Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.

Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that criminal activities can be reduced by providing longer prison sentences, while others think that alternative methods will be more effective in decreasing crime rates. This essay examines both sides of the argument.

It's worth noting that, unfortunately, compared to the last century, the percentage of criminal offenses has increased significantly in today's world, putting the lives of law-abiding citizens at risk. One proposed solution for reducing crime is to extend prison sentences, which is believed to deter criminals from committing illegal acts. Indeed, implementing such a law might slightly improve the situation, but increasing prison time by a few years will not fundamentally change the behavior of some individuals and, unfortunately, will not stop them entirely.

Another approach to consider is alternative methods of crime reduction that could be established by the government. For example, a high percentage of offenders come from the lower layers of society, and due to deep poverty, they may commit minor crimes like theft to survive. This issue can be addressed by providing more support from local authorities or volunteers to improve the quality of life for those in need. Regarding serious and violent crimes like murder or assault, these should still be thoroughly investigated and punished. In my opinion, education should start from early childhood and can be enhanced by parents and schools to raise honest citizens.

In conclusion, while it is true that there are 8 billion people worldwide, and we cannot influence all of them, being a responsible citizen and setting a good example for others will definitely help reduce crime.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
   Explanation: Replacing "Some people believe" with "Some individuals contend" elevates the formality and specificity of the language, making it more suitable for an academic context.

2. "criminal activities" -> "criminal behavior"
   Explanation: "Criminal behavior" is a more precise and formal term than "criminal activities," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

3. "will be more effective" -> "may be more effective"
   Explanation: Using "may" instead of "will" introduces a more cautious and academically appropriate tone, acknowledging the uncertainty and potential variability in the effectiveness of alternative methods.

4. "It’s worth noting" -> "It is noteworthy"
   Explanation: "It is noteworthy" is a more formal expression than the contraction "It’s," which is too informal for academic writing.

5. "putting the lives of law-abiding citizens at risk" -> "endangering the safety of law-abiding citizens"
   Explanation: "Endangering the safety of law-abiding citizens" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential harm caused by criminal activities.

6. "One proposed solution" -> "One potential solution"
   Explanation: "Potential" is more academically neutral than "proposed," which implies a degree of endorsement that may not be warranted in this context.

7. "which is believed to deter" -> "which is thought to deter"
   Explanation: "Thought to deter" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "believed to deter," which can sound slightly informal.

8. "will not fundamentally change" -> "will not significantly alter"
   Explanation: "Significantly alter" is a more precise and formal term than "fundamentally change," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic discourse.

9. "will not stop them entirely" -> "will not completely deter them"
   Explanation: "Completely deter" is a more precise and formal expression than "stop them entirely," which is colloquial and less specific.

10. "a high percentage of offenders come from" -> "a significant proportion of offenders originate from"
    Explanation: "Originate from" is more formal and precise than "come from," and "significant proportion" is a more academic term than "high percentage."

11. "due to deep poverty" -> "owing to profound poverty"
    Explanation: "Owing to profound poverty" is a more formal and precise expression than "due to deep poverty," aligning better with academic style.

12. "to survive" -> "to subsist"
    Explanation: "To subsist" is a more formal and precise term than "to survive," which is somewhat colloquial in this context.

13. "should still be thoroughly investigated" -> "should continue to be thoroughly investigated"
    Explanation: "Continue to be" is more precise and formal than "still be," which is less commonly used in formal writing.

14. "In my opinion" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "In my view" is a more formal expression than "In my opinion," which is slightly less formal and more conversational.

15. "being a responsible citizen" -> "assuming a responsible role as a citizen"
    Explanation: "Assuming a responsible role as a citizen" is more formal and specific than "being a responsible citizen," which is somewhat vague and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and academic tone of the essay, making it more suitable for scholarly or formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding crime reduction strategies. The first paragraph introduces the debate between longer prison sentences and alternative methods, while the body paragraphs explore each perspective. The mention of longer prison sentences as a deterrent and the discussion of socio-economic factors contributing to crime demonstrate a balanced examination. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view in the conclusion, as it primarily emphasizes the author’s opinion on education.
  • How to improve: To enhance the coverage of all parts of the question, consider summarizing both views more distinctly in the conclusion. Explicitly restate the merits of both longer prison sentences and alternative methods, reinforcing the discussion of both perspectives before presenting a final opinion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring alternative methods of crime reduction, particularly education. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. While the author mentions the ineffectiveness of longer sentences, the argument could be strengthened by more clearly contrasting this view with the alternative methods discussed.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, use transitional phrases that reinforce the author’s stance. For example, after discussing longer prison sentences, explicitly state why the author believes this method is less effective compared to alternatives. This will help to create a more cohesive argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the ineffectiveness of longer prison sentences and the socio-economic factors influencing crime. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. The mention of poverty as a contributing factor is a strong point, but the essay lacks specific examples or statistics that could further substantiate this claim. Additionally, the discussion on education is somewhat vague and could benefit from elaboration on how education specifically contributes to crime reduction.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of alternative methods, such as community programs or educational initiatives. Providing data or research findings can also enhance the credibility of the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing crime reduction methods relevant to the prompt. However, the final sentence introduces a somewhat tangential idea about being a responsible citizen, which, while related, does not directly address the prompt’s focus on crime reduction strategies. This could distract from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all concluding remarks directly tie back to the discussion of crime reduction methods. Consider revising the conclusion to reinforce the main points discussed in the essay, summarizing the effectiveness of both longer prison sentences and alternative methods without introducing new, unrelated ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score by providing a more comprehensive, cohesive, and well-supported response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on crime reduction. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph discussing the argument for longer prison sentences and the second addressing alternative methods. This logical progression allows the reader to follow the argument easily. For example, the transition from discussing prison sentences to alternative methods is smooth, and the essay maintains a clear focus throughout.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. For instance, stating explicitly that the first paragraph will focus on the pros of longer prison sentences and the second on alternative methods would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader. Additionally, a more explicit connection between the two views in the conclusion could reinforce the overall argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific arguments. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it introduces a new idea about personal responsibility without tying it back to the main arguments discussed.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also connects back to the overall thesis. In the conclusion, reiterating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs before introducing new ideas would create a more cohesive ending. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by evidence or examples would strengthen the overall structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "while," "for example," and "regarding," which help to link ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively guide the reader through the discussion. However, there are moments where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the richness of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "in addition." This would not only improve the cohesion of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not overly repetitively will enhance the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay achieves a strong band score of 8 for coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement. By refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "criminal activities," "deterrent," "offenders," and "support from local authorities." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "reduce crime" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "diminish criminal activity" or "curb offenses" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing or revising could help identify alternative expressions. Additionally, practicing with vocabulary exercises that focus on topic-specific terms related to crime and punishment could be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the percentage of criminal offenses has increased significantly" could be more accurately expressed as "the incidence of crime has risen significantly," as "incidence" more specifically refers to the occurrence of events. Furthermore, the term "lower layers of society" is somewhat vague; a more precise term like "underprivileged communities" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their contexts. Reading academic articles or essays on crime and sociology can expose the writer to more precise language. Additionally, revising sentences to ensure that the chosen words accurately reflect the intended meaning will help improve clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors noted in the provided text. However, there are minor issues that could be improved, such as the phrase "the last century" which could be more clearly stated as "the previous century" to avoid ambiguity. While spelling is largely accurate, attention to detail in phrasing can enhance overall clarity.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can further bolster spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and attention to spelling will contribute to achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences, such as "One proposed solution for reducing crime is to extend prison sentences, which is believed to deter criminals from committing illegal acts." This showcases the ability to embed clauses and convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if we cannot influence all of them," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings (e.g., "Another approach to consider is…") that could be varied to enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another approach," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to create a smoother transition between points. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and types (simple, compound, complex) can also add rhythm and interest to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "the percentage of criminal offenses has increased significantly" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the lower layers of society," which could be more clearly expressed as "lower socioeconomic classes" for precision. Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and unfortunately" in the sentence "which is believed to deter criminals from committing illegal acts."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the essay for areas where clarity can be improved through more precise language. Paying attention to the use of articles and prepositions can also help. For punctuation, practicing the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will aid in improving the overall readability of the essay. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these minor errors before submission.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that criminal activities can be reduced by providing longer prison sentences, while others think that alternative methods may be more effective in decreasing crime rates. This essay examines both sides of the argument.

It is noteworthy that, unfortunately, compared to the last century, the percentage of criminal offenses has increased significantly in today’s world, putting the lives of law-abiding citizens at risk. One proposed solution for reducing crime is to extend prison sentences, which is thought to deter criminals from committing illegal acts. Indeed, implementing such a law might slightly improve the situation, but increasing prison time by a few years will not fundamentally change the behavior of some individuals and, unfortunately, will not completely deter them.

Another approach to consider is alternative methods of crime reduction that could be established by the government. For example, a significant proportion of offenders originate from the lower layers of society, and owing to profound poverty, they may commit minor crimes like theft to subsist. This issue can be addressed by providing more support from local authorities or volunteers to improve the quality of life for those in need. Regarding serious and violent crimes like murder or assault, these should still be thoroughly investigated and punished. In my view, education should start from early childhood and can be enhanced by parents and schools to raise honest citizens.

In conclusion, while it is true that there are 8 billion people worldwide, and we cannot influence all of them, assuming a responsible role as a citizen and setting a good example for others will definitely help reduce crime.