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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary era, there are still many continuous debates revolves around whether lengthening the prison sentences is the best solution to reduce crime or there are still many possible approaches to this problem. I think people have their own reason to support one of these views and reject the idea of the others. From my perspective, I share a balanced view for both of these opinions.

First, giving prisoner longer sentences can make people consider more careful before actually commit a crime is the thinking of many individuals. In fact, if the law for the petty crime is too simple and easy to overcome, such as paying small fines or taking short detention around 3-6 month for some kind of traffic law violation, city dweller will not be scared and then willing to disobey the rule all the times, which is not a good sign for the stability of the whole society. By lengthening the sentences for criminal commitment, the government can deter its citizen not only the one who have the idea to commit a crime but also who are already prisoned.

On the other hand, the other people consider education and addressing socio-economic factors can be more effective in preventing individuals from turning to a life of crime. By providing the offenders with more opportunities for skill development, mental support and community reintegration, these alternatives aim to break the cycle of criminal behavior.

In my point of view, a balanced approach is essential. Despite the fact that longer prison sentences may deter some individuals, they often fail to address the bottom-line issues contributing to criminal behavior. A more realistic strategy that combines both punitive measures with education and social support is likely to be more effectively to reduce the amount of crime in the long run.

In conclusion, the debate on reducing crime through longer prison sentences versus alternative methods may be still appear for a long time, but I think these both idea should be considered and invested equally, with education and social programs along with punitive measures is likely to create positive outcomes.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In contemporary era" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: The addition of the definite article "the" before "contemporary era" makes the phrase more grammatically correct and formal.

  2. "continuous debates revolves around" -> "ongoing debates revolve around"
    Explanation: Replacing "continuous" with "ongoing" and changing "revolves around" to "revolve around" improves the sentence’s clarity and uses more precise vocabulary.

  3. "whether lengthening the prison sentences" -> "whether extending prison sentences"
    Explanation: "Extending prison sentences" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.

  4. "or there are still many possible approaches" -> "or numerous alternative approaches still exist"
    Explanation: This revision replaces the informal "there are still many possible" with a more formal and descriptive phrase, maintaining clarity.

  5. "I think people have their own reason" -> "Individuals hold varying perspectives"
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs a more academic and formal tone while expressing the same idea.

  6. "From my perspective" -> "In my viewpoint"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; using "In my viewpoint" maintains a formal tone.

  7. "make people consider more careful" -> "encourage individuals to be more cautious"
    Explanation: "Consider more careful" is awkward phrasing; the suggested alternative is more grammatically correct and precise.

  8. "actually commit a crime is the thinking of many individuals" -> "actually commit a crime is a viewpoint held by many individuals"
    Explanation: The revised sentence clarifies the subject and uses a more formal structure.

  9. "In fact, if the law for the petty crime is too simple and easy to overcome" -> "Indeed, if the penalties for minor offenses are too lenient and easily bypassed"
    Explanation: This revision replaces "In fact" with "Indeed" for a more formal tone and rephrases the sentence for clarity.

  10. "city dweller" -> "urban residents"
    Explanation: "City dweller" is less formal; "urban residents" is a more academically suitable term.

  11. "willing to disobey the rule all the times" -> "willing to repeatedly violate the rules"
    Explanation: The suggested change uses more precise language and maintains a formal tone.

  12. "the one who have the idea to commit a crime" -> "those who contemplate committing a crime"
    Explanation: This phrasing is more formal and clear.

  13. "who are already prisoned" -> "who are already incarcerated"
    Explanation: "Incarcerated" is a formal and more precise term for being in prison.

  14. "other people consider education and addressing socio-economic factors" -> "Others advocate for education and addressing socio-economic factors"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and concise.

  15. "individuals from turning to a life of crime" -> "individuals from resorting to a criminal lifestyle"
    Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and provides a more precise description.

  16. "in my point of view" -> "from my perspective"
    Explanation: "In my point of view" is slightly informal; "from my perspective" is more suitable for academic writing.

  17. "more effectively to reduce" -> "more effective in reducing"
    Explanation: This change improves the sentence’s structure and formality.

  18. "appear for a long time" -> "persist for a significant duration"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase is more precise and formal.

  19. "should be considered and invested equally" -> "should be given equal consideration and investment"
    Explanation: This revision maintains a formal tone and clarity.

  20. "create positive outcomes" -> "yield positive results"
    Explanation: "Yield positive results" is a more formal and precise phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both views (longer prison sentences and alternative ways of reducing crime) and provides the writer’s opinion on the matter.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay. They express a balanced view, acknowledging the merits of both longer prison sentences and alternative methods while favoring a combination of both.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides reasoning and examples for both sides of the argument and offers a well-reasoned conclusion.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout and does not deviate from the central theme of the debate between longer prison sentences and alternative methods of reducing crime.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively addresses each checklist item. It presents a well-structured argument, maintains clarity and consistency in its stance, and provides ample support for its ideas. The essay successfully balances both sides of the argument and concludes with a reasonable perspective favoring a combination of punitive measures and social support to reduce crime. To further enhance this essay, the writer can focus on refining their language and grammar for a more polished presentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow. The essay tends to switch between viewpoints and ideas abruptly, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the argument smoothly. For example, the transition from discussing longer prison sentences to alternative methods could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence relates directly to the essay prompt and the main argument. Use transitional phrases and words to guide the reader through your ideas, providing a seamless transition between sentences and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. There are some paragraphs that are quite lengthy, making it challenging for the reader to discern the main points within them. For instance, the paragraph starting with "On the other hand, the other people…" could be broken into multiple paragraphs for better clarity and organization.
    • How to improve: Aim for shorter paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point or idea. This will help the reader navigate through your essay more smoothly and understand the various arguments you present. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main point you intend to discuss.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does use some cohesive devices to connect ideas and arguments. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying and using these devices more effectively. Some sentences and paragraphs feel disjointed due to the limited use of cohesive devices.
    • How to improve: Expand your use of cohesive devices such as transitional words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the contrary," "In conclusion"). These can help link your ideas and arguments more coherently. Additionally, consider using pronouns and referencing back to previously mentioned concepts to create a stronger sense of connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion but could benefit from more precise organization, improved paragraphing, and a wider variety of cohesive devices. These improvements will enhance the essay’s overall clarity and make it more effective in conveying the ideas and arguments to the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety in vocabulary is evident, there are instances where the author repeats words or uses somewhat generic terms. For example, phrases like "lengthening the sentences for criminal commitment" and "a balanced approach is essential" could benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary, consider using synonyms and more specific terms. Instead of repeating words like "crime" or "commit a crime," you can use alternatives like "criminal activities" or "engage in unlawful behavior." Additionally, make use of descriptive and vivid language to provide a richer context and depth to your ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "city dweller will not be scared" could be more precisely expressed as "urban residents may become less apprehensive." Additionally, the phrase "a balanced view for both of these opinions" is somewhat vague and could be clarified.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, pay close attention to word choice. Use words that convey your intended meaning more accurately. Avoid vague or generic terms, and opt for specific, well-defined vocabulary. When discussing your own opinion, make sure to clearly articulate your stance and provide specific reasons to support it.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "prisoner" instead of "prisoners," "prisoned" instead of "imprisoned," and "appear" instead of "persist." These errors affect the overall quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance your spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully. Use spelling and grammar-checking tools, and take the time to review your essay for errors before finalizing it. Reading your work aloud can also help you spot spelling mistakes more easily. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others to catch any errors you might have missed.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary and paying attention to spelling, you can enhance the quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. It employs a range of transitional phrases effectively, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, it uses both conditional sentences (e.g., "if the law for the petty crime is too simple…") and complex sentences (e.g., "By lengthening the sentences for criminal commitment, the government can deter its citizen not only the one who have the idea to commit a crime but also who are already prisoned.") to convey ideas. This variety enhances the readability and engagement of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to provide a richer texture to your writing. Additionally, make sure that the usage of transitional phrases is consistent throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are several instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can be improved. For example, in the sentence "which is not a good sign for the stability of the whole society," the phrase "for the stability of the whole society" could be revised for greater clarity. Additionally, there is a lack of subject-verb agreement in the sentence "they often fail to address the bottom-line issues contributing to criminal behavior," where "they" should agree with "fail."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify these minor errors. Moreover, strive for greater clarity in your phrasing by ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning clearly and concisely.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement. Maintaining consistency in your writing style and refining sentence structures and grammar will further enhance the quality of your essays. Keep up the good work!

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, ongoing debates revolve around whether extending prison sentences is the best solution to reduce crime or if numerous alternative approaches still exist. Individuals hold varying perspectives on this issue. In my viewpoint, I believe it’s crucial to encourage individuals to be more cautious before they actually commit a crime, a viewpoint held by many individuals.

Indeed, if the penalties for minor offenses are too lenient and easily bypassed, urban residents may become willing to repeatedly violate the rules. This is not a good sign for the stability of the whole society. By lengthening the sentences for criminal commitment, the government can deter not only those who contemplate committing a crime but also those who are already incarcerated.

On the other hand, others advocate for education and addressing socio-economic factors as more effective in preventing individuals from resorting to a criminal lifestyle. By providing offenders with more opportunities for skill development, mental support, and community reintegration, these alternatives aim to break the cycle of criminal behavior.

From my perspective, a balanced approach is essential. Despite the fact that longer prison sentences may deter some individuals, they often fail to address the bottom-line issues contributing to criminal behavior. In my view, a more realistic strategy that combines both punitive measures with education and social support is more likely to be effective in reducing crime in the long run.

In conclusion, the debate on reducing crime through longer prison sentences versus alternative methods may persist for a significant duration. However, I believe that both ideas should be given equal consideration and investment. Combining education and social programs with punitive measures is likely to yield positive results.

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