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Some people think that the development of technology has made our life more complex, and the solution is to live a simpler life without that technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the development of technology has made our life more complex, and the
solution is to live a simpler life without that technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the ever-increasing development of technological breakthroughs comes the notion that such gadgets have led to a more complicated lifestyle and that individuals should adopt a simple life without using it. I wholeheartedly disagree with this point of view, contending its role in providing information, feasibility and contribution in the healthcare sector.

First and foremost, it is irrefutable that technology serves as a treasure trove of information. Through the Internet and other social networking sites, people can get access to unlimited sources of news, which broaden their perspectives in various sectors. It is also noteworthy that such technological gadgets save a lot of time with just a click, regardless of far-flung distances.

Additionally, state-of-the art state-of-the art technology reduces household burden in terms of houseworks. The fast-paced and demanding nature of modern life forced individuals to neglect household chores. As a consequence, advanced technological gadgets like washing machines and dishwashers can minimize stress and pressure people face at work.

Opponents to this viewpoint opine that people are more prone to diseases due to constant exposure to such gadgets, leading to serious health problems like obesity or visually impaired problems. While technology can be overwhelming, this point may fail to take into consideration its role in revolutionizing medicine and healthcare. Consequently, making it possible to diagnose and treat illnesses that were previously untreatable.

In conclusion, while technological development has certainly made our lives more complex in various ways, I strongly agree that the only solution is to reject technology altogether. Therefore, technology should be utilized mindfully and intentionally to enhance people's lives without becoming overwhelmed by its constant demands.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "With the ever-increasing development of technological breakthroughs comes the notion that such gadgets have led to a more complicated lifestyle and that individuals should adopt a simple life without using it."
    -> "With the continual advancement of technology, there is a prevailing notion that these devices have contributed to a more intricate lifestyle, and some argue for embracing a simpler life without relying on them."
    Explanation: Replacing "ever-increasing development of technological breakthroughs" with "continual advancement of technology" simplifies the expression while maintaining formality. Also, specifying "some argue for" adds a nuanced perspective to the sentence.

  2. "I wholeheartedly disagree with this point of view, contending its role in providing information, feasibility and contribution in the healthcare sector."
    -> "I strongly disagree with this perspective, asserting its pivotal role in offering information, enhancing feasibility, and making significant contributions in the healthcare sector."
    Explanation: Replacing "wholeheartedly" with "strongly" maintains the assertiveness while sounding more formal. Also, replacing "contending its role" with "asserting its pivotal role" adds precision and formality.

  3. "First and foremost, it is irrefutable that technology serves as a treasure trove of information."
    -> "First and foremost, it is undeniable that technology functions as a repository of information."
    Explanation: Simplifying "irrefutable" to "undeniable" retains the strength of the statement while sounding more formal. Additionally, replacing "treasure trove" with "repository" adds a more academic and precise touch.

  4. "Through the Internet and other social networking sites, people can get access to unlimited sources of news, which broaden their perspectives in various sectors."
    -> "Via the Internet and other social networking sites, individuals can access an extensive array of news sources, thereby broadening their perspectives across various sectors."
    Explanation: The change from "get access to" to "access" and the adjustment of "unlimited sources of news" to "an extensive array of news sources" contribute to a more formal and concise expression.

  5. "Additionally, state-of-the art state-of-the art technology reduces household burden in terms of houseworks."
    -> "Moreover, cutting-edge technology alleviates the household burden associated with domestic chores."
    Explanation: Removing the repetition of "state-of-the-art" and replacing "houseworks" with "domestic chores" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  6. "Opponents to this viewpoint opine that people are more prone to diseases due to constant exposure to such gadgets, leading to serious health problems like obesity or visually impaired problems."
    -> "Opponents of this viewpoint argue that constant exposure to such gadgets makes individuals more susceptible to diseases, resulting in serious health issues such as obesity or visual impairments."
    Explanation: Replacing "opine" with "argue" adds formality, and specifying "visual impairments" instead of "visually impaired problems" enhances precision and clarity.

  7. "While technology can be overwhelming, this point may fail to take into consideration its role in revolutionizing medicine and healthcare."
    -> "Although technology can be overwhelming, this perspective may overlook its pivotal role in revolutionizing medicine and healthcare."
    Explanation: Changing "fail to take into consideration" to "overlook" makes the statement more concise and formal. Additionally, using "although" instead of "while" adds formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the argument that technology makes life more complex but disagrees with it, supporting the stance with arguments related to information, feasibility, and healthcare.
    • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing a brief counterargument or acknowledging potential limitations of the discussed points.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance against the idea that technology should be completely abandoned is evident in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reinforces the main argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Specific examples, such as the role of technology in providing information and improving healthcare, are well-elaborated.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider incorporating more examples or evidence, especially in the paragraph discussing the reduction of household burden.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of technology on lifestyle and presenting arguments against the idea of living a simpler life without technology.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Avoid introducing unrelated points, and provide transitions to connect ideas more smoothly.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong response to the prompt, earning a band score of 8. It effectively addresses all aspects of the question, maintains a clear and consistent position, presents, extends, and supports ideas with specific examples. While staying on topic, there’s room for improvement in enhancing comprehensiveness, reinforcing clarity with strong topic sentences, incorporating additional examples or evidence, and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the introduction to the body paragraphs and concluding with a clear stance. For example, the first paragraph introduces the topic, and subsequent paragraphs discuss the positive aspects of technology. The counterargument is acknowledged and refuted, leading to a cohesive conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a clear roadmap or thesis statement in the introduction, outlining the main points that will be discussed. This will help guide the reader through the essay more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, a more explicit transition sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph could strengthen the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Introduce each new paragraph with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. Additionally, use transition sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("it," "this," "its"), conjunctions ("while," "and," "therefore"), and transitional phrases ("first and foremost," "additionally," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay already uses cohesive devices effectively, consider further diversifying them to enhance coherence. Introduce a variety of transition words and phrases to establish clear relationships between ideas. For example, use contrastive phrases like "on the other hand" or "however" to strengthen the connection between opposing viewpoints.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction, refining paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more nuanced and interconnected presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "technological breakthroughs," "feasibility," and "state-of-the-art." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed with repetitive vocabulary, such as the frequent use of "gadgets."
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases for commonly repeated words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "gadgets," you might substitute it with terms like "technological devices" or "innovations."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively to convey ideas. However, there are instances where words could be chosen more precisely. For example, the phrase "state-of-the-art state-of-the-art technology" is redundant and can be streamlined for better precision.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to word choice to avoid redundancies. In this case, choosing either "state-of-the-art" or "cutting-edge" would suffice, eliminating redundancy and enhancing precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors. There is a minor issue with the repetition of "state-of-the-art" where "state-of-the art" is used incorrectly.
    • How to improve: Be vigilant about hyphenation rules. In this case, ensure consistency with "state-of-the-art" to maintain correct spelling. Consider reviewing potential hyphenation patterns to avoid similar errors in the future.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and a few spelling details. Expanding the range of expressions and refining word choices will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to a good range. For example, in the opening paragraph, there is a complex sentence: "With the ever-increasing development of technological breakthroughs comes the notion that such gadgets have led to a more complicated lifestyle…" This structure enhances the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay already incorporates a variety of sentence structures, consider experimenting with more complex sentence structures to further elevate the sophistication of the writing. Introduce occasional rhetorical devices or inversion to add flair and nuance to your expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be refined. For example, in the sentence, "As a consequence, advanced technological gadgets like washing machines and dishwashers can minimize stress and pressure people face at work," there is a slight inconsistency in subject-verb agreement ("pressure people face"). Additionally, there are a few instances of unnecessary repetition, such as "state-of-the-art state-of-the-art technology."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Review your writing for repetitive phrases and strive for concise expression. Consider utilizing a wider range of punctuation marks to add variety and control to your sentence structures. Proofreading carefully can help catch and correct these minor issues.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement. The writer’s effective use of sentence structures contributes to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. To reach a higher band score, continue refining grammar, especially in terms of subject-verb agreement, and aim for more varied and sophisticated sentence constructions.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the ongoing progress in technology, there is a common belief that these devices have led to a more complicated lifestyle, and some argue for embracing a simpler life without relying on them. I strongly disagree with this perspective, asserting its pivotal role in offering information, enhancing feasibility, and making significant contributions in the healthcare sector.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that technology functions as a repository of information. Through the Internet and other social networking sites, individuals can access an extensive array of news sources, thereby broadening their perspectives across various sectors. It is also noteworthy that such technological gadgets save a lot of time with just a click, regardless of far-flung distances.

Moreover, cutting-edge technology alleviates the household burden associated with domestic chores. The fast-paced and demanding nature of modern life has forced individuals to neglect household chores. As a consequence, advanced technological gadgets like washing machines and dishwashers can minimize stress and pressure people face at work.

Opponents of this viewpoint argue that constant exposure to such gadgets makes individuals more susceptible to diseases, resulting in serious health issues such as obesity or visual impairments. Although technology can be overwhelming, this perspective may overlook its pivotal role in revolutionizing medicine and healthcare. Consequently, making it possible to diagnose and treat illnesses that were previously untreatable.

In conclusion, while technological development has certainly made our lives more complex in various ways, I strongly agree that the only solution is not to reject technology altogether. Therefore, technology should be utilized mindfully and intentionally to enhance people’s lives without becoming overwhelmed by its constant demands.

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