Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as
they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water.
Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

It is believed that the use of freshwater should be unrestricted, while others assume that authorities should carefully supervise the use of water .In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before expressing my own stance on the matter.Personally, I agree that water usage should be regulated.

On the one hand, being able to use potable water is a human's basic necessity. This is because fresh and clean water plays an important role in human activities, from contributing to human well-being to impacting a country's economy. Firstly, safe water, like food, is another fundamental element guaranteeing human well-being. If people were not able to access an adequate amount of drinkable water to sustain basic activities, such as hydrating themselves, cleaning, cooking, their human rights would have been violated. Secondly, having strict regulations about water usage rights has a considerably negative effect on manufacturing industries. Moreover, particular factors, such as agriculture, textile manufacturing, also need to meet the demands of using potable water to produce, remain active and develop.

On the other hand, introducing regulations on safe water usage can have undeniable positive effects. Water is seen as a scarce resource due to unexpected and extreme climate changes, such as droughts, global warming, and pollution around the world. Consequently, if individuals are free to use water at their own discretion, it will lead to faster exhaustion of this rare resource. Regulating water usage can help address water shortages, especially since not every country can access fresh water supply, such as countries in the African continent.

By and large, I opine that despite water being a common property, people should not be given unlimited usage of that resource, but should rather follow the government’s regulations and distribution.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely believed that"
   Explanation: Adding "widely" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, indicating a broader consensus among people, which is more suitable for academic writing.

2. "others assume" -> "others contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "assume," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic discourse.

3. "carefully supervise" -> "closely monitor"
   Explanation: "Closely monitor" is a more precise and formal term than "carefully supervise," which is slightly colloquial and less specific in this context.

4. "being able to use potable water" -> "having access to potable water"
   Explanation: "Having access to" is a more formal and precise way to express the availability of resources, fitting better in an academic context.

5. "plays an important role" -> "plays a crucial role"
   Explanation: "Crucial" emphasizes the significance more strongly than "important," aligning better with the academic tone of emphasizing the importance of the subject matter.

6. "like food" -> "similar to food"
   Explanation: "Similar to" is more precise and formal than "like," which can be seen as too casual for academic writing.

7. "If people were not able to access" -> "If individuals lacked access to"
   Explanation: "Lacked access to" is a more concise and formal expression than "were not able to access," which is slightly verbose and informal.

8. "having strict regulations about water usage rights" -> "the implementation of strict regulations governing water usage rights"
   Explanation: "The implementation of strict regulations governing" is more formal and specific, improving clarity and formality in the sentence.

9. "has a considerably negative effect" -> "has a significant negative impact"
   Explanation: "Impact" is a more precise term than "effect" in this context, and "significant" is preferred over "considerably" for academic writing due to its more formal tone.

10. "particular factors" -> "specific industries"
    Explanation: "Specific industries" is more precise and relevant to the context than "particular factors," which is vague and less specific.

11. "remain active and develop" -> "continue to operate and thrive"
    Explanation: "Continue to operate and thrive" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

12. "Water is seen as a scarce resource" -> "Water is regarded as a scarce resource"
    Explanation: "Regarded as" is a more formal expression than "seen as," which is slightly informal for academic writing.

13. "due to unexpected and extreme climate changes" -> "owing to unforeseen and extreme climate changes"
    Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "due to," and "unforeseen" is a more precise term than "unexpected" in this context.

14. "it will lead to faster exhaustion" -> "it may lead to accelerated depletion"
    Explanation: "Accelerated depletion" is a more precise and formal term than "faster exhaustion," aligning better with the academic style.

15. "not every country can access fresh water supply" -> "not all countries have access to a reliable freshwater supply"
    Explanation: "Not all countries have access to a reliable freshwater supply" is more specific and formal, improving the clarity and precision of the statement.

16. "I opine" -> "I maintain"
    Explanation: "Maintain" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "opine," which is somewhat informal and less commonly used in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives regarding the use of fresh water. The first body paragraph discusses the argument for unrestricted access to fresh water, highlighting its importance for human well-being and economic activities. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the necessity of regulations due to water scarcity and environmental concerns. However, while both sides are discussed, the conclusion could more explicitly summarize the key points made in each paragraph to reinforce the discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is not only presented but also summarized succinctly in the conclusion. This can be achieved by briefly reiterating the main arguments from both sides before stating your own opinion, thus providing a clearer overview of the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports government regulation of water usage. The author states their stance early in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both views and presenting the author’s opinion could be smoother, as the shift feels slightly abrupt.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader from discussing the general views to your specific opinion. For example, phrases like "Having considered both perspectives, it is evident that…" can help create a more seamless transition.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the importance of fresh water for human rights and economic activities is articulated. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of industries needing fresh water could include specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, incorporate specific examples or data that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing a study on water usage in agriculture or mentioning specific countries facing water shortages could provide a more robust foundation for the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of fresh water usage and the debate surrounding it. The arguments presented are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more precise. For instance, the term "human rights" in the context of water access could be better contextualized to avoid ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, ensure that all terms used are clearly defined and relevant to the argument. Avoid vague language and strive for precision in your statements. For example, instead of saying "human rights would have been violated," specify how access to water is a fundamental right and why it matters in this context.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness in presenting its arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss one perspective followed by the counter-argument, which is a logical approach. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the one hand" is used to introduce the first argument, but there is a lack of a corresponding transition phrase when moving to the opposing view, which could help signal the shift more clearly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" when introducing the second perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point, which will help guide the reader through the argumentation.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first body paragraph discusses the argument for unrestricted water use, while the second addresses the need for regulation. However, the paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each one contains a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and reinforces the argument presented.
  • How to improve: Incorporate concluding sentences in each paragraph that encapsulate the main idea discussed. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts of unrestricted water use, a sentence like "Thus, while unrestricted access to water is vital for individual rights, it can lead to significant resource depletion" would reinforce the argument and provide closure to the paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which help to organize ideas and indicate the sequence of arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition between the discussion of human rights and the economic impact of water regulation could benefit from a more explicit linking phrase.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "water," you could use "this resource" or "it" in subsequent sentences to maintain flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving transitions, concluding sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be further enhanced, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "potable," "human well-being," and "manufacturing industries" being effectively utilized. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "fresh and clean water" and "safe water." This limits the lexical variety and richness expected at higher band scores.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "fresh and clean water," alternatives like "clean drinking water" or "safe water supply" could be used. Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "sustainability" or "resource management," would elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "human’s basic necessity" could be more accurately expressed as "a basic human necessity." Additionally, the term "manufacturing industries" is somewhat vague without specifying which industries are being referred to, which could lead to confusion.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "human’s basic necessity," the writer could say "a fundamental human need." Furthermore, providing specific examples of industries affected by water regulations would enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors such as "authorities should carefully supervise the use of water" (missing a space before the period) and "the African continent" (which could be more concisely stated as "Africa"). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should allocate time for proofreading after completing the essay. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of conditional clauses ("If people were not able to access…") and introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand") adds depth to the argumentation. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "This is because" or "Moreover," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and types. For instance, using participial phrases or relative clauses can add complexity. Instead of starting sentences with "This is because," try rephrasing to integrate the reasoning into the sentence itself, e.g., "The reason for this is that fresh and clean water plays an important role…"

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are several punctuation errors that affect clarity. For example, there should be a space after the period in "supervise the use of water .In this essay," and the phrase "human’s basic necessity" should be "humans’ basic necessity" or "a human’s basic necessity" to reflect proper possessive usage. Additionally, the sentence "Moreover, particular factors, such as agriculture, textile manufacturing, also need to meet the demands of using potable water to produce, remain active and develop" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring proper possessive forms. Additionally, consider restructuring awkward sentences for clarity. For instance, the sentence mentioned above could be revised to: "Moreover, specific sectors, such as agriculture and textile manufacturing, must also meet the demands for potable water to sustain production and growth." This revision clarifies the subject and improves flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to punctuation and sentence structure variety will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that the use of freshwater should be unrestricted, while others contend that authorities should closely monitor water usage. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before expressing my own stance on the matter. Personally, I maintain that water usage should be regulated.

On the one hand, having access to potable water is a basic human necessity. This is because fresh and clean water plays a crucial role in human activities, from contributing to well-being to impacting a country’s economy. Firstly, safe water, similar to food, is another fundamental element that guarantees human well-being. If individuals lacked access to an adequate amount of drinkable water to sustain basic activities, such as hydrating themselves, cleaning, and cooking, their human rights would be violated. Secondly, the implementation of strict regulations governing water usage rights has a significant negative impact on specific industries. Moreover, particular sectors, such as agriculture and textile manufacturing, also need to meet the demands of using potable water to continue to operate and thrive.

On the other hand, introducing regulations on safe water usage can have undeniable positive effects. Water is regarded as a scarce resource owing to unforeseen and extreme climate changes, such as droughts, global warming, and pollution around the world. Consequently, if individuals are free to use water at their own discretion, it may lead to accelerated depletion of this rare resource. Regulating water usage can help address water shortages, especially since not all countries have access to a reliable freshwater supply, particularly in regions like the African continent.

By and large, I opine that despite water being a common property, people should not be given unlimited usage of this resource but should rather adhere to the government’s regulations and distribution.