyle."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can further aid in improving spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a fair range of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "admittedly, there are numerous factors affecting the health of residents in large cities" showcases an ability to incorporate introductory adverbs and dependent clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," which could be varied to enhance the flow of ideas. The use of passive voice is minimal, which could be an area for further exploration to add complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, instead of starting multiple points with "Firstly" or "Secondly," you could use phrases like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Another significant point is…" This will create a more engaging narrative. Additionally, incorporating more passive constructions where appropriate can add variety and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, in the phrase "Most people sort out a heavy workload everyday," the word "everyday" should be "every day" as it refers to the frequency of the action rather than an adjective describing a common occurrence. Additionally, the sentence "there is somebody who has to work overtime to accomplish their deadlines" could be improved for clarity by changing "there is somebody" to "some individuals." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are joined.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors such as the misuse of "everyday" versus "every day." Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness; for example, rephrasing "there is somebody who has to work overtime" to "some individuals often work overtime." Improving punctuation by ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will also enhance the readability of your essay. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on your writing can further help in identifying and correcting these issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective holds that residing in a metropolis is detrimental to one’s health. From my viewpoint, I partly agree with this assertion due to several compelling reasons.

On the one hand, it is acknowledged that there are numerous factors affecting the health of residents in large cities. Firstly, citizens are likely to experience higher stress levels due to the fast-paced lifestyle. Many individuals manage a heavy workload daily, and ultimately, some individuals may need to work overtime to meet their deadlines. Additionally, the responsibilities of caring for their families and meeting their expectations also contribute to the pressure that people face, leading to increased stress. Secondly, personal exposure to various types of pollution in big cities affects the health of residents. For example, traffic jams are such a common phenomenon that most citizens encounter, especially during rush hours, and they must endure noise pollution and air pollution, which can have serious consequences for their health.

On the other hand, living in big cities also presents a variety of health benefits for individuals. Firstly, they have better access to healthcare services. It is inevitable that there will be more reputable hospitals in urban areas compared to rural regions, thus meeting the treatment demands of patients at a higher level. For instance, Hue Central Hospital has been recognized as an advanced medical center with a highly qualified medical team and modern equipment capable of treating serious diseases such as cancer. Secondly, there are more recreational facilities and opportunities for physical activity. Athletic activities in large cities are indeed developing intensely across various sports, such as football and basketball, which encourages people to engage more in physical exercise with the aim of promoting a healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, residing in a metropolis presents both advantages and disadvantages for health. Nevertheless, it is crucial for individuals to be aware of the importance of regular practice and maintaining a balanced lifestyle.