Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

A number of people believe that mental endurance is essential for the success of sports. However, others contend that having physical powers is more crucial. While mental stability is necessary in sport competitions, I am of the opinion that physical attributes can bring benefits.
On the one hand, a strong mentality is vital in sport competitions to some extent. One reason for this is that athletes can be motivated and energized. This is because in competition there will be times of tension and excitement, at that time if the fans cheer them on, they will have the ability to recover mentally and spiritually to overcome the challenge. For example, when in a football match, the players take penalty kicks to decide winner or loser, fans in the stadiums cheer them on to keep motivated. Consequently, they will succeed and bring awards back to their home country.
On the other hand, despite the advantages mentioned above, I believe that a high level of strength and fitness can be more beneficial. Many sports require a high level of physical ability such as endurance, agility,… For example, an athlete participating in a running competition needs speech and endurance to compete more effectively. In addition, good physical fitness helps athletes reduce injuries and enhance their performances. This is because if they do not have the necessary physical condition, when they meet a stronger partner, they will be knocked down quickly and the rate of injury will be more serious.
In conclusion, while mental stability is essential in sport competitions, I believe that physical attributes can bring important benefits more because those physical powers are required in the sports, enhancing their performances and reducing injuries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A number of people believe" -> "Many individuals contend"
Explanation: "Many individuals contend" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than the more casual "A number of people believe."
"others contend" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more specific and academically appropriate than "contend," which can imply a more general disagreement rather than a formal debate.
"having physical powers" -> "possessing physical abilities"
Explanation: "Possessing physical abilities" is more precise and formal than "having physical powers," which is vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"is necessary in sport competitions" -> "is essential in competitive sports"
Explanation: "Competitive sports" is a more specific and formal term than "sport competitions," which is less commonly used and sounds less formal.
"can bring benefits" -> "can yield benefits"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal synonym for "bring," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"to some extent" -> "to a certain extent"
Explanation: "To a certain extent" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to indicate a degree of truth or applicability.
"at that time if the fans cheer them on" -> "when fans cheer them on"
Explanation: Removing "at that time" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"they will have the ability to recover mentally and spiritually" -> "they will be able to recover mentally and spiritually"
Explanation: "Be able to" is more formal and precise than "have the ability to," aligning better with academic style.
"fans in the stadiums cheer them on" -> "fans in the stadiums cheer them on"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure and clarity in the sentence.
"to keep motivated" -> "to maintain motivation"
Explanation: "Maintain motivation" is a more formal and precise phrase than "keep motivated," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Many sports require a high level of physical ability such as endurance, agility," -> "Many sports necessitate high levels of physical abilities such as endurance and agility"
Explanation: "Necessitate" is more formal than "require," and "high levels of physical abilities" is more precise and formal than "a high level of physical ability."
"speech and endurance" -> "speech and endurance"
Explanation: This correction removes the unnecessary comma, improving the grammatical structure of the list.
"if they do not have the necessary physical condition" -> "if they lack the necessary physical condition"
Explanation: "Lack" is more precise and formal than "do not have," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"they will be knocked down quickly" -> "they will be easily defeated"
Explanation: "Easily defeated" is a more formal and precise way to describe the outcome, avoiding the colloquial "knocked down."
"the rate of injury will be more serious" -> "the risk of injury will increase"
Explanation: "The risk of injury will increase" is a more formal and accurate way to express the potential consequence, replacing the vague "the rate of injury will be more serious."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of mental strength and physical fitness in sports. The first paragraph discusses the significance of mental endurance, providing an example of how fan support can motivate athletes during critical moments, such as penalty kicks in football. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the necessity of physical attributes in sports, particularly in terms of endurance and injury prevention. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal weight. This could involve providing more detailed examples and explanations for the mental strength argument, as well as a deeper analysis of how mental resilience complements physical fitness in achieving success in sports.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, asserting that physical attributes are more beneficial for success in sports. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the essay begins by discussing the importance of mental strength, it does not fully integrate this perspective into the overall argument, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly connect the discussion of mental strength back to their main argument about physical attributes. This could involve acknowledging how mental strength can enhance physical performance or how both aspects work together to achieve success in sports.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both mental strength and physical fitness, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. The example of fans cheering during a penalty kick is relevant but lacks depth in explaining how this mental support translates into performance. Similarly, while the discussion of physical fitness is more robust, it could benefit from additional examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss specific sports where mental strength plays a crucial role or provide data on injury rates related to physical fitness levels. Additionally, using comparative examples could help illustrate the interplay between mental and physical attributes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of mental and physical attributes in sports. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the phrase "physical powers are required in the sports" is vague and could be more specific about which sports or scenarios are being referenced.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the question prompt. They could refine vague phrases and ensure that each point made directly supports their argument or the discussion of both perspectives. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, enhancing the balance between the two perspectives, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring clarity in the position will help elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each perspective separately, which aids in understanding. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of mental strength, while the second focuses on physical attributes. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the connection between the two arguments is not fully developed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that not only introduce the main idea of each paragraph but also link back to the overall argument. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help clarify the shift in focus from mental to physical attributes.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph contains a main idea, supported by examples. However, the second body paragraph could be improved by ensuring that all sentences contribute directly to the main argument, as some points appear slightly repetitive or less focused.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each sentence within a paragraph serves to support the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer focus on specific physical attributes that contribute to success in sports, rather than general statements about physical fitness. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph to summarize the key point and reinforce the connection to the overall thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with more varied connectors. For example, the phrase "this is because" is repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this is because," consider alternatives like "for this reason," "as a result," or "thus." Additionally, using conjunctions to connect ideas within sentences can enhance the flow. For instance, instead of starting a new sentence with "In addition," you could connect it to the previous sentence with "Moreover," to create a more seamless transition.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and improved clarity for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "mental endurance," "physical powers," "motivated," and "agility." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "strong mentality" and "physical attributes" could be expressed with more diverse synonyms or phrases to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "strong" or "physical," they could use "robust," "resilient," or "athletic." Additionally, incorporating more specific sports terminology could enhance the essay’s depth, such as "cardiovascular fitness" instead of just "fitness."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "physical powers," which is vague and could be better articulated as "physical strength" or "physical capabilities." The phrase "recover mentally and spiritually" is also somewhat unclear, as "spiritually" does not seem to fit the context of sports performance.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using terms that directly relate to the context of sports and mental strength. For example, replacing "physical powers" with "physical strength" or "athletic prowess" would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, the phrase "recover mentally" could be refined to "regain mental focus" to better convey the idea of mental recovery during competitions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "speech and endurance" seems to be a typographical error, as it likely should be "speed and endurance." Additionally, "sport competitions" could be more accurately phrased as "sports competitions."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that all terms are used correctly. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("if the fans cheer them on") and relative clauses ("that having physical powers is more crucial") showcases an attempt to incorporate different grammatical forms. However, the essay could benefit from more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or more varied conjunctions to connect ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "this is because," the writer could use "given that" or "considering that" to introduce explanations. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases) can add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "having physical powers is more crucial" could be more effectively expressed as "having physical strength is more crucial," as "powers" is somewhat vague in this context. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the ellipsis ("…") used in "such as endurance, agility,…", detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "despite the advantages mentioned above."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring that all terms used are appropriate for the context. Reviewing punctuation rules, especially concerning lists and clauses, will also be beneficial. Practicing proofreading techniques can help catch these minor errors before submission. For instance, the writer could read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing or punctuation issues.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A number of people believe that mental endurance is essential for the success of sports. However, others contend that possessing physical abilities is more crucial. While mental stability is necessary in sports competitions, I am of the opinion that physical attributes can yield significant benefits.

On the one hand, a strong mentality is vital in sports competitions to a certain extent. One reason for this is that athletes can be motivated and energized. This is because, in competition, there will be times of tension and excitement; at those times, if the fans cheer them on, they will be able to recover mentally and spiritually to overcome the challenge. For example, during a football match, when players take penalty kicks to decide the winner or loser, fans in the stadium cheer them on to maintain motivation. Consequently, they will succeed and bring awards back to their home country.

On the other hand, despite the advantages mentioned above, I believe that a high level of strength and fitness can be more beneficial. Many sports necessitate high levels of physical abilities such as endurance and agility. For example, an athlete participating in a running competition needs strength and endurance to compete more effectively. In addition, good physical fitness helps athletes reduce injuries and enhance their performances. This is because if they lack the necessary physical condition, when they meet a stronger opponent, they will be easily defeated, and the risk of injury will increase.

In conclusion, while mental stability is essential in sports competitions, I believe that physical attributes can bring important benefits because these physical abilities are required in sports, enhancing their performances and reducing injuries.