Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both vicw and give your own opinion.
Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both vicw and give your own opinion.
These days, there are arguments whether teachers at school should teach their children moral qualities or just academic subjects. This cuthor opres that being taught moralty since the children's early days can result in their good behaviors and judgement in the future that teachers should follow this teaching method.
To begin with, moral values can help young children to deal with their life in the future more effectively, as it offers them the skills to sympathize and share with others. Furthermore, academic knowledge can be gained at any time dunng people's life, while important moral qualities can only be formed form the early days of lifetime. In many big companies and workplace nowadays. employees have to possess their academic performance parallel with good morality standards to be accepted to work. For these réaon, ethical lescons are as important as academic courses for students to perform well during their Studying process or their future life.
Nonetheless, some people may argue that schools should place more importance on teaching academic subjects at they are the fisrt to consider when Students intend to study at a big university have to or a reputable company. However, they might have to struggle with other people or even the law when They lack of crucially important moral qualities. Thus, moral lessons should be provided for children at schools beside academic courses.
It is the opinion of this author that the workforce need vital morality to behave well in life, notwithstanding specialized knowledge are as important. Therefore, teachers should assume more responsibility to teach students about morality Standards alongside with academic subjects at school
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days." -
"there are arguments" -> "there are debates"
Explanation: "Debates" is a more specific and formal term than "arguments," which is often too vague and informal for academic contexts. -
"cuthor opres" -> "author argues"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and replaces the informal "cuthor" with the correct term "author," enhancing readability and formality. -
"moralty" -> "moral values"
Explanation: "Morality" is the correct noun form, and "moral values" is a more precise and formal expression. -
"good behaviors" -> "good behavior"
Explanation: "Behavior" should be singular when referring to a general concept, not plural, to maintain grammatical accuracy. -
"judgement" -> "judgment"
Explanation: "Judgment" is the preferred spelling in American English, aligning with the context’s likely American academic audience. -
"dunng" -> "during"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and replaces the informal "dunng" with the correct spelling "during." -
"form the early days of lifetime" -> "from an early age"
Explanation: "From an early age" is a more formal and precise phrase, improving clarity and appropriateness for academic writing. -
"employees have to possess their academic performance parallel with good morality standards" -> "employees must meet both academic and moral standards"
Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence, removing redundancy and enhancing formality. -
"for these réaon" -> "for these reasons"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the plural form "reasons" to match the context. -
"ethical lescons" -> "ethical lessons"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the correct plural form "lessons." -
"Students intend to study at a big university have to" -> "students planning to attend a prestigious university must"
Explanation: Clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure, replacing the awkward and informal original phrasing. -
"They might have to struggle with other people or even the law" -> "they may face challenges from others or legal issues"
Explanation: Replaces informal "struggle" with "face challenges" and "the law" with "legal issues" for a more formal tone. -
"lack of crucially important moral qualities" -> "lack of crucial moral qualities"
Explanation: Removes the redundant "crucially" to maintain grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"beside academic courses" -> "in addition to academic courses"
Explanation: "In addition to" is a more formal and precise prepositional phrase than "beside," which is less commonly used in formal writing. -
"the workforce need vital morality" -> "the workforce requires essential morality"
Explanation: "Requires" is more formal and precise than "need," and "essential" is a more academic term than "vital." -
"notwithstanding specialized knowledge are as important" -> "notwithstanding specialized knowledge"
Explanation: Removes the redundant "are as important," as the phrase is implied by the context and is too informal for academic writing. -
"morality Standards" -> "moral standards"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and uses the correct adjective form "moral" for consistency and grammatical correctness. -
"alongside with academic subjects" -> "alongside academic subjects"
Explanation: Removes the preposition "with" to correct the grammatical structure, aligning with the formal style of academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the role of teachers in imparting moral values versus academic knowledge. The author presents a clear argument in favor of teaching moral values, which is supported by examples of workplace expectations. However, the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat limited, lacking depth and specific examples to illustrate why some might prioritize academic subjects. The essay mentions that academic subjects are crucial for university admission but does not elaborate on this point or provide examples of how this perspective might manifest in educational settings.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could include more detailed examples or scenarios illustrating the opposing viewpoint. For instance, discussing specific academic subjects that are essential for certain careers or providing statistics on university admissions could strengthen the argument. Additionally, acknowledging counterarguments more thoroughly would provide a more balanced discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, advocating for the inclusion of moral education alongside academic subjects. The stance is evident in the introduction and conclusion, where the author explicitly states their opinion. However, the transition between discussing both viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from the opposing view back to the author’s opinion feels abrupt at times.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after presenting the opposing view, a phrase like "However, it is essential to recognize that…" could help in re-establishing the author’s position more fluidly.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of moral education, such as its role in developing empathy and the necessity of moral standards in the workplace. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the claim that moral qualities are essential for success in the workplace is made, but it lacks specific instances or studies that could substantiate this assertion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include referencing studies on the impact of moral education on student behavior or citing specific companies that prioritize ethical standards in hiring. Additionally, expanding on the implications of lacking moral education could provide a more compelling argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of teachers in imparting moral values versus academic knowledge. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the second paragraph, where the sentence structure becomes convoluted, making it harder to follow the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the prompt. Simplifying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex phrasing can help keep the writing clear and on-topic. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing could help in organizing thoughts more coherently.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear opinion, but it would benefit from more detailed examples, smoother transitions, and clearer organization to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. The argument for the importance of teaching moral values is presented first, followed by the counterargument emphasizing academic subjects. This logical progression helps the reader follow the writer’s thought process. However, some points could be better connected; for instance, the transition between discussing moral values and the counterargument could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help clarify shifts between contrasting ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the importance of moral education and the implications of lacking it, thus improving clarity.
- How to improve: Aim to create distinct paragraphs for each major point. For example, separate the discussion of the importance of moral education from the consequences of neglecting it. This will help readers better grasp the nuances of your argument and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with" and "Nonetheless," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "For these réaon" appears to be a typographical error and disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and that there are no typographical errors that could confuse the reader.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use varied vocabulary. Phrases like "moral qualities," "academic knowledge," and "good morality standards" reflect an understanding of the topic. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the frequent use of "moral" and "academic." This reduces the overall lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "moral qualities," alternatives like "ethical values" or "principles" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "character development" or "social skills" would diversify the vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "good behaviors and judgement" could be more accurately expressed as "sound judgment and positive behavior." The term "moralty" is a misspelling and should be "morality." Furthermore, "ethical lescons" is another misspelling that should be "ethical lessons." Such inaccuracies can confuse readers and detract from the essay’s clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary definitions and practicing with context can help. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word choice will enhance clarity. Using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary exercises can also aid in selecting more precise terms.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "cuthor" instead of "author," "dunrg" instead of "during," "réaon" instead of "reason," and "lescons" instead of "lessons." These errors can significantly impact the readability and professionalism of the essay, leading to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a consistent proofreading strategy. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple or compound structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. For example, sentences like "To begin with, moral values can help young children to deal with their life in the future more effectively" and "However, they might have to struggle with other people or even the law when They lack of crucially important moral qualities" exhibit a basic structure without much variation. The use of complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall grammatical range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "moral values can help young children," the writer could say, "While moral values can help young children navigate their future, academic knowledge also plays a crucial role." Additionally, using different sentence openings, such as starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses, can create more dynamic writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "cuthor opres" appears to be a typographical error for "author opines," and "moralty" should be "morality." Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect verb forms, such as "notwithstanding specialized knowledge are as important," which should be "notwithstanding that specialized knowledge is also important." Punctuation errors include missing commas, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct word forms are used. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will also enhance clarity. For instance, in the sentence "In many big companies and workplace nowadays," it should be "In many big companies and workplaces nowadays," to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the writer could benefit from studying common grammatical structures and practicing through exercises focused on verb forms and punctuation rules.
Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
These days, there are debates about whether teachers at school should be responsible for teaching students moral values or if they should focus solely on academic subjects. This author argues that being taught morality from an early age can lead to good behavior and sound judgment in the future, and therefore, teachers should adopt this teaching method.
To begin with, moral values can help young children navigate their lives more effectively, as they provide the skills to empathize and share with others. Furthermore, academic knowledge can be acquired at any stage of life, while essential moral qualities are best developed from an early age. In many large companies and workplaces today, employees must meet both academic and moral standards to be accepted. For these reasons, ethical lessons are as important as academic courses for students to excel during their studies and in their future careers.
Nonetheless, some people may argue that schools should prioritize teaching academic subjects, as these are the first considerations for students planning to attend a prestigious university or a reputable company. However, they may face challenges from others or even legal issues when they lack crucial moral qualities. Thus, moral lessons should be provided for children in schools alongside academic courses.
In my opinion, the workforce requires essential morality to ensure good behavior in life, notwithstanding the importance of specialized knowledge. Therefore, teachers should take on greater responsibility for teaching students about moral standards alongside academic subjects in school.