Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of fresh water.
Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Many are of the opinion that governments need to control the use of fresh water strictly, while others believe it is not necessary to do so. This essay will elaborate on each side of the argument before I give my personal viewpoint.
On the one hand, clean water saves lives and brings many economic benefits so water footprint of consumption and production should be controlled. Water is needed for many industries, such as paper and chemical production, petroleum refinery,…which provide essential goods for everyday lives and contribute to national economy as well. Furthermore, in some drought-stricken area, water should be priotised for domestic use and agriculture, rather than filling a swimming pool. In countries and regions where water resources are finite namely North Africa, Mexico, Singapore,… water footprint of consumption is external and water must be imported to meet the national demand. That is why the governments must establish allocation and fair sharing of water footprints amongst all people.
On the other hand, there are also compelling reasons to entitle people to use water in any amount. The water allocated to each household must be sufficient for their everyday activities, including drinking, personal sanitation, washing of clothes, food preparation,… and so forth. Without enough water, people have to drink less, therefore suffer from dehydration and the lack of many essential substances. Even worse, the lack of water also forces people to find unpurified sources, hence suffer from many water-induced diseases namely cholera, diarrhea,…That would place a huge burden on state budget and healthcare system. For these reasons, goverments should ensure the unlimited access to water, lest there be some severe consequences on the society.
In conclusion, while people need a large amount of water for their survival, I personally think that a limit on water use is justifiable to ensure that every dwellers have access to clean source of water.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Many are of the opinion that governments need to control the use of fresh water strictly" -> "Many argue that governments should rigorously regulate the use of fresh water."
Explanation: Replacing "Many are of the opinion" with "Many argue" provides a more assertive and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"This essay will elaborate on each side of the argument before I give my personal viewpoint." -> "This essay will delineate both perspectives before presenting my own stance."
Explanation: "Elaborate on each side" is slightly informal; "delineate both perspectives" maintains clarity while sounding more academic.
"clean water saves lives and brings many economic benefits so water footprint of consumption and production should be controlled." -> "Clean water preserves lives and confers numerous economic advantages; thus, the water footprint of consumption and production warrants regulation."
Explanation: "Saves lives" can be heightened to "preserves lives" for a more formal tone, and "brings many economic benefits" can be replaced with "confers numerous economic advantages." Additionally, "should be controlled" can be strengthened to "warrants regulation" for a more formal expression.
"Water is needed for many industries, such as paper and chemical production, petroleum refinery,…" -> "Water is indispensable for various industries, including paper and chemical production, as well as petroleum refining."
Explanation: "Needed for many industries" can be refined to "indispensable for various industries," and a list of industries is presented more formally by using "including" rather than "such as."
"Furthermore, in some drought-stricken area, water should be priotised for domestic use and agriculture" -> "Moreover, in drought-stricken areas, water allocation should prioritize domestic use and agriculture."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition than "furthermore." "Drought-stricken area" should be pluralized to "areas" for grammatical correctness, and "prioitised" should be corrected to "prioritized."
"namely North Africa, Mexico, Singapore,…" -> "namely North Africa, Mexico, and Singapore"
Explanation: To maintain parallel structure, "Singapore" should be preceded by "and."
"water footprint of consumption is external and water must be imported" -> "water footprint of consumption extends beyond internal resources, necessitating water importation"
Explanation: "Is external" can be replaced with "extends beyond internal resources" for a more precise and formal description, and "water must be imported" can be elaborated as "necessitating water importation" for clarity and formality.
"That is why the governments must establish allocation and fair sharing of water footprints amongst all people." -> "Hence, governments must establish equitable allocation and distribution of water resources among all citizens."
Explanation: "That is why" can be replaced with "Hence" for a stronger causal connection. "Allocation and fair sharing of water footprints" should be revised to "allocation and distribution of water resources" for clarity and formality.
"there are also compelling reasons to entitle people to use water in any amount." -> "Moreover, there are compelling reasons to grant individuals unrestricted access to water."
Explanation: "Entitle people to use water in any amount" can be refined to "grant individuals unrestricted access to water" for clarity and formality.
"The water allocated to each household must be sufficient for their everyday activities, including drinking, personal sanitation, washing of clothes, food preparation,…" -> "The water allocated to each household must be adequate for their daily activities, encompassing drinking, personal hygiene, laundry, and food preparation."
Explanation: "Sufficient" can be replaced with "adequate" for a more precise and formal description. The list of activities is presented more clearly by using "encompassing" rather than "including."
"Without enough water, people have to drink less, therefore suffer from dehydration and the lack of many essential substances." -> "Inadequate water supply leads to reduced consumption, resulting in dehydration and deficiency of essential nutrients."
Explanation: "Have to drink less" can be replaced with "reduced consumption" for a more formal expression. Additionally, "therefore" can be omitted for conciseness and clarity.
"Even worse, the lack of water also forces people to find unpurified sources, hence suffer from many water-induced diseases" -> "Furthermore, water scarcity compels individuals to seek untreated sources, leading to a proliferation of waterborne illnesses."
Explanation: "Even worse" is slightly informal; "Furthermore" maintains formality while indicating additional consequences. "Hence" can be replaced with "leading to" for clarity and formality.
"That would place a huge burden on state budget and healthcare system." -> "This would impose a significant burden on the state budget and healthcare system."
Explanation: "Place a huge burden" can be refined to "impose a significant burden" for a more formal expression.
"For these reasons, goverments should ensure the unlimited access to water, lest there be some severe consequences on the society." -> "Therefore, governments should ensure unrestricted access to water to mitigate potential societal repercussions."
Explanation: "For these reasons" can be replaced with "Therefore" for a stronger logical connection. "Unlimited access to water" can be refined to "unrestricted access to water" for formality. "Lest there be some severe consequences on the society" can be replaced with "to mitigate potential societal repercussions" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the need for government control of water use and the argument for unlimited access to water by individuals. However, the introduction could be improved by more clearly stating the two views and the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance this section, ensure that the introduction clearly presents both views and your opinion, as requested by the prompt. For example, you could start by stating, "Some argue that governments should control water use, while others believe individuals should have the right to use water as they please. In my view, …"
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion in the conclusion, stating that the writer believes a limit on water use is justifiable. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay, as the writer also discusses the argument for unlimited access to water.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay. Avoid presenting arguments that contradict your stated position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. For instance, while it mentions the importance of water for industries and domestic use, it does not elaborate on these points or provide examples to support them.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could be more focused in its discussion. Some parts, such as the discussion of water-induced diseases, seem tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and the two views presented in the prompt. Avoid discussing details that are not directly relevant to the topic at hand.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, it could be improved by ensuring that all parts of the question are fully addressed, maintaining a consistent position throughout, providing more detailed and supported ideas, and staying more focused on the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organization by presenting arguments for both sides before concluding with the author’s opinion. Each paragraph discusses a different perspective, with the first addressing the viewpoint in favor of government control and the second presenting arguments for individual entitlement to water use. However, the transition between these paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next. For instance, using phrases like "On the contrary," or "However," can help signal a shift in perspective and improve the flow between paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into two distinct paragraphs, each addressing a different viewpoint on the issue. However, within these paragraphs, there could be further subdivision to enhance clarity and coherence. For example, breaking down each viewpoint into smaller sub-arguments could make the essay easier to follow.
- How to improve: Consider subdividing each main paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This will help organize ideas more effectively and improve the overall structure of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("Furthermore," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these," "that"), transitional phrases ("Moreover," "Nevertheless," "In addition"), and repetition of key terms or ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen the logical connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, ultimately enhancing its effectiveness in communicating the author’s ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "water footprint," "allocation," "sanitation," "dehydration," and "unpurified." These varied word choices contribute to the depth of the argument and the clarity of expression.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of vocabulary, there’s still room for enhancement by integrating more sophisticated terminology where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "clean water," consider alternatives like "potable water" or "purified water" to elevate the lexical richness further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the vocabulary is used with reasonable precision throughout the essay. For instance, terms like "water footprint," "allocation," and "dehydration" are employed accurately to convey specific meanings related to water usage and scarcity. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "many essential substances" could be replaced with a more specific term like "nutrients" or "essential minerals."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s advisable to utilize domain-specific vocabulary where appropriate, ensuring that each word chosen precisely conveys the intended meaning. Additionally, revising ambiguous or vague phrases with clearer alternatives would further refine the vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "goverments" (should be "governments") and "priotised" (should be "prioritized"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, enhancing spelling accuracy can contribute to the overall professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s beneficial to employ proofreading techniques such as reviewing the essay multiple times, utilizing spell-checking tools, and focusing on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, expanding familiarity with English orthography through consistent reading and writing can reinforce spelling skills over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For example, it utilizes relative clauses ("…water footprint of consumption and production should be controlled"), conditional sentences ("Without enough water, people have to drink less, therefore suffer from dehydration…"), and enumerative structures ("…drinking, personal sanitation, washing of clothes, food preparation"). These varied structures enhance the readability and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of the essay, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as inversion ("Not only should governments control water consumption…"), parallelism ("Water is essential not only for domestic use but also for industrial processes"), and rhetorical devices like parallelism or antithesis to add depth and sophistication to the argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("goverments should ensure" should be "governments should ensure") and article usage ("…the water allocated to each household" could be improved to "…water allocated to each household"). Additionally, some sentences could benefit from clearer punctuation to improve readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To address these issues, it’s recommended to carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Furthermore, pay attention to punctuation marks such as commas and semicolons to ensure they are used appropriately to separate clauses and enhance clarity. Consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness where punctuation may aid comprehension.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, contributing to its coherence and effectiveness. By incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy and punctuation usage, the essay could further elevate its sophistication and clarity, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that governments should rigorously regulate the use of fresh water, while others believe people should have the right to use it as they like. This essay will delineate both perspectives before presenting my own stance.

On one side, clean water preserves lives and confers numerous economic advantages; thus, the water footprint of consumption and production warrants regulation. Water is indispensable for various industries, including paper and chemical production, as well as petroleum refining. Moreover, in drought-stricken areas, water allocation should prioritize domestic use and agriculture, rather than other non-essential purposes like filling swimming pools. For instance, in countries and regions where water resources are limited, such as North Africa, Mexico, and Singapore, the water footprint of consumption extends beyond internal resources, necessitating water importation. Hence, governments must establish equitable allocation and distribution of water resources among all citizens.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to grant individuals unrestricted access to water. The water allocated to each household must be adequate for their daily activities, encompassing drinking, personal hygiene, laundry, and food preparation. Inadequate water supply leads to reduced consumption, resulting in dehydration and deficiency of essential nutrients. Furthermore, water scarcity compels individuals to seek untreated sources, leading to a proliferation of waterborne illnesses. This would impose a significant burden on the state budget and healthcare system. Therefore, governments should ensure unrestricted access to water to mitigate potential societal repercussions.

In conclusion, while there are arguments for both strict control and unrestricted access to water, I believe that a balance is necessary. While people need a significant amount of water for their survival, a limit on water use is justifiable to ensure that everyone has access to a clean source of water.