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Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In order to achieve success, a number of people argue that it is more important to be strong mentally than physically. While no athletes can reach the top without the mental qualites of determination and dedication, I would agree that physical strength is the fundamental for success.
On the one hand, a strong mental attitude is important for all sport trainers. Firstly, if trainers cannot foster a competitive spirit or even a win-at-all-costs attitude, sportpeople who trained may lack the motivation to work hard and succeed. In such cases, mental prowess is responsible for building up their resistance to boredom and tiredness while their body is suffering from fatigue.. Secondly, in any sport competition, there will be disappointments and failures, so it is necessary to be mentally strong to overcome these failures and achieve their goals.
On these other hand, physical strength is the foundation of all success in sport. While many people take up sport to get into shape and keep fit, those who wish to become successful must be physically strong. Obvious examples include sports such as weightlifting or boxing. Yet other sports also demand physical strength for endurance and stamina.. Some sports stars, like the world-famous professional cyclist Lance Armstrong, have even used illegal substances, like performance-enhancing drugs, in order to reach and maintaining peak physical condition, risking their careers.
In conclusion, although both physical and mental strength are necessary to become successful in sport, it seems to me that it is impossible to succeed without being physically strong.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a number of people argue" -> "many individuals contend"
    Explanation: Replacing "a number of people argue" with "many individuals contend" enhances formality and precision in expression.

  2. "the mental qualites" -> "mental attributes"
    Explanation: Substituting "the mental qualities" with "mental attributes" maintains clarity and introduces a more sophisticated term.

  3. "physical strength is the fundamental for success" -> "physical strength is fundamental to success"
    Explanation: Adjusting "physical strength is the fundamental for success" to "physical strength is fundamental to success" improves grammatical accuracy and aligns with formal language.

  4. "sport trainers" -> "sports trainers"
    Explanation: Changing "sport trainers" to "sports trainers" corrects the term to better reflect the correct usage in the context of sports.

  5. "win-at-all-costs attitude" -> "a determination to win at any cost"
    Explanation: Replacing "win-at-all-costs attitude" with "a determination to win at any cost" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and descriptive phrase.

  6. "sportpeople" -> "athletes"
    Explanation: Substituting "sportpeople" with "athletes" is a more precise and conventional term in the context of sports.

  7. "mentally strong to overcome these failures" -> "mentally resilient to overcome these setbacks"
    Explanation: Changing "mentally strong to overcome these failures" to "mentally resilient to overcome these setbacks" introduces a more nuanced and formal expression.

  8. "On these other hand" -> "On the other hand"
    Explanation: Correcting "On these other hand" to "On the other hand" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.

  9. "physical strength is the foundation of all success in sport" -> "physical strength is foundational to success in sports"
    Explanation: Adjusting "physical strength is the foundation of all success in sport" to "physical strength is foundational to success in sports" improves the flow and formality.

  10. "people take up sport" -> "individuals engage in sports"
    Explanation: Replacing "people take up sport" with "individuals engage in sports" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea.

  11. "world-famous professional cyclist Lance Armstrong" -> "renowned professional cyclist Lance Armstrong"
    Explanation: Changing "world-famous professional cyclist Lance Armstrong" to "renowned professional cyclist Lance Armstrong" introduces a more formal and sophisticated descriptor.

  12. "reaching and maintaining peak physical condition" -> "attaining and sustaining peak physical condition"
    Explanation: Substituting "reaching and maintaining peak physical condition" with "attaining and sustaining peak physical condition" improves the precision of the expression.

  13. "impossible to succeed without being physically strong" -> "impossible to succeed without possessing physical strength"
    Explanation: Adjusting "impossible to succeed without being physically strong" to "impossible to succeed without possessing physical strength" provides a more formal and precise phrasing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to both aspects of the prompt, discussing the importance of mental strength and asserting the belief in the fundamental role of physical strength. However, the explanation of the mental aspect is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of mental strength in sports.

    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider delving deeper into the specific mental qualities that contribute to success in sports. Provide examples of athletes who have achieved success through mental strength, and elaborate on the various facets of mental resilience required in different sports.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by favoring physical strength as fundamental to success. However, the argumentation for mental strength is less robust, and the transitions between the discussion of mental and physical strength could be smoother.

    • How to improve: Strengthen the argument for mental strength by providing more detailed examples and a nuanced discussion. Ensure a smoother transition between the discussion of mental and physical strength to maintain clarity in the overall stance.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both mental and physical strength but lacks depth in the exploration of mental strength. The examples provided, such as weightlifting and Lance Armstrong, support the argument for physical strength but are somewhat generic.

    • How to improve: Elaborate on the mental qualities essential for success in various sports. Provide specific and varied examples that illustrate the significance of mental strength in overcoming challenges. Consider adding more diverse sports examples to enhance the breadth of your argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both mental and physical strength in relation to success in sports. However, the discussion of Lance Armstrong’s use of performance-enhancing drugs may be perceived as somewhat off-topic.

    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the prompt by avoiding tangential discussions, especially those that involve controversial elements. Instead, concentrate on providing more relevant and diverse examples to strengthen your argument.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both mental and physical strength in the context of sports success. To improve, the essay should deepen the analysis of mental strength, provide more nuanced examples, and ensure a smoother transition between the two aspects. Additionally, maintaining focus on the main topic without introducing potentially distracting elements will contribute to a more cohesive and convincing essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction presents both views, and the body paragraphs effectively discuss the importance of mental and physical strength. However, there are instances of unclear transitions between ideas, particularly between paragraphs. For instance, the shift from discussing mental strength to physical strength in the third paragraph lacks a smooth transition.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a clear and smooth transition between paragraphs. Consider using transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the shift in ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs adequately, but the structure within paragraphs could be improved. There is some inconsistency in the length and depth of paragraphs, affecting the overall flow. Additionally, the organization within the third paragraph, which discusses physical strength, could be more refined.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining consistent paragraph length and depth. Pay attention to the internal organization of paragraphs, ensuring a clear topic sentence and supporting details. In the third paragraph, consider breaking down the discussion of physical strength into more cohesive subpoints.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as ‘firstly’ and ‘secondly,’ to indicate the sequence of ideas. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices, and their use is not always smooth. For example, the transition between the two aspects of mental strength in the second paragraph could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices. Introduce a wider range of transition words and phrases to enhance coherence. Ensure that the placement of these devices creates a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a decent understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions and internal organization of paragraphs will contribute to a more logically structured and cohesive piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use a variety of words, but some repetition occurs, and certain terms lack precision. For instance, the repeated use of "strong" and "strength" could be diversified. The phrases "win-at-all-costs attitude" and "resistance to boredom and tiredness" show some creativity, but more variety would enhance the lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. For example, instead of consistently using "strong," explore terms like robust, resilient, sturdy, or vigorous. Additionally, aim for greater specificity when discussing mental attributes; for instance, replace "mental qualities" with terms like determination, focus, or mental fortitude.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies. While some terms are appropriate and specific, such as "determination" and "dedication," others are more general, like "strong" and "success." Specificity enhances the overall quality of expression. Additionally, some phrases lack clarity, such as "fostering a win-at-all-costs attitude," which might be better expressed as cultivating a competitive spirit.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Replace generic terms with more specific ones where possible. Aim for clarity in expression by rephrasing complex ideas, ensuring that the reader easily grasps the intended message. For example, instead of "fostering a win-at-all-costs attitude," consider "cultivating a competitive mindset."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "sportpeople" (sportspeople), "sport trainers" (sports trainers), and "mentally strong" (mentally strong, without a space). While these errors do not severely hinder comprehension, they contribute to a lack of overall accuracy.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software to catch and rectify mistakes. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary to reduce reliance on generic terms, reducing the likelihood of misspellings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. The essay relies heavily on straightforward sentence structures, which might make the expression less engaging for the reader. For example, there is an overuse of simple sentences, such as "On the one hand" and "In conclusion," which hampers the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by combining related ideas into a single sentence and varying the sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "While" repeatedly, explore other conjunctions or transitional phrases. This will contribute to a more polished and nuanced writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that impact the overall clarity of the writing. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in the phrase "a number of people argue" where the plural noun "people" requires the plural verb "argue." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in sentences that contain introductory phrases, affecting the flow of the text.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on fundamental grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation usage. Carefully proofread sentences to ensure commas are appropriately placed, especially after introductory phrases. For instance, revise "In such cases, mental prowess is responsible for building up their resistance…" to "In such cases, mental prowess is responsible for building up their resistance…," to improve clarity. Utilize grammar check tools to identify and rectify common errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers to gain insights into specific areas of improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Achieving success in sports is a topic that often sparks debate. Some individuals assert that mental attributes play a more pivotal role in success, while others argue that physical strength is fundamental. In my view, while mental resilience is crucial for athletes, physical strength is equally indispensable for triumph.

On one side of the spectrum, a robust mental attitude is indispensable for sports trainers. Primarily, if trainers fail to instill a competitive spirit or a determination to win at any cost, athletes they train might lack the motivation needed for hard work and triumph. In these instances, mental prowess is responsible for building resistance to boredom and tiredness while the body experiences fatigue. Additionally, in any sports competition, setbacks and disappointments are inevitable. Therefore, being mentally resilient is imperative to overcome these setbacks and achieve set goals.

On the other hand, physical strength serves as the foundation for success in sports. Many individuals engage in sports not only for fitness but also with aspirations of success. This is particularly evident in sports like weightlifting or boxing, where physical strength is overtly critical. However, it extends to other sports as well, where endurance and stamina demand a considerable degree of physical strength. Regrettably, some athletes, such as the renowned professional cyclist Lance Armstrong, have resorted to using illegal substances like performance-enhancing drugs to attain and sustain peak physical condition, risking their careers.

In conclusion, both mental and physical strength are imperative for success in sports. While a resilient mindset aids in overcoming setbacks and maintaining motivation, physical strength is equally crucial, as evidenced by the demands of various sports. Balancing these elements is the key to achieving true success in the sporting arena.

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