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Some people think that punishment is the best way of teaching children to behave well. Others believe that it is better to reward children for good behaviour. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that punishment is the best way of teaching children to behave well. Others believe that it is better to reward children for good behaviour.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that utilizing punishment in educating children is the most effective approach to encourage them to have better behaviors, while others maintain the belief that rewarding will bring better effect than the previous one. This essay will examine both convictions, prior to determining the most prudent course of action.

On the one hand, opting for punishments to educate children will bring several benefits, which enhances them to have better behavior. The most notable point is that adopting punishment will enable children to remember their mistakes well. The possible rationale is that children have not reached a certain level of maturity, preventing them from distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Due to the different mindset between two distant generations, words are not convincing enough for children to obey instructions from older people. Thus, punishment will bring intended effects, compelling children to abstain from misbehavior in the foreseeable future. For instance, if a child is interested in eating candy, taking away their expected item as a punishment, it will facilitate long-lasting memory of their mistake,which makes them endeavor to become a better child.

On the other hand, rewarding is considered a superior method of teaching children to behave appropriately. Firstly, if rewards are proposed for children to have good contributions to the community, they will get a sense of motivation. Simultaneously, rewards are regarded as a specific goal, enhancing their competitiveness to make more effort to accomplish outstanding performance to get a present. Another point to consider is that children are always attracted by the positive inclination, delivering them rewards will boost their enjoyment, making them immerse in training and practices to commit with good behaviors. As a result, they will become good citizens and experience an increase in self-esteem when engaging in conversation with their peers.

In my perspective, several positive effects are generated through punishment utilization. Punishment will enhance distinct children’s realization of good and bad behaviors, which make them follow the instructions from older generations and have more positive commitment in their lives. Secondly, since punishment is stricter than remaining educational approaches to prevent them from behaving inappropriately, which facilitates more well-rounded development.

In conclusion, although rewards play a crucial role in honing children to become better, I believe that punishment is the most utilized method of teaching children.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "utilizing punishment" -> "employing disciplinary measures"
    Explanation: Replacing "utilizing punishment" with "employing disciplinary measures" offers a more formal and precise term while maintaining clarity.

  2. "encourage them to have better behaviors" -> "promote improved behavior"
    Explanation: "Encourage them to have better behaviors" can be replaced with "promote improved behavior" for a more academically appropriate expression.

  3. "rewarding will bring better effect than the previous one" -> "rewards can yield more favorable outcomes"
    Explanation: The phrase "rewarding will bring better effect than the previous one" is vague and informal. "Rewards can yield more favorable outcomes" is a clearer and more academic alternative.

  4. "convictions" -> "viewpoints"
    Explanation: "Convictions" is somewhat formal and might not be the best fit here. "Viewpoints" is a more common term in academic writing to refer to different opinions or beliefs.

  5. "opting for punishments" -> "choosing punitive measures"
    Explanation: "Opting for punishments" can be replaced with "choosing punitive measures" to maintain formality and precision.

  6. "enhances them to have better behavior" -> "encourages better behavior"
    Explanation: "Enhances them to have better behavior" can be simplified to "encourages better behavior" for clarity and formality.

  7. "most notable point is" -> "a salient point is"
    Explanation: "Most notable point is" can be substituted with "a salient point is" to enhance the academic tone.

  8. "adopting punishment will enable children to remember their mistakes well" -> "implementing disciplinary measures can help children remember their mistakes more effectively"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and can be improved with a more precise and formal alternative.

  9. "words are not convincing enough for children to obey instructions from older people" -> "verbal instructions may not be persuasive enough for children to comply with the directives of adults"
    Explanation: The suggested change uses a more formal language and structure.

  10. "intended effects" -> "desired outcomes"
    Explanation: "Intended effects" can be replaced with "desired outcomes" for a more formal expression.

  11. "endeavor to become a better child" -> "strive to improve their behavior"
    Explanation: "Endeavor to become a better child" can be replaced with "strive to improve their behavior" for a more suitable and formal choice of words.

  12. "rewarding is considered a superior method" -> "Reward-based approaches are often deemed more effective"
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains a formal tone and clarity.

  13. "positive inclination" -> "positive reinforcement"
    Explanation: "Positive inclination" is less formal than "positive reinforcement" and might be unclear in an academic context.

  14. "immerse in training and practices to commit with good behaviors" -> "fully engage in training and activities to exhibit positive behavior"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more academically appropriate and clear.

  15. "increase in self-esteem when engaging in conversation" -> "boost in self-esteem during social interactions"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more precise and formal expression.

  16. "several positive effects are generated through punishment utilization" -> "Punishment yields several positive effects"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and formal.

  17. "since punishment is stricter than remaining educational approaches" -> "as punishment is more stringent than other educational methods"
    Explanation: The revised sentence structure is more academically sound.

  18. "which facilitates more well-rounded development" -> "contributing to a more comprehensive development"
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains a formal tone and clarity.

  19. "although rewards play a crucial role" -> "While rewards play a significant role"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal and structured transition to the concluding statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many people believe that utilizing punishment in educating children is the most effective approach to encourage them to have better behaviors, while others maintain the belief that rewarding will bring better effect than the previous one."

    • Explanation and Improvement: The introduction sets up the two opposing views, but it lacks clarity and conciseness. It could benefit from a more focused and direct presentation of the two viewpoints. Also, it’s important to specify your own stance in the introduction to provide a clear roadmap for the essay.
    • Improved example: "Some argue that using punishment is the most effective way to improve children’s behavior, while others advocate for the effectiveness of rewarding good behavior. In this essay, we will explore these contrasting views before presenting my own perspective."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, opting for punishments to educate children will bring several benefits, which enhances them to have better behavior."

    • Explanation and Improvement: The expression here is somewhat convoluted, and the sentence structure could be improved for clarity. Also, the essay should provide specific reasons and examples to support the idea that punishment is beneficial for children’s behavior.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, choosing punishment as an educational tool can yield several advantages, such as helping children develop better behavior. For instance…"
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, rewarding is considered a superior method of teaching children to behave appropriately."

    • Explanation and Improvement: While you present the opposing viewpoint, it lacks depth and clarity. You should provide more concrete reasons and examples to support the idea that rewarding is a superior method. Additionally, it’s important to address potential counterarguments.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, proponents of rewarding argue that it is a more effective method for promoting appropriate behavior in children. This is because…"
  4. Quoted text: "In my perspective, several positive effects are generated through punishment utilization."

    • Explanation and Improvement: While you briefly state your opinion, it’s crucial to provide a more detailed explanation of your perspective and connect it directly to the preceding arguments. Explain why you believe punishment is the most effective method.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, I firmly believe that utilizing punishment as an educational tool can generate several positive effects, which align with the earlier arguments presented. Punishment not only helps children realize the consequences of their actions but also encourages better overall development."

Overall, the essay lacks depth in its argumentation. To improve, provide more specific reasons and examples to support each viewpoint, address potential counterarguments, and ensure a clear and concise structure in your introduction. Additionally, be sure to connect your perspective more explicitly to the preceding arguments for a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, aligning with the Band 7 descriptor. It logically organizes information and ideas, ensuring clear progression throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, although there is occasional overuse (e.g., "which enhances them to have better behavior"). The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph.

How to improve:

  1. Be mindful of the occasional overuse of cohesive devices. Strive for a more balanced and precise use of linking words and phrases.
  2. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical throughout the essay. Some paragraphs may need better transitions to connect ideas smoothly.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively presents arguments for both sides of the topic, and the essay writer’s opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a fairly adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary and showcases some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are instances where word choice and collocation could be improved. Some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay explores both sides of the argument regarding punishment and rewards in teaching children to behave well. It makes an effort to present ideas with a variety of vocabulary and expressions. Some phrases like "opting for punishments" and "commit with good behaviors" show an attempt to use less common vocabulary.

However, there are minor issues with word choice and sentence structure that affect the fluency and precision of the essay. For example, "enhances them to have better behavior" could be expressed more precisely as "encourages better behavior." Additionally, some sentences could be clearer, such as "delivering them rewards will boost their enjoyment," where the phrasing is somewhat awkward.

The essay also contains occasional errors in word choice and word formation, like "utilization" instead of "use" and "commit with good behaviors" instead of "commit to good behavior." These errors do not severely impede understanding, but they detract from the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Improve word choice and collocation for more precise expression. Instead of "enhances them to have better behavior," consider "encourages better behavior."

  2. Refine sentence structure for clarity and fluency. For instance, rephrase "delivering them rewards will boost their enjoyment" to "providing rewards will increase their enjoyment."

  3. Pay attention to minor errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation to enhance overall accuracy and readability. Review and edit sentences like "commit with good behaviors" to ensure they are grammatically correct and idiomatic.

  4. Consider expanding the range of vocabulary further by incorporating more sophisticated and uncommon words where appropriate to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning it a Band 7 score. Here’s why:

  1. Wide Range of Structures: The essay employs a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing a good range of sentence types.

  2. Frequent Error-Free Sentences: Most sentences are error-free or contain only minor errors. There is a good level of accuracy in the use of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay.

  3. Complex Structures: The essay successfully uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 7 performance.

However, it’s important to note that there are still some errors present, though they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve:
To move from a Band 7 to a Band 8, the writer should focus on achieving even greater accuracy and flexibility in sentence structures. They should strive for near error-free writing and more complex sentence structures. Additionally, they should ensure consistent punctuation accuracy. While the essay demonstrates a good level of language proficiency, further refinement can help reach the Band 8 criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals hold the view that employing punishment as a method of educating children is the most effective approach to encourage them to exhibit better behavior, while others advocate for the idea that rewarding them will yield more positive results. This essay will explore both perspectives before offering my own insight on the matter.

On one hand, choosing punishment as a means to educate children can yield several advantages, ultimately leading to improved behavior. One notable point is that implementing punishment helps children remember their mistakes more effectively. This may be because children have not yet reached a certain level of maturity, which hinders their ability to distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Due to the generation gap and the varying mindset between adults and children, mere words often prove insufficient to persuade children to adhere to instructions from their elders. Consequently, punishment can have the desired impact, compelling children to refrain from misconduct in the future. For example, if a child is fond of consuming candy and their expected treat is withheld as a form of punishment, it can leave a lasting impression of their mistake, motivating them to strive towards becoming better-behaved individuals.

On the other hand, rewarding is considered a superior method for teaching children to behave appropriately. Firstly, when rewards are offered as incentives for children to contribute positively to their community, they gain a sense of motivation. Simultaneously, rewards represent specific goals that enhance their competitiveness, encouraging them to exert extra effort to achieve outstanding performance and earn a reward. Another point to consider is that children are naturally drawn to positive reinforcement; providing them with rewards increases their enjoyment and engages them in training and practices to cultivate good behavior. Consequently, they become exemplary citizens and experience a boost in self-esteem when interacting with their peers.

From my perspective, punishment usage generates several positive effects. It helps children gain a clearer understanding of what constitutes good and bad behavior, encouraging them to follow the guidance of older generations and fostering a more positive commitment to their lives. Moreover, since punishment is stricter compared to other educational approaches aimed at deterring inappropriate behavior, it contributes to a more well-rounded development.

In conclusion, while rewards undoubtedly play a crucial role in shaping children’s behavior for the better, I hold the belief that punishment remains the most widely employed method of teaching children in this regard.

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