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Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to the new buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to the new buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, it is argued that older structures should be destroyed to make room for the construction of many new buildings rather than spending a significant amount of money maintaining them. However, in my opinion, money should be allocated to both.

One of the main reasons for destroying old buildings is maintenance costs. The cost will slowly build up and will be ineffective in the long term, as when we repair the parts, they will also deteriorate due to being old and out-dated. The next is safety. Many aging structures exhibit structural weaknesses, posing potential hazards to their inhabitants and passersby. These could be anything from electrical systems to heating and crumbling buildings. If we were to demolish them and rebuild them with the new standard, it would simply be much safer, less expensive, and better in the long run.

Despite that, old buildings also have a purpose, which is cultural heritage. Cultural Heritage is something that is only accessible through the long-term persistence of old and valuable objects. Even though it is currently seen as invaluable, in the future, this could be priceless due to the fact that everything will be made and to the requirements and demands of the technological structure.

In the end, it's better to have a balance between both old and new buildings, and to achieve this, we can do the following: For old buildings, we should only preserve those that have a meaning, not everything, something that is a time period of history itself, and for the new ones, we will rebuild them; these only count as residence buildings. If we are able to achieve this, we won't have to sacrifice history for safety and comfort.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Today, it is argued that older structures should be destroyed to make room for the construction of many new buildings rather than spending a significant amount of money maintaining them." -> "Currently, there is a debate surrounding the demolition of older structures to facilitate the construction of new buildings, as opposed to investing a substantial amount of money in their maintenance."
    Explanation: Replacing "it is argued that" with "there is a debate surrounding" adds formality and precision to the statement, while the revised structure enhances clarity.

  2. "However, in my opinion, money should be allocated to both." -> "Nevertheless, I believe funds should be allocated to both options."
    Explanation: Replacing "in my opinion" with "I believe" maintains a more formal tone, and "options" instead of "both" adds specificity and clarity.

  3. "The cost will slowly build up and will be ineffective in the long term, as when we repair the parts, they will also deteriorate due to being old and out-dated." -> "The expenses will gradually accumulate and prove ineffective in the long term because, as we repair individual components, they may deteriorate further due to their outdated nature."
    Explanation: Substituting "build up" with "accumulate" and replacing "will be" with "prove" contribute to a more formal expression. The term "out-dated" is modified to "outdated" for correctness.

  4. "If we were to demolish them and rebuild them with the new standard, it would simply be much safer, less expensive, and better in the long run." -> "Demolishing and reconstructing them to meet modern standards would significantly enhance safety, cost-effectiveness, and overall long-term quality."
    Explanation: The proposed changes aim to improve the conciseness and formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity.

  5. "Cultural Heritage is something that is only accessible through the long-term persistence of old and valuable objects." -> "Cultural heritage is accessible only through the enduring presence of aged and valuable artifacts."
    Explanation: The capitalization of "Cultural Heritage" is corrected to "cultural heritage" for consistency. Additionally, the phrasing is refined for a more formal expression.

  6. "Even though it is currently seen as invaluable, in the future, this could be priceless due to the fact that everything will be made and to the requirements and demands of the technological structure." -> "Although presently deemed invaluable, in the future, such heritage could become priceless as a result of aligning with the evolving requirements and demands of technological advancements."
    Explanation: The word "invaluable" is retained but placed in a more formal context. The phrase "made and to" is corrected to "aligned with," offering a more precise and formal expression.

  7. "In the end, it’s better to have a balance between both old and new buildings, and to achieve this, we can do the following:" -> "Ultimately, achieving a balance between old and new buildings is preferable, and to accomplish this, the following steps can be taken:"
    Explanation: The contraction "it’s" is expanded to "it is" for formality, and the phrase is restructured for improved flow and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the reasons for demolishing old buildings (maintenance costs and safety) while acknowledging the importance of cultural heritage. Relevant sections are the paragraphs explaining the need for destruction due to maintenance costs and safety concerns, as well as the paragraph highlighting the cultural value of old buildings.
    • How to improve: While the essay does well in addressing all parts of the question, a slight improvement could be made in providing even more specific examples or real-life instances to bolster the arguments presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer expresses the opinion that both preserving old buildings for cultural heritage and demolishing them for safety reasons are important. The thesis statement and subsequent paragraphs consistently support this stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity further, consider explicitly stating the balanced position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. The discussion of maintenance costs, safety concerns, and cultural heritage is well-developed, with specific examples and reasoning provided. The paragraph on achieving a balance between old and new buildings adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider expanding on the potential drawbacks or challenges of solely focusing on either demolishing or preserving old buildings.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages of demolishing old buildings and the importance of preserving cultural heritage. However, there is a brief mention of rebuilding only residential buildings, which might slightly deviate from the central theme.
    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensure that all details and suggestions directly relate to the broader topic of whether old buildings should be demolished or preserved. If introducing specific criteria for preserving or rebuilding certain types of buildings, provide a more explicit connection to the overall argument.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong response to the prompt, effectively addressing various aspects of the question. To enhance the essay further, consider providing more specific examples, explicitly stating the balanced position, and maintaining a tight focus on the central theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally logical organization. It introduces the topic by presenting contrasting views on demolishing old buildings for new constructions. The writer then discusses reasons for destroying old buildings and subsequently presents counterarguments advocating for their preservation. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure with more distinct paragraphs for each main point. For instance, the discussion about reasons for demolishing old buildings and the significance of cultural heritage could be separated into distinct paragraphs for better clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider structuring the essay more explicitly by using separate paragraphs for each main idea. Introduce a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, dedicate a paragraph solely to discussing the reasons for demolishing old buildings, another for the importance of cultural heritage, and a final one for suggesting a balanced approach.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize its content, but the division of ideas into separate paragraphs is not consistently clear. The initial paragraph introduces the topic, followed by a couple of paragraphs discussing reasons for demolishing old buildings and preserving cultural heritage, yet the transitions between these sections lack explicit clarity. As a result, the structure feels somewhat merged rather than distinctly separated.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the central theme of that paragraph. Use transitions or linking sentences between paragraphs to establish a smoother flow between ideas. For instance, use phrases like "On the other hand," "In addition," or "Moreover" to connect contrasting or supporting ideas between paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "however," "despite that," and "in the end," to connect ideas and demonstrate contrast or progression. However, there is limited diversity in cohesive devices, leading to a slightly repetitive use of transitional phrases. Furthermore, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs, making the connection between sentences less cohesive.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases to indicate different relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect, contrast, similarity, and conclusion. Additionally, focus on using cohesive devices within paragraphs to create smoother connections between sentences. Employ pronouns, synonyms, or referencing words to maintain coherence within each paragraph and avoid unnecessary repetition of transitional phrases.

By implementing these suggestions, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be significantly improved, leading to a more structured, logically organized, and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, covering both sides of the argument. Words like "argued," "allocated," and "ineffective" contribute to the depth of expression. However, there is room for improvement as some phrases are repetitive, such as the frequent use of "old buildings" and "new buildings."
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repetitively using "old buildings," you can use terms like "historical structures" or "aging edifices" to add diversity to your language. Additionally, explore more nuanced vocabulary when discussing concepts like cultural heritage.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with clarity, but there are instances where the phrasing could be more precise. For example, the term "long-term persistence" in the context of cultural heritage could be refined for greater specificity.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision in your language by selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of "long-term persistence," you might use "endurance" or "continuity." This helps to communicate your ideas more precisely and contributes to a more sophisticated writing style.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally sound, with only minor issues like "rebuild" instead of "rebuilding" and a missing "s" in "these only count as residence buildings."
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to details in spelling. Proofread your work carefully to catch such minor errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar-checking tools to ensure thorough accuracy. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing before submission will further enhance spelling precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource. To elevate the lexical quality, focus on diversifying your vocabulary, refining precision in expression, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. These improvements will contribute to a more refined and sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used effectively throughout the text. For instance, there is a mix of complex sentences such as, "The cost will slowly build up and will be ineffective in the long term," and shorter, impactful sentences like, "Despite that, old buildings also have a purpose, which is cultural heritage."
    • How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures, such as parallelism and varied clause structures. Additionally, ensure that sentence length aligns with the complexity of the ideas being expressed. This will add sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The overall grammatical accuracy is commendable. Most sentences are grammatically sound, with only a few minor errors. For example, in the phrase, "due to being old and out-dated," the hyphen in "out-dated" is unnecessary.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to minor grammatical details, such as unnecessary hyphens or word choices that may affect the overall clarity. Proofread your work carefully to catch these small errors and enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of your essay.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well executed, contributing to the coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where comma splices occur, like in the sentence, "If we are able to achieve this, we won’t have to sacrifice history for safety and comfort."
    • How to improve: Be vigilant about comma usage, ensuring that they are appropriately placed to separate clauses or items in a series. Consider using a semicolon or conjunctions to correct comma splices and maintain the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading for punctuation errors will enhance the overall precision of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, there is an ongoing debate about whether older structures should be demolished to make way for new buildings, rather than investing a significant amount of money in their maintenance. Nevertheless, I believe funds should be allocated to both options.

The expenses associated with maintaining old buildings can gradually accumulate and prove ineffective in the long term. As we repair individual components, they may deteriorate further due to their outdated nature. Therefore, demolishing and reconstructing them to meet modern standards would significantly enhance safety, cost-effectiveness, and overall long-term quality.

Safety is a crucial factor in favor of demolishing old buildings. Many aging structures exhibit structural weaknesses, posing potential hazards to their inhabitants and passersby. These issues can range from faulty electrical systems to heating problems and crumbling structures. Rebuilding with new standards would not only be much safer but also less expensive in the long run.

However, old buildings serve a vital purpose in preserving cultural heritage. Cultural heritage is accessible only through the enduring presence of aged and valuable artifacts. Though currently considered invaluable, these structures could become priceless in the future by aligning with the evolving requirements and demands of technological advancements.

In conclusion, achieving a balance between old and new buildings is preferable. To accomplish this, we can take the following steps: preserve only those old buildings that hold significant historical meaning, representing a particular time period. Simultaneously, for new buildings, prioritize reconstruction, especially in residential areas. By doing so, we can avoid sacrificing history for the sake of safety and comfort.

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