Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Presently, the topic of the choice between education need to requite the students who have well consequences or the one who have improvement which is better is a highly debatable discussion. I firmly believe it goes without doubt of saying that rewarding the students who show their improvement can successfully motivate the academic result of a class due to encouraging students and make students get on with together despite those who think it's worthy to the best students.
One key point argument is that allowing student's attempt can help them have motivation to face with challenge. Due to the fact that purpose of a student's learning is to get good results and be recognized for their achievements, so they always try to achieve the best results, but if they still don't achieve them, the effort that the student puts in is almost gone, that make them, this brings them frustration and wants to give up, therefore the recognition from teachers is necessary. For example, a learner will better to have the encouragement for the improve score rather than have nothing with the best score

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Presently, the topic of the choice between education need to requite the students who have well consequences or the one who have improvement which is better" -> "Currently, the topic of whether education should prioritize students with positive outcomes or those showing improvement is a contentious issue."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"I firmly believe it goes without doubt of saying" -> "It is unequivocally clear"
Explanation: The phrase "it goes without doubt of saying" is awkward and informal. "It is unequivocally clear" is a more formal and succinct way to express certainty.
"rewarding the students who show their improvement can successfully motivate the academic result of a class" -> "rewarding students who demonstrate improvement can significantly enhance the academic performance of a class"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and awkwardly structured. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise academic language.
"make students get on with together" -> "encourage students to work together"
Explanation: "Get on with together" is an informal and unclear expression. "Encourage students to work together" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"it’s worthy to the best students" -> "it is more beneficial for the top-performing students"
Explanation: "It’s worthy to the best students" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised phrase is grammatically correct and provides a clearer meaning.
"allowing student’s attempt can help them have motivation" -> "allowing students to attempt can motivate them"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects these issues and improves readability.
"face with challenge" -> "face challenges"
Explanation: "Face with challenge" is grammatically incorrect. "Face challenges" is the correct form and is more natural in this context.
"purpose of a student’s learning is to get good results" -> "the primary objective of student learning is to achieve good results"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and vague. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the purpose of student learning.
"but if they still don’t achieve them, the effort that the student puts in is almost gone, that make them, this brings them frustration and wants to give up" -> "but if they fail to achieve them, the effort they invest is largely wasted, leading to frustration and a desire to abandon their studies"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies and corrects the grammar, making it more formal and clear.
"a learner will better to have the encouragement for the improve score rather than have nothing with the best score" -> "it is preferable for a learner to receive encouragement for improved scores rather than nothing for the best scores"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and improves the clarity and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding whether schools should reward academic excellence or improvements. However, it lacks a balanced discussion. The first part of the prompt is only partially covered, focusing more on the benefits of rewarding improvements without adequately presenting the argument for rewarding high achievers. For instance, the essay mentions the motivation derived from recognizing improvements but does not explore the potential benefits of rewarding top performers, such as setting benchmarks for excellence.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a more balanced discussion. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to the merits of rewarding high achievers, such as fostering a competitive spirit and encouraging academic excellence. Additionally, explicitly stating the pros and cons of each viewpoint would enhance the depth of the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position favoring the reward of improvements, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The introduction suggests a strong belief in rewarding improvements, yet the arguments presented are somewhat muddled and lack clarity. For example, the phrase "it goes without doubt of saying" is awkward and detracts from the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use straightforward language and clearly articulate their stance in both the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that reflects the main argument of that section, reinforcing the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the importance of recognizing improvements, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the argument about motivation lacks concrete examples or data that could strengthen the claim. The sentence structure is also convoluted, making it difficult for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with clear examples and logical reasoning. This could involve including statistics or studies that demonstrate the impact of rewards on student motivation. Additionally, simplifying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex phrases would enhance readability.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the theme of rewarding students based on their performance. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the convoluted phrasing and unclear arguments. For example, the phrase "that make them, this brings them frustration" is confusing and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. It would be beneficial to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph remains aligned with the central theme. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help eliminate any distracting elements.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide well-supported arguments, and ensure that the writing remains focused and coherent.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a central argument regarding the importance of rewarding improvements over high academic results. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat unclear. For instance, the introduction mixes the two viewpoints without clearly delineating them, which can confuse the reader. The transition from discussing the motivation of students to the example provided is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. This disrupts the logical flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it is advisable to clearly outline both viewpoints in separate paragraphs. Start with an introduction that briefly states both sides of the argument, followed by a paragraph dedicated to each perspective. Finally, conclude with a personal opinion paragraph that synthesizes the discussion. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The ideas are presented in a single block of text, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points. The absence of distinct paragraphs for different ideas leads to a lack of clarity and coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: Implementing a clear paragraph structure is crucial. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. For example, one paragraph could discuss the benefits of rewarding improvements, while another could address the merits of rewarding high achievers. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "due to the fact that" and "therefore" are used, but they are not varied enough to create a smooth transition between ideas. Additionally, the use of pronouns and conjunctions is inconsistent, which can lead to confusion about what is being referenced.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, it is essential to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "however," "on the other hand," and "in addition" to contrast and connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents to avoid ambiguity. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in writing exercises can help develop this skill.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, leading to a clearer and more compelling argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "highly debatable discussion" and "motivate the academic result" show an effort to employ more sophisticated language. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the repeated use of "students" and "results." Additionally, phrases like "the one who have improvement" are awkward and could benefit from more precise alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "students," you could use "learners," "pupils," or "scholars." Additionally, explore more varied expressions for "results," such as "outcomes," "achievements," or "performance."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable inaccuracies that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the choice between education need to requite" is not only awkward but also incorrect in its structure. The word "requite" is misused; it should be "reward." Furthermore, phrases like "face with challenge" should be "face challenges," which would be more idiomatic.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review common collocations and phrases in English to ensure they fit naturally within your sentences. For example, instead of "face with challenge," you could say "face challenges" or "confront challenges." Additionally, consider using a thesaurus to find more precise words that fit the context better.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Words like "requite" (should be "reward"), "consequences" (should be "results"), and "improve" (should be "improved") indicate a need for greater attention to spelling. These errors can confuse readers and undermine the credibility of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing regularly and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, consider maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and review them frequently. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to proper usage in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary usage, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("I firmly believe it goes without doubt of saying that rewarding the students who show their improvement can successfully motivate the academic result of a class"). However, many sentences are either overly complex or awkwardly constructed, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "the choice between education need to requite the students" and "that make them, this brings them frustration" lack clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler components can improve clarity. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help in connecting ideas more fluidly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("education need to requite" should be "education needs to reward") and incorrect verb forms ("the one who have improvement" should be "the one who has improved"). Punctuation errors are also present, particularly in the use of commas, which disrupt the flow of ideas. For instance, the phrase "that make them, this brings them frustration" is confusing and lacks proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules governing comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that ideas are clearly separated and connected. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice, feedback, and revision will be crucial for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Currently, the topic of whether education should prioritize students with positive outcomes or those showing improvement is a contentious issue.** I firmly believe it is unequivocally clear that rewarding students who demonstrate improvement can significantly enhance the academic performance of a class. This approach not only encourages students to work together but also fosters a supportive learning environment, despite the views of those who argue that recognition should be reserved for the top-performing students.

One key argument in favor of rewarding improvement is that allowing students to attempt challenges can help them stay motivated. The primary objective of student learning is to achieve good results and be recognized for their achievements. However, if students fail to reach these goals, the effort they invest is largely wasted, leading to frustration and a desire to abandon their studies. Therefore, recognition from teachers is essential. For example, it is preferable for a learner to receive encouragement for improved scores rather than nothing for achieving the best scores. This recognition can inspire students to continue striving for success, ultimately benefiting the entire classroom.

In conclusion, while it is important to acknowledge high achievers, rewarding students who show improvement can create a more inclusive and motivating educational environment.