Some people think that teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that the under 18 criminals and those who are older should deserve equal conviction. From my perspective, while this method has several convincing reasons, it might not be considered to be the most effective one.
On the other hand, by heavily punishing the young people for the guilt would foster the trust of citizens to the law systems. Without sufficient judgments to this type of lawbreakers, there would be unfairness among citizens, which can undermine the effectiveness of the rules. For example, dangerous teenage serial killers, whose crimes are as severe as the adults, can blame their inhumane activities on their immaturity and possibly continue to re-do their felonies. Therefore, if these disobediences are severely punished, the authorities will establish trust and build a strong relationship between people and legislations.
On the other hand, I support that adolescents that are not fully aware of laws should serve easier measures than the grown up. To commence with, the juveniles tend to unintentionally cross the limit crimes or misdemeanors because of their lack of consciousness about their doings. This can be exemplified by the act of arguing among children, which can lead to conflicts and unwanted consequences such as wounded or unintentional murder. Moreover, these individuals should deserve a chance for redemption provided with the guilty feeling and the willingness of joining their hands to contribute a prosperous nation. The authorities can encourage the contribution of these youths by offering them a second chance and educating them well before re-integrating the community in lieu of ending their future. This mercy can be both beneficial for them and residential areas.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that having an easier punishment on young criminals can be more advantageous. Punishing them with severe judgments can reduce the possibility of law evasions. However, this should depend of the awareness of the crime doers as they can be childish and able to recreate their lives without committing those felonies again.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"under 18 criminals" -> "individuals under the age of 18 who have committed crimes"
Explanation: The phrase "under 18 criminals" is vague and informal. The revised version clarifies that the individuals are under 18 and have committed crimes, enhancing specificity and formality.
"deserve equal conviction" -> "should receive equal punishment"
Explanation: "Deserve equal conviction" is unclear and awkward. "Should receive equal punishment" is more direct and appropriate for an academic context, clearly stating the expected outcome.
"heavily punishing" -> "severely punishing"
Explanation: "Heavily" is somewhat vague and informal; "severely" is more precise and commonly used in formal writing to describe punishment.
"the guilt" -> "the guilt of these crimes"
Explanation: "The guilt" is too vague and can be misinterpreted. Adding "of these crimes" specifies what the guilt refers to, enhancing clarity and precision.
"to this type of lawbreakers" -> "to individuals who commit such crimes"
Explanation: "To this type of lawbreakers" is awkward and informal. "To individuals who commit such crimes" is more formal and clear.
"re-do their felonies" -> "commit further felonies"
Explanation: "Re-do their felonies" is an incorrect and informal expression. "Commit further felonies" is the correct and formal way to describe continued criminal activity.
"disobediences" -> "crimes"
Explanation: "Disobediences" is not a standard term in legal or formal contexts. "Crimes" is the appropriate term for describing illegal actions.
"the grown up" -> "adults"
Explanation: "The grown up" is informal and imprecise. "Adults" is the correct term for referring to individuals who have reached legal adulthood.
"unintentionally cross the limit crimes or misdemeanors" -> "accidentally commit crimes or misdemeanors"
Explanation: "Unintentionally cross the limit crimes or misdemeanors" is awkward and unclear. "Accidentally commit crimes or misdemeanors" is clearer and more formal.
"arguing among children" -> "arguments among children"
Explanation: "Arguing among children" is grammatically incorrect. "Arguments among children" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"wounded or unintentional murder" -> "injury or unintentional homicide"
Explanation: "Wounded or unintentional murder" is incorrect and informal. "Injury or unintentional homicide" uses more precise legal terminology.
"joining their hands" -> "contributing"
Explanation: "Joining their hands" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Contributing" is straightforward and appropriate for formal contexts.
"ending their future" -> "ending their future prospects"
Explanation: "Ending their future" is vague and incomplete. "Ending their future prospects" provides a clearer and more comprehensive meaning.
"should depend of the awareness" -> "should depend on the awareness"
Explanation: "Should depend of the awareness" contains a grammatical error. "Should depend on the awareness" corrects this and aligns with formal English usage.
"able to recreate their lives" -> "able to reform their lives"
Explanation: "Recreate their lives" is incorrect and informal. "Reform their lives" is the correct term for describing the process of changing one’s behavior or actions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same as adult criminals. The writer presents a clear perspective, indicating agreement with the idea that teenagers should not be punished as harshly as adults. However, the response could be more balanced by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt asks for this nuance. The initial statement suggests a belief in equal conviction but later shifts to a more lenient view, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s true stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position at the beginning and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. A more definitive statement in the introduction about the extent of agreement or disagreement would help clarify the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards leniency for teenage offenders, but the clarity of this position is somewhat muddled by the initial statement. The phrase "this method has several convincing reasons" is vague and does not clearly convey the writer’s stance. Additionally, the use of "On the other hand" in two consecutive paragraphs creates confusion about which side is being supported.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent use of language that clearly indicates their position. Instead of using "On the other hand" in both paragraphs, they could use transitional phrases that reinforce their argument, such as "In support of my view" or "Conversely," to differentiate between opposing arguments and their own stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need for trust in the legal system and the potential for rehabilitation of young offenders. However, some arguments lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the mention of "dangerous teenage serial killers" is a strong point but could be further developed with statistics or studies to support the claim. The discussion about the unintentional nature of some crimes committed by teenagers is a valid point, but it could benefit from more concrete examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and evidence for each point made. This could involve citing studies on juvenile crime rates, rehabilitation success stories, or statistics that illustrate the consequences of harsh punishments on young offenders.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains focused on the topic of how teenagers should be treated in comparison to adult criminals. However, there are moments where the argument strays slightly, such as when discussing the "trust of citizens to the law systems," which could be seen as tangential to the main argument. The conclusion also introduces a new idea about the possibility of law evasions,which could confuse the reader regarding the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of how teenagers should be treated in the justice system. It would be beneficial to outline the main points in the introduction and refer back to them in the conclusion to reinforce the main argument. Additionally, avoiding introducing new ideas in the conclusion would help keep the essay cohesive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a relevant argument, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more developed supporting ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the treatment of teenage criminals versus adult criminals. It begins with a general statement and then presents two contrasting views, which is a logical approach. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly delineate the two sides of the argument. The transition between the two views is somewhat abrupt, especially when moving from the argument for severe punishment to the argument for leniency.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, ensure that there are smooth transitions between contrasting points. For example, using phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help signal shifts in argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph is somewhat vague and does not clearly outline the two perspectives. The second paragraph mixes ideas about punishment severity and the potential for rehabilitation, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could clearly outline the argument for treating teenagers as adults, while the second could focus on the argument for leniency. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting details are relevant and organized logically within that paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "Moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is used twice in close succession, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used naturally and enhance the flow of the essay rather than interrupt it.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "conviction," "punishing," "redemption," and "legislations." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "young people," "juveniles," and "adolescents." The use of synonyms could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "young people," you could use "youth," "minors," or "teenagers." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "rehabilitation," "recidivism," or "juvenile justice," could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the guilt" instead of "guilt" or "culpability," and "the law systems" which could be more accurately stated as "the legal system." The phrase "cross the limit crimes" is also unclear and could be better expressed as "commit crimes that exceed legal boundaries."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, replace "the guilt" with "guilt" and "the law systems" with "the legal system." Additionally, clarify phrases like "cross the limit crimes" by using more standard legal terminology. Reading legal texts or essays on criminal justice could provide better context for appropriate vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, but there are a few errors, such as "legislations" (which should be "legislation") and "unintentional murder" (which could be better phrased as "manslaughter" if referring to unintentional killing). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy where you read the essay multiple times, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can also reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as improving spelling accuracy, will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Moreover, these individuals should deserve a chance for redemption provided with the guilty feeling and the willingness of joining their hands to contribute a prosperous nation" showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "On the other hand," which appears twice in close succession, potentially detracting from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied transitional phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeating "On the other hand," alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could be utilized. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence beginnings and varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the under 18 criminals and those who are older should deserve equal conviction" should be rephrased for clarity, perhaps as "criminals under 18 and those over 18 should receive equal sentences." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the juveniles tend to unintentionally cross the limit crimes," which could be better expressed as "the juveniles tend to unintentionally commit crimes that cross legal boundaries." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can lead to run-on sentences that obscure meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on these areas can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, can help in avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring clarity. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying awkward phrasing and punctuation issues.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that individuals under the age of 18 who have committed crimes should receive equal punishment as adult criminals. From my perspective, while this approach has several convincing reasons, it may not be the most effective one.

On one hand, severely punishing young offenders for the guilt of their crimes could foster public trust in the legal system. Without sufficient consequences for these lawbreakers, there could be a sense of unfairness among citizens, which can undermine the effectiveness of the rules. For example, dangerous teenage serial killers, whose crimes are as severe as those committed by adults, might blame their inhumane actions on their immaturity and potentially continue to commit further felonies. Therefore, if these offenses are severely punished, the authorities can establish trust and build a strong relationship between the public and the legal system.

On the other hand, I believe that adolescents who are not fully aware of the laws should face lighter consequences than adults. To begin with, young individuals often accidentally commit crimes or misdemeanors due to their lack of understanding of their actions. This can be exemplified by arguments among children, which can escalate into conflicts and unwanted outcomes, such as injury or unintentional homicide. Moreover, these individuals should be given a chance for redemption, especially if they feel guilt and show a willingness to contribute to a prosperous society. Authorities can encourage the positive development of these youths by offering them a second chance and educating them before reintegrating them into the community, rather than ending their future prospects. This mercy can be beneficial for both the individuals and the communities they belong to.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that providing lighter punishments for young offenders can be more advantageous. While punishing them severely may reduce the likelihood of law evasion, this should depend on the awareness of the individuals committing the crimes, as they may be immature and capable of reforming their lives without repeating such felonies.