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Some people think that planning for the future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that planning for the future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that it is of more importance to solely concentrate on the present instead of making plans for the future. Personally, striking a balance between two perspectives would do the best.
Admittedly, one might gravitate towards the present values over the future one. This is predicated on the assumption that attempts to plan for the future might be futile due to the uncertainty in future predictions. In addition, devoting time to worrying about future events can lead to an array of mental health problems such as: anxiety, depression and even obsession, which adversely disrupts the quality of life. By contrast, focusing on the present enables us to appreciate the blessings and meaningful values we have possessed today, fostering a sense of gratitude and contentment. Furthermore, by focusing on each passing moment, people can boost their concentration levels to the fullest, resulting in an increase in productivity and overall performance.
On the other hand, future planning is advantageous for individuals’ well-being. First and foremost, contingency plans for the future can hedge one’s bets in case of emergency or unexpected events. For example, without a financial cushion to support employees during their retirement, they may face significant financial difficulties to pay for daily expenses, let alone health service fees for age-related health issues. In addition, plans targeting particular goals can instill a sense of purpose among individuals that benefit individuals in achieving their targets. For instance, high schoolers are often advised to pinpoint their major fields and careers, thereby making meticulous plans to enhance their skills related to these future occupations.
In conclusion, rather than exclusively focusing on present moments, people should also have future plans for a more fulfilled and secure life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "more importance" -> "greater importance"
    Explanation: "More importance" is grammatically correct but using "greater importance" provides a slightly more formal and precise phrasing, aligning better with academic style.

  2. "solely concentrate" -> "exclusively focus"
    Explanation: "Solely concentrate" is slightly redundant. "Exclusively focus" maintains the meaning while being more concise and formal in an academic context.

  3. "grasp towards" -> "gravitate towards"
    Explanation: "Grasp towards" is an uncommon phrase. "Gravitate towards" is a more idiomatic expression, fitting better in formal writing to convey the idea of inclining towards something.

  4. "predicated on the assumption" -> "based on the assumption"
    Explanation: "Predicated" is a more formal term, but "based on" is a simpler and clearer alternative in this context, maintaining formality without unnecessary complexity.

  5. "an array of mental health problems such as: anxiety, depression and even obsession" -> "various mental health issues including anxiety, depression, and obsession"
    Explanation: The revised phrase streamlines the list of mental health issues by using "issues" instead of "problems" and a more concise structure for listing specific examples.

  6. "adversely disrupts" -> "adversely affects"
    Explanation: "Adversely disrupts" is slightly awkward. "Adversely affects" maintains formality while improving the flow and readability of the sentence.

  7. "possessed today" -> "experienced today"
    Explanation: "Possessed" may imply ownership rather than experiencing. "Experienced today" better conveys the intended meaning in a clearer and more natural way.

  8. "boost their concentration levels to the fullest" -> "enhance their concentration to the maximum"
    Explanation: The revised phrase avoids the informal use of "boost" and provides a more academic expression with "enhance their concentration to the maximum."

  9. "hedging one’s bets" -> "mitigating risks"
    Explanation: While "hedging one’s bets" is idiomatic, "mitigating risks" is a more direct and formal alternative that retains the meaning of reducing potential negative outcomes.

  10. "financial cushion" -> "financial safety net"
    Explanation: "Financial cushion" is colloquial; "financial safety net" is a slightly more formal phrase appropriate for academic writing that conveys the same idea.

  11. "pay for daily expenses, let alone health service fees" -> "meet daily expenses, not to mention health service fees"
    Explanation: The revised phrase maintains the meaning while offering a more polished and idiomatic structure for expressing the idea of covering expenses.

  12. "high schoolers" -> "secondary school students"
    Explanation: "High schoolers" is a more casual term, whereas "secondary school students" is a formal and more appropriate term in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Personally, striking a balance between two perspectives would do the best."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position on the topic. It’s crucial to establish a clear and unequivocal stance from the beginning. Consider explicitly stating whether you agree or disagree with the idea that planning for the future is a waste of time. This will provide a solid foundation for the rest of your essay, guiding your reader through your arguments.
    • Improved example: "Personally, I firmly believe that finding a balance between focusing on the present and making plans for the future is the most effective approach."
  2. Quoted text: "This is predicated on the assumption that attempts to plan for the future might be futile due to the uncertainty in future predictions."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While you’ve presented an argument against future planning, it would be more effective to provide a specific example or anecdote from your own knowledge or experience to illustrate this point. This will add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "For instance, in my own experience, a friend meticulously planned for a career that became obsolete due to technological advancements, highlighting the unpredictability of the future job market."
  3. Quoted text: "In addition, devoting time to worrying about future events can lead to an array of mental health problems such as: anxiety, depression, and even obsession, which adversely disrupts the quality of life."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While your point about the potential negative impacts on mental health is valid, it would be more effective to delve deeper into this idea. Provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate how excessive future planning can lead to anxiety or depression. This will enhance the development of your argument.
    • Improved example: "For example, constantly worrying about financial stability in the future may lead to chronic anxiety, impacting one’s overall well-being and happiness."
  4. Quoted text: "Furthermore, by focusing on the present enables us to appreciate the blessings and meaningful values we have possessed today, fostering a sense of gratitude and contentment."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While you argue for the benefits of focusing on the present, it would strengthen your response to provide a concrete example or personal experience that illustrates how living in the moment has brought about a sense of gratitude and contentment.
    • Improved example: "I vividly recall a moment when I decided to immerse myself in the present, appreciating the simple joys of life such as a beautiful sunset or a shared laugh with loved ones. This experience underscored the value of living in the moment."

Overall, your essay is well-structured, and your arguments are generally clear. However, incorporating specific examples or personal experiences will significantly strengthen your position and enhance the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, and the essay strikes a balance in presenting both perspectives. However, there is some slight underuse of cohesive devices, particularly in the transition between paragraphs.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs by using more explicit cohesive devices. Additionally, be cautious of underusing certain connectors or transitional phrases that can help guide the reader through the logical flow of ideas. This will further refine the essay’s overall organization and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, incorporating less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. There’s evidence of vocabulary variety, showing an attempt to express ideas using a mix of words and phrases beyond basic vocabulary. The essay also integrates vocabulary related to the topic, discussing future planning, present focus, mental health, productivity, contingency plans, retirement, and career development. Although occasional errors in word choice and formation occur, they don’t significantly impede understanding.

How to improve:
To elevate the lexical resource further, aim for more precise and sophisticated language. Strengthen the use of uncommon lexical items while ensuring accurate word choice and collocation. Additionally, refining the complexity and diversity of vocabulary usage, especially in contexts where precision is crucial, could enhance the overall lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures utilized throughout the text. The sentences are generally error-free, and the writer effectively conveys ideas. There is evidence of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to the overall clarity of communication. However, a few errors exist, such as the use of "futile due to the uncertainty" (redundant phrasing) and the phrase "boost their concentration levels to the fullest" (redundant use of ‘to the fullest’). These errors, although not pervasive, slightly impact the overall fluidity.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical range and accuracy further, consider refining certain expressions for conciseness. For example, instead of "futile due to the uncertainty," it could be revised to "uncertain" for a more precise and concise statement. Additionally, avoiding redundancy in phrases like "to the fullest" can contribute to a more polished expression.

Overall, maintaining the current level of complexity in sentence structures while addressing minor errors will contribute to a more nuanced and refined expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Some individuals argue that concentrating solely on the present holds greater significance than making plans for the future. Personally, I believe that finding a balance between these two perspectives is most effective.

Admittedly, some may lean towards valuing the present more than the future. This perspective is based on the idea that attempts to plan for the future may prove futile due to the uncertainty in predictions. Moreover, dedicating time to worrying about future events can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and obsession, negatively impacting one’s quality of life. In contrast, focusing on the present allows us to appreciate the blessings and meaningful values we possess today, fostering gratitude and contentment. Additionally, concentrating on each passing moment can enhance concentration levels to the fullest, resulting in increased productivity and overall performance.

On the other hand, future planning is beneficial for individuals’ well-being. Firstly, contingency plans for the future can provide a safety net in case of emergencies or unexpected events. For example, lacking a financial cushion for retirement may lead to significant financial difficulties for individuals, including challenges in covering daily expenses and health service fees for age-related health issues. Moreover, plans aimed at specific goals can instill a sense of purpose, aiding individuals in achieving their targets. For instance, high school students are often advised to identify their major fields and careers, subsequently making detailed plans to enhance their skills relevant to these future occupations.

In conclusion, rather than exclusively focusing on present moments, people should also have future plans for a more fulfilled and secure life.”

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