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some people think that organizing international sports events is good for the host country while others think it is bad. discuss both views and state your opinion.

some people think that organizing international sports events is good for the host country while others think it is bad. discuss both views and state your opinion.

It is said that holding international sports events would bring several benefits for the nation that organizes the event while others are of the opinion that it only has negative impacts on the country. This essay will discuss both sides of this argument and elaborate on why I believe the former is stronger.

On the one hand, it might be an honor to organize a global event but it also causes some detriments. Undeniably, the cost to hold a world class event is prohibitive. The maintenance and enhancing of the stadium’s qualifications is necessary, which requires a tremendous amount of money for sanitation, equipment, coaching,…. Furthermore, the dearth of sufficient financial management could lead to bankruptcy of a whole nation. An illustration is that Greece faced an economic crisis after holding the Olympic Athen in 2006 and still unable to solve this financial issue until now.

On the other hand, I would argue that hosting a worldwide event might improve the nation's prospects in numerous fields. Firstly, being able to hold an intercontinental affair proves the wealth and the holistic development of that country, which can boost the prestige and build a strong reputation over the world, and lead to the strengthening relationships between host country and other nations. Secondly, it is an effective way to promote the nation’s image to the world. Throughout and after the event, a vast majority of tourists will visit the country and spend a large amount of money as an experiential journey, which contributes significantly to the economy.

In conclusion, while some individuals are convinced that organizing international affairs might have an adverse impact on the country, I totally agree with those who believe the host country will receive colossal advantages throughout worldwide events.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "it is said that" -> "It is argued that"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is said that" with "It is argued that" introduces a more formal and precise expression commonly used in academic discourse.

  2. "others are of the opinion" -> "others contend"
    Explanation: Substituting "others are of the opinion" with "others contend" adds a level of formality and emphasizes the differing viewpoints more academically.

  3. "This essay will discuss both sides of this argument and elaborate on why I believe the former is stronger." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives and elucidate why the former holds more weight."
    Explanation: The suggested revision maintains formality while providing a more sophisticated expression for discussing the strength of one perspective over the other.

  4. "On the one hand, it might be an honor" -> "On one hand, it can be considered an honor"
    Explanation: Simplifying "it might be an honor" to "it can be considered an honor" maintains a formal tone while eliminating unnecessary hedging.

  5. "but it also causes some detriments" -> "yet it also entails drawbacks"
    Explanation: Substituting "causes some detriments" with "entails drawbacks" introduces a more formal and precise term for negative impacts.

  6. "Undeniably, the cost to hold a world-class event is prohibitive." -> "Undoubtedly, the expense of hosting a world-class event is prohibitive."
    Explanation: Replacing "cost" with "expense" and adding "of hosting" enhances precision and formality.

  7. "maintenance and enhancing" -> "maintenance and enhancement"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar by changing "enhancing" to "enhancement" ensures proper parallelism in the list.

  8. "tremendous amount of money for sanitation, equipment, coaching,…." -> "a substantial financial investment in sanitation, equipment, coaching, and other necessities."
    Explanation: Replacing "tremendous amount of money" with "substantial financial investment" and specifying the items in the list enhances clarity and formality.

  9. "Furthermore, the dearth of sufficient financial management could lead to bankruptcy of a whole nation." -> "Moreover, inadequate financial management could result in the economic collapse of an entire nation."
    Explanation: Replacing "dearth" with "inadequate" and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality.

  10. "An illustration is that Greece faced an economic crisis after holding the Olympic Athen in 2006 and still unable to solve this financial issue until now." -> "An illustrative example is the economic crisis Greece encountered after hosting the Athens Olympics in 2006, and the nation remains unable to resolve this financial issue to date."
    Explanation: The revision provides a more formal and detailed expression of the example, improving overall clarity and academic tone.

  11. "On the other hand, I would argue that" -> "Conversely, I contend that"
    Explanation: Replacing "On the other hand, I would argue that" with "Conversely, I contend that" introduces a more formal and assertive expression of the opposing viewpoint.

  12. "being able to hold an intercontinental affair" -> "successfully hosting an international event"
    Explanation: Replacing "being able to hold" with "successfully hosting" improves conciseness and formality.

  13. "proves the wealth and the holistic development of that country" -> "demonstrates the prosperity and comprehensive development of the nation"
    Explanation: The suggested revision employs more formal and precise language to convey the idea.

  14. "boost the prestige" -> "enhance the prestige"
    Explanation: Substituting "boost" with "enhance" adds a more formal and nuanced expression to the sentence.

  15. "and lead to the strengthening relationships" -> "and contribute to strengthening relationships"
    Explanation: Adding "contribute to" before "strengthening relationships" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

  16. "Throughout and after the event" -> "During and after the event"
    Explanation: Replacing "Throughout" with "During" improves precision in indicating the time frame.

  17. "a vast majority of tourists" -> "a substantial number of tourists"
    Explanation: The term "substantial number" is more formal than "vast majority" and maintains clarity.

  18. "an experiential journey" -> "a significant experiential journey"
    Explanation: Adding "significant" enhances the impact of the journey, making the expression more formal.

  19. "colossal advantages" -> "significant benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "colossal advantages" with "significant benefits" maintains formality while providing a more precise term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives on organizing international sports events, presenting arguments for both the positive and negative impacts. The introduction introduces the topic, and the conclusion clearly states the writer’s opinion. However, some improvement is needed in fully addressing each part of the question. For instance, the negative impacts could be further emphasized in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider dedicating equal attention to both positive and negative aspects of hosting international sports events. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on the detriments associated with such events.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of the benefits of hosting international events. The position is evident in the thesis statement and is consistently supported throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider expressing it more explicitly in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the writer’s standpoint for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, supports them with examples, and extends arguments, particularly in favor of the benefits of hosting international events. However, there is room for improvement in the development of counterarguments against hosting such events. The negative impacts could be further elaborated and supported with concrete examples.
    • How to improve: Provide more detailed examples and evidence when discussing the drawbacks of hosting international events. Elaborate on the economic challenges and social consequences faced by countries, such as the case of Greece after the 2006 Olympic Athens.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the positive and negative aspects of hosting international sports events. However, there are some instances where the points could be more focused and directly related to the prompt.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Avoid general statements that may divert from the main topic. Be explicit and specific in linking each point back to the impact of hosting international sports events on the host country.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a well-supported opinion. To improve, consider providing more balanced attention to both positive and negative aspects, explicitly stating the position, and offering more detailed examples to support counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that each point contributes directly to the discussion of the host country’s experience in organizing international sports events.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s position. Body paragraphs present both sides of the argument, followed by a well-summarized conclusion. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the negative impacts in the first body paragraph and the positive aspects in the second could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition phrases to guide the reader through the shift in focus. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the overall structure of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. However, the structure within paragraphs could be more refined. In some instances, ideas are presented in a list-like format, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more cohesive structure within paragraphs by developing ideas in a more connected manner. Each paragraph should have a central theme, and sentences within it should logically flow from one to the next. Consider using topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), but there is room for improvement in diversifying these devices. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to a lack of explicit connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall coherence by explicitly connecting to the preceding and following sentences. This will create a smoother and more interconnected flow throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it covers the topic adequately, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "global event," "world class event," and "intercontinental affair" are repeated, indicating a reliance on a limited set of expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. Explore nuanced vocabulary related to the economic, social, and diplomatic aspects of hosting international events. Additionally, vary sentence structures to showcase flexibility in language use.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary is generally acceptable, but there are instances where more specific and impactful word choices could be made. For example, the phrase "prohibitive cost" could be refined to convey a clearer sense of the financial challenges involved in hosting such events.
    • How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of general terms like "prohibitive cost," consider specifying the financial burdens, such as "exorbitant expenses" or "financial strain." This will add depth and clarity to your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with no major issues identified. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "Athen" instead of "Athens," and an extra space before the ellipsis ("coaching,….").
    • How to improve: Continue to pay careful attention to detail in terms of spelling. Proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors like those mentioned. Consider using tools like spell-check and seeking feedback from peers to ensure a high level of accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, but refining and diversifying word choices while maintaining precision will contribute to a more sophisticated and nuanced expression. Additionally, maintaining meticulous attention to spelling details will further elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable attempt to incorporate diverse sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic sentence structures, impacting the overall variety. For instance, many sentences start with the subject followed by the verb, which can create monotony.
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider employing complex structures like subordinate clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings. Introduce sentences with phrases or participial constructions to add sophistication. This will contribute to a more dynamic and engaging narrative.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar usage, but there are instances of errors that slightly impede comprehension. For example, in the sentence, "It is said that holding international sports events would bring several benefits for the nation that organizes the event," there is a lack of subject-verb agreement with "events" and "would bring."
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofread for such errors to ensure clarity and precision. Consider revisiting grammar rules related to agreement and tense for reinforcement.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is generally accurate, but there are notable areas for improvement. The essay tends to underutilize commas, leading to run-on sentences. For instance, in the sentence, "Undeniably, the cost to hold a world-class event is prohibitive," a comma after "Undeniably" would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on using commas to separate ideas within sentences, especially in complex sentences. Ensure proper placement of commas before coordinating conjunctions. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation in complex sentence structures to maintain clarity and coherence.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively conveys ideas, refining sentence structures, addressing grammar inaccuracies, and fine-tuning punctuation usage will elevate the overall grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to a more polished and sophisticated composition.

Bài sửa mẫu

“It is argued that hosting international sports events has its merits for the host nation, while others contend that it brings about negative impacts. This essay will examine both perspectives and elucidate why the former holds more weight.

On one hand, it can be considered an honor to organize a global event, yet it also entails drawbacks. Undoubtedly, the expense of hosting a world-class event is prohibitive. The maintenance and enhancement of stadium facilities necessitate a substantial financial investment in sanitation, equipment, coaching, and other necessities. Moreover, inadequate financial management could result in the economic collapse of an entire nation. An illustrative example is the economic crisis Greece encountered after hosting the Athens Olympics in 2006, and the nation remains unable to resolve this financial issue to date.

Conversely, I contend that successfully hosting an international event demonstrates the prosperity and comprehensive development of the nation, enhancing its prestige, and contributing to strengthening relationships. During and after the event, a substantial number of tourists embark on a significant experiential journey, bringing significant benefits to the economy.

In conclusion, while some argue that organizing international events might have adverse impacts, I firmly support the idea that the host country reaps colossal advantages from worldwide events.”

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