Some people think that the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, today's living is now more and more convenient thanks to advancement of science. Some people believe that governments ought to spend more money on researching science more than other subjects to help nation's growth. In my opinion, I completely agree with that, science is one of the most crucial field in modern society.

Firstly, all aspects in today's living are affected by science, especially in how they communicate and shopping. Mobile phones are useful things, which were invented by the process research of scientist. People could keep in touch with their friends, who live halfway across the globe from them, as long as their phones are connected to the internet. In the past, people had to wait for a long time to get the respond from a person, but now that is just a few minutes, even they live in another countries. Also, with the phone, you can go shopping online, you can compare about many shops, read the reviews and ask the former buyer directly about the quality of products. Furthermore, you mightn't spend time to go to shops.

Additionally, people are now living longer than before owing to the upgrade of medical facilities. One hundred years ago, Spanish flu had killed over 40 million people over the world, but nowadays, people can be cured easily by modern machines in hospitals. It cannot be denied that technology and science have been positively affecting on the way humanity live. In addition, after the second World War, the Cold War began to open the new era about exploring the universe. Human curiosity is vast, and once again, scientists help them to satisfy their curiosity by answer numerous questions about universe such as what is beyond the sky and see the whole Earth in the space, humanity for the first time also put the first step on the moon.

In conclusion, science is the thing to distinguish between elementary and modern society. That might help people to understand how the world operates and develops, making the world increasingly convenience.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"today’s living" -> "contemporary life"
Explanation: "Contemporary life" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic context, replacing the colloquial "today’s living."
"more and more" -> "increasingly"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal and concise way to express gradual change, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"ought to spend more money on researching" -> "should allocate more funds to research"
Explanation: "Allocate more funds to research" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.
"help nation’s growth" -> "facilitate national development"
Explanation: "Facilitate national development" is a more formal and specific phrase that better conveys the intended meaning.
"I completely agree with that" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express strong agreement.
"most crucial field" -> "most critical field"
Explanation: "Critical" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the importance of the field.
"all aspects in today’s living" -> "all aspects of contemporary life"
Explanation: "All aspects of contemporary life" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"useful things" -> "useful tools"
Explanation: "Useful tools" is a more specific and formal term, suitable for describing technological advancements.
"keep in touch with their friends" -> "maintain contact with their friends"
Explanation: "Maintain contact" is a more formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"who live halfway across the globe" -> "who reside on the opposite side of the globe"
Explanation: "Reside on the opposite side of the globe" is a more formal and precise way to describe geographical distance.
"get the respond" -> "receive a response"
Explanation: "Receive a response" is the correct grammatical form and is more formal.
"you can go shopping online" -> "one can shop online"
Explanation: "One can shop online" uses the impersonal pronoun "one," which is more appropriate in formal academic writing.
"you mightn’t spend time to go to shops" -> "one need not spend time visiting shops"
Explanation: "One need not spend time visiting shops" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal tone.
"people are now living longer than before" -> "people now live longer than previously"
Explanation: "People now live longer than previously" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"upgrade of medical facilities" -> "advancements in medical facilities"
Explanation: "Advancements in medical facilities" is a more precise and formal term.
"positively affecting on the way humanity live" -> "positively impacting human life"
Explanation: "Positively impacting human life" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal expression.
"the thing to distinguish between elementary and modern society" -> "the factor distinguishing between primitive and modern society"
Explanation: "The factor distinguishing between primitive and modern society" uses more precise and formal vocabulary.
"making the world increasingly convenience" -> "making the world increasingly convenient"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and uses the correct form "convenient" to maintain formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing in favor of increased government investment in science, which is a clear response to the question. The introduction states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide examples of how science contributes to modern life, such as advancements in communication and healthcare. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint or a discussion of other subjects that might also deserve investment, which would provide a more balanced perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a counterargument acknowledging the importance of other subjects, such as the arts or humanities, and then refute that point to strengthen their position. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and show critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently advocating for the importance of science. Phrases like "I completely agree" and "science is one of the most crucial fields" reinforce this stance. However, the position could be made even clearer by explicitly linking back to the prompt in the conclusion, reiterating the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main argument. Adding a sentence in the conclusion that summarizes the extent of agreement (e.g., "I believe that while other subjects are important, science is paramount for national development") would reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of science on communication and healthcare, and extends these ideas with relevant examples. However, some points lack depth; for instance, the discussion about online shopping could be expanded to include how it relates to economic growth or consumer behavior. Additionally, while historical references are interesting, they could be better tied to the argument about current government investment.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific scientific advancements or policies that have led to improvements in society would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of science. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly tangential, such as the mention of the Cold War and space exploration, which, while relevant, do not directly connect to the argument for government investment in science.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example and point made directly supports the thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements can be made in addressing all parts of the question, enhancing the clarity of the position, providing more in-depth support for ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of investing in science, with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of how science contributes to modern life, starting with communication and moving to healthcare and exploration. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing communication technologies to medical advancements feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing communication, you might introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "In addition to revolutionizing communication, science has also significantly impacted healthcare." This would create a clearer connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct topic related to the main argument. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that directly states the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion could be more robust, summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could start with, "One of the most significant impacts of scientific advancement is in the realm of communication." In the conclusion, summarize the main points discussed rather than introducing new concepts, ensuring that it reinforces the argument made throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "additionally," and "in conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "it cannot be denied" and "in addition" are somewhat repetitive and could be varied to enhance the overall cohesion of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "conversely," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically leads to the next by using phrases that clarify relationships, such as "this illustrates that" or "as a result." This will help create a more fluid reading experience and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving its overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits of science. Phrases like "advancement of science," "crucial field," and "upgrade of medical facilities" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited lexical variation, such as the repeated use of "science" and "people" throughout the essay. Additionally, phrases like "the process research of scientist" are awkward and suggest a lack of fluency in vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "science," alternatives like "scientific advancements," "scientific disciplines," or "technological innovations" could be employed. Additionally, varying the terms used for "people," such as "individuals," "citizens," or "the population," would improve the overall lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the process research of scientist" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; it should be "the research process of scientists." Similarly, "you mightn’t spend time to go to shops" is awkwardly phrased and could be more clearly expressed as "you do not need to spend time going to shops."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that vocabulary is used in context will enhance precision. For instance, replacing vague terms with more specific ones, like using "individuals" instead of "people" in certain contexts, can clarify meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "mightn’t" (which is not standard English) and "respond" instead of "response." Additionally, "convenience" is misspelled as "convenient" in the conclusion, where the intended meaning is clear but the spelling is incorrect. These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as reading extensively and using spelling check tools. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "In my opinion, I completely agree with that, science is one of the most crucial field in modern society" attempts to combine opinion with a statement of fact. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can lead to monotony. Phrases like "people are now living longer than before owing to the upgrade of medical facilities" show an attempt at complexity but could be better integrated into the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more varied sentence types. This can include using introductory clauses, conditional sentences, and varying the placement of adverbials. For example, instead of saying "people could keep in touch with their friends," the writer could use a complex structure: "By using mobile phones, people can easily keep in touch with friends, regardless of the distance." Additionally, integrating more subordinate clauses can help create more complex sentences that convey nuanced ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the process research of scientist" should be corrected to "the research process of scientists." The phrase "you mightn’t spend time to go to shops" is awkward and should be rephrased to "you might not need to spend time going to shops." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, also detract from the overall quality. For instance, "In my opinion, I completely agree with that, science is one of the most crucial field in modern society" should be split into two sentences or properly punctuated with a semicolon.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "field" should be "fields"), proper article use (e.g., "the upgrade of medical facilities" instead of "upgrade of medical facilities"), and the correct use of contractions (e.g., "mightn’t" is non-standard; "might not" is preferred). Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these common mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for compound sentences, can enhance clarity and coherence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly improve the grammatical range and accuracy of their writing, potentially raising their IELTS band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, contemporary life is now more and more convenient thanks to advancements in science. Some people believe that governments ought to spend more money on researching science than on other subjects to help the nation’s growth. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view; science is one of the most critical fields in modern society.

Firstly, all aspects of contemporary life are affected by science, especially in how people communicate and shop. Mobile phones are useful tools that were invented through the research process of scientists. People can maintain contact with their friends who reside on the opposite side of the globe, as long as their phones are connected to the internet. In the past, people had to wait a long time to receive a response from someone, but now that takes just a few minutes, even if they live in another country. Also, with the phone, one can shop online, compare many shops, read reviews, and ask former buyers directly about the quality of products. Furthermore, one need not spend time visiting shops.

Additionally, people are now living longer than previously due to advancements in medical facilities. One hundred years ago, the Spanish flu killed over 40 million people worldwide, but nowadays, people can be cured easily by modern machines in hospitals. It cannot be denied that technology and science have been positively impacting human life. In addition, after the Second World War, the Cold War began to open a new era of exploring the universe. Human curiosity is vast, and once again, scientists help satisfy this curiosity by answering numerous questions about the universe, such as what lies beyond the sky and how to see the whole Earth from space. For the first time, humanity also took its first step on the moon.

In conclusion, science is the factor distinguishing between primitive and modern society. It helps people understand how the world operates and develops, making the world increasingly convenient.