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Some people think that parents should be equipped with parental skills to decrease youth crimes?

Some people think that parents should be equipped with parental skills to decrease youth crimes?

It is under question that parents should have parental skills to limit youngsters’ criminal tendencies. Personally, I, believe that it is really crucial for adults to be equipped with these skills, however, youth crimes are able to occur for a variety of reasons. This paper, therefore, will outline both agreements and disagreements on this controversial matter as well as express my own perspective.
On the one hand, parents have a primary responsibility to teach their children, who are instructed about the world and themselves. More particularly, rich parenting can lead to a full of guidance and emotional support for their children, for example, not only teaching their mother tongue, self-protection, self-confidence, kindness, and so on but also identifying social evils such as racing, gambling, etc. When it comes to youngsters, who are not aware of serious consequences, usually tend to be curious about new things without truly understanding, therefore, adults must become their instructors to love and share with them. Furthermore, living under parental abuse, for instance, violence against children by atc and words, has resulted in long-term effects on the children’s physical and mental health, they have weak tolerance, thus, having a tendency to antisocial behaviors and thoughts. It is important for parents to well-prepare the necessary parental skills to avoid their youth crimes.
On the other hand, there are a series of compelling reasons making the children being social crimes. Firstly, the child spends a huge amount of their time at school, thus, they are likely influenced by their peers, who have the same emotions and knowledge. While bullying is a prevalent issue in school, it can shape the youngsters's personalities and actions meanwhile they tend to deal with problems by violence. Additionally, academic failures can also lead to low self-esteem, and peer pressure, so they will copy other’s performance to avoid a sense of worthlessness. Secondly, the financial burden can result in negative behaviors, simply because the youngsters, who are under the age of working permission, are always in tight budget circumstances. This reason can drive them to find negative ways to make money swiftly, for example, being a theft or drug seller.
In conclusion, I personally agree that parents should be equipped with parental skills to limit youth crimes, however, we also need to consider other causes.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is under question" -> "It is debated"
    Explanation: Replacing "under question" with "debated" provides a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "Personally, I, believe" -> "Personally, I believe"
    Explanation: Removing the extra comma after "I" enhances the grammatical correctness of the sentence in formal writing.

  3. "really crucial" -> "crucial"
    Explanation: Eliminating the word "really" strengthens the statement by using a more straightforward and formal term, maintaining academic tone.

  4. "full of guidance and emotional support" -> "abundant guidance and emotional support"
    Explanation: Substituting "full of" with "abundant" elevates the level of formality and precision in describing the support provided by parents.

  5. "for example, not only teaching" -> "for example, instructing"
    Explanation: Changing "teaching" to "instructing" offers a more precise and formal term, contributing to a higher level of academic writing.

  6. "self-protection, self-confidence, kindness, and so on" -> "self-protection, self-confidence, kindness, among others"
    Explanation: Replacing "and so on" with "among others" maintains formality and clarity in the list, adhering to academic conventions.

  7. "identifying social evils such as racing, gambling, etc." -> "identifying social issues such as racism and gambling"
    Explanation: Substituting "evils" with "issues" and specifying examples like "racism" improves precision and removes potentially judgmental language.

  8. "who are not aware of serious consequences" -> "who may not fully comprehend the serious consequences"
    Explanation: Enhancing the phrase to "may not fully comprehend" adds nuance and formality to the sentence, aligning with academic style.

  9. "curious about new things without truly understanding" -> "curious about new things without a full understanding"
    Explanation: Expanding "without truly understanding" to "without a full understanding" adds clarity and formality to the expression.

  10. "living under parental abuse, for instance, violence against children by atc and words" -> "experiencing parental abuse, including physical and verbal violence"
    Explanation: Replacing "living under" with "experiencing" and specifying "physical and verbal violence" provides a more precise and formal description.

  11. "long-term effects on the children’s physical and mental health, they have weak tolerance" -> "long-term effects on the physical and mental health of children, leading to weak tolerance"
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence improves clarity and formality by specifying the cause and effect relationship.

  12. "antisocial behaviors and thoughts" -> "antisocial behavior and thoughts"
    Explanation: Changing "behaviors" to "behavior" simplifies the expression without compromising formality.

  13. "adults must become their instructors to love and share with them" -> "adults must guide them to love and share"
    Explanation: Replacing "become their instructors" with "guide them" maintains formality while offering a more concise expression.

  14. "there are a series of compelling reasons making the children being social crimes" -> "several compelling reasons contributing to children engaging in social crimes"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and replaces the awkward use of "making the children being" with a more formal and active construction.

  15. "the child spends a huge amount of their time at school" -> "children spend a significant portion of their time at school"
    Explanation: Replacing "the child" with "children" and "huge amount" with "significant portion" enhances formality and precision.

  16. "they are likely influenced by their peers, who have the same emotions and knowledge" -> "they can be influenced by peers with similar emotions and knowledge"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality by using a more refined expression.

  17. "While bullying is a prevalent issue in school" -> "Given that bullying is a prevalent issue in schools"
    Explanation: Beginning the sentence with "Given that" adds formality and clarity to the statement.

  18. "shape the youngsters’s personalities" -> "shape the personalities of young individuals"
    Explanation: Adjusting "youngsters’s" to "young individuals" maintains formality and correctness in grammar.

  19. "copy other’s performance" -> "emulate others’ performance"
    Explanation: Replacing "copy" with "emulate" offers a more sophisticated term while maintaining clarity.

  20. "to avoid a sense of worthlessness" -> "to mitigate feelings of worthlessness"
    Explanation: Substituting "avoid" with "mitigate" enhances formality and precision in describing the purpose of copying others’ performance.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question, discussing both sides of the argument and presenting the writer’s perspective. However, the analysis of other causes is somewhat brief and could benefit from further development.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should delve deeper into the discussion of other causes, providing more comprehensive insights and examples. Additionally, explicit identification of each part of the question in the introduction can improve clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear position in favor of parents being equipped with parental skills to curb youth crimes. However, there are instances where the stance becomes less distinct, especially in the conclusion where the writer mentions considering other causes.
    • How to improve: To maintain a consistently clear position, the writer should avoid introducing conflicting statements in the conclusion. Reinforce the main argument throughout the essay and provide a more concise and assertive conclusion that aligns with the stated perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the role of parents in teaching and the potential influence of peers and financial burdens on youth crimes. However, the development of ideas could be more nuanced, and some examples lack specificity.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, the writer should provide more specific examples and elaborate on how parental skills can directly impact youth behavior. Additionally, maintaining a logical flow between ideas can improve the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing parental skills and their impact on youth crimes. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when discussing bullying in schools.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should ensure that examples and details directly relate to the main argument. While briefly mentioning school influences is acceptable, it should be tied back explicitly to the impact of parental skills.

In summary, the essay provides a reasonably well-rounded discussion but could benefit from deeper analysis of other causes, a more consistent expression of the writer’s position, and greater specificity in supporting examples. Ensuring a clear and direct connection between examples and the main argument will enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument and offering a personal viewpoint in the conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph is abrupt, and the ideas within paragraphs could be more seamlessly connected.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs. Also, ensure a smoother transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph by providing a clearer bridge statement that links the introductory overview to the subsequent discussion.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but there are issues with paragraph structure. The second paragraph is overly lengthy, discussing various aspects without a clear division of subtopics. This affects the readability and coherence of the paragraph.
    • How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of parenting skills and their impact on youth behavior. This will improve the overall structure and make the essay more reader-friendly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "this," "they"), conjunctions ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "furthermore"), and transitional phrases ("in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and precision of these devices. Some transitions are somewhat repetitive, and a greater range of cohesive devices could be used for a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. This will create a more nuanced and cohesive connection between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances of vocabulary variety, such as "self-protection," "self-confidence," "kindness," "social evils," and "antisocial behaviors." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: Introduce more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas. For instance, instead of frequently using the term "youth crimes," consider using alternatives like "juvenile delinquency" or "adolescent offenses." Varying synonyms and employing more advanced vocabulary can elevate the lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise, with clear attempts to convey specific ideas. However, there are instances where phrasing is awkward or imprecise, such as "It is under question" and "a full of guidance." These instances could benefit from more accurate and concise expression.
    • How to improve: Refine sentence structures for clarity and precision. Instead of "It is under question," consider a more direct expression like "It is debated." Similarly, replace "a full of guidance" with "abundance of guidance" for more precise language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, but there are some notable errors, such as "racing" instead of "racism" and "atc" instead of "acts." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling, particularly for terms related to social issues. Proofread the essay thoroughly to catch and correct such errors. Additionally, consider using writing tools or spell-check features to identify and rectify spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an overall satisfactory use of vocabulary, improvements can be made by expanding the range of vocabulary and refining precision. Addressing spelling errors will further enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the essay employs a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas, such as simple sentences ("It is under question…"), compound sentences ("More particularly, rich parenting…"), and complex sentences ("While bullying is a prevalent issue in school…"). These structures contribute to the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s sophistication, consider incorporating a mix of rhetorical devices, such as parallelism, varied clause structures, and occasional use of more complex syntax. This can add flair to the writing and elevate the overall language complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays sound grammatical control, but there are instances where errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice affect clarity. For example, the phrase "It is under question that parents should have parental skills…" could be more clearly expressed as "There is a question about whether parents should possess parental skills." Additionally, the sentence "Furthermore, living under parental abuse, for instance, violence against children by atc and words…" contains an unclear reference with "atc," and it seems there might be a typographical error.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread for subject-verb agreement and clarity. In the mentioned instance, provide clarity by specifying what "atc" refers to. Additionally, strive for precision in word choice to convey ideas more clearly. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch potential errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, with room for refinement in precision and clarity. Focusing on refining specific language choices and addressing minor errors will contribute to an even more polished piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether parents should possess parental skills to reduce youth crimes is a matter of debate. Personally, I believe that it is crucial for adults to have these skills, although youth crimes can stem from various reasons. This essay will discuss both the agreements and disagreements on this issue and present my viewpoint.

On one hand, parents bear the primary responsibility of instructing their children about the world and themselves. Effective parenting provides abundant guidance and emotional support, encompassing teaching essential values such as self-protection, self-confidence, and kindness. Parents also play a crucial role in addressing social issues like racism and gambling. Youngsters, often curious about new things without a full understanding of the consequences, need adults to guide them, fostering love and sharing. Furthermore, exposure to parental abuse, including physical and verbal violence, can have lasting effects on children’s physical and mental health, leading to weak tolerance and a tendency toward antisocial behavior and thoughts. Thus, it becomes imperative for parents to equip themselves with the necessary parental skills to prevent youth crimes.

On the other hand, there are several compelling reasons contributing to children engaging in social crimes. Firstly, since children spend a significant portion of their time at school, they can be influenced by peers who share similar emotions and knowledge. Given that bullying is a prevalent issue in schools, it can shape the personalities of young individuals, prompting them to resort to violence as a means of dealing with problems. Additionally, academic failures can lead to low self-esteem, and peer pressure may drive them to emulate others’ performance to mitigate feelings of worthlessness. Moreover, financial constraints, especially for youngsters who are not of working age, can push them into negative behaviors, such as theft or drug selling, as a quick way to overcome tight budget circumstances.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents should be equipped with parental skills to limit youth crimes. However, it is crucial to acknowledge and address other contributing factors that may lead to such behaviors.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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