Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs

Some individuals believe that those who chose a job early and stuck to it will have a higher chance of having satisfying career life than those who usually switch their jobs. In my opinion, I completely agree with the opinion that keeping the job which was chosen are more likely to get a satisfying career life.
First of all, I believe that people who don’t frequently change their jobs will have more opportunities to get a promotion and increase their salary. Employees who keep working their job for a long time are used to it, so they obtain many experiences and therefore increase the productivity and working skills. In addition, the increase of productivity and output can become a strong reason to convince their manager to level up their position and give them more salary and rewards.
Secondly, I think that managers will trust the employees who keep doing a job more than those who change jobs usually. Most of occupations require people to have experience to provide good result, so experienced employees can increase the belief of their managers. In addition, those who are believed by their managers may have more opportunities to be assigned with important tasks, and therefore feel more satisfied and confident to their work. For instance, in comparison to people who don’t have much experience, those who work for a long period of time will be given more crucial mission and get more trust from their managers.
In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion that people who do their jobs constantly are more likely to get more satisfaction in their careers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"chose a job early" -> "choose a career path early"
Explanation: "Chose a job" sounds somewhat colloquial and lacks the specificity required in academic writing. "Choose a career path" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"stuck to it" -> "remained committed to it"
Explanation: "Stuck to it" is a colloquial expression that may not suit the formal tone of academic writing. "Remained committed to it" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.
"In my opinion" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a common phrase, but for a more formal tone, "From my perspective" is a suitable alternative.
"completely agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: "Completely agree" is somewhat informal. "Strongly agree" maintains formality while expressing a similar sentiment.
"which was chosen are" -> "they have chosen are"
Explanation: The phrase "which was chosen are" is grammatically incorrect. "They have chosen are" corrects the subject-verb agreement error.
"will have more opportunities to get a promotion" -> "will have greater opportunities for promotion"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality while retaining the original meaning.
"increase their salary" -> "enhance their salary"
Explanation: "Increase" is appropriate but "enhance" adds a touch of formality and variety to the vocabulary.
"Therefore" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "Therefore" is appropriate, but "Consequently" adds a slightly more formal tone.
"usually" -> "frequently"
Explanation: "Usually" is somewhat informal. "Frequently" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"keep doing a job" -> "remain in a position"
Explanation: "Keep doing a job" is colloquial. "Remain in a position" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"provide good result" -> "deliver satisfactory results"
Explanation: "Provide good result" is awkward phrasing. "Deliver satisfactory results" is clearer and more formal.
"those who change jobs usually" -> "those who frequently change jobs"
Explanation: "Usually" is less formal. "Frequently" is a more appropriate choice for academic writing.
"may have more opportunities" -> "are likely to have more opportunities"
Explanation: "May have" is less definitive. "Are likely to have" strengthens the assertion in a formal manner.
"be assigned with" -> "be tasked with"
Explanation: "Be assigned with" is acceptable, but "be tasked with" is more concise and formal.
"and therefore feel more satisfied and confident to their work" -> "thus, feel more satisfied and confident in their work"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality.
"don’t have much experience" -> "have limited experience"
Explanation: "Don’t have much experience" is somewhat colloquial. "Have limited experience" is more formal.
"crucial mission" -> "critical assignments"
Explanation: "Crucial mission" is acceptable, but "critical assignments" adds variety and formality to the text.
"get more trust" -> "gain greater trust"
Explanation: "Get more trust" is slightly informal. "Gain greater trust" maintains formality.
"I totally agree" -> "I unequivocally agree"
Explanation: "Totally agree" is less formal. "Unequivocally agree" adds emphasis and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that individuals who remain in one job are more likely to achieve career satisfaction compared to job changers. It discusses the advantages of job stability in terms of promotion opportunities and earning potential, as well as the importance of trust and experience in gaining managerial confidence.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively acknowledges the prompt’s main idea, providing a more nuanced discussion by considering potential drawbacks of job stability or addressing counterarguments could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in support of the idea that remaining in one job leads to greater career satisfaction. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, with each paragraph reinforcing the argument without significant deviation.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensuring that each paragraph directly contributes to supporting the main argument and avoiding tangential discussions could enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas through examples and reasoning. It elaborates on the advantages of job stability, such as increased experience leading to higher productivity and trust from managers, and supports these claims with logical explanations.
- How to improve: To improve, incorporating a wider range of examples or exploring potential counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on the advantages of remaining in one job for career satisfaction. However, there are minor instances where the discussion veers slightly off track, such as the brief mention of "important tasks" without direct relevance to career satisfaction.
- How to improve: To maintain strict relevance to the topic, ensuring that each point directly contributes to the argument for or against the benefits of job stability would enhance coherence and focus.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position in support of the idea that individuals who remain in one job are more likely to achieve career satisfaction. To improve, the essay could deepen its analysis by considering alternative perspectives and ensuring that each point directly contributes to the main argument. Additionally, maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay would enhance coherence and focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction stating the author’s agreement with the prompt, followed by two body paragraphs presenting supporting arguments, and concludes with a brief summary of the main point. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single point or argument. Additionally, consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and contains supporting details to develop the main point. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Work on strengthening the transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless progression of ideas. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases or sentences that connect the ideas between paragraphs, providing a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("those who," "they"), conjunctions ("first of all," "secondly"), and transitional phrases ("in addition," "for instance"). These cohesive devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are utilized effectively, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases to further enhance coherence. This could include using synonyms for commonly repeated words or exploring different sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and clarity. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to reinforce the logical flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, with clear organization, effective use of paragraphs, and appropriate cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can further enhance its coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the reader’s understanding and engagement with the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, encompassing terms such as "satisfying," "opportunities," "promotion," "productivity," "believe," "experienced," "mission," and "crucial." However, the vocabulary usage could be further enriched by incorporating more nuanced or varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "job" and "career," the essay could employ synonyms like "profession," "vocation," or "occupation" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary richness, consider utilizing a thesaurus to identify synonyms or related terms for frequently used words. Additionally, expose yourself to a wide range of reading materials across different genres and subjects to expand your lexical repertoire. Incorporating idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs relevant to the topic can also elevate the lexical sophistication of your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with adequate precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice or phrasing that could be refined for clarity and impact. For example, the phrase "level up their position" could be replaced with "advance in their career" for greater precision and formality. Similarly, instead of "provide good result," using "achieve successful outcomes" would convey the intended meaning more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, pay close attention to context and connotation when selecting words. Consider the specific nuances of each word and how it aligns with the intended meaning. Utilize dictionaries or language resources to understand the subtle distinctions between similar terms. Additionally, revise your writing to ensure clarity and avoid ambiguity, aiming for concise and precise expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "chose" instead of "choose" in the opening sentence and "believe" instead of "belief" in the second paragraph. While these errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension, improving spelling accuracy would enhance the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools available in word processing software to identify and correct errors. Additionally, allocate time for thorough proofreading before finalizing written work, focusing specifically on spelling accuracy. Engaging in regular reading and writing activities can also reinforce familiarity with common spelling patterns and reduce the likelihood of errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is evidence of varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to readability. For instance, the essay uses a mix of simple declarative sentences ("Some individuals believe…") and more complex compound sentences ("Employees who keep working their job for a long time are used to it, so they obtain many experiences and therefore increase the productivity and working skills.") These varied structures enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay does employ a reasonable variety of sentence structures, further enhancement can be achieved by incorporating more complex sentence constructions, such as using participial phrases, appositives, or inverted sentences. Additionally, varying sentence lengths even more could add dynamism to the writing and maintain the reader’s interest throughout.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of errors throughout the text. For example, "I believe that people who don’t frequently change their jobs will have more opportunities to get a promotion and increase their salary." The phrase "who don’t frequently change their jobs" should be revised to "who don’t frequently change jobs" to improve clarity and grammatical accuracy. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("For instance, in comparison to people who don’t have much experience…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct usage of articles. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing can help identify and rectify such errors. Moreover, revising complex sentences to ensure clarity and coherence can further elevate the quality of the writing. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage, can aid in improving punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that those who choose a career path early and remain committed to it will have a higher chance of experiencing job satisfaction compared to those who frequently change jobs. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this notion.

Firstly, individuals who stick to a single job for an extended period tend to have greater opportunities for promotion and salary enhancement. They become accustomed to their roles, accumulating valuable experience that enhances their productivity and skills. Consequently, they are more likely to be considered for advancement and rewarded with increased compensation and benefits.

Secondly, consistent job tenure fosters trust between employees and managers. Employers typically value experience, as it often leads to better performance and outcomes. Employees who have remained in a position for a significant duration are seen as reliable and competent, thus earning the trust of their superiors. This trust can result in being tasked with critical assignments, leading to increased satisfaction and confidence in their work.

In conclusion, I unequivocally agree that individuals who choose a career path early and remain committed to it are more likely to experience greater satisfaction in their careers.