Some people think that the main bebefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment , while others believe that the main interest is in world business . Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether the key advantage of international cooperation is protecting the environment or whether it is undeniable that international cooperation expresses a main interest in world business.While I may acknowledge the logic behind the latter view, I am still strongly in favor of the former.
Those who think that world business is the main interest of international cooperation may have several arguments, two of which are attracting the foreign investments and providing a better education.They may well argue that international cooperation may increase foreign fundings in many countries, thereby encouraging the growth of the economy. In the coordination between Vietnam and USA , for example , has erected buildings required a lot of money that Vietnam can not afford .Such a cooperation has contributed a lot of amazing skyscraper to the building industry of the world. Another possible argument the supporters may have is that when the global economy grows, many households may have a higher income , meaning that their children might receive a better education . However , this can stem from the fact that wealth inequality might become a serious problem . As a result , children from poor households can not receive a good education.This can also affect the economic growth of international cooperation.
Therefore , I still firmly believe that the protection of the environment is the major advantage of international cooperation , including preventing pollution and protecting living creatures . Chief among these is that there are many countries that have engaged in protecting the environment by taking part in campaigns to avoid pollution . Greenpeace , for instance , is an organization with more than forty countries that uses peace to raise the awareness of populations around the world about throwing away waste , planting to reduce pollution. Such a campaign has helped many countries reduce air, water, ect… pollution and promoted the international cooperation of many countries in many different aspects. The second reason is that international cooperation is a necessary means in terms of protection of many different living creatures , especially animals that are on the verge of extinction. An illustration for this is The World Wildlife Fund For Nature , it is an institution including more than one hundred nations that concentrate on protecting wildlife and natural ecosystems. The organization has made important contributions to the protection of globally important biodiversity areas such as forests , oceans and grasslands.
In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that the major interest of international cooperation is global business. However I would take the view that the protection of the environment is the major advantage of international cooperation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"expresses a main interest" -> "demonstrates a primary interest"
Explanation: "Demonstrates" is more precise and formal than "expresses," and "primary" is more specific than "main," aligning better with academic language.
"I am still strongly in favor of" -> "I remain firmly in support of"
Explanation: "Remain firmly in support of" is a more formal expression that maintains the personal stance while enhancing the academic tone.
"attracting the foreign investments" -> "attracting foreign investment"
Explanation: "Foreign investment" is the correct noun form, which is more appropriate in formal writing.
"increase foreign fundings" -> "increase foreign investment"
Explanation: "Foreign investment" is the correct term, and "increase" is more appropriate than "increase," which is grammatically incorrect.
"In the coordination between Vietnam and USA" -> "In the collaboration between Vietnam and the United States"
Explanation: "Collaboration" is more specific and formal than "coordination," and "the United States" is the correct formal name for the country.
"erected buildings required a lot of money that Vietnam can not afford" -> "constructed buildings that necessitated significant financial investment, exceeding Vietnam’s capabilities"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal vocabulary, improving the precision and formality of the statement.
"Such a cooperation has contributed a lot of amazing skyscraper" -> "Such cooperation has contributed numerous iconic skyscrapers"
Explanation: "Numerous iconic skyscrapers" is more precise and formal than "a lot of amazing skyscraper," which is vague and informal.
"children from poor households can not receive a good education" -> "children from disadvantaged households may not receive adequate education"
Explanation: "Disadvantaged households" is a more precise term than "poor households," and "may not receive adequate education" is more formal and accurate than "can not receive a good education."
"ect…" -> "etc."
Explanation: "Ect…" is a typographical error; "etc." is the correct abbreviation for "et cetera."
"is an organization with more than forty countries" -> "is an organization comprising over forty countries"
Explanation: "Comprising" is more formal and precise than "with," and "over" is more appropriate than "more than" in this context.
"uses peace to raise the awareness" -> "utilizes peaceful means to raise awareness"
Explanation: "Utilizes peaceful means" is more formal and precise than "uses peace," which is awkward and unclear.
"throwing away waste" -> "discarding waste"
Explanation: "Discarding" is a more formal and precise term than "throwing away," which is colloquial.
"planting to reduce pollution" -> "planting to mitigate pollution"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more formal and precise term than "reduce" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"The second reason is that international cooperation is a necessary means in terms of protection of many different living creatures" -> "The second reason is that international cooperation serves as a crucial means of protecting diverse species"
Explanation: "Serves as a crucial means of protecting diverse species" is more formal and precise, improving the clarity and formality of the statement.
"The World Wildlife Fund For Nature" -> "The World Wildlife Fund for Nature"
Explanation: Corrects the capitalization error, aligning with standard naming conventions for organizations.
"concentrate on protecting wildlife and natural ecosystems" -> "focus on protecting wildlife and natural ecosystems"
Explanation: "Focus" is a more commonly used and accepted term in formal writing than "concentrate," which can be less precise in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the benefits of international cooperation, discussing the perspectives on environmental protection and world business. The author presents arguments for both sides, such as the economic growth from foreign investments and the educational benefits that may arise from a thriving global economy. However, while the essay touches on both viewpoints, the depth of analysis for the business perspective is somewhat limited compared to the environmental perspective, which is explored in greater detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the business perspective. For instance, discussing how international trade agreements or partnerships can lead to economic stability and growth in various regions would strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments to the environmental perspective could provide a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors environmental protection as the primary benefit of international cooperation. The author explicitly states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from one viewpoint to the other feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to better guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with a brief summary of key points after discussing the opposing view would strengthen the overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both perspectives, particularly emphasizing the environmental benefits of international cooperation. The use of examples, such as Greenpeace and the World Wildlife Fund, effectively supports the argument for environmental protection. However, the support for the business perspective lacks depth, with fewer examples and less elaboration on the implications of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both sides. For instance, discussing specific international agreements that have led to economic growth or citing statistics on foreign investment could bolster the argument for world business. Additionally, elaborating on how environmental initiatives can also benefit economies would create a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of international cooperation in relation to the environment and business. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly when discussing the potential drawbacks of economic growth, such as wealth inequality. This could distract from the main argument and dilute the overall impact of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the main question. When discussing potential drawbacks, it would be more effective to tie these points back to the central theme of international cooperation. For example, instead of merely stating that wealth inequality may arise, the author could explain how international cooperation can address this issue through equitable policies or initiatives aimed at inclusive growth.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some improvements in depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and tighter focus on the main points, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments for world business are presented first, followed by the arguments for environmental protection, which aligns with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the arguments for world business and those for environmental protection could be smoother. The introduction states a preference for environmental protection, but this preference is not explicitly linked to the arguments presented, leading to a somewhat abrupt shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate shifts in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each argument is clearly linked to the overall thesis presented in the introduction. For example, after discussing the benefits of world business, a sentence summarizing how these points relate to the overall theme of international cooperation could help maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The first body paragraph addresses the arguments for world business, while the second focuses on environmental protection. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into distinct points, and the second paragraph, while focused, could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "Proponents of international cooperation in business argue that it leads to increased foreign investment and improved education." This would help clarify the focus of the paragraph and guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the preceding argument to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "on the contrary." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For instance, when presenting contrasting ideas, explicitly state the relationship between the ideas to avoid confusion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the themes of international cooperation and environmental protection. Phrases like "foreign investments," "wealth inequality," and "biodiversity areas" show an attempt to use topic-specific vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice, such as the repeated use of "international cooperation" and "protection of the environment."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "international cooperation," alternatives like "global collaboration" or "international partnerships" could be used. Additionally, introducing more nuanced vocabulary related to economics and environmental science would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the coordination between Vietnam and USA" lacks clarity; it should be "the coordination between Vietnam and the USA." Furthermore, the term "amazing skyscraper" is vague and could be replaced with a more descriptive term such as "iconic skyscrapers" or "architecturally significant buildings."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that articles and prepositions are used correctly. Additionally, they should aim for more specific descriptors that convey exact meanings. For instance, instead of "many households may have a higher income," a more precise phrase could be "a significant number of households may experience increased disposable income."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bebefit" instead of "benefit," "fundings" instead of "funding," and "ect…" which should be "etc." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms relevant to the essay topic can help reduce errors in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "While I may acknowledge the logic behind the latter view" and "As a result, children from poor households can not receive a good education" showcases an ability to construct more intricate sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced (e.g., "Those who think that…" and "Another possible argument the supporters may have is that…"). This limits the overall range of structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeating "Another possible argument," the writer could use alternatives such as "Additionally," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Experimenting with different sentence types, such as using passive voice or varying the placement of clauses, could also enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity and coherence. For example, phrases like "the coordination between Vietnam and USA , for example , has erected buildings required a lot of money that Vietnam can not afford" are awkwardly constructed and contain punctuation errors (missing articles before "USA" and unnecessary spaces around commas). Additionally, the phrase "can not" should be written as "cannot." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and the use of plural forms, such as "a lot of amazing skyscraper" instead of "a lot of amazing skyscrapers."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. It would be beneficial to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma placement and the use of conjunctions. Additionally, practicing sentence combining and restructuring could help in creating clearer and more grammatically correct sentences. Engaging in exercises that focus on specific grammatical structures can also aid in reinforcing correct usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the key advantage of international cooperation is protecting the environment or whether it is undeniable that international cooperation demonstrates a primary interest in world business. While I may acknowledge the logic behind the latter view, I am still firmly in support of the former.

Those who think that world business is the main interest of international cooperation may have several arguments, two of which are attracting foreign investment and providing better education. They may well argue that international cooperation may increase foreign funding in many countries, thereby encouraging the growth of the economy. In the collaboration between Vietnam and the USA, for example, constructed buildings necessitated significant financial investment, exceeding Vietnam’s capabilities. Such cooperation has contributed numerous iconic skyscrapers to the building industry of the world. Another possible argument that supporters may have is that when the global economy grows, many households may have a higher income, meaning that their children might receive a better education. However, this can stem from the fact that wealth inequality might become a serious problem. As a result, children from disadvantaged households may not receive adequate education. This can also affect the economic growth of international cooperation.

Therefore, I still firmly believe that the protection of the environment is the major advantage of international cooperation, including preventing pollution and protecting living creatures. Chief among these is that there are many countries that have engaged in protecting the environment by taking part in campaigns to avoid pollution. Greenpeace, for instance, is an organization comprising over forty countries that utilizes peaceful means to raise awareness of populations around the world about discarding waste and planting to mitigate pollution. Such a campaign has helped many countries reduce air and water pollution, etc., and promoted the international cooperation of many countries in various aspects. The second reason is that international cooperation serves as a crucial means of protecting diverse species, especially animals that are on the verge of extinction. An illustration of this is The World Wildlife Fund for Nature, which is an institution including more than one hundred nations that focuses on protecting wildlife and natural ecosystems. The organization has made important contributions to the protection of globally important biodiversity areas such as forests, oceans, and grasslands.

In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that the major interest of international cooperation is global business. However, I would take the view that the protection of the environment is the major advantage of international cooperation.