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Some people think that the government is wasting on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere

Some people think that the government is wasting on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere

Some people believe that money that the government waste on pieces of art should be spent on other purposes. In my opinion, I oppose this notion for several reasons that I will discuss in this essay.
Firstly, it is noteworthy that art can play an important role in boosting the economy. From my viewpoint, art symbolizes the tradition of one’s country, with the technique and speciality passed down through generations. If the government allocate funds on it or invest in art galleries and museums, this will attract a large number of tourists from everywhere in the world to enjoy the paintings. The revenues will be used to enhance the quality of additional artwork.
The second reason for my belief is that artists derive their livelihood from art. Some people dedicate their entire lives to the passion for art and paintings, considering it a means to make ends meet. In case the government do not allocate fund for it and neglect it, the residents may not recognize the value of paintings and this can make the livelihood of artists more challenging. In fact, creating art is very risky. Despite the aspiration to art, they do not choose it to make a living due to its inconsistency. Therefore, the government should spend money on work of art.
Last but not least is that art can make life worth living. It can elevate our spirits because art heals our hearts and souls when we look at those beautiful paintings. We are relaxed and relieved from stress on daily basis. It also makes the world more colorful and unique. People will stimulated the creativity, the thirst for discovering the beauty around the world through those work of art
In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that the government is wasting money on art. I think that art should be given due consideration and the government should actively preserve artistic work.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "money that the government waste" -> "funds that the government wastes"
    Explanation: "Waste" should be "wastes" for subject-verb agreement. Also, "funds" is a more formal term for money allocated by the government.

  2. "I oppose this notion" -> "I oppose this idea"
    Explanation: "Notion" is slightly informal in this context; "idea" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.

  3. "Firstly" -> "First"
    Explanation: "Firstly" is less common in formal writing; using "First" is more concise and appropriate for academic style.

  4. "it is noteworthy that" -> "it is important to note that"
    Explanation: The phrase "it is important to note" is more formal and aligns better with academic writing.

  5. "From my viewpoint" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "Viewpoint" is a bit casual; "perspective" fits a formal tone better.

  6. "allocate funds on it" -> "allocate funds to it"
    Explanation: The preposition "to" is more suitable when talking about allocating funds to a specific purpose.

  7. "and invest in art galleries and museums" -> "and invest in art galleries, museums"
    Explanation: Adding a comma before "museums" helps to clarify the list of places where investment could be made.

  8. "enjoy the paintings" -> "appreciate the paintings"
    Explanation: "Appreciate" is more precise and formal when discussing art.

  9. "enhance the quality of additional artwork" -> "improve the quality of further artwork"
    Explanation: "Additional" can be replaced with "further" for a slightly more formal tone.

  10. "the residents may not recognize the value of paintings" -> "the public may not recognize the value of paintings"
    Explanation: Using "public" instead of "residents" adds formality and inclusivity.

  11. "this can make the livelihood of artists more challenging" -> "this can make it more challenging for artists to make a living"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence structure for clarity and formality.

  12. "creating art is very risky" -> "the creation of art involves considerable risk"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for a more formal tone while maintaining the original meaning.

  13. "Despite the aspiration to art" -> "Despite aspiring to pursue art"
    Explanation: Using "aspiring to pursue" makes the phrase clearer and more formal.

  14. "stimulated the creativity" -> "stimulate creativity"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form to match the subject "people."

  15. "the thirst for discovering the beauty" -> "a thirst for discovering the beauty"
    Explanation: Adding the article "a" before "thirst" makes the phrase more grammatically sound.

  16. "through those work of art" -> "through those works of art"
    Explanation: "Works of art" is the correct plural form.

  17. "In conclusion, I disagree with" -> "In conclusion, I oppose"
    Explanation: "Disagree with" can be replaced with "oppose" for a slightly more formal tone.

  18. "should be given due consideration" -> "should be duly considered"
    Explanation: "Duly considered" is more formal and concise.

  19. "actively preserve artistic work" -> "actively preserve works of art"
    Explanation: Using "works of art" is more idiomatic and formal.

These adjustments aim to maintain the essay’s clarity while enhancing its academic and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "If the government allocate funds on it or invest in art galleries and museums, this will attract a large number of tourists from everywhere in the world to enjoy the paintings."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point regarding attracting tourists through art galleries and museums is relevant, but it lacks depth and specificity. It would strengthen your argument to provide examples or specific instances where government investment in the arts led to a significant increase in tourism or economic benefits. For instance, citing a case study or a specific country where such an investment resulted in a notable surge in tourism revenue could bolster your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, countries like France and Italy have witnessed a substantial surge in tourism due to their investments in renowned art museums like the Louvre and the Uffizi Gallery. These attractions not only draw millions of tourists annually but also contribute significantly to the countries’ economies through increased spending on accommodation, dining, and local businesses."
  2. Quoted text: "In fact, creating art is very risky. Despite the aspiration to art, they do not choose it to make a living due to its inconsistency."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While acknowledging the risks associated with pursuing art as a career is valid, this point lacks expansion and clarity. To strengthen this argument, consider providing examples or anecdotes that illustrate the challenges artists face due to the inconsistency of income. Sharing personal experiences or stories of artists who struggled due to the unstable nature of their profession would add depth to your argument.
    • Improved example: "Many talented artists face financial instability due to the unpredictable nature of their profession. For instance, a survey conducted among emerging artists revealed that nearly 60% struggled to sustain a steady income solely from their artwork. This uncertainty often deters aspiring artists from pursuing their passion as a full-time career, leading them to seek alternative means of income."
  3. Quoted text: "It also makes the world more colorful and unique. People will stimulated the creativity, the thirst for discovering the beauty around the world through those work of art."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While emphasizing the importance of art in enhancing creativity and enriching lives is commendable, this statement lacks specificity and elaboration. To strengthen this argument, provide concrete examples or anecdotes that illustrate how art has positively impacted individuals’ lives by stimulating creativity and promoting cultural appreciation.
    • Improved example: "Art serves as a catalyst for creativity and cultural exploration. For instance, renowned artists like Frida Kahlo and Vincent van Gogh not only created masterpieces but also inspired generations with their unique styles, encouraging individuals to explore their creative potential. Moreover, exposure to diverse art forms from different cultures broadens perspectives and fosters a deeper appreciation for the richness of global heritage."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task by presenting reasons supporting the importance of government funding for the arts. However, to improve, the essay would benefit from providing more detailed and specific examples to substantiate the arguments presented and further develop the ideas for a more comprehensive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. There is a clear overall progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to the importance of government spending on the arts. The introduction sets the stage for the reasons to follow. However, some areas exhibit faulty or mechanical cohesion. For instance, there are instances of repetitive language use, such as "work of art" and "make a living," which could be refined for better variety.

Paragraphing is utilized, but it is not consistently logical. The third paragraph, beginning with "Last but not least," could be more effectively integrated into the essay’s flow. Additionally, some cohesive devices, like pronoun referencing, are used but may not always indicate a logical relationship between ideas. For example, the pronoun "it" in "they do not choose it to make a living" could be clarified for better coherence.

Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6 by presenting ideas in a reasonably coherent manner, but with room for improvement in terms of varied language use and more consistent logical organization.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance variety in language use, avoiding repetitive phrases such as "work of art" and "make a living."
  2. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical, with each paragraph contributing seamlessly to the overall flow of the essay.
  3. Refine the use of cohesive devices, especially pronoun referencing, to strengthen the logical connection between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary with a sufficient range that allows for flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation that slightly impact the overall lexical resource.

The writer effectively communicates the idea that government spending on the arts is valuable. There is a variety of vocabulary used to express opinions and support arguments, such as "boosting the economy," "derive their livelihood," and "make life worth living." Additionally, the essay employs less common words like "noteworthy," "passion," and "stimulated," contributing to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Despite these strengths, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as "allocate fund" instead of "allocate funds," "stimulated" instead of "stimulate," and a few minor spelling errors ("work of art" instead of "work of arts"). These errors, though infrequent, prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, the writer should focus on minimizing errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Proofreading the essay before submission will help identify and correct these minor issues. Additionally, further diversifying vocabulary and incorporating more sophisticated expressions can contribute to a more refined use of language, aligning with the Band 8 criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While there is an attempt to incorporate complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, they are not consistently accurate. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, though they rarely impede communication. The writer exhibits a reasonable range of sentence structures, but improvements are needed to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures, including complex ones, to enhance variety and demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility.
  2. Accuracy: Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Review sentence construction and ensure that complex structures are used correctly.
  3. Consistency: Strive for more consistent accuracy across the essay. While occasional errors are acceptable, they should not be a regular feature of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that the government spends money wastefully on artworks instead of utilizing it for more essential purposes. In my perspective, I oppose this idea for various reasons that I will elaborate on in this essay.

Firstly, it’s crucial to note that art plays a significant role in boosting the economy. From my viewpoint, art represents a country’s heritage, with techniques and specialties passed down through generations. If the government allocates funds or invests in art galleries and museums, this will attract numerous tourists worldwide to appreciate the paintings. The generated revenues can be utilized to enhance the quality of further artwork.

The second reason supporting my viewpoint is that artists rely on art for their livelihood. Some individuals dedicate their entire lives to their passion for art and paintings, considering it a means to sustain themselves. If the government doesn’t allocate funds and neglects art, the residents might not recognize the value of paintings, making the livelihood of artists more challenging. Creating art is inherently risky. Despite their passion for art, many do not choose it as a livelihood due to its inconsistency. Therefore, the government should invest in artwork.

Lastly, art contributes to making life more meaningful. It uplifts our spirits as it heals our hearts and souls when we gaze upon beautiful paintings. It brings relaxation and relieves us from daily stress. Additionally, it adds vibrancy and uniqueness to the world, stimulating creativity and the desire to explore the beauty around us through these works of art.

In conclusion, I disagree with the notion that the government wastes money on art. I believe that art deserves recognition, and the government should actively preserve artistic works.

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