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Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In this contemporary era, there are various kind of sports are getting competed in a professional tournament and some individuals hold the view that, beside other elements that involves like mental strength, physical strength is the key element in order to be success in any type of sports. From my point of view, this statement is totally wrong and the essay below will discuss about this problem.

On the one hand, it is undiniable the necessary of physical strength in a certain type of sport, some sports are requires to have a good body form like body buider or weight lifter. Due to this reason , the gorvernment tend to pick athletes that in shape and represent for the nation to compete for world tournament.

On the flip side, since the physical strength is so dignify, mental health seem to be indicates to have a lower value or stands as a side role but it completely wrong. Furthermore, people with deep thinking but have poor physical strength may have better advantage than who in good shape since thinking is a essential role in every sports to understand your opponent's next move, whereas physical strength only apply in certain sports. For instance, in the recent World Cup football's match of Japan and Germany, people predicts Germany will surely due to their incredible physical strength, but Japan people with their strategy ended up winning the match.

In conclusion, although physical strength dedicates to be main role in sport but mental health is also a vital element.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "various kind of sports are getting competed" -> "various types of sports are being contested"
    Explanation: Replacing "kind of sports are getting competed" with "types of sports are being contested" improves the formality and accuracy of the expression, using more precise language.

  2. "beside other elements that involves like mental strength" -> "alongside other factors such as mental strength"
    Explanation: Changing "beside other elements that involves like mental strength" to "alongside other factors such as mental strength" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  3. "the statement is totally wrong and the essay below will discuss about this problem" -> "the assertion is incorrect, and the essay below will delve into this issue"
    Explanation: Substituting "the statement is totally wrong and the essay below will discuss about this problem" with "the assertion is incorrect, and the essay below will delve into this issue" maintains a more formal tone and provides a clearer expression of the essay’s purpose.

  4. "it is undiniable the necessary of physical strength" -> "the importance of physical strength is undeniable"
    Explanation: Changing "it is undiniable the necessary of physical strength" to "the importance of physical strength is undeniable" results in a more grammatically correct and formal phrasing.

  5. "some sports are requires to have a good body form like body buider or weight lifter" -> "some sports require a well-developed physique, as seen in bodybuilding or weightlifting"
    Explanation: Replacing "some sports are requires to have a good body form like body builder or weight lifter" with "some sports require a well-developed physique, as seen in bodybuilding or weightlifting" improves the accuracy and formality of the sentence.

  6. "Due to this reason, the gorvernment tend to pick athletes that in shape" -> "For this reason, governments tend to select athletes who are in good physical condition"
    Explanation: Substituting "Due to this reason, the gorvernment tend to pick athletes that in shape" with "For this reason, governments tend to select athletes who are in good physical condition" enhances clarity and formality.

  7. "since the physical strength is so dignify" -> "given the significance of physical strength"
    Explanation: Changing "since the physical strength is so dignify" to "given the significance of physical strength" improves the formality and correctness of the expression.

  8. "mental health seem to be indicates to have a lower value" -> "mental health seems to be erroneously assigned lower value"
    Explanation: Replacing "mental health seem to be indicates to have a lower value" with "mental health seems to be erroneously assigned lower value" corrects grammatical errors and enhances precision.

  9. "people with deep thinking but have poor physical strength may have better advantage than who in good shape" -> "individuals with strategic thinking but poor physical strength may have an advantage over those in good physical shape"
    Explanation: Substituting "people with deep thinking but have poor physical strength may have better advantage than who in good shape" with "individuals with strategic thinking but poor physical strength may have an advantage over those in good physical shape" improves the clarity and formality of the statement.

  10. "thinking is a essential role in every sports" -> "strategic thinking plays an essential role in every sport"
    Explanation: Changing "thinking is a essential role in every sports" to "strategic thinking plays an essential role in every sport" corrects grammatical errors and enhances precision.

  11. "people predicts Germany will surely due to their incredible physical strength" -> "people predicted Germany would surely win due to their incredible physical strength"
    Explanation: Substituting "people predicts Germany will surely due to their incredible physical strength" with "people predicted Germany would surely win due to their incredible physical strength" corrects the tense and improves the accuracy of the sentence.

  12. "but Japan people with their strategy ended up winning the match" -> "but the Japanese team, with their strategic approach, ended up winning the match"
    Explanation: Changing "but Japan people with their strategy ended up winning the match" to "but the Japanese team, with their strategic approach, ended up winning the match" provides a more precise and formal description.

  13. "although physical strength dedicates to be main role in sport" -> "while physical strength plays a significant role in sports"
    Explanation: Replacing "although physical strength dedicates to be main role in sport" with "while physical strength plays a significant role in sports" improves the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt—physical strength and mental strength—but the discussion on mental strength is somewhat limited. While physical strength is acknowledged, the essay could provide a more comprehensive analysis of the importance of mental strength in sports. For example, it briefly mentions mental strength as crucial but does not delve deeply into why and how it is essential.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should elaborate on the significance of mental strength in various sports, providing specific examples. Discussing situations where mental strength plays a decisive role will strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that physical strength is not the sole determinant of success in sports. However, there are moments where the language is slightly ambiguous. For instance, the statement "physical strength dedicates to be the main role" could be clearer. The overall position is discernible but refining the language can enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should use more precise language to express their stance. A clearer and more assertive articulation of the position will strengthen the essay’s overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both physical and mental strength, but they are somewhat underdeveloped. The example provided about the World Cup football match is relevant but lacks details. The points about physical strength are more elaborated, but the essay would benefit from providing more nuanced examples and explanations for mental strength.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should offer more detailed examples and elaborate on the impact of mental strength in various sports scenarios. Providing evidence and specific instances will add depth to the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but at times deviates into less relevant details, such as mentioning the government’s preference for athletes in good shape. While related, these details are not directly tied to the main discussion of physical and mental strength in sports.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should focus on maintaining a more direct connection to the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential points that do not contribute significantly to the central argument. Stick to discussing the importance of physical and mental strength in sports.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt but would benefit from more depth in discussing mental strength, clearer language to express the position, more detailed examples, and a tighter focus on the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the topic, and there is an attempt to present both sides of the argument. However, the development of ideas lacks depth, and the essay could benefit from a more intricate structure. The body paragraphs do not follow a clear progression, and the conclusion is somewhat abrupt. Examples provided are relevant but are not elaborated on sufficiently to reinforce the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider developing a more nuanced structure. Clearly outline the main points for each viewpoint in the introduction and follow a cohesive progression in the body paragraphs. Provide more detailed examples and elaborate on their significance to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but falls short in creating a well-structured and cohesive essay. Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt. This impacts the overall readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: Work on structuring paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to create a more coherent and organized flow. Consider grouping related ideas within well-defined paragraphs to improve the overall structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the flip side," "in conclusion"). However, their usage is somewhat mechanical, and the variety is limited. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a smoother and more sophisticated connection between ideas. Incorporate a range of transitional phrases and conjunctions to guide the reader through the essay more effectively. Ensure that cohesive devices are used naturally to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent response, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. Some words and phrases are repeated, and there is a lack of diversity in expression. For example, the repeated use of "strength" and "sports" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "physical strength," explore alternatives like "athletic prowess" or "bodily vigor." Additionally, replace repetitive words with synonyms to avoid monotony.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "beside other elements that involves like mental strength" is imprecise. The expression "mental strength" could be clarified or substituted with a more precise term.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing specific words that accurately convey your intended meaning. In this case, consider specifying the aspects of mental strength that are relevant to the argument. Replace vague terms with more concrete and exact language to enhance clarity and depth in your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "undiniable" instead of "undeniable" and "gorvernment" instead of "government." These errors impact the overall presentation and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay thoroughly. Use spelling and grammar check tools to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to catch any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of careful proofreading will contribute to better spelling accuracy in future writings.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score. Focus on expanding your vocabulary, using words more precisely, and paying close attention to spelling details to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but the variety is limited. Some sentences are straightforward and lack complexity, while others attempt to incorporate more intricate structures. For example, the sentence, "In this contemporary era, there are various kind of sports are getting competed in a professional tournament," could be refined for better clarity and structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, the writer should aim for a more extensive variety of sentence structures. This can be achieved by incorporating compound and complex sentences to convey ideas more effectively. For instance, instead of relying on simple sentences, consider combining ideas or using subordinate clauses to create a more sophisticated structure.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "it is undiniable the necessary of physical strength" contains a spelling error ("undiniable" should be "undeniable"), and "are requires" should be corrected to "require." Additionally, there are inconsistencies in verb tense usage, such as "seem" and "stands," which should be in the present tense for conciseness and accuracy.
    • How to improve: To address grammatical and punctuation issues, it is essential to proofread the essay thoroughly. Paying attention to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and correcting spelling errors will significantly improve the overall accuracy. Consider using tools like grammar checkers to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, reviewing basic grammar rules, especially those related to verb tenses, will contribute to more precise language use.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of grammar and sentence structures, there is room for improvement in both areas. Enhancing the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, various types of sports are being contested in professional tournaments. Some individuals argue that, alongside other factors such as mental strength, physical strength is the key element for success in any sport. From my perspective, this assertion is incorrect, and the essay below will delve into this issue.

On one hand, the importance of physical strength is undeniable in certain types of sports that require a well-developed physique, such as bodybuilding or weightlifting. Governments often select athletes who are in good physical condition to represent the nation in world tournaments.

On the flip side, mental health seems to be erroneously assigned lower value. Individuals with strategic thinking but poor physical strength may have an advantage over those in good physical shape, as strategic thinking plays an essential role in every sport. For example, in the recent World Cup football match between Japan and Germany, people predicted Germany would surely win due to their incredible physical strength, but the Japanese team, with their strategic approach, ended up winning the match.

In conclusion, while physical strength plays a significant role in certain sports, the assertion that it is the sole key to success is flawed. Mental health, particularly strategic thinking, is also a vital element in achieving success in sports. Therefore, a balanced approach that recognizes the importance of both physical and mental aspects is crucial for a comprehensive understanding of sporting success.

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