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Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, while others think that people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, while others think that people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate in government policy about whether dangerous sports should be completely banned or not. In my view, playing dangerous sports should be carefully considered and should not be banned for several compelling reasons.
Firstly, it is evident that there are significant concerns associated with various dangerous sports, which can have a direct impact on the health and safety of athletes. Therefore, it is crucial for the government to intervene appropriately, which may include implementing bans to prevent serious accidents. For instance, on an annual basis, many nations report numerous fatalities resulting from unsafe sports, and it is important to acknowledge the seriousness of these consequences.
On the other hand, there is a growing number of dangerous sports, such as triking or parkour, that also offer several benefits, including artistic value, entertainment, and performance. It is undeniable that some individuals who seek intense sensations like fear or shock are naturally drawn to these activities. Consequently, the government should not limit their choice of sport based on personal interests. However, in my opinion, prioritizing the safety of human lives is paramount. Therefore, the government should actively monitor and enforce strict regulations that athletes must adhere to. Moreover, most nations are striving to improve the quality of their security services in the context of dangerous recreation instead of imposing a complete ban. As a result, they can create a high-standard environment for dangerous sports while minimizing the occurrence of accidents.
In conclusion, despite the potential negative effects of engaging in dangerous sports on human lives, the government's actions should aim to provide individuals with the freedom to choose their sports, while also implementing several restrictions through legal policies and optimizing the quality of security services to reduce the incidence of accidents.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In my view" -> "In my opinion"
    Explanation: The phrase "In my view" is less formal and academic compared to "In my opinion," which is a more appropriate expression for presenting personal viewpoints in academic writing.

  2. "carefully considered" -> "carefully deliberated"
    Explanation: Replacing "carefully considered" with "carefully deliberated" adds a touch of formality to the sentence without sacrificing clarity, aligning with academic writing style.

  3. "compelling reasons" -> "compelling justifications"
    Explanation: "Compelling justifications" is a more precise and formal term that suits the academic tone better than "compelling reasons."

  4. "significant concerns" -> "significant issues"
    Explanation: "Significant issues" is a slightly more formal and appropriate choice for an academic essay compared to "significant concerns."

  5. "intervene appropriately" -> "intervene judiciously"
    Explanation: "Intervene judiciously" conveys the idea of careful and well-considered government action in a more formal manner than "intervene appropriately."

  6. "implementing bans" -> "enforcing prohibitions"
    Explanation: "Enforcing prohibitions" is a more formal and precise phrase for government action in the context of dangerous sports.

  7. "For instance" -> "For example"
    Explanation: "For example" is a standard and more formal way to introduce an illustrative example in academic writing.

  8. "numerous fatalities" -> "a significant number of fatalities"
    Explanation: Adding "a significant number of" makes the statement more specific and academic.

  9. "undeniable" -> "unquestionably"
    Explanation: "Unquestionably" is a more formal synonym for "undeniable" and fits better in an academic context.

  10. "naturally drawn to these activities" -> "inherently attracted to these pursuits"
    Explanation: "Inherently attracted to these pursuits" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of individuals being naturally drawn to dangerous sports.

  11. "prioritizing the safety of human lives" -> "prioritizing human life safety"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and aligns better with formal language while maintaining clarity.

  12. "actively monitor and enforce strict regulations" -> "rigorously oversee and enforce stringent regulations"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase is more formal and conveys a stronger sense of government action.

  13. "the quality of their security services" -> "the effectiveness of their security measures"
    Explanation: "Effectiveness of security measures" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea.

  14. "striving to improve" -> "endeavoring to enhance"
    Explanation: "Endeavoring to enhance" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.

  15. "dangerous recreation" -> "dangerous recreational activities"
    Explanation: "Dangerous recreational activities" provides more clarity and precision in an academic context.

  16. "the incidence of accidents" -> "the occurrence of accidents"
    Explanation: "The occurrence of accidents" is a more formal and academic phrase to describe the frequency of accidents.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both views (whether the government should ban dangerous sports or people should have the freedom to do any sports) and provides a clear opinion.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect; it comprehensively covers the question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and consistent position throughout. The author maintains the stance that dangerous sports should not be banned while emphasizing the importance of safety and government regulations.
    • How to improve: The clarity and consistency of the position are strong, and no specific improvements are necessary.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples, such as fatalities resulting from unsafe sports, benefits of dangerous sports, and the role of government in ensuring safety.
    • How to improve: No significant improvements are required in this regard; the essay effectively develops and supports its ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains on topic throughout and does not deviate from the prompt. It consistently discusses the government’s role in regulating dangerous sports and the balance between personal freedom and safety.
    • How to improve: No improvements needed; the essay maintains focus on the topic.

Overall, this essay is strong in addressing the task response criteria. It provides a clear and well-supported position on the topic, addresses all parts of the question, and maintains focus throughout. The essay effectively utilizes examples to support its arguments. The only recommendation is to continue writing with the same level of clarity, depth, and focus in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction, presents arguments in a well-structured manner, and concludes effectively. Each paragraph flows logically to the next, building a coherent argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Paragraphs have clear topic sentences and develop their respective points coherently.
    • How to improve: Continue using paragraphs as done in this essay, but be cautious not to make them too long. Breaking up longer paragraphs into shorter ones can make the text more reader-friendly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas, including transition words and phrases such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," "Moreover," and "In conclusion." These devices help create a smooth flow and improve coherence.
    • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or different connectors where appropriate to avoid repetition. Additionally, pay attention to consistency in the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay.

Overall, this essay exhibits a strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning it a Band Score of 7. The logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices contribute to the essay’s overall clarity and readability. To improve further, focus on refining transitions and ensuring that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with varied word choices throughout. It includes words like "compelling," "intervene," "fatalities," "paramount," and "recreation," which add depth to the writing.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource score, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to the topic of dangerous sports. For example, using terms such as "extreme sports," "adrenaline-inducing activities," or "perilous pastimes" could enrich the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are a few instances where the use of language could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "implementing bans to prevent serious accidents" could be refined to "enforcing bans to mitigate life-threatening incidents," providing a more exact description.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the context in which words are used and ensure they accurately convey the intended meaning. Revising sentences to make them more concise and specific can help improve precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory, with no glaring spelling errors that would significantly impact comprehension. However, it’s essential to maintain consistent spelling accuracy to enhance overall writing quality.
    • How to improve: Continue practicing spelling and consider using spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch any minor spelling errors that may have been missed.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid lexical resource, showcasing a wide range of vocabulary and generally precise word choices. To improve the score further, the writer should aim for even greater precision in vocabulary usage and maintain consistent spelling accuracy. Additionally, incorporating more topic-specific terminology could elevate the lexical resource score while enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively. There’s a variety in sentence length and structure, which adds to the essay’s readability. For example, it effectively uses both short, impactful sentences like "In my view, playing dangerous sports should be carefully considered and should not be banned for several compelling reasons" and longer, more complex sentences such as "Consequently, the government should not limit their choice of sport based on personal interests."
    • How to improve: While the essay has a reasonably good range of sentence structures, there is room for further improvement by incorporating more complex sentence structures like conditional sentences (if-then statements), passive voice, and advanced transitions to enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are mostly error-free, and subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and word order are well-managed. However, there are a few instances where articles ("the") are missing or misused, such as in "for several compelling reasons" where "the" should be added before "compelling reasons." Additionally, in "Consequently, the government should not limit their choice of sport based on personal interests," "their" may create ambiguity – it’s not clear if it refers to the government or athletes.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to the usage of articles and pronouns to ensure clarity. Proofreading for such minor errors can enhance the overall quality of the essay.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses correct punctuation, including commas, periods, and colons, to separate ideas and clarify meaning. However, there are a few instances where commas could be used more effectively. For example, in the sentence "It is undeniable that some individuals who seek intense sensations like fear or shock are naturally drawn to these activities," a comma after "sensations" would enhance readability. Additionally, in the sentence "For instance, on an annual basis, many nations report numerous fatalities resulting from unsafe sports," the phrase "on an annual basis" could be enclosed in commas for improved clarity.
    • How to improve: Continue to use punctuation marks correctly for clarity and readability. Review the usage of commas in particular, ensuring they are appropriately placed to separate clauses and phrases.

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong grammatical skills with only minor errors in articles and punctuation. To improve further, focus on diversifying sentence structures and paying meticulous attention to minor grammatical details.

Bài sửa mẫu

The ongoing debate in government policy revolves around whether dangerous sports should be banned entirely or not. In my opinion, the participation in dangerous sports should be carefully deliberated, and outright bans should not be enforced for several significant reasons.

Firstly, it is unquestionably evident that various dangerous sports raise significant concerns related to the health and safety of athletes. Therefore, it is crucial for the government to intervene judiciously, which may involve enforcing prohibitions to prevent serious accidents. For example, annually, numerous nations report a significant number of fatalities resulting from unsafe sports, highlighting the gravity of these consequences.

On the other hand, there is a growing interest in dangerous sports, such as triking or parkour, which offer artistic value, entertainment, and performance. It is inherent that some individuals are attracted to these pursuits, seeking intense sensations like fear or shock. Consequently, the government should not limit their choice of sport based on personal interests. However, prioritizing human life safety is paramount in my view. Therefore, the government should rigorously oversee and enforce stringent regulations that athletes must adhere to. Moreover, most nations are endeavoring to enhance the effectiveness of their security measures in the context of dangerous recreational activities instead of imposing a complete ban. This approach allows them to create a high-standard environment for dangerous sports while minimizing the occurrence of accidents.

In conclusion, despite the potential negative effects of engaging in dangerous sports on human lives, the government’s actions should aim to provide individuals with the freedom to choose their sports while also implementing several restrictions through legal policies and optimizing the quality of security services to reduce the incidence of accidents.

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