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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of each individual to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of each individual to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have differing opinions on who should bear the responsibility of reducing crime rates to improve quality of life: the government or each individual. From my standpoint, if both the state and individuals share this duty, criminal concerns, which have been rising at an alarming rate, are likely to be effectively addressed.

On the one hand, many believe that preventing criminality should be the government’s responsibility. For one, it is the government that exercises its authority to uphold strict legislation with a view to keeping the level of crime in check. For example, the Middle East is known for its low crime rate due to the severe penalties for violating the law. Such stringent laws are likely to act as a deterrent to prevent crime from occurring. For another, the administration, as the governing body should be held accountable for enhancing the locals’ life by tackling unemployment which is deemed the leading cause of criminal activities. The more the leadership provides job opportunities to citizens, and focuses on workforce training, the more underemployment and crime rates can be reduced, thereby ameliorating the quality of life.

On the other hand, each person is of great importance in controlling crime besides the efforts of the government. To begin with, criminal issues have a detrimental influence on individuals’ daily lives by inducing anxiety, anger, fear, or even depression. Hence, ordinary people should be aware that deterring criminality is synonymous with keeping their day-to-day lives safe through various strategies including equipping themselves with crime prevention measures for personal and property safety, reporting suspicious criminal activities, and being vigilant in their community. Additionally, in some cases, the police may need local residents' assistance in catching criminals. When a smuggler is wanted, the locals are assigned to trace his movements in a specific region and then report the information to the police. Thanks to such collaboration, not only do the police succeed in catching the offender, but the residents also contribute to their community's safety.

In conclusion, I opine that both the state and residents serve a crucial role in tackling criminal concerns comprehensively.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People have differing opinions" -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions"
    Explanation: Replacing "People have differing opinions" with "Individuals hold diverse opinions" enhances formality by using a more refined expression.

  2. "if both the state and individuals share this duty" -> "if both the government and individuals shoulder this responsibility"
    Explanation: Substituting "state" with "government" and changing "share this duty" to "shoulder this responsibility" provides a more formal and precise representation of the idea.

  3. "criminal concerns, which have been rising at an alarming rate" -> "criminal issues, which have been escalating significantly"
    Explanation: Replacing "criminal concerns" with "criminal issues" and changing "rising at an alarming rate" to "escalating significantly" contributes to a more formal tone without sacrificing clarity.

  4. "For one" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Replacing "For one" with "Firstly" adds formality to the transition, aligning it with academic writing conventions.

  5. "Middle East is known for its low crime rate" -> "Middle East is renowned for its low incidence of crime"
    Explanation: Substituting "known for" with "renowned for" elevates the language and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "severe penalties for violating the law" -> "stringent penalties for breaching the law"
    Explanation: Replacing "severe" with "stringent" maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.

  7. "deemed the leading cause of criminal activities" -> "considered the primary catalyst for criminal activities"
    Explanation: Replacing "deemed" with "considered" and "leading cause" with "primary catalyst" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.

  8. "ameliorating the quality of life" -> "enhancing the quality of life"
    Explanation: Substituting "ameliorating" with "enhancing" maintains clarity while using a more common and formal term.

  9. "each person is of great importance" -> "each individual plays a significant role"
    Explanation: Replacing "each person is of great importance" with "each individual plays a significant role" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  10. "deterring criminality is synonymous with keeping their day-to-day lives safe" -> "preventing criminal activities is synonymous with ensuring their daily safety"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with more formal language results in a clearer expression of the idea.

  11. "various strategies including equipping themselves" -> "various strategies, such as adopting measures"
    Explanation: Introducing "such as" and replacing "equipping themselves" with "adopting measures" enhances formality and clarity.

  12. "smuggler is wanted" -> "a wanted smuggler"
    Explanation: Changing "smuggler is wanted" to "a wanted smuggler" is a more concise and formal way of expressing the idea.

  13. "Thanks to such collaboration" -> "Owing to such collaboration"
    Explanation: Substituting "Thanks to" with "Owing to" adds formality to the acknowledgment of collaboration.

  14. "I opine" -> "I contend"
    Explanation: Replacing "I opine" with "I contend" maintains formality while expressing the author’s viewpoint more precisely.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the government’s role and the individual’s responsibility in crime prevention. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, and each body paragraph explores one viewpoint before presenting a well-articulated opinion in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, adding a sentence in the conclusion summarizing the two perspectives could enhance the overall clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position that both the government and individuals play crucial roles in addressing crime. The writer effectively communicates their stance, supporting it with well-developed arguments in favor of both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, consider providing a brief preview of the main points in the introduction that will be elaborated on in the body paragraphs.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with well-structured paragraphs that explore each viewpoint. Examples, such as the Middle East’s low crime rate and the collaboration between residents and the police, effectively support the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the analysis, consider providing additional examples or statistics to further illustrate the impact of government policies or individual actions on crime rates.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the prompt throughout, discussing the roles of both the government and individuals in crime prevention. There are no significant deviations from the topic.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, carefully review each paragraph to confirm that every point contributes directly to the discussion of crime prevention responsibilities.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presenting well-developed arguments with clear examples. To improve further, consider refining the conclusion and providing additional depth to the analysis with more examples or statistics.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the topic and the author’s stance. Each paragraph follows a logical progression of ideas, with the first addressing the government’s role and the second focusing on individual responsibility. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s opinion.
    • How to improve: While the logical flow is satisfactory, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced development of ideas within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that contribute to the overall coherence. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples and elaborating on key points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a clear structure. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, aiding in the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing further, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures within each paragraph. This can add depth to the analysis and engage the reader. Additionally, ensure that the opening sentence of each paragraph clearly introduces the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("it," "such collaboration"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence and help guide the reader through the essay.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, there is room for improvement in terms of diversity. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and conjunctions, to add complexity and sophistication to the essay. Ensure that each cohesive device serves a specific purpose in connecting ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on developing more nuanced ideas within paragraphs, diversifying sentence structures, and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated and cohesive presentation of arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with varied expressions such as "criminality," "underemployment," and "ameliorating." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader spectrum of vocabulary. Some words and phrases are repeated, and certain ideas could benefit from more nuanced language.
    • How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating a wider array of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "criminality," explore alternatives like "lawlessness" or "illicit activities." Additionally, when discussing the government’s role, try employing diverse terms for "responsibility" to avoid repetition.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, in the sentence "if both the state and individuals share this duty," the term "duty" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term, such as "responsibility" or "obligation."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your vocabulary. When expressing ideas, choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, opting for a more precise term than "duty" would strengthen the sentence and enhance the overall precision of your language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling; however, there are a few instances where improvements can be made. For instance, in the sentence "the more underemployment and crime rates can be reduced," "underemployment" is correctly spelled, but there is an opportunity to enhance the phrasing for clarity. Additionally, ensure consistent use of plural forms, as in "crime rates" where it is correctly used.
    • How to improve: Continue to focus on accurate spelling, and consider revisiting sentences for clarity. In this case, you might refine the sentence to read, "the more underemployment decreases, and crime rates are reduced," for improved clarity and precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary use, but refinement in range, precision, and spelling can contribute to a more sophisticated and impactful presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs complex sentences with clauses and connectors, such as "From my standpoint, if…," "For one… For another…," and "To begin with… Hence…" This variety enhances the essay’s readability and engagement.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government were to…" or "Should individuals take proactive measures…"), rhetorical questions, or passive voice constructions where appropriate. This can add depth and sophistication to the argumentation.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar is solid, with few errors that do not significantly impede understanding. For instance, "criminal issues have a detrimental influence" could be revised to "criminal issues have a detrimental influence on individuals’ lives."
    • How to improve: While the grammar is generally strong, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement ("the more underemployment and crime rates can be reduced" could be revised to "the more underemployment and crime rates will be reduced") and article usage ("the locals are assigned" could be revised to "locals are assigned") to further refine accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate. Commas are appropriately used for clauses and lists. However, there are a few instances where comma usage can be refined, such as after introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "To begin with,") where a comma splice could be avoided.
    • How to improve: Review the usage of commas after introductory phrases and ensure consistency in their application. Additionally, consider using semicolons or dashes to enhance sentence structure variety and clarity where appropriate.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To further elevate the writing, continue to diversify sentence structures, refine grammar accuracy, and polish punctuation for greater fluency and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

People hold differing opinions regarding who should bear the responsibility of reducing crime rates to enhance the quality of life: the government or individuals. In my view, if both the government and individuals shoulder this responsibility, criminal issues, which have been escalating significantly, can be effectively addressed.

Some believe that preventing crime should primarily be the government’s responsibility. Firstly, it is the government that enforces strict laws to control crime. For instance, the Middle East is renowned for its low incidence of crime due to stringent penalties for breaking the law. These strict laws act as a significant deterrent to prevent crime. Moreover, the government, as the governing body, plays a vital role in improving locals’ lives by addressing unemployment, a key factor contributing to criminal activities. By providing job opportunities and focusing on workforce training, the government can reduce underemployment and crime rates, thereby enhancing the quality of life.

However, each individual also plays a crucial role in controlling crime. Criminal issues significantly impact individuals’ daily lives by causing anxiety, anger, fear, or depression. Therefore, people should realize that preventing crime is essential for their daily safety. They can adopt various strategies, such as implementing measures for personal and property safety, reporting suspicious activities, and maintaining vigilance in their community. Additionally, in some cases, local residents’ assistance may be essential for the police in catching criminals. When a smuggler is wanted, residents can aid the police by tracking movements in a specific area and reporting relevant information. Such collaboration not only helps in catching offenders but also contributes to community safety.

In conclusion, I contend that both the government and individuals have significant roles in comprehensively addressing criminal concerns. Each has unique contributions that, when combined, can effectively mitigate escalating crime rates and enhance overall safety and quality of life.

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