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Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that raising the legal age driving is the optimum solution to ensure road safety. From my perspective, I partly agree with this point of view.

On the one hand, increasing the minimum age for drivers can have a wide range of advantages. Firstly, it helps to enhance the maturity and responsibilities of young drivers. In other words, teenagers will have more time to accumulate and develop necessary cognitive and emotional skills needed for driving, which therefore decrease the reckless behaviors and improve the overall safety road when operating vehicles. Secondly, this policy also reduces the accident rates and fatalities. To elaborate, operators after learning road rules and practicing their vehicle competently will have enough knowledge when attending to traffic and rarely induce accidents or collisions with other transports. For example,some researchers have shown that in countries which have already implemented higher age driving have observed a decline in injuries on roads involving young drivers.

On the other hand, this measure contains some potential drawbacks in terms of individuals and society. The first point has to be mentioned is limiting teenager’s independence and mobility. Adopting higher legal age driving will restrict the ability in learning and practicing of young drivers, which then hinder them from social activities and later put them into passive status when encountering with traffic for the first time. For instance, people who live in some rural areas find it difficult to go to school or work because they are not old enough to get a driver license, which causes some problems related to the economy or education. Another potential danger is the increasing accident rates on the road due to unlicensed or unauthorized driving. If people are unable to legally obtain a driver license but still need to travel, they may operate vehicles without proper training, posing a risk to themselves and other commuters. Consequently, in the worst case, it can lead to injuries, collisions or even accidents, especially in some metropolitan areas.

In conclusion, there are a majority of measures that can be applied to tackle the road problems these days. While it is considered that increasing the minimum age of drivers is one of the best solutions, I believe that we have to have an overall perspective about both advantages and disadvantages of this measure.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “It is widely believed that raising the legal age driving is the optimum solution to ensure road safety.” -> “It is widely believed that raising the legal driving age is the optimal solution to ensure road safety.”
    Explanation: Replacing “raising the legal age driving” with “raising the legal driving age” is a more precise and formal expression. Additionally, changing “optimum” to “optimal” improves the accuracy and formality of the sentence.
  2. “From my perspective, I partly agree with this point of view.” -> “From my perspective, I partially agree with this viewpoint.”
    Explanation: The term “partly” is replaced with “partially” for a more formal and academic tone. Also, “point of view” is changed to “viewpoint” for a more concise expression.
  3. “On the one hand, increasing the minimum age for drivers can have a wide range of advantages.” -> “On one hand, raising the minimum driving age can yield a variety of advantages.”
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase “increasing the minimum age for drivers” to “raising the minimum driving age” and changing “can have” to “can yield” enhances formality and precision.
  4. “teenagers will have more time to accumulate and develop necessary cognitive and emotional skills needed for driving” -> “adolescents will have additional time to acquire and cultivate the essential cognitive and emotional skills required for driving.”
    Explanation: Replacing “teenagers” with “adolescents” and using more advanced vocabulary like “acquire” and “cultivate” contributes to a more formal and sophisticated tone.
  5. “which therefore decrease the reckless behaviors and improve the overall

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: “It is widely believed that raising the legal age driving is the optimum solution to ensure road safety. From my perspective, I partly agree with this point of view.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents the writer’s position on the topic, which is commendable. However, to further strengthen the clarity, consider providing a brief roadmap of the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. This will assist the reader in anticipating the key points of your stance.
    • Improved example: “It is widely believed that raising the legal age for driving is the optimum solution to ensure road safety. From my perspective, I partly agree with this point of view. In this essay, I will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing the minimum driving age to provide a comprehensive view on this matter.”
  2. Quoted text: “On the one hand, increasing the minimum age for drivers can have a wide range of advantages. Firstly, it helps to enhance the maturity and responsibilities of young drivers.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The development of the first point is well-done, providing a clear advantage of increasing the minimum driving age. However, to strengthen your argument, consider providing a concrete example or personal experience that illustrates how increased maturity and responsibility contribute to safer driving.
    • Improved example: “On the one hand, increasing the minimum age for drivers can have a wide range of advantages. Firstly, it helps to enhance the maturity and responsibilities of young drivers. For instance, my own experience demonstrates how waiting until the age of 18 to start driving allowed me to develop better decision-making skills and a heightened sense of responsibility, leading to safer driving practices.”
  3. Quoted text: “Another potential danger is the increasing accident rates on the road due to unlicensed or unauthorized driving.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This point is adequately presented, highlighting a potential drawback of increasing the minimum driving age. To strengthen this argument, consider providing a specific example or scenario that exemplifies the increased risk of accidents due to unlicensed or unauthorized driving.
    • Improved example: “Another potential danger is the increasing accident rates on the road due to unlicensed or unauthorized driving. For instance, in regions where obtaining a driver’s license is challenging or delayed, individuals may resort to driving without proper authorization, leading to a surge in accidents, jeopardizing the safety of both the drivers and other commuters.”

Overall, while your essay addresses all parts of the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing it with more specific examples and experiences would further elevate the depth and clarity of your arguments.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear overall progression of ideas. The introduction presents the writer’s perspective and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, contributing to the logical organization of information. There is effective use of cohesive devices, such as transition words, to connect ideas within and between sentences, although there are instances where cohesion is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The essay exhibits an attempt at paragraphing, but not always logically, as some paragraphs lack unity and coherence. Overall, the essay achieves a moderate level of coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesion: While the essay uses cohesive devices, there’s room for improvement in ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to the flow of ideas to create a seamless connection between paragraphs.
  2. Refine Paragraph Structure: Work on making paragraphs more cohesive and logically structured. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single central idea, enhancing the overall clarity of the essay.
  3. Address Mechanical Cohesion: Some cohesion appears mechanical in certain parts of the essay. Aim for more natural and varied use of cohesive devices to avoid any perception of repetition or overuse.
  4. Logical Organization: While the overall progression is clear, strive for a more refined organization of ideas within paragraphs. This includes strengthening the internal cohesion of sentences to create a smoother narrative flow.
  5. Consistent Paragraphing: Ensure consistent and logical paragraphing throughout the essay. Each paragraph should contribute to the development of a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining a logical order.

By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout the response, and the candidate effectively conveys their ideas. There is evidence of using less common lexical items and some awareness of style and collocation, particularly in phrases like “accumulating and developing necessary cognitive and emotional skills,” “restrict the ability in learning and practicing,” and “pose a risk to themselves and other commuters.” The vocabulary used is generally precise and appropriate for the task, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as “optimize” instead of “optimum,” “safety road” instead of “road safety,” and “operate vehicles” instead of “operate vehicles competently.” These inaccuracies, while not severe, affect the fluency and precision of expression, which prevents the essay from reaching a higher score.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the candidate should aim for more precise and accurate word choice and pay closer attention to word formation. Careful proofreading and editing can help eliminate minor errors and inconsistencies in vocabulary usage. Additionally, expanding the range of less common lexical items and idiomatic expressions can further enhance the lexical resource score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, as evident in the use of both straightforward and more elaborate sentence structures. The essay successfully conveys its points and arguments, but there are some grammatical errors and issues with sentence clarity that prevent it from achieving a higher band score.

The essay makes good points on both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages of raising the minimum driving age, such as enhancing maturity and reducing accidents, as well as the potential drawbacks, like limiting teenagers’ independence and increasing unauthorized driving. However, there are several grammatical issues, such as missing articles (“the optimum solution,” “the reckless behaviors”), minor punctuation errors (missing commas, e.g., “For example,some researchers”), and awkward sentence structures (e.g., “To elaborate, operators after learning road rules…”) that reduce the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Pay close attention to articles and punctuation to ensure grammatical accuracy.
  2. Simplify and clarify sentence structures for better readability.
  3. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
  4. Review and edit the essay for grammatical errors and sentence clarity before submitting it.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widespread belief that elevating the legal age for driving is the most effective measure to enhance road safety. From my standpoint, I partially agree with this viewpoint.

On the positive side, raising the minimum age for drivers can offer various advantages. Firstly, it contributes to the development of maturity and responsibility among young drivers. In other words, adolescents would have more time to acquire and cultivate the necessary cognitive and emotional skills required for driving. This, in turn, reduces reckless behaviors, thereby improving overall road safety. Secondly, this policy also leads to a decrease in accident rates and fatalities. To elaborate, individuals who have learned road rules and mastered vehicle operation are better equipped to navigate traffic, resulting in fewer accidents or collisions with other vehicles. For example, some studies have indicated that countries implementing a higher minimum driving age have witnessed a decline in road injuries involving young drivers.

However, this measure comes with potential drawbacks for individuals and society. One noteworthy point is the restriction of teenagers’ independence and mobility. Implementing a higher legal driving age limits the learning and practice opportunities for young drivers, hindering their engagement in social activities and potentially placing them in a passive position when facing traffic for the first time. For instance, individuals in rural areas may face challenges attending school or work due to the inability to obtain a driver’s license at a younger age, leading to economic and educational difficulties. Another potential concern is the rise in accident rates on the road due to unlicensed or unauthorized driving. If people are unable to legally acquire a driver’s license but still need to travel, they might operate vehicles without proper training, posing risks to themselves and other commuters. Consequently, in the worst case, this can result in injuries, collisions, or accidents, particularly in metropolitan areas.

In conclusion, addressing current road issues requires a consideration of various measures. While increasing the minimum age for drivers is viewed as one of the most effective solutions, I believe it is crucial to take an overall perspective, considering both the advantages and disadvantages of this measure.

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