Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Some people believe that children should be taught by their parents about how to function as useful members of society, while others believe that sending children to educational institutions is the best way for them to study this. Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating children to be good parts of the community.

Schools can be considered suitable places for children to learn to be good citizens. With standardized educational methods, schools can foster children’s cognitive development so that they are able to contribute to society in the future. For example, Trung Vuong school and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni such as Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who have devoted their talents to the development of the country. However, these people only represent a small fraction of the total number of students attending schools, and thus sending children to schools cannot be the best method of educating them to be good members of society.

I believe that parents play a more important role in teaching them how to be good citizens. In Vietnam, the average class size is 20 students, which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling for each student. One to one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster. Furthermore, parents form stronger bonds with their offspring and thus, it is easier for them to shape children’s personalities at an early age. For example, by telling stories such as Robin Hood, Cinderella before bedtime, parents can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These children are likely to become good members of society when they grow up.

In conclusion, although sending children to schools can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Some people believe" -> "Certain individuals contend"
   Explanation: Replacing "Some people believe" with "Certain individuals contend" elevates the formality of the language, offering a more refined expression of differing opinions.

2. "how to function as useful members of society" -> "how to contribute meaningfully to society"
   Explanation: The phrase "how to function as useful members of society" is somewhat informal; substituting it with "how to contribute meaningfully to society" maintains clarity while employing a more academically appropriate expression.

3. "Although the latter opinion" -> "While the latter perspective"
   Explanation: The use of "opinion" can be too informal in an academic context. Replacing it with "perspective" maintains formality, and using "While" enhances coherence and sophistication.

4. "For example, Trung Vuong school and Vinschool" -> "For instance, Trung Vuong School and Vinschool"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "School" in "Trung Vuong School" adheres to proper naming conventions, and using "For instance" instead of "For example" is more formal in academic writing.

5. "have devoted their talents to the development of the country" -> "have contributed significantly to the nation’s progress"
   Explanation: The phrase "devoted their talents to the development of the country" can be refined to "contributed significantly to the nation’s progress" for a more sophisticated expression.

6. "and thus sending children to schools" -> "and, therefore, enrolling children in educational institutions"
   Explanation: The conjunction "and thus" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "and, therefore," enhances formality, and "enrolling children in educational institutions" provides a more precise and formal alternative to "sending children to schools."

7. "these people only represent a small fraction" -> "these individuals constitute a minor proportion"
   Explanation: Substituting "these people only represent a small fraction" with "these individuals constitute a minor proportion" adds precision and formality to the statement.

8. "to be good members of society" -> "to be valuable contributors to society"
   Explanation: The phrase "good members of society" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "valuable contributors to society" maintains the intended meaning while aligning with a more formal tone.

9. "which makes it difficult for educators" -> "making it challenging for educators"
   Explanation: Using "which makes it difficult for educators" may sound less formal. Changing it to "making it challenging for educators" retains clarity while enhancing formality.

10. "One to one lessons at home" -> "Individualized lessons at home"
    Explanation: The phrase "One to one lessons" can be replaced with "Individualized lessons" for a more formal and concise expression.

11. "instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them" -> "instill values of compassion and integrity"
    Explanation: "instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them" can be refined to "instill values of compassion and integrity" for a more direct and academically appropriate statement.

12. "These children are likely to become good members of society when they grow up" -> "These children are likely to emerge as exemplary contributors to society in their adulthood."
    Explanation: Replacing "good members of society" with "exemplary contributors to society" adds sophistication to the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt. It discusses the idea that parents should teach children to be good members of society and presents the opposing view that schools are the best place for this. However, it would be more effective if the essay explicitly stated the writer’s opinion in the introduction to align with the prompt’s instructions.
  • How to improve: Explicitly state the writer’s opinion in the introduction to enhance clarity and fulfill the requirement of the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing in favor of parents playing a more important role in teaching children to be good citizens. The writer’s stance is evident in each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Continue to present a clear position and avoid any ambiguity to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a clear and organized manner. It offers specific examples, such as the success stories of individuals from Trung Vuong school and Vinschool, to support the argument. However, there’s room for improvement in extending and elaborating on these examples to provide a more in-depth analysis.
  • How to improve: Extend the analysis of examples by providing more details, explaining their relevance, and connecting them explicitly to the main argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of parents and schools in teaching children to be good citizens. However, the essay could avoid unnecessary details about specific schools and focus more on broader points related to the topic.
  • How to improve: Maintain focus on the broader aspects of the topic and avoid unnecessary details that may distract from the main argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues in favor of parents being more influential in teaching children to be good citizens. To improve, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction, extend the analysis of examples, and maintain focus on the broader aspects of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction, followed by body paragraphs that present contrasting views on whether parents or schools are better at teaching children to be good members of society. The writer concludes with a clear opinion. Each paragraph follows a logical sequence of ideas, and the overall structure is coherent.

  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider strengthening the transition sentences between paragraphs. For instance, in the second paragraph, a clear transition phrase at the beginning could further guide the reader through the shift from discussing schools to the writer’s opinion about parental influence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph length; some are relatively short, while others could be more concise.

  • How to improve: Aim for more consistency in paragraph length. Consider combining shorter paragraphs to create a smoother flow, and ensure that each paragraph contributes substantively to the development of the essay’s argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transition words and phrases ("however," "in conclusion"). Additionally, there is a reasonable use of pronouns and repetition for clarity.

  • How to improve: To elevate the range of cohesive devices, explore the use of more varied transitional expressions within paragraphs. This could involve incorporating a wider range of linking words and synonyms to avoid repetition. Also, ensure that pronoun references are consistently clear to prevent any ambiguity.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes information logically and uses paragraphs to structure ideas. To improve, focus on strengthening transitions between paragraphs, achieving more consistent paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more nuanced and polished writing style.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively uses terms related to education, such as "cognitive development," and employs words like "nurtured," "devoted," and "alumni." However, there is room for improvement as some phrases, like "useful members of society," could be substituted with more precise alternatives.

  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "useful members of society," you might use "productive contributors to the community." This will elevate the sophistication of your language and demonstrate a broader lexical repertoire.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary in a precise manner. For instance, phrases like "cognitive development" and "one to one lessons" are specific and contribute to a clear understanding. However, there are instances where the language could be more nuanced. For example, the term "good citizens" is somewhat broad and could benefit from more precise descriptors.

  • How to improve: Aim for more precision by specifying the qualities that constitute a "good citizen." For instance, consider terms like "responsible citizens," "ethical individuals," or "contributing members of society." This will add depth to your argument and showcase a more refined use of vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling. However, there are a few instances where accuracy could be improved. For example, "usefull" should be corrected to "useful," and "schooling" might be confused with "school."

  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your work thoroughly or consider using spelling and grammar checking tools. Pay special attention to commonly misspelled words, and always double-check words that may have multiple correct spellings, like "schooling" and "school."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary use and spelling. To elevate your lexical resource score, focus on incorporating a more extensive range of vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy throughout your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of sentence structures. It employs simple and complex sentences effectively. For instance, there are instances of complex structures such as "With standardized educational methods, schools can foster children’s cognitive development," which showcases a more sophisticated use of language. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. More complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied clause structures, could be integrated to enhance overall fluency.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences or varying the use of dependent and independent clauses. For example, instead of consistently using straightforward sentence structures, attempt to blend shorter and longer sentences for a more engaging rhythm. Additionally, experiment with different introductory phrases to add variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where the choice of words or sentence structure slightly affects clarity. For instance, in the sentence "Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating children to be good parts of the community," the phrase "good parts of the community" could be rephrased for better clarity. Additionally, there are a few minor grammatical errors, such as the use of "are able to contribute" instead of "can contribute" for more concise expression.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, strive for precision in word choice. Consider rephrasing ambiguous expressions to ensure clarity. Review each sentence for conciseness, opting for simpler structures when possible. Additionally, pay attention to verb choices to avoid unnecessary complexity. For instance, replace "are able to contribute" with "can contribute" for a more direct and concise expression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good range of sentence structures. To improve, focus on enhancing sentence variety and refining word choices for greater clarity and conciseness.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certain individuals contend that children should receive guidance from their parents on how to contribute meaningfully to society, while others argue that educational institutions offer the best environment for this learning. While the latter perspective may have its merits, I firmly believe that family upbringing plays a more crucial role in shaping children into valuable contributors to society.

Schools are often viewed as suitable places for instilling qualities of good citizenship in children. Through standardized educational methods, schools aim to foster cognitive development, enabling students to contribute to society in the future. For instance, institutions like Trung Vuong School and Vinschool have contributed significantly to the nation’s progress by nurturing successful alumni, including Professor Ngo Bao and Professor Nguyen Hung. However, it is important to note that these individuals constitute a minor proportion of the total student population. Therefore, enrolling children in educational institutions cannot be considered the most effective method of molding them into valuable contributors to society.

In my opinion, parents play a more crucial role in imparting the values essential for being good citizens. In Vietnam, where the average class size is 20 students, making it challenging for educators to provide individualized attention, one-to-one lessons at home can be more effective. Furthermore, parents can form stronger bonds with their offspring, making it easier for them to shape children’s personalities from an early age. For example, by sharing stories such as Robin Hood and Cinderella before bedtime, parents can instill values of compassion and integrity. These children are likely to emerge as exemplary contributors to society in their adulthood.

In conclusion, while sending children to schools can be seen as a method of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a more significant impact on determining their future roles in society.