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Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn news. However, others believe that they can learn news better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn news. However, others believe that they can learn news better through other media. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views of whether newspapers are the best way to access news or not, some people claim they can read news better through other approaches such as media. In my view, while media platforms have several benefits to read news, the existence of newspapers still can not be replaced completely.

Nowadays, with the advancement of technology the internet has been becoming the vast majority of ways for people to access news such as some Media platforms which are Facebook, Line, Instagram, etc. People can get news through these ways more quickly and conveniently compared with newspapers. They don’t need to consider where to buy it and how to take it, just reading news everywhere and everytime by their digital devices such as phones, IPads, computers. In addition, they can know comments and ideas about other people in the moment through the function of media platforms such as the comment areas. People can discuss easily
about the issues of news.

Although getting news through these media platforms has several benefits that newspapers can not, these advantages may be disadvantages sometimes. Newspapers still take the important places of reliable resources of information. The publishing of newspapers needs to be examined through the company and related-department. Because they have to take responsibility for laws which are different from the news on social media that everybody can post. Despite, reading newspapers has less convenience, people can give more trust on the newspapers compared with news on social media.

In conclusion, While reading news through social media platforms has several conveniences, newspapers cannot be replaced completely.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "people claim they can read news better through other approaches such as media" -> "individuals assert that they can access news more effectively through alternative means, such as media."
    Explanation: Replacing "people claim" with "individuals assert" adds formality and precision to the statement. Additionally, specifying "alternative means" instead of just "other approaches" enhances clarity.

  2. "Nowadays, with the advancement of technology the internet has been becoming the vast majority of ways for people to access news such as some Media platforms which are Facebook, Line, Instagram, etc." -> "In contemporary times, owing to technological advancements, the internet has emerged as the predominant medium for accessing news, facilitated by various media platforms like Facebook, Line, Instagram, etc."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement maintains formality by replacing "Nowadays" with "In contemporary times" and provides a more sophisticated structure for expressing the idea.

  3. "They don’t need to consider where to buy it and how to take it, just reading news everywhere and everytime by their digital devices such as phones, IPads, computers." -> "Individuals no longer need to contemplate where to purchase newspapers or how to carry them; they can conveniently read news anywhere and anytime using digital devices such as phones, iPads, and computers."
    Explanation: The revised sentence eliminates contractions and improves formality. It also enhances clarity by specifying the devices used for accessing news.

  4. "In addition, they can know comments and ideas about other people in the moment through the function of media platforms such as the comment areas." -> "Moreover, they can instantly access comments and opinions from others through the interactive features of media platforms, such as comment sections."
    Explanation: The suggested improvements replace casual language with more formal alternatives, creating a more polished expression of the idea.

  5. "Although getting news through these media platforms has several benefits that newspapers can not, these advantages may be disadvantages sometimes." -> "While obtaining news through these media platforms offers numerous advantages not available with newspapers, these benefits may sometimes present drawbacks."
    Explanation: The recommended changes enhance formality by replacing "Although" with "While" and provide a more precise expression of the idea.

  6. "Newspapers still take the important places of reliable resources of information." -> "Newspapers continue to hold a significant position as reliable sources of information."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement refines the sentence by replacing colloquial language with a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "The publishing of newspapers needs to be examined through the company and related-department." -> "The publication of newspapers requires scrutiny by the company and relevant departments."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves formality and clarity by specifying the need for examination and using more formal language.

  8. "Despite, reading newspapers has less convenience, people can give more trust on the newspapers compared with news on social media." -> "Despite the inconvenience associated with reading newspapers, individuals tend to place greater trust in newspapers compared to news on social media."
    Explanation: The suggested improvements eliminate the unnecessary "Despite," improve the structure of the sentence, and enhance formality and precision in expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives, discussing the advantages of accessing news through media platforms and acknowledging the significance of newspapers. However, the discussion could be more balanced. The essay slightly leans towards favoring media platforms. Evidence from the essay: "While media platforms have several benefits to read news, the existence of newspapers still cannot be replaced completely."
    • How to improve: Strive for a more equitable treatment of both perspectives. Provide a more nuanced discussion of the strengths and weaknesses of each medium. Ensure that the reader sees a thoughtful exploration of both sides.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges the benefits of media platforms while emphasizing the enduring importance of newspapers. However, the position could be stated more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Clearly state your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for emphasis. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and ensure that the reader grasps your stance easily.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas about the convenience and advantages of media platforms. However, it lacks specific examples to support these ideas. On the other hand, the discussion about newspapers is more concrete, with an emphasis on the process of publishing and the responsibility it entails.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing specific examples or anecdotes to support points related to media platforms. This will make your arguments more compelling and convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from a more focused and concise expression of ideas. There are instances where the discussion seems a bit scattered, affecting the overall cohesiveness.
    • How to improve: Focus on presenting one idea at a time and ensure smooth transitions between points. Avoid unnecessary repetition or elaboration that may divert from the main topic. This will enhance the essay’s clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing the advantages of media platforms and the enduring significance of newspapers. Improvements in balance, clarity of position, use of examples, and focus will contribute to an even more effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with a clear introduction discussing the two perspectives on accessing news and presents a balanced view. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, addressing the benefits and drawbacks of newspapers and social media separately. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs, as some ideas could be better connected for a smoother progression of thought.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, creating a seamless flow of ideas. For example, use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the argument, reinforcing the logical connection between points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, some paragraphs could benefit from a more distinct topic sentence to guide the reader on the main idea.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by providing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help readers understand the central idea of each section immediately. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain a cohesive narrative. For instance, use linking sentences or phrases to bridge the gap between related concepts.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas, including transitional words such as "although," "despite," and "in addition." These devices contribute to coherence by signaling shifts between contrasting or supporting points. However, there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of cohesive devices to enhance overall fluency.
    • How to improve: Focus on integrating cohesive devices more naturally within sentences. Instead of merely signaling transitions, strive for a more organic incorporation of words and phrases that contribute to the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to diversify the writing style and maintain the reader’s engagement.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance the overall coherence, work on refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Strengthen paragraph structure with clear topic sentences, and aim for a more seamless integration of cohesive devices for improved fluency.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Some words and phrases are effectively used to convey ideas, such as "advancement of technology," "reliable resources of information," and "take responsibility for laws." However, there is room for improvement as certain concepts are expressed using common words and repetitive phrases, limiting the variety of vocabulary.

    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of frequently using the term "media platforms," experiment with alternative phrases like "digital channels" or "online avenues." Additionally, try to introduce more specialized terms related to news consumption and media.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where words could be chosen more carefully to convey a more precise meaning. For instance, in the phrase "they can read news better through other approaches such as media," the term "approaches" could be replaced with a more specific word like "channels" or "modes."

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your word choices. When expressing ideas, opt for terms that accurately capture the intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus or consulting vocabulary resources to find more precise alternatives for commonly used words. This will add nuance and depth to your expression.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some notable spelling errors, such as "everytime" (every time) and "conveniences" (convenience). These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools available in word processors. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing before submission will help ensure a higher level of spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, with some room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Focusing on enhancing vocabulary range and refining word choices, along with meticulous proofreading for spelling accuracy, will contribute to a more polished and linguistically sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used appropriately. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic structures, and the complexity of sentences could be improved for a higher band score. For example, the essay frequently uses simple sentences like "People can get news through these ways more quickly and conveniently compared with newspapers," which, while clear, lacks the sophistication that could be achieved with more complex structures.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, try incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Introduce relative clauses, participial phrases, and other complex structures to add depth to your writing. For instance, instead of a straightforward statement, consider a sentence like, "In the era of technological advancements, news is swiftly disseminated through various digital platforms, such as Facebook, Line, and Instagram, rendering traditional newspapers seemingly antiquated."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of minor errors. For instance, in the sentence, "Because they have to take responsibility for laws which are different from the news on social media that everybody can post," there is a lack of parallel structure. The phrase "because they have to take responsibility for laws" could be revised for better clarity. Additionally, there are occasional issues with article usage, such as "the important places" instead of "an important role."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to parallelism in your sentences to maintain a smooth and logical flow. Review articles, prepositions, and conjunctions to ensure correct usage. For the mentioned sentence, consider rephrasing as follows: "Because they are bound by legal responsibilities distinct from the unrestricted news posting on social media, newspapers play a crucial role in providing reliable information."

In summary, your essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, with minor areas for improvement. To elevate your score, focus on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar, especially in terms of parallelism and article usage. Keep practicing and experimenting with different sentence constructions to achieve a more varied and sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold varying opinions on whether newspapers remain the optimal source for news or if alternative media methods offer a more effective approach. Some individuals assert that they can access news more effectively through alternative means, such as media. In my perspective, while media platforms have various benefits for reading news, the significance of newspapers cannot be entirely replaced.

In contemporary times, owing to technological advancements, the internet has emerged as the predominant medium for accessing news, facilitated by various media platforms like Facebook, Line, Instagram, etc. Individuals no longer need to contemplate where to purchase newspapers or how to carry them; they can conveniently read news anywhere and anytime using digital devices such as phones, iPads, and computers. Moreover, they can instantly access comments and opinions from others through the interactive features of media platforms, such as comment sections. People can engage in discussions easily about news issues.

While obtaining news through these media platforms offers numerous advantages not available with newspapers, these benefits may sometimes present drawbacks. Newspapers continue to hold a significant position as reliable sources of information. The publication of newspapers requires scrutiny by the company and relevant departments. Despite the inconvenience associated with reading newspapers, individuals tend to place greater trust in newspapers compared to news on social media.

In conclusion, while reading news through social media platforms has several conveniences, newspapers cannot be replaced completely. The benefits of quick and convenient access to news through alternative media should be weighed against the reliability and trustworthiness that newspapers continue to offer in the realm of information.

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