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Some people think that the government should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both these views and give your own ideas. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that the government should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources.
Discuss both these views and give your own ideas.
Write at least 250 words.

Some peope argue that the artists like painters and musicians should be given funds by gorvernment to support to their works and careers, while others think that creative artists can receive supports from other sources, but not from the government. This essay will dicuss both wiews and give my own opinion about the matter.
On the one hand, financial supports from the government are a crucial source which help the artist tackle with their needs such as eating, clothes… Because major of their salaries are used for buying tools which are essential to finish their works. In addition, the creative artists take the contributions of the art’s development and the development of tourism in a country. In recent times, a unique product which is made by an artist, can easily have a chance to viral in social media. This will attract influx of people who love art and the orthers who ussually keep up with the trends. It also helps advertise about this country, so more and more people will come there to enjoy this product and the tourism in this country will be developed. Some musicians, who work for an opera or some free-painters, who perform their talent at streets, all of them can become a symbol attraction, who serve for the tourists by showing their ability. Because of this reasons, the government are responsible to support in finace for them.
On the other hand, alternative organizations should be the sources which fund for the creative artists. Major of artist can earn their own money by working in a company or open commisions to sell their works for the people who like it, so that they do not need any support from other sources. They can also be offered financial supports by some art’s charity, especially the poor artist. If an artist engages a competition and take the first place, they can also receive valuable products and a huge money which offer for the winner.
In conclusion, the creative artists can receive a variety of support from many sources and it is sufficient for them to deal with their needs, nut the funds from the government is also essential for them to improve their skills by involve in some art class and buy some necessary tools for their career


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some peope" -> "Some people"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "peope" to "people" ensures the text adheres to standard English spelling rules, enhancing its professionalism and readability.

  2. "gorvernment" -> "government"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "gorvernment" to "government" maintains the academic tone and accuracy of the text.

  3. "to support to" -> "to support"
    Explanation: Removing the extra "to" corrects the grammatical error, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

  4. "dicuss" -> "discuss"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "dicuss" to "discuss" ensures the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

  5. "wiews" -> "views"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "wiews" to "views" maintains the professionalism and accuracy of the text.

  6. "financial supports" -> "financial support"
    Explanation: Changing "supports" to "support" corrects the grammatical number agreement, aligning with the singular noun "financial support".

  7. "tackle with" -> "cope with"
    Explanation: Replacing "tackle with" with "cope with" provides a more precise and appropriate verb choice for describing how artists manage their needs.

  8. "eating, clothes…" -> "food, clothing"
    Explanation: Replacing the informal and incomplete list with "food, clothing" uses more formal and complete terms, enhancing the academic tone.

  9. "major of their salaries" -> "most of their salaries"
    Explanation: Changing "major" to "most" corrects the misuse of "major" as an adjective, improving the grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  10. "the orthers" -> "others"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "the orthers" to "others" maintains the professionalism and accuracy of the text.

  11. "ussually" -> "usually"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "ussually" to "usually" ensures the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

  12. "the government are" -> "the government is"
    Explanation: Changing "are" to "is" corrects the subject-verb agreement, aligning with the singular noun "government".

  13. "in finace" -> "in finance"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "in finace" to "in finance" maintains the professionalism and accuracy of the text.

  14. "Major of artist" -> "Many artists"
    Explanation: Changing "Major of artist" to "Many artists" corrects the grammatical structure and provides a more accurate representation of the intended meaning.

  15. "open commisions" -> "open commissions"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "commisions" to "commissions" ensures the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.

  16. "the poor artist" -> "poor artists"
    Explanation: Changing "the poor artist" to "poor artists" corrects the grammatical number agreement, aligning with the plural noun "artists."

  17. "a huge money" -> "a significant amount of money"
    Explanation: Replacing "a huge money" with "a significant amount of money" uses more precise and formal language, appropriate for academic writing.

  18. "nut" -> "but"
    Explanation: Correcting the typographical error from "nut" to "but" ensures the text is free of errors and maintains readability.

  19. "involve in some art class" -> "participate in art classes"
    Explanation: Replacing "involve in some art class" with "participate in art classes" corrects the preposition and pluralizes "class" to match the context, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.

These corrections and improvements enhance the academic tone, precision, and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding government funding for creative artists and alternative funding sources. It discusses the importance of government support in the first body paragraph and presents alternative funding in the second. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each view. For instance, while it mentions that government funding helps artists meet basic needs, it does not elaborate on the potential consequences of not providing such support.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should provide more detailed examples and implications for each viewpoint. For instance, discussing how government funding can lead to greater artistic innovation or how reliance on alternative sources might limit artistic expression could deepen the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating that both government support and alternative funding are important. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion. Phrases like "my own opinion" are vague and do not clearly indicate the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, they could explicitly say whether they believe government funding is more crucial than alternative sources or vice versa, providing a definitive stance that guides the reader throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of government funding and alternative sources of support. However, the development of these ideas is often superficial. For instance, the mention of social media’s role in promoting artists is interesting but lacks a thorough exploration of how this impacts funding.
    • How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. Providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies can help substantiate claims. For instance, discussing a specific artist who benefited from government funding or a successful crowdfunding campaign could enhance the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the funding of creative artists. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of tourism and social media, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the funding debate.
    • How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of funding. They can achieve this by consistently linking ideas back to the implications for artists’ financial support, ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer positioning, and more focused development of ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for each viewpoint. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the intention to discuss both views. The first body paragraph focuses on government support, while the second addresses alternative funding sources. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing government support to the impact of artists on tourism could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows naturally into the next. For example, after discussing government support, explicitly link how this support can enhance tourism before introducing the alternative funding perspective.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a central theme, but some paragraphs could be further developed. The first body paragraph, for example, contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into sub-points to enhance clarity. The second body paragraph, while addressing alternative funding, lacks depth and could benefit from more examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main idea. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For instance, in the second body paragraph, separate the discussion of earning through commissions and winning competitions into distinct points to provide clearer insights.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition (e.g., "support" and "financial support"). Additionally, some transitions between sentences and ideas are abrupt, which can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Conversely," to enhance transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "support," you might use "funding" or "assistance" to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, which is essential for a stronger overall score in the IELTS writing task.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial support," "creative artists," and "alternative organizations." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "creative artists" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "creative artists," you could use "artistic individuals," "cultural creators," or "performing artists." Incorporating a broader range of vocabulary will make the writing more engaging and sophisticated.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "the artist tackle with their needs" should be "the artists tackle their needs." Additionally, "the contributions of the art’s development" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "the contributions to the development of the arts." The use of "symbol attraction" is also unclear and could be better expressed as "symbolic attractions."
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review sentences to ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise words, but be cautious to ensure that the chosen words fit the context appropriately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "peope" (people), "gorvernment" (government), "supports" (support), "wiews" (views), "orthers" (others), "ussually" (usually), "finace" (finance), and "nut" (but). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify and correct errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also enhance overall proficiency.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "some people argue" and "this essay will discuss" shows an attempt to introduce ideas clearly. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences being either overly simple or awkwardly constructed. For instance, "the artists like painters and musicians should be given funds by gorvernment" lacks complexity and could be more effectively expressed with a more varied structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the government are responsible to support in finace for them," a more complex structure could be "the government has a responsibility to provide financial support to artists, as this can significantly impact their ability to thrive in their careers." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "gorvernment" should be "government," "supports" should be "support," and "the major of their salaries" should be "the majority of their salaries." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas and incorrect use of ellipses ("…") instead of a complete thought. The phrase "the orthers who ussually keep up with the trends" contains spelling errors that detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling errors and ensure correct word forms. Practicing grammar exercises, especially on common mistakes like subject-verb agreement and article usage, can be beneficial. Additionally, understanding punctuation rules—such as when to use commas and periods—will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into correct usage and structure.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to address the prompt, it requires significant improvement in both the range of grammatical structures and accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that artists, such as painters and musicians, should receive financial support from the government to assist with their work and careers, while others believe that creative artists can obtain funding from alternative sources. This essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion on the matter.

On the one hand, financial support from the government is a crucial resource that helps artists meet their basic needs, such as food and clothing. This is important because a significant portion of their salaries is often spent on purchasing essential tools required to complete their work. Additionally, creative artists contribute to the development of art and tourism in a country. In recent times, a unique product created by an artist can easily go viral on social media, attracting an influx of people who appreciate art, as well as those who usually keep up with trends. This exposure not only promotes the artist but also serves to advertise the country, encouraging more visitors to enjoy its cultural offerings and boosting tourism. Musicians who perform in operas or street artists showcasing their talents can become significant attractions for tourists. For these reasons, the government has a responsibility to provide financial support to these artists.

On the other hand, alternative organizations can also serve as funding sources for creative artists. Many artists can earn their own income by working in companies or accepting commissions to sell their work to interested buyers, thus reducing their reliance on government support. Additionally, some artists may receive financial assistance from art charities, particularly those who are less fortunate. If an artist participates in competitions and secures a top position, they may also receive valuable prizes and substantial monetary rewards.

In conclusion, creative artists can obtain support from various sources, which may be sufficient to meet their needs. However, government funding remains essential for them to enhance their skills through art classes and acquire necessary tools for their careers.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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